Today, I had to call in sick to work because I was experiencing bowel distress. I called my manager's phone directly so no one else would know of my embarrassment. She put me on speakerphone, and I only realized when the juvenile laughter started. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I sharted in work this morning. It was rather unpleasant and everyone around me knew what had happened. The embarrassment was stifling. FML
Today, I was on a conference call while in the bathroom with all the important people in my district. I thought my phone was on mute, so I took the opportunity to flush the toilet. Turns out, that my phone wasn't on mute, and everyone heard it. I'm the only one who was on the conference call outside of work. FML
Today, I was rushing to leave work and get home because I really had to use the bathroom. My phone rang and I thought it was my husband, so I answered by saying, "I really have to poop." Yep, not my husband. It was one of my employees, who has the same name. FML
Today, I had an upset stomach all day at work. When lunch break came, I rushed to the bathroom. Just as I turned into an unstoppable human whoopie cushion, a co-worker walked in. He heard the entire arse symphony, and just asked, "What the fuck, dude?!" as he left. FML
Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML
Today, I was at work alone with a stomach bug. For some reason, our bathroom was out of toilet paper, so I had to quickly run to the nearest store to buy more, only to shit my pants midway there. I'm pretty sure the cashier knew exactly what had happened. FML
Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom at work, humming to myself while scrolling through memes. I started laughing and I said out loud, “You’re so stupid” to my phone. Someone in the next stall said, “Excuse me?” and I had to fake a cough and flush just to escape. FML
Today, at work, I thought I’d sneak a wee fart out, but ended up shitting myself. I just left work without telling anyone, went home, showered, then went back to work. No one missed me being away for 2 hours. FML
Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML
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Top comments
TheOneTC 8
Couldn't have just said stomach bug?
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Wow, she's professional.
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Comments (71)
cheekyterier 13
why wouldn't you just say you were sick? that you had intestinal problems? that way you wouldn't have to directly tell anyone what was wrong
emeraldisle 30
So much for managers being professional.
hunteer9 5
And here's another ^
matt98_fml 13
You should have told your manager prior that it was personal so he could shut off the speaker.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Is it just me, or shouldn't any call from an employee to the manager be private, unless the employee specifically asks to be on speakerphone or something?
outoftown 27
#22, Realistically, no. Not unless asked.
thathipsterchick 2
That's just shit-tastic! I'm sorry OP, that sux. FYL
thathipsterchick 2
What a shitty day
sabrinamarie3 15
That's really rude of her...
muFilter 19
Looks like you were the butt of the joke, OP...
traveler_ghost 12
OP: oh and uh, thanks for last night That'll give her something to laugh about
Enslaved 38
Why couldn't you just tell your boss that you were ill, without having to say specifically what was wrong? Did you say, " I'm having bowel distress vs (example) I have food poisoning" etc... Everyone has stomach troubles from time to time. No need to be embarrass.(: