Miscellaneous: Today, I had the most uncomfortable feeling in my socks, but... - FML

By MemoKrosav - Mexico - Matamoros

Today, I had the most uncomfortable feeling in my socks, but I didn't care to check. It wasn't until I got home that I realized that the feeling was a small thin piece of glass that was slowly cutting away at the bottom of my foot. I still don't know how it got there. FML

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Proactive

Sorry…

BO Central

By ZSL - United States

Today, I finally worked up the nerve to text the girl I've had a crush on to ask her on a date. I got back the reply, "Error message 3265: Number No Longer In Swrvice." Not only can she not spell, when I looked it up, "error 3265" doesn't even exist. FML

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By sober judge - United States - Enfield

Today, I'm in a military academy with a strict no alcohol policy. My friends drunk call me practically every night to tell me how much fun they are having. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend he is good at singing. Now he won't stop. FML

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By JulleandCici - France

Today, I had dinner on my own. My cat came and sat on the chair on the other side of the table. We stared at each other during the whole meal. Pathetic. FML

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By Oops

Today, I submitted some honest negative feedback to the customer service team of all my favourite games, Today is also the day all my accounts got permanently banned from my console and I have lost all my progress. Bye bye 22 years. FML

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By El Boz - United States

Splashed out

Today, I took my dog for a walk down by the river. I was throwing sticks for him with one hand and talking on the phone with the other. Then I accidentally threw my phone in the river instead of the stick and was standing there talking to the stick while my phone sat at the bottom of the river. FML

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By fitzy79 - United States

Today, I had to wake up at 4am because my boss set an important business meeting for first thing in the morning. After making sure everything was ready, I went to work. My boss ended up oversleeping and moved the meeting to tomorrow. FML

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By princev - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to jump in the pool while holding my cat. I am currently in the hospital due to the severe cuts on my face and throat. FML

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By Jayne - United States

Today, my professor called me out in the middle of a lecture to ask why I was bleeding. I then had to explain to him, in front of around one hundred of my fellow classmates, that my largest zit had burst. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was riding on my bike when a guy on the street shouted, "I LOVE YOU!" at me. I recently told my boyfriend I loved him, and his response was, "I don't love you but I won't treat you any differently." Perverts on the street love me, but my boyfriend doesn't. FML

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By gracie511

Today, my flight was delayed 3 hours so I was scrolling through my phone. Minding my own business, I was swiping through tinder and some guy behind me goes, “Ouch; hard no for that one?” And I turn around only to see the man I JUST swiped left on. FML.

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friend showed me a creepy piece of artwork he'd drawn. I laughed and said that it would give me nightmares, meaning it as a compliment. Turns out, this one was in honor of his dead grandmother, who'd raised him. FML

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By inyobeddd - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my crazy neighbor came up to me in the street and slapped me across the face, accusing me of leering through her restroom window while she showered. I'm gay. FML

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By lambeaster - United States - Washington

Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML

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By Sudokori

A Dog's Love = Priceless

Today, I bought a lottery ticket. Two hours ago, I found out that the ticket was worth $100. Five minutes ago, I found my dog eating it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at my doctor's office. I thought I had a kidney stone. Turns out I'm pregnant and I have a kidney stone. FML

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By TheGirl - United States

Today, I was snuggling with my boyfriend on the couch. We ended up falling asleep, and when I woke up I felt a slobberly substance running down my face. It turns out, my boyfriend drooled so much, it filled my ear and overflowed onto my face. FML

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By NAT - United States - Gaffney

Today, I found out that the reason my soda always tastes funny is because my fiancé likes to mix different flavors together to see if I'll notice. FML

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By Musicfan - United States

Today, my car was broken into, and they stole all my CDs, but left my daughter's Black Eyed Peas CD behind. I'm pretty pissed about the theft, but almost glad to see that the delinquents in my town have a decent taste in music. FML

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By bfall74 - Canada

Today, I was stood up by a blind date. After calling and texting her about being a horrible person, she called me from the hospital. She was in a car accident. FML

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By onthetoilet - France

Today, I was supposed to go to Disneyland with my family, but I woke up with explosive diarrhea. So while they are at the happiest place on Earth, I'm stuck on this toilet left to imagine that the splash from my crap is a splash from splash mountain. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Euless

Today, I lost my patience and asked the deadbeat I loaned money to last year to please pay up. His response: "Blow me." No thanks, dad. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date, the first one I've been on since my last boyfriend broke up with me 6 months ago. We were in a restaurant, and at the end of meal he insisted on paying the bill. He wanted to leave a 15% tip but couldn't work out in his head how much to leave. The bill was for £100. FML

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By dinapar - Canada

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend watching a movie, my boyfriend then leans in and says: "You know, you're my favourite girlfriend." I then jokingly responded by saying: "You say that like I'm not the only girlfriend you have right now." I hate being right. FML

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By Closingwild - Mexico - Zapopan

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my sister, but they already knew each other from my sister's work. She's an exotic dancer. FML

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By stupidboss - United States - Bellingham

Today, I got into a car accident with my boss, and he asked if I could come to work the next day. I'm in the hospital and he knows it. FML

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By NoSexForMe - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML

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By JoblessandStupid - United States - Stockbridge

Today, I got pissed and tried to storm out of work, only to get outside and realize I couldn't because I'd let my coworker borrow my car for lunch. FML

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By ughhhh - United States

Today, my mom spent over $200 getting me tested for every drug in the book. All because I admitted to smoking a single cigarette two years ago. FML

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By embarrassedhubby - Canada

Today, when I came home from work, I saw my wife in nothing but black boots and a Santa hat. My boss and coworker were with me. I now have guys wanting to have a threesome with us. FML

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By riya

Today, I had the worst day of my life. I'd studied science for the whole damn night, only to realize the next morning that it's a math exam. FML

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By nopenopenopenope - United States - Winston Salem

Today, I tried to have a relaxing soak in the tub. The giant wolf spider that was already in the tub didn't like me trying to set it free outside. It ran right across my feet and back into my house when I dumped it out of a cup outside. I screamed like a little girl. FML

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By notguilty - United States

Today, while I was watching Miley Cyrus' new music video, I had an itch near my bikini line that I couldn't reach through my jeans. So I unzipped my pants to get to it, and that's when my boyfriend walked in on me with my hands down my pants. He thought I was getting off on the music video. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, as revenge for a prank I played on him last week, my brother took things way too far and loaded my milkshake with so many chocolate laxatives, I’m now in hospital. I’ve had so much diarrhoea in the past few hours, I’m dangerously dehydrated and had to be put on a saline drip. FML

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By Donezoo - United States

Today, my car was broken into. They broke the passenger side window and took my radio system. But they didn't take the remote for it. FML

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By 1fungi

Today, it's my 26th birthday. My girlfriend gave me a matchbox car, a glow necklace, and a squirt gun. For her birthday, I bought her a new dress, rented a limo, and took her around to bar hop with her friends. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/10/2020 21:01 - Canada - Spruce Grove

Dick appointment

Today, I walked out halfway through a much anticipated dick appointment because it became apparent that he thought my clit was located somewhere on my upper thigh. He kept rubbing it and moaning, "Oooooh, I bet you like that, baby." No, sir, I certainly did not. FML

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By Sam - Canada

Today, I was working the drive-thru at McDonalds, and as I handed out a Diet coke to the customer, the man started growling and yelled "HULK SMASH!" He smashed the cup with two fists and drove off. I was drenched in soda. FML

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By catcraze - United States - Denver

Today, I got a new cat. It was fine for a couple of hours until it gave birth in my kitchen. The seller claims to have no idea that it was pregnant. Now I have to take care of 7 cats instead of 2. FML

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By disciplinaryaction - United States

Today, a woman and her daughter came into the store I work at. The girl placed a pair of underpants on the counter, and confessed she had stolen them earlier. Assuming she had already heard a lecture, I simply thanked her for bringing them back. Her mom yelled at me for not yelling at her. FML

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Top comments

By ResidentThatGuy | 12

#6524295 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:36

Perhaps sharper wits would have been in order.

By OceanGod | 7

#6524306 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:40

I've had almost the exact same thing happen to me.
My boyfriend smashed a beer bottle trying to open it. Next morning I put on my shoe and got some impressive cuts from a shard in there.

Quite literally was still picking up glass weeks later, it's a bitch.

COMMENTS

By wayytoonaive25 | 8

#6524291 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:34

Ouch , how did you not feel any pain ?

Reply

cprad11 | 12

#6524329 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:53

He did say that he had "the most uncomfortable feeling" in his sock, so I'm quite certain he felt at least a little pain. Besides, thinking logically, if you had a shard of glass in your sock, don't you think it would hurt?

Reply

cutiepie292929 | 18

#6524519 - Sunday 31 January 2016 0:34

When you have sharp glass in your foot it hurts but doesn't feel like glass is in your foot. I've had glass in my foot and it just felt like something inside my foot like muscle or nerve, not a piece of glass. Though I checked my foot not long after feeling it

By ResidentThatGuy | 12

#6524295 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:36

Perhaps sharper wits would have been in order.

By tranced_ | 44

#6524296 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:37

reminds me of an episode of Sherlock !

Reply

walker9879 | 25

#6524330 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:53

With the royal guard who had the belt so tight he didn't feel the stab wound? Yeah that was a goodie.

Reply

man_child_anon | 7

#6524476 - Saturday 30 January 2016 23:19

I agree that was one of my favorite episodes

By ThatLastKid | 21

#6524298 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:37

This happened to a kid my gym class. He said his foot was hurting, but the coach said walk it off. He took off his shoe instead and there was this 2 inch piece of glass coming from the bottom of his shoe.

Reply

firefighter925 | 18

#6524316 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:46

I was working out in my room and cut my foot on some tiny peice of glass. idk how it even got in there.

By moocowmilk0 | 19

#6524299 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:38

not very sharp are you

By RiddleMePancake | 12

#6524300 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:38

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

sammiaaron | 16

#6524314 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:45

"I still don't know how it got there"

Reply

RiddleMePancake | 12

#6524332 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:54

exactly, nobody knows

Reply

soullyfe | 33

#6524484 - Saturday 30 January 2016 23:27

@6: It could have been a number of reasons.

By OceanGod | 7

#6524306 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:40

I've had almost the exact same thing happen to me.
My boyfriend smashed a beer bottle trying to open it. Next morning I put on my shoe and got some impressive cuts from a shard in there.

Quite literally was still picking up glass weeks later, it's a bitch.

Reply

Ruskiy_Cherep | 18

#6524342 - Saturday 30 January 2016 20:02

How hard is it to open a beer without smashing it? U can open a beer with just about anything these days

By ProfessorMctitie | 20

#6524312 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:43

Sounds like a mystery, better call scooby and the gang

By A07 | 48

#6524313 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:43

I can't ignore it if I have an uncomfortable feeling in my sock, the calling is just too strong.

By SK8WITME | 19

#6524318 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:46

I personally can't deal with any sort of uncomfy feelings inside my socks. I sort it out right away, perhaps you should've done the same :)