Today, I had the most uncomfortable feeling in my socks, but... - FML

By MemoKrosav - 30/1/2016 03:54 - Mexico - Matamoros

Today, I had the most uncomfortable feeling in my socks, but I didn't care to check. It wasn't until I got home that I realized that the feeling was a small thin piece of glass that was slowly cutting away at the bottom of my foot. I still don't know how it got there. FML

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Season finale

KoBabe

Boom, headshot

By ShouldHaveLetHimTakeTheTV - 7/11/2009 17:01 - United States

Today, I got a letter in the mail saying I'm being sued by the guy that broke into my house last week. When I walked in and saw him, I tackled him, punched him in the face a time or two, and restrained him with zip ties. I now have to pay for his broken nose and face charges of assault. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/4/2009 11:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I was eating cereal and decided to warm it up to see what it tasted like. So, using a candle in the room I placed my spoon over the flame and waited to see if it heated up. Pleased with my silly experiment, I put the spoon back in my mouth. I now can't talk because of my swollen tongue. FML

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By heathenapparently - 16/2/2019 20:00

Today, while driving me to the airport for a trip to Japan, my mother started crying. When I asked her why, she said, "I just know that if the plane crashes, I will never see you again because you are going to hell." Thank you, mom. I love you too. FML

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By River - 26/2/2009 16:17 - United States

Today, a stoplight turned yellow as I was approaching it. I was about to go through but saw a cop, panicked, and slammed on the brakes. I ended up in the middle of the intersection and had to reverse. Soon the light turned green, and I stepped on the gas. My car was still in reverse. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/6/2015 08:10 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, I laid in bed until 3am kept up by a house party. In my own house. Which my housemates didn't invite me to. FML

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By Ashley Harn - 23/8/2018 18:30

Today, I found out I'm allergic to something in the city water. I've had itchy patches and rashes all over my body, but I can't afford to pay for the filtration system that would solve it. My landlord forbids any modifications to the shower and washing machine. FML

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By Dear Lord Save Me - 4/1/2015 03:56 - United Kingdom - Merthyr Tydfil

Today, I was shopping with my dad and I saw one of my guy friends, so we waved and smiled at each other. My dad clearly thought his wave was too "romantic", because he shouted at him, "Touch her, and I'll kill you." FML

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By TheComedyAudio - 25/2/2018 01:30

Today, I let my roommate borrow my car to go to the store. Later, I saw a picture on Facebook of my roommate and his buddies with my car saying, "Gone for the weekend!" I work at 8am tomorrow and he won't answer my calls. FML

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By spoiled22 - 12/10/2011 07:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I was trying to change the batteries of my automatic room freshener. As I held it to my face to figure out where the batteries went, it started spraying on my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/6/2009 09:59 - United States

Today, I was informed from a fellow employee at a bar that he finally "hit" the boss' wife. I work for my parents. FML

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By thatcreepyteacher - 17/2/2016 04:27 - United States - Mchenry

Reported!

Today, someone called the police on me because one of my students was going home with me every day. The student is my son. FML

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By ohno - 1/12/2011 14:38 - United States

Today, due to "severe cuts to the budget" at work, I had to stir my coffee with a paper clip. FML

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By flipflop - 7/6/2010 07:03 - United States

Today, I got married. I was so nervous right before I said my vows that, in the dead silence, I farted. Loud. My brother showed me afterwards, on tape, over and over and over again. FML

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By Booooolette - 22/6/2016 04:27 - France - Beauvais

Today, I managed to fracture my shoulder blade and dislocate my shoulder, just by falling off a deckchair. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/1/2010 13:44 - United States

Today, my friend decided it was funny to burp in my face. The burp was actually vomit. We were in the food court at the mall. FML

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By Nancy - 11/7/2010 23:00 - United States

Today, after being at summer camp for two weeks, my parents never showed up to take me home. A counselor had to drive me. FML

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By anonymous - 17/11/2011 20:22 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend went and bought Skyrim, Modern Warfare 3 and renewed his WoW subscription. Looks like I won't be getting laid for a month or two. FML

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By kindergarten teacher - 23/3/2013 13:25 - United States - Hanford

Today, I was feeling sick and fainted while teaching my kindergarten class. I came to when one boy poured a cup of water on my face. Three kids were crying into my walkie talkie telling the office I was dead, and the rest of the class had disappeared. FML

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By crunknasty - 30/3/2013 05:19 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I was on the toilet, when I noticed I could see my daughter dancing in the other room in the mirror, so I took a picture with my phone. After I uploaded it, people pointed out that I was visible in the picture, sitting on the toilet and smiling. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/2/2014 21:02 - United States - Antelope

Today, I was walking home, when a car heading the other way hit a traffic cone. I must have been an asshole in a previous life, because the universe decided to make sure the cone flew into the side of my head. The bystanders were shocked for all of two seconds before laughing. FML

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By CassyM - 3/4/2017 10:00 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, my 2-year-old asked for cake, so I told her I would make her one. I showed her two boxes of cake and asked which one she wanted. She picked one and happily tried opening it. She'd thought a fully cooked cake is in the box. Ever tried explaining baking to a toddler? FML

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By Ellencrazee - 13/8/2011 10:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I came home from holiday, only to find my house full of small decomposing animals, courtesy of my cat. FML

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By Kat - 8/3/2009 05:47 - United States

Today, I bragged to a coworker that our boss compliments me constantly on my work performance, my fashion sense, and my trustworthiness. She then directed me to a "neighborhood watch" website. My boss is a registered sex offender. FML

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By kilo1_13 - 4/6/2009 01:35 - United States

Today, I was working at my retail job. A customer stopped me on my way to break saying "someone" had broken a snow globe. She showed me where it was and I cleaned it up with her circling me. I finished and put the cleaning supplies away when I heard a 'crash' as the same woman dropped another snow globe. FML

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By notattractiveatall - 15/10/2012 22:09 - Australia - Newcastle

Today, two girls came up to me on the street and asked if they could take a photo with me for their high school scavenger hunt, because they needed a picture with a stranger. One of the girls shook her head and said to the other, "It needs to be an attractive stranger" and walked away. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/2/2015 13:34

Today, I tried to stage an intervention for a friend who abuses drugs. I ended up with my hair on fire. FML

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By Sara - 3/5/2016 16:52 - Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend and I went to visit his grandparents. Everything went well, until his grandmother approached me and asked me if I wanted to try some of her old bras. I didn't want to be rude, so I went with her. Most awkward moment of my life. FML

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By honey soy - 29/1/2012 06:31 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend was flying his toy helicopter at my head. It got stuck in my hair and I now have a bald patch. FML

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By roomingwithevil - 9/5/2012 23:26 - United States - Slinger

Today, I found out who my randomly assigned roommate was. Out of 10,000+ people, I just happen to get assigned a girl who threatened to kill me. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 00:02 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend's job to ask him a question. His co-worker answered the phone, and when I asked for my boyfriend, he assumed I was someone else. Who exactly would that someone else be? FML

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By Gottalovepeople - 31/12/2018 01:34

Today, I found out that my ten-page paper, which has taken me two months to construct perfectly and is worth 30% of my grade, was on the wrong book. It’s due tomorrow. FML

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By Nxydolli - 29/4/2011 19:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I found myself crying for an hour when my recreated crush on The Sims 3 game rejected my character and ran off with someone else. FML

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By Bassackward - 25/8/2016 05:53

Today, I decided to pop the question to my beloved. Perfect lighting, fresh cut roses, a fancy dinner. The restaurant was in on it too. Shame they brought out the wedding-themed congratulations dessert before I actually went down on my knee. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/4/2011 02:24 - United States

Today, I returned home after a three-week trip to Jamaica. When I opened the door to my room, I was greeted by a swarm of bees and their enormous nest, which was attached to my doorknob. Apparently, I'd forgotten to close the window properly before I left. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/12/2011 05:01 - United States

Today, our school started an anti-bullying policy, and we watched a video about bullying. After the video, I told a teacher about a bullying case going on that I know about. His response? "Tell someone who cares" as he walked away chuckling. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/3/2016 17:29 - United States - Oceanside

Today, as usual, I'm stuck working in a brutally hostile work environment under my mother-in-law, who's never forgiven me for marrying her daughter. I only got the job because of family politics. Four months on, I still can't even land so much as a single interview elsewhere. FML

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By Manatee - 11/5/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor. I had a spider bite that had been getting progressively larger for days. I had been putting Neosporin on underneath the bandage that was on it. The doctor saw my wound and laughed. He said the spider bite was no big deal, but that I was allergic to the Neosporin. FML

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By mickey1928 - 12/1/2010 13:10

Today, I took my wife and newborn baby girl home from the hospital. While waiting for the elevator, an elderly couple leaned over, saw our baby, and said, "Look, it's the fat kid that was in the nursery." My baby is six and a half pounds, and my wife hasn't stopped crying. FML

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By fail - 26/4/2009 05:38 - United States

Today, I worked a car wash as a fundraiser. Being nice I figured I'd bring my car, get it washed, and donate some money. When it was my car's turn to be washed, everyone was conveniently busy washing other cars. My car was in front and needed to be washed and moved. I paid $10 to wash my own car. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/5/2020 17:00

Tense

Today, my dad happened to mention he proposed to his girlfriend I had no idea he was dating. Turns out it's one of my old high school teachers, specifically the bitch who hated me as much as I hated her. My dad is so oblivious, he has no idea WWIII is about to start in our living room. FML

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Top comments

By ResidentThatGuy | 12

#6524295 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:36

Perhaps sharper wits would have been in order.

By OceanGod | 7

#6524306 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:40

I've had almost the exact same thing happen to me.
My boyfriend smashed a beer bottle trying to open it. Next morning I put on my shoe and got some impressive cuts from a shard in there.

Quite literally was still picking up glass weeks later, it's a bitch.

COMMENTS

By wayytoonaive25 | 8

#6524291 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:34

Ouch , how did you not feel any pain ?

Reply

cprad11 | 12

#6524329 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:53

He did say that he had "the most uncomfortable feeling" in his sock, so I'm quite certain he felt at least a little pain. Besides, thinking logically, if you had a shard of glass in your sock, don't you think it would hurt?

Reply

cutiepie292929 | 18

#6524519 - Sunday 31 January 2016 0:34

When you have sharp glass in your foot it hurts but doesn't feel like glass is in your foot. I've had glass in my foot and it just felt like something inside my foot like muscle or nerve, not a piece of glass. Though I checked my foot not long after feeling it

By ResidentThatGuy | 12

#6524295 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:36

Perhaps sharper wits would have been in order.

By tranced_ | 44

#6524296 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:37

reminds me of an episode of Sherlock !

Reply

walker9879 | 25

#6524330 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:53

With the royal guard who had the belt so tight he didn't feel the stab wound? Yeah that was a goodie.

Reply

man_child_anon | 7

#6524476 - Saturday 30 January 2016 23:19

I agree that was one of my favorite episodes

By ThatLastKid | 21

#6524298 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:37

This happened to a kid my gym class. He said his foot was hurting, but the coach said walk it off. He took off his shoe instead and there was this 2 inch piece of glass coming from the bottom of his shoe.

Reply

firefighter925 | 18

#6524316 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:46

I was working out in my room and cut my foot on some tiny peice of glass. idk how it even got in there.

By moocowmilk0 | 19

#6524299 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:38

not very sharp are you

By RiddleMePancake | 12

#6524300 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:38

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

sammiaaron | 16

#6524314 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:45

"I still don't know how it got there"

Reply

RiddleMePancake | 12

#6524332 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:54

exactly, nobody knows

Reply

soullyfe | 33

#6524484 - Saturday 30 January 2016 23:27

@6: It could have been a number of reasons.

By OceanGod | 7

#6524306 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:40

I've had almost the exact same thing happen to me.
My boyfriend smashed a beer bottle trying to open it. Next morning I put on my shoe and got some impressive cuts from a shard in there.

Quite literally was still picking up glass weeks later, it's a bitch.

Reply

Ruskiy_Cherep | 18

#6524342 - Saturday 30 January 2016 20:02

How hard is it to open a beer without smashing it? U can open a beer with just about anything these days

By ProfessorMctitie | 20

#6524312 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:43

Sounds like a mystery, better call scooby and the gang

By A07 | 48

#6524313 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:43

I can't ignore it if I have an uncomfortable feeling in my sock, the calling is just too strong.

By SK8WITME | 19

#6524318 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:46

I personally can't deal with any sort of uncomfy feelings inside my socks. I sort it out right away, perhaps you should've done the same :)