Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
Today, I got a text from my girlfriend. After only having sex once, where I wore a condom and didn't even get to come, she says that she's pregnant. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML
Today, I finally convinced my girlfriend to let me play porn while we were getting busy. The girl in the video said, "You don't need a condom, you can just pull out." I noticed she had a caesarean scar and burst out laughing. My girlfriend stormed out before I could explain. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she did not want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for coming inside her because she didn't want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML
Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, with whom I am genuinely in love. Right after I'd got the condom on, she said, "You do know this is break-up sex, right?" FML
Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML
Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend that I couldn't believe this happened, he said, "I'm not going to lie, I didn't always pull out fast." FML
Today, the one time, THE ONE TIME, we ran out of condoms and had sex anyway, my girlfriend got pregnant, even though she’s on the pill. I didn’t even orgasm inside her, I had to do a Google search to learn that live sperm can emerge and go inside her even before I orgasm. We are so screwed. FML
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Top comments
citylights 0
hahahahahaha that is ******
Anony_fml 0
Pull out method doesn't work. You're ****** for life.
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Comments (1769)
WerewolfCustoms 0
The girl was pregnant before she met you. You just took the fall. DNA is your only friend now.
vt_mruhlin 0
If you were sterile, that would be an awesome joke to play on somebody. I'm not sure #64's theory would hold up in a paternity suit or not. What she did could probably technically be considered rape.
jenl78 0
No, that's not considered rape... rape is when one of them doesn't consent to having sex. both parties in this case consented to have sex. what happened to him was a rish that does come with having sex. he could have choosen not to have sex without a condom... sucks what happened to him but it was his decision to go through with the sex, therefore it's not rape
LittleMissMack 0
I can babysit if you like. I'm way more responsible than you are, clearly. Just drop the baby off. Because you're a dumbass, my rate is doubled though. Kthxbai!
kiltedwolf 0
Owned. What more is there to say?
yeahreally 6
that is sooooo ****** up...im speechless
ChaosZirconia 0
Good Luck. Let us know how this turns out in a few weeks. :/
bigrederin 0
I'll be seeing you on Jerry in about a year or so, I bet. Way to hang out with trashy ******. I hope you learned something here.
MCart_fml 0
L M A O... so deserved dude.. ALWAYS use a condom. No glove, no love.
summer_spell 0
sorry, but this is hilarious. #63 LOL
Bubs_fml 0
Condoms? Screw that. I always go for the classic "zip-lock sandwich bag and a rubber band" method.