Intimacy: Today, I had to face up to telling the cute guy I just split... - FML

By Crabby - United Kingdom - Clitheroe

Today, I had to face up to telling the cute guy I just split up with that I have also probably given him pubic lice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3367

You deserved it

6153

Tweet

Share

Season finale

And today, on Dr Phil…

F*** my overweight life

By BadassNinja - United States

Today, I tried to impress my girlfriend by punching through a piece of old drywall karate kid-style. As it turns out, the drywall was actually a thin piece of concrete. I now have a busted hand and a girlfriend with a new story to tell all her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8773

You deserved it

50922

Tweet

Share

By splooge - United States

Today, I was in bed next to the boy I loved, he had just came and passed out immediately afterwards. I reached over to look at my phone but grabbed his instead and saw a text message from his ex-girlfriend that read "I love you too." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51236

You deserved it

4042

Tweet

Share

By danam - Canada

Today, I looked out my window to see the sunset, but instead I see my neighbor dancing with strobe lights on and music blasting. He was by himself and had absolutely nothing on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34102

You deserved it

4293

Tweet

Share

By Satan'sChildren - United States - Oak Creek

Today, I was coming home from a much-needed vacation. The time I spent on the plane consisted of kids screaming and throwing tantrums. One of them managed to give me a black eye with a shoe. Their mom pretended to be asleep so I'd have to deal with her kids for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45428

You deserved it

3238

Tweet

Share

By hellnooo - United States

Today, I found out that I puke and then pass out at the sight of blood. I am a 16 year old girl expecting hundreds of periods to come. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57989

You deserved it

7592

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got into a slight spot of shit with my new boss over his speech. Apparently he was not actually impersonating Sylvester the Cat, and he just has a speech impediment. When I jokingly said "sufferin' succotash" to him, he wasn't pleased at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22606

You deserved it

42830

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I traveled to my hometown for a funeral. I'm staying with my family in the house I grew up in. My dad told me they'd "completely renovated" the house. There's still only one bathroom for the seven of us and I'm sleeping on the floor for the entire two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4020

You deserved it

392

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Norway

Today, my landlord came to my apartment because of complaints from my neighbors, saying that animals are not allowed inside. Turns out my roommate makes cat-noises when she's bored. My landlord still doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31089

You deserved it

2343

Tweet

Share

By what434 - United States

Today, I learned that you don't put your diamond earrings on over your bathroom sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11247

You deserved it

44413

Tweet

Share

By KillMeNow - United States - Houston

Today, my visiting mother-in-law announced she plans on moving to our state and living next door. When I said that's not going to happen, she chuckled and said, "It's happening, Kate." Kate is my husband's ex-girlfriend from 8 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5162

You deserved it

324

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Richmond

Today, my ex-husband introduced our daughter to her "new mommy". That's the third time this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17074

You deserved it

1186

Tweet

Share

By thinkimquitting - Australia - Yarraville

Today, my boss grabbed my arm, raised it above my head, closed my other hand into a fist, and pushed it into his armpit. After staring at me for several seconds, he winked and left without saying a word. This isn't the weirdest thing he's done, and I'm actually starting to fear for my safety. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31910

You deserved it

2558

Tweet

Share

By shrek - United States - Chattanooga

Today, my mother and I were watching a movie. She got up to go to bed, and I blurted out, "Please don't leave me." Her response: "You really need a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks

13328

You deserved it

2037

Tweet

Share

By StuckInCollegeLimbo - United States - Riverside

Today, after going through months of registration and orientation to transfer to a university, I was told that my application was denied because I didn't meet the minimum credit requirement. You couldn't tell me this before? FML

I agree, your life sucks

3523

You deserved it

320

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Tacoma

Today, my car was broken into, on the same night I stayed up late researching how to install my new car alarm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42016

You deserved it

3412

Tweet

Share

By chopchop

Bad choice

Today, I went to a different hairdresser than usual to get 5 inches off my hair and bangs. He ended up charging me half price, saying, "Don't worry, we all make mistakes." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1630

You deserved it

228

Tweet

Share

By uwotm8 - Australia - Burwood

Today, I missed the spider but succeeded in keying my own car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17730

You deserved it

25308

Tweet

Share

By Bridget - Canada - Orangeville

Today, I found out I have something in common with three other girls. We all have the same boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64146

You deserved it

5727

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to explain to my white girlfriend that dating me doesn't give her the right to call my mother the n-word. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45471

You deserved it

9165

Tweet

Share

By icecreamer - United States

Today, I went over to get some ice cream. I found a rare parking spot in front of the store, and even had change in my pocket. After feeding the meter, A lady comes up to me and tells me that the meter was free after 8 o'clock. I paid 50 cents for it. I was 50 cents short for my ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42937

You deserved it

12676

Tweet

Share

By RIP iPhone - United States

Today, I was using my flashlight app in the driveway to avoid stepping in puddles, as my new shoes are untreated suede. I dropped my phone in the puddle instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6477

You deserved it

1994

Tweet

Share

By PUA - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39060

You deserved it

6536

Tweet

Share

By crankg - United States

Today, my roomie had guests over. I didn't feel like socializing, but I really had to piss. So I pissed in the plant in my room, spilled half of it, mopped it up with an old shirt, and went to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8537

You deserved it

55198

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a paintball match with a group of friends, one of whom brought his dad along. His dad is a weight-lifting, wannabe alpha male fucknut who thinks that chokeslamming opponents is a legitimate close-quarters paintball tactic. My broken shoulder disagrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43577

You deserved it

3380

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Sydney

Today, while buying paint, I began to help an elderly woman working to lift some heavy boxes. She told me what a nice young lady I was. Then her boss came over, screamed at her for being lazy and fired her. She cried. So did I. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51421

You deserved it

3304

Tweet

Share

By welcome to the neighborhood - United States - Silver Spring

Today, I met my new neighbors. The first thing they did was build a fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11540

You deserved it

1803

Tweet

Share

By rc2981 - Australia - Perth

Today, artwork that I had been working on for months was destroyed, leaving me almost in tears. The culprit? A lonely pigeon who'd got into the room and shat all over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44091

You deserved it

5061

Tweet

Share

By Callum536 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, it's my birthday and I'd invited quite a lot of my friends to come round and have some fun. When I got home, I saw a few cars outside. It turned out to be for the neighbours. I waited and waited; none of my friends showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12875

You deserved it

855

Tweet

Share

By StantheMan93 - United States - Perrysburg

Today, my wife's boyfriend learned that you can't flush condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50934

You deserved it

3569

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I brought my own thermos of coffee on the train with me, the kind that flips open to uncover the mouth part. I take a few swigs and notice a cute boy nervously smiling at me. Suddenly, I feel something drip down my nose. The flip part was leaving drops of coffee all over my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25627

You deserved it

6236

Tweet

Share

By logkitty - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was sitting in my car outside my apartment complex when a man came around the corner holding something shiny, and I thought was a gun. Thinking I was about to get robbed at gun point, I bugged out and threw up. It was a silver watering can. He asked if I was okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19501

You deserved it

12741

Tweet

Share

By Maxie - United States - Chesterland

Today, after my 5-year-old finally got over his grandmother's death, we went to a store and saw a lady that looked exactly like her. She came up to us asking if we saw her grandson; I can't get my son to stop freaking out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42615

You deserved it

2543

Tweet

Share

By crawfo - Australia

Today, whilst on a date I recieved my sixth missed call from my mother. I excused myself and went outside and called her, she and my father wanted to know why I was having dinner and holding hands with another man. It turns out they were also on a date. At the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49188

You deserved it

12028

Tweet

Share

By missbrit - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend got a new rifle. He forced me to watch him stripping it, oiling it, and sliding things into its barrel. We then watched 'Enemy at the Gates'. I basically endured 4 hours of gun porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35896

You deserved it

8117

Tweet

Share

By Eh... - Ukraine

Today, my boss asked me if I know anything about those tattoos that girl put on their lower backs. "You mean Tramp Stamps?" I responded. He looked at me with hatred in his eyes and said that his 18 year old daughter just got one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53276

You deserved it

8013

Tweet

Share

By alissa_roar - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years told me I was being too obsessive. This is the guy who has gone through my phone two separate times and deleted all of my male contacts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42674

You deserved it

8481

Tweet

Share

By sober - United States - Hillsborough

Today, I told my boyfriend that I was going to stop drinking, since I have been having some problems with alcohol and some of my relatives are alcoholics. He later broke up with me, saying he couldn't be with someone who "chose to be boring." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32921

You deserved it

3391

Tweet

Share

By properpissed - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was talking to one of my British friends online, and he told me to say "yew anchors" a few times really fast. I'm a fairly stupid person, and wasn't very focused, so I did as he said. When I finally figured what the words meant, my dad had heard and grounded me for cursing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35360

You deserved it

10098

Tweet

Share

By Katrin - Norway

Today, I got into my car after a long shift at work. When I looked in my rear view mirror, a horrifyingly evil face grinned at me from the back window. I leaped out of the car, only to be chased around by two people in clown masks. It turned out to be a prank set up by my co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33449

You deserved it

3468

Tweet

Share

By nofriends - United States

Today, after going to T-Mobile thinking my phone won't receive texts, I found out that my phone is perfectly fine, my friends just don't text me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48649

You deserved it

8253

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By cacheson | 41

#7431798 - Thursday 30 March 2017 18:19

Sounds like FHL to me...

By deet124 | 10

#7431803 - Thursday 30 March 2017 18:26

Just tell the truth, no lice.

COMMENTS

By STARLORD_459143196 | 2

#7431795 - Thursday 30 March 2017 18:14

I'm in tears. Sorry to hear about that.

By cacheson | 41

#7431798 - Thursday 30 March 2017 18:19

Sounds like FHL to me...

By deet124 | 10

#7431803 - Thursday 30 March 2017 18:26

Just tell the truth, no lice.

By AzrielB | 8

#7431807 - Thursday 30 March 2017 18:34

pubic lice are an endangered species due to the scourge of people cutting down their habitat. He should be proud to provide a home to such a noble species!

By Fucc_Logic_4evah | 13

#7431827 - Thursday 30 March 2017 19:15

Hoe terrible.

By species4872 | 19

#7431835 - Thursday 30 March 2017 19:21

Sounds like both of you had a lice time.

By lccc_ | 18

#7431840 - Thursday 30 March 2017 19:26

also? what else did you give him

Reply

Bearsmomma | 30

#7432034 - Friday 31 March 2017 6:14

Read it again.
ALSO.... she just broke up with him. That's the "what else".

Reply

species4872 | 19

#7432276 - Friday 31 March 2017 19:47

Duh, the comment was directed at the time when she apparently gave him the lice. Not their last encounter. I would have thought the comment and its implication would have been well understood.

By clairboisson | 19

#7431896 - Thursday 30 March 2017 21:10

That's a crabby situation.

By EVOEVO_Monkey | 10

#7431899 - Thursday 30 March 2017 21:26

Anyone else read this as public lice?

By superpandamonium | 5

#7431972 - Friday 31 March 2017 1:14

Really? You give the guy crabs and you expect sympothy for your embarrassment? Grow up sweetie.