Today, as punishment for a prank, my girlfriend has banned all forms of sex, kissing, or touching for the foreseeable future. She’s also started stripping as soon as she gets home and walking around in just her thong, or sometimes even completely naked, just to make my suffering worse. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after surgery on my penis, I’m on drugs to prevent erections. My girlfriend now thinks it’s hilarious to walk around naked, bend over in front of me, and do other sexy stuff, because she knows I can’t do anything to her and it’s killing me. In three weeks, her ass is mine. FML
Today, my girlfriend kindly broke the news to me that she doesn't want to take part in any sexual activity anymore because it's getting too boring. FML
Today, my wife always told me she loved sex too much to ever give it up. I don’t know what’s happened recently but she’s now angry for no reason, bitter at the world, makes me suffer just for existing, and yes, she’s cancelled all intimacy and sex for the foreseeable future. FML
Today, my girlfriend got mad at me because I failed to notice I’ve been on a sex ban as punishment for upsetting her mother 3 weeks ago. Three weeks isn’t even our longest no sex period; we’ve gone months without sex before for no good reason, so is it any wonder I didn’t notice after only 3 weeks? FML
Today, after my girlfriend played a prank on me a few days ago, I thought she’d be a good sport about me playing one back. Turns out she’s not a good sport. I’m now single, with black bruises on my ribs. I think one might even be broken. FML
Today, my girlfriend, who never initiates sex, pulled me into my room and onto my bed with kisses and other seductive behavior. As I'm thinking about how awesome it is that's she's doing this for once, she reaches down, grabs my underwear, and gives me the worst wedgie I've ever received. FML
Today, my girlfriend demanded that I delete all my female contacts or she’d set my stuff on fire. Yes, that includes my mother. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a funny prank to put duct tape on my eyes while I was sleeping so that when I woke up, I would be blind. I have no more eyelashes. FML
Today, my girlfriend was suspended from work after she was caught fucking one of her co-workers. FML
Today, my girlfriend wanted to play a game call "bondage bingo," taking turns tying each other up in different positions, and if we can’t escape, we get to take a picture. Whoever gets the most pictures wins. After tying me to a chair, she ended up leaving me there for hours. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
When she walks around naked in front of you, drop trou and start masturbating in front of her. When the battle begins, it's time to bring out the big guns ... or the little guns ... or, most likely, the average-sized guns.
Chazzster 32
Depending on what the “prank” was that OP did to girlfriend that she’s responding to, she’s either way out of line or OP was way out of line. Either way, this relationship is in serious trouble.
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Comments (15)
RichardPencil 32
When she walks around naked in front of you, drop trou and start masturbating in front of her. When the battle begins, it's time to bring out the big guns ... or the little guns ... or, most likely, the average-sized guns.
Matthew Smith 13
The ‘average size guns’ with a hairpin trigger 👍
princess_stabitty 20
Two can play this game, OP - just get yourself off before she gets home, and then just ignore her. You can also start working out - it will do wonders for your physique, and also something to do.
samomaha 17
There is something terribly wrong with someone who would do these things. Your girlfriend is an unbelieveably passive aggressive controlling narcissist. Trust me, you should run, NOW, and don't let her talk you into coming back.
Inkoseh 33
Except we have no idea what this 'Prank' was that he did to her. Was it something extremely hurtful and he didn't apologise? Something he thought was funny but really hurt her feelings and OP doesn't give a shit? We're hearing a one-sided story and to me it sounds like one of those asshole 'Its just a prank, bro!' excuses. Her actions weren't out of nowhere, OP did something and instead of talking it out and apologizing, she's doing something back. If we had the whole story and it was something insignificant and harmless and she's mad, then you have MUCH bigger problems on your hands. Don't hurt the feelings of your SO, and try to not go over the boundaries of tolerance for a 'prank'.
kfchicken 31
or this is her own prank back. there's no issue if this was going on for a short while like a week
Crowned Sataness 12
run. a partner that withholds sex and affection is a huge red flag. she will only get worse.
Chazzster 32
Depending on what the “prank” was that OP did to girlfriend that she’s responding to, she’s either way out of line or OP was way out of line. Either way, this relationship is in serious trouble.
tounces7 28
So dump her and bang someone else. A non-physical relationship is no relationship at all.
John Raymond Matheney 6
if the OP can comment, what was the prank?
Hailstorm92 12
Start watching some **** especially any she likes if she’s like that be like damn we could be doing this but you being a Karen. Or just do the same an no matter how long it lasts when she finally wants some be like nope I can go longer doing this. Just go handle your self alone lol hell evern start sleeping. In separate beds. Or make it a game first one to give in takes it up the ass lol
Fata Morgana 1029 9
1) Y'all sounds like a pair of twelve year olds. 2) You both sound like you bring it the worst in each other. I'd really reconsider the relationship.
BurnInDemonFire 39
I guess we know who wears the pants in your relationship. Neither of you.