Today, I had the most uncomfortable feeling in my socks, but... - FML

By MemoKrosav - 30/1/2016 03:54 - Mexico - Matamoros

Today, I had the most uncomfortable feeling in my socks, but I didn't care to check. It wasn't until I got home that I realized that the feeling was a small thin piece of glass that was slowly cutting away at the bottom of my foot. I still don't know how it got there. FML

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Understandable

No one likes a smart-ass

Vultures

By Anonymous - 21/11/2013 20:37 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I tried to have a fun night out. I met a guy and we went back to "his" place, which turned out to actually be his mother's house. He introduced me to her. Two hours later, I knew his life story and had to do the walk of shame without ever getting anywhere near his bedroom. FML

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By Wtf - 17/5/2017 22:00

Today, my estranged, psycho ex called me ten times and left belligerent messages because I didn't send him anything for his birthday yesterday like I used to. This is the same man who never gave me a birthday gift, text, or even a Happy Birthday wish during our 7 years together. FML

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By buttpain - 11/1/2017 13:25

Today, being a snow day, I decided to take a nice nap before resuming cleaning my room. Changed back into pajamas, climbed into bed, and found that one of the cats peed on my sheets. I've made negative progress, and had my underwear soaked in someone else's cold urine. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/7/2012 10:42 - United States

Today, I was the maid of honor at my sister's wedding. I was the first one to walk down the aisle, where I managed to trip over a wire, shutting off the music and falling on my face. My family cheered and took pictures. FML

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By crushed - 23/5/2020 02:00

What about me?

Today, my wife told me about an old boyfriend she had. She told me that they used to fool around, and that she’d give him blow jobs all the time. I never get any action like that from her. FML

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By animalover - 13/8/2009 16:49 - United States

Today, I swerved to avoid hitting a dog that ran in front of my car. The dog was fine but I hit a road sign, ripped off my rearview mirror, and cracked my passenger side window. When I got out to examine the damage to my car, the dog growled at me. FML

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By Not Engaged - 6/3/2015 23:30 - United Kingdom - Stourbridge

Today, my long-term boyfriend said that if we ever finally get married, his ex-girlfriend will definitely have to be a bridesmaid. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/1/2010 16:17 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I went for a swim in his pool. I was hoping that the swim would be somewhat romantic, however, that came to an abrupt end when he decided that it would be cool and funny to try and lift me up by my boobs. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/9/2013 19:11 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I found out that if I say "make a sandwich", it doesn't matter what context it's in, or whether it's a command or just me describing my day; I'll be yelled at anyway by my hipster roommate for being a "sexist cunt", then end up apologizing just to get her to shut up. FML

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By AnnoyedandAutistic - 1/6/2017 02:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were eating breakfast at my strict Christian grandparent's house when he said that it was impossible for anyone bigger than a grapefruit to be swallowed by a whale. My grandmother asked him, "What about Jonah?" to which he replied "Oh, that's just a myth." FML

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By Annoyed Student - 9/4/2013 23:09 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, my English teacher used the word "interpretate" again. This isn't the only mistake she's made though; I've been so frustrated that I've started a list of them. It's over a page long. I'm meant to be learning things from this woman. FML

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By sdgsfvbkuhkj - 17/4/2011 23:18 - United States

Today, I started my first day of work at my new job. They had a section in the parking lot for employees only, so I parked there. Apparently, my boss didn't recognize my car, and had it towed. FML

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By letdown13 - 3/4/2013 16:50 - United States - Binghamton

Today, my husband told me to look for a honeymoon resort, since we had to cancel it last year. I looked everything up and got all excited. Just when I asked him for payment information, he said "April Fools!" April Fools was two days ago. FML

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By wtf - 7/1/2009 19:23 - United States

Today, my ex girlfriend that I still love sent me a text, quote "I still love you, but i'm not IN love with you" Um, what? FML

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By panos016 - 15/7/2011 13:51 - United Kingdom

Today, after 14 rice-filled days in China, I came back home. What's for lunch? Rice. FML

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By nerdygirl101 - 13/3/2010 05:27 - United States

Today, I woke up in pajamas I have never seen before. Usually, I sleep naked, and I live alone in a locked apartment. Then, the elderly woman next door asked for her nightgown back. Apparently, I sleep-walked and knocked on all the doors in my hallway repeatedly. I'm moving. FML

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By Creepedout - 19/11/2015 03:26 - United States - Wilson

Today, an obese man decided it was okay to share a urinal with me. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/8/2012 14:20 - United Kingdom - Bishops Stortford

Today, my social anxiety hit a new low. I was playing bingo and, although I won, I didn't shout "bingo" because I thought too many people would look at me. FML

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By rog3rli - 13/11/2010 00:29 - United States

Today, I realized that even though I've taken three years of Spanish, the only words and phrases I can remember are from Dora the Explorer. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2009 18:12 - United States

Today, I was walking with my girlfriend when a little guy walked up and flirted with her. I'm a pretty weak guy and he looked weaker, so I gave him a little push and said "Back off". He's actually not weak at all. I've got a black eye and a girlfriend who won't stop laughing to prove it. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/6/2009 14:26 - United States

Today, my crush was walking up to me and I put my earphones in, playing hard to get. When I heard him say something about a date I take an earphone out and say, "Oh, I didn't see you there!" His response, "They're not connected to anything," holds up the end of my earphones and walks away. FML

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By awkward. - 17/7/2009 05:02 - United States

Today, I found out that my new boss at my job is the same guy that I turned down repeatedly last night at the bar. FML

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By Nuttjacob - 28/2/2011 01:36 - United States

Today, I found out the hard way that you can get carpal tunnel from masturbating. FML

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By oktober2nd - 13/10/2018 06:30 - United States - Beaverton

Today, I woke up for the first time In 5 days with relief from a debilitating migraine, only to have my arm and shoulder completely numb and a sharp pain running from my neck to my elbow. I have a pinched nerve and dislocated disk in my neck. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/11/2013 17:12 - Ireland

Today, I was pouring boiling water into a cup, and I accidentally spilled it all over my hand. My mother responded by slapping me for getting water everywhere. My hand is scorched red, but thanks, I love you too, mother. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/3/2016 06:24 - United States - Tucson

Today, my mother straight up admitted that she would murder me if God told her to. FML

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By Guess I was wrong - 16/3/2020 06:23

Mistaken identity

Today, I came home to find a man standing in my living room. Since my mom texted me that her new boyfriend would be coming over, I just assumed it was him. I introduced myself, made us some coffee and I went to my room to study. When I went downstairs after a while, the TV was missing. FML

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By Viridian - 12/5/2009 13:41 - United States

Today, I gave a big presentation at work. The manager decided to video tape it. I went through my presentation with ease and was confident I did a good job. My confidence was then lowered after watching the tape. Apparently, my boobs are much more interesting than what I had to say. FML

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By gloomy - 15/8/2017 20:00

Today, my daughter and I went to the mall. While we were looking for clothes, she walked away from me and touched a man on the arm and smiled and said "Hi!" The man freaked out and screamed at me for letting that "thing" in public and to "wear a condom next time." FML

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By csgocockblock - 27/7/2016 17:26 - United States - Jenks

Today, when I got home from work I was pretty "in the mood" so I put on some cute undies and a tank top and went to get my boyfriends attention, he was so into his new computer game all I got was a half smile and a pat on the head. FML

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By alone - 14/2/2012 05:34 - Australia

Today, I arranged to have some flowers delivered at work for Valentine's Day so that my colleagues will think someone likes me. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/11/2013 18:31 - France

Today, I was quietly admiring my boyfriend from outside the kitchen as he made us dinner, only to witness him drop a load of spaghetti on the floor, swear, then scoop it all up and place it back on the plate. FML

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By OweLotsaMoney - 5/9/2013 15:49 - United States

Today, I arrived at my college dorm. To help me sleep, I listened to my local radio from my phone. Little did I know, they turn off the wifi for part of the night, and hours of music were streamed onto my phone. Guess who now owes the phone company all my money. FML

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By Vomitoid - 7/2/2018 01:30

Welcome to the Splash Zone!

Today, we had a test in history. My best friend, who was sitting right behind me, had forgotten about it and put his finger in his throat to vomit. It sprayed all over his desk, his pants, and the entirety of my back. FML

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By hugadyle - 18/4/2020 14:00

Getting some action

Today, I took a trip to the library's public computer section to get some important work done. After a bit of work, I went to stretch only to see that the man next to me was watching some adult films on his computer and discreetly touching himself. I still had 58 minutes of computer time. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/5/2015 07:28 - United States - Plainview

Today, while driving home from work, I saw my boyfriend mugging a woman on the sidewalk. FML

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By Katt - 25/4/2016 18:04 - United States - Columbia

Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend on the lobby's couch. We were not paying attention to anything but each other. Apparently, someone tied our shoes together. I stood up and faceplanted into a pool table. I'm now missing two teeth. FML

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By poorbastard - 30/8/2014 08:35 - Canada - Longueuil

Today, I was called in over speakers at the airport. The man who was speaking clearly and nearly burst out laughing when he said my name. Soon, a few people around also snickered when they heard it. I had to wait five minutes before I could casually stand up. My last name is Bastard. FML

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By bym - 13/10/2008 08:23

Today, I got braces fitted. For the next two years, I'll be the most handsome guy on earth. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/11/2018 17:30

Today, it's been weeks since I made a Facebook page to arrange something for my birthday as no one was able to attend last year on short notice. Everyone was game but now everyone is flaking. One friend even said, "I'll see who RSVPs and then decide." FML

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Top comments

By ResidentThatGuy | 12

#6524295 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:36

Perhaps sharper wits would have been in order.

By OceanGod | 7

#6524306 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:40

I've had almost the exact same thing happen to me.
My boyfriend smashed a beer bottle trying to open it. Next morning I put on my shoe and got some impressive cuts from a shard in there.

Quite literally was still picking up glass weeks later, it's a bitch.

Comments

By wayytoonaive25 | 8

#6524291 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:34

Ouch , how did you not feel any pain ?

Reply

cprad11 | 12

#6524329 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:53

He did say that he had "the most uncomfortable feeling" in his sock, so I'm quite certain he felt at least a little pain. Besides, thinking logically, if you had a shard of glass in your sock, don't you think it would hurt?

Reply

cutiepie292929 | 18

#6524519 - Sunday 31 January 2016 0:34

When you have sharp glass in your foot it hurts but doesn't feel like glass is in your foot. I've had glass in my foot and it just felt like something inside my foot like muscle or nerve, not a piece of glass. Though I checked my foot not long after feeling it

By ResidentThatGuy | 12

#6524295 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:36

Perhaps sharper wits would have been in order.

By tranced_ | 43

#6524296 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:37

reminds me of an episode of Sherlock !

Reply

walker9879 | 25

#6524330 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:53

With the royal guard who had the belt so tight he didn't feel the stab wound? Yeah that was a goodie.

Reply

man_child_anon | 7

#6524476 - Saturday 30 January 2016 23:19

I agree that was one of my favorite episodes

By ThatLastKid | 21

#6524298 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:37

This happened to a kid my gym class. He said his foot was hurting, but the coach said walk it off. He took off his shoe instead and there was this 2 inch piece of glass coming from the bottom of his shoe.

Reply

firefighter925 | 18

#6524316 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:46

I was working out in my room and cut my foot on some tiny peice of glass. idk how it even got in there.

By moocowmilk0 | 19

#6524299 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:38

not very sharp are you

By RiddleMePancake | 12

#6524300 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:38

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

sammiaaron | 16

#6524314 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:45

"I still don't know how it got there"

Reply

RiddleMePancake | 12

#6524332 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:54

exactly, nobody knows

Reply

soullyfe | 33

#6524484 - Saturday 30 January 2016 23:27

@6: It could have been a number of reasons.

By OceanGod | 7

#6524306 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:40

I've had almost the exact same thing happen to me.
My boyfriend smashed a beer bottle trying to open it. Next morning I put on my shoe and got some impressive cuts from a shard in there.

Quite literally was still picking up glass weeks later, it's a bitch.

Reply

Ruskiy_Cherep | 18

#6524342 - Saturday 30 January 2016 20:02

How hard is it to open a beer without smashing it? U can open a beer with just about anything these days

By ProfessorMctitie | 20

#6524312 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:43

Sounds like a mystery, better call scooby and the gang

By A07 | 48

#6524313 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:43

I can't ignore it if I have an uncomfortable feeling in my sock, the calling is just too strong.

By SK8WITME | 19

#6524318 - Saturday 30 January 2016 19:46

I personally can't deal with any sort of uncomfy feelings inside my socks. I sort it out right away, perhaps you should've done the same :)