Anony-moose
United States
Today, I had to explain to a patient that no, her nipples were not slowly getting smaller. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
Bronx, United States
Today, I had to slowly explain to my slightly ditzy roommate that no, I will not grow testicles due to taking testosterone supplements. FML
Anonymous
United States
Lost in translation
Today, as I was translating for a patient to get an MRI, the tech asked if I had metal in my body. In front of the patient, I had to disclose that my nipples were pierced, so I couldn’t accompany the patient bedside. FML
oliverP123
United States
Today, I walked in on my mom and her friends comparing the differences in their nipples. FML
milkysubstance
Brisbane, Australia
Today, I went to the doctor's to find out why I was producing small amounts of milky liquid from my nipples, even though I'm not pregnant. When she asked me to show her, I squirted on her shirt. FML
yerface
United States
Today, I told my mom I was excited my boobs were getting bigger. She told me that that's what happens when you get fat. FML
wow
France
Today, I had to explain to my teenage daughter that no, the dishwasher didn't make the glasses shrink, I'd bought smaller glasses. FML
baffled
Norwich, United Kingdom
Today, I had to slowly explain to my best friend that when babies are born, the umbilical cord is attached to the baby's belly-button, not the mother's. FML
Leashaness
United States
Today, my doctor informed me that the pea-sized bump under my arm is a "third breast." That's not what I meant every time I said I wanted more tits. FML
HairyBoobs
United States
So, here's the thing…
Today, I nearly sliced my nipple off while shaving my chest and had to go to the ER. Turns out it was a teaching hospital so I got to explain in front of two doctors and eight med students how, even though I'm a woman, my nipples are so hairy I have to shave them. FML
Anonymous
This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff
United States
Please explain
Today, I had to explain to my little brother that my pads were not in fact "big band-aids" and that he should probably remove them from his legs. FML
Top comments
EelJumpsRope 0
Reinforce the fact that bologna nipples are gross and smaller nipples are a blessing.
MagicallyFat 12
Worst super power. EVER.
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Comments (89)
ikickgingers 15
... Did you want to throw bologna on her ass? I would... Just tell her it would take attention away from her deformed nipples.
lemon_phat 11
That's hot...
trollsemen 8
I had the same problem last year..
vsat207 0
Well maybe not her nipples... But quite possibly her brain.
speshlk37 13
If you drop a phonograph needle on Bill Brasky's nipple, it plays The Beach Boy's "Pet Sounds"...
I_POKE_SMOT 2
I feel sorry for modern society an the way our own nations level of stupidity an ignorance have become our basis of entertainment.
SmirkingRevenge_fml 7
Get off your high horse, can't you just laugh at few idiots who worry about their nipples?
ikickgingers 15
Poke Smot... High horse... Ahahahshshshshshshahahahaahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahhaahhahahahahahahahaahah I didn't know the horse was a diabetic?!!!!!! *backs away slowly*
NoNotTheFace 8
She's worried that if they get too small, they won't be visible. Then it will look like her chest has two shaved balls hanging on it.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Well, at least it wouldn't be as bad as looking like unshaven balls hanging off her chest. Gotta look for that bright side.
NDiesal10 2
I would've loved to be a fly on the wall during that conversation
mishkaroni 15
Seriously! I'm quite curious how that came about...
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Suuure, for the "conversation". That's what they all say, buddy. That's what they all say.
lemon_phat 11
I disagree, I demand proof.
perdix 31
Maybe she's getting fatter and her boobage is expanding faster than her maximum nipplocity. And yes, there are optimal nipple sizes to match each tit. I find tiny nipples just as unsettling and disturbing as outstretched pepperonis. A tiny nipple on a big tit is a pretty sure giveaway that the tit is fake.
HomeAl0ne 20
I suspect they aren't getting smaller, just further away. If she picks her boobs up from down near her navel and restores them to their former position I'm sure they'll look just fine.
hannakin 16
What wrong with fake boobs?
bennyq 0
So much for doctor/patient Confidentiality
FarSide 23
the names have been changed to protect the innocent (New Jersey, I bet) ignoramuses
SnailJamsss 6
That's what I was just thinking.