Today, I had to stand next to my wife at the supermarket, beet-red and pretending not to exist; about half an hour into our shopping, she completely lost her shit at the advertising on the loudspeaker, turned to another patron, and screamed into his face to shut the fuck up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at Walmart, a woman kept screaming at her husband for the most ridiculous reasons. My friend snickered that she must be on her period, prompting her to whirl around, storm over, and slap the hell out of me, thinking I was the one who said it. FML
Today, a customer yelled at me so furiously that she sprayed my face with spittle. I had to stand there, smiling and politely explaining that I needed to see a receipt before I could give her a refund. When she finally gave up and left, my boss bitched me out for "provoking the customer". FML
Today, I got bitched out by some lady in a Walmart because I looked at her funny while she was on the phone, loudly bragging about "slapping the shit out of" her kids. FML
Today, I took my very talkative toddler to a grocery store. As we passed a woman in an aisle, my kid pointed and said loudly, "Mummy, why does that lady have such a funny face?" I had to awkwardly apologize while my face went beet red. FML
Today, my pregnant wife and I got separated while out shopping. She ended up having meltdown and crying so hard the manager had to call me over the PA. FML
Today, the TV was blaring, the kids were yelling, and my wife was blabbering on in my ear. Overwhelmed, I shouted, "EVERYONE QUIET!" I got a second of blessed silence before my kids started screaming and crying, and my wife threw a tantrum, saying, "I married a psycho!" FML
Today, while in line at the grocery store, I was going over the witty but caustic things I wish I'd said in an argument earlier. Turns out, I was saying them out loud. The cashier gave me a weird look and said, “Are you okay, ma'am?” FML
Today, I waved at a baby while standing in line in a store. It started screaming. Its mom looked over in mild concern and gave me a disturbed glare before moving to the next checkout counter over. FML
Today, I was shopping for a new deodorant, and this guy was standing in the way. He wouldn't move, so I crouched down to get the one I wanted, right when he did the most violent fart right in my face. Then his wife came over, made a face and he whispered, "I think that girl just farted". FML
Today, I was standing in a queue when an old lady turned, looked straight at me, and asked me to hold her bag. Confused, I took a hold of it. She started screaming for help claiming I was stealing her shopping. Turns out, she was talking to her husband behind me. FML
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Top comments
daviddupree 0
Wait.. What? Lol
RS808 6
@ #8.. I also had to read this FML a couple times before I understood it. The story is pretty much told in reverse, if that helps.
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Comments (64)
LiterOfCola 16
How did this poorly structured FML even get accepted?
shortasalways 9
I'm thinking she either thought the guy next to her was the one talking not the loud speaker or she was telling him to shut up so she could hear the loud speaker. OP was probably just embarrassed by his wifes actions. If he had left her side she may have snapped even more. We also don't know his wifes side to this. Maybe there is something OP did not tell us?
kitkatkit 4
The wife's story: She's talking to her husband and an advertisement comes over the loudspeaker for something she bought that doesn't work. "Innocent bystander" starts to defend the advertisement, but since no one was talking to him, she puts him in his place. Hubby is embarrassed and writes fml like his wife is a lunatic. Ta da!!!!
LiterOfCola 16
How did this poorly structured FML even get accepted?
LiterOfCola 16
Is my comment seriously getting modded for calling the FML "poorly structured"? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend anyone
johnny_derp 3
I wonder wtf was said on the loudspeaker that could have possibly elicited such an over the top response.
shortasalways 9
" Blue light special on aisle 3!"
Headcrab 29
bitches be crazy.
buckdharma 38
shut the **** up...if i cant hear the price of me meat i cant afford any pudding. how can i afford me pudding if i cant hear the price of me meat ?
tj5810 21
One word: Prozac *You're welcome*
nerdchic 5
Wrong: it should be marijuana.. Prozac has horrible side effects while pot does not :)
Marrach 7
Maybe PMS?
CrookedCook 14
OP needs to learn when use commas and pronouns the right sequence. dependent clause descriptions are suppose to describe the last pronoun. this FML was all over the place.
mrsquiggles6900 5
And you need to know how to say a sentence correctly:D
Angelastic_fml 18
The best thing about this site is the hilarious dangling participles all over the place.
abrookec2011 14
Those fiery, red headed Irish women will get ya every time.