Today, I had to call in sick to work because I was experiencing bowel distress. I called my manager's phone directly so no one else would know of my embarrassment. She put me on speakerphone, and I only realized when the juvenile laughter started. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I sharted in work this morning. It was rather unpleasant and everyone around me knew what had happened. The embarrassment was stifling. FML
Today, I was on a conference call while in the bathroom with all the important people in my district. I thought my phone was on mute, so I took the opportunity to flush the toilet. Turns out, that my phone wasn't on mute, and everyone heard it. I'm the only one who was on the conference call outside of work. FML
Today, I was rushing to leave work and get home because I really had to use the bathroom. My phone rang and I thought it was my husband, so I answered by saying, "I really have to poop." Yep, not my husband. It was one of my employees, who has the same name. FML
Today, I had an upset stomach all day at work. When lunch break came, I rushed to the bathroom. Just as I turned into an unstoppable human whoopie cushion, a co-worker walked in. He heard the entire arse symphony, and just asked, "What the fuck, dude?!" as he left. FML
Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML
Today, I was at work alone with a stomach bug. For some reason, our bathroom was out of toilet paper, so I had to quickly run to the nearest store to buy more, only to shit my pants midway there. I'm pretty sure the cashier knew exactly what had happened. FML
Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom at work, humming to myself while scrolling through memes. I started laughing and I said out loud, “You’re so stupid” to my phone. Someone in the next stall said, “Excuse me?” and I had to fake a cough and flush just to escape. FML
Today, at work, I thought I’d sneak a wee fart out, but ended up shitting myself. I just left work without telling anyone, went home, showered, then went back to work. No one missed me being away for 2 hours. FML
Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML
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Top comments
TheOneTC 8
Couldn't have just said stomach bug?
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Wow, she's professional.
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Comments (71)
holyshitbatman 20
everyone poops?
greeneyebeauty9 28
she's unprofessional.
MagicGiraffe 12
OP's name made my night.
oxygenius 14
nothing to be embarrassed about. almost everyone would have experienced that at some point of their lives...
skysull19 4
Bowel distress?
PleaseStayChill 9
I wish eternal bowel distress upon everyone that uses a feces pun. Screw you all. Except magic giraffe. Thank you for not being an idiot.
lurkskywalker 3
"When it's stomach stuff you just say 'under the weather' or people start picturing you doing unspeakable things." (HIMYM basic knowledge)
iilovecokee 6
No one ever said you had to tell the entire truth when calling in sick.
Grimnirwher9 21
There should be a third button next to "I agree, your life sucks" and "you deserve it", just for this kind of posts: "How does this suck?"
JPEllis 0
Next time, come to work to experience digestive distress, and pray the toilet overflows just as you clock out.