Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML
Today, I woke up and stepped out of bed right into a pile of dog crap. Acting quickly, I jumped on to my other foot, which would have been a great idea, except for this morning there were two piles. FML
Today, I stepped in a pile of dog shit. While trying to get it off by wiping my foot on the grass, I stepped in another pile. FML
Today, I felt accomplished after I cleaned the whole house alone, but then I stepped backwards to admire my work and stepped into a pile of dog poop. FML
Today, I woke up, put on my fuzzy socks, walked down my hallway, and stepped in cat vomit. I took off my now wet socks, continued walking down the hallway, and stepped barefoot in cat shit. FML
Today, I was pet sitting for a friend. As soon as I walked in the door, I stepped in dog poop. I took off my shoes to clean them, then stepped in cat pee in my socks. FML
Today, I came home to find that my dog had taken a dump on my bed. I quickly put on my house shoes to avoid possibly stepping on any other of his turds. I felt something squish all over my right foot. He'd also taken a dump in my house shoe. FML
Today, I got home from a long day of work and saw a pile of dog puke on the kitchen floor. I went to get paper towels and found a pile of dog shit. With my foot. Both of my kids were home all day and left the piles for me to clean because "that's gross". FML
Today, my dog threw up on the tiled floor. I found out at 6 this morning in the dark when I slipped and fell in it. FML
Today, I cleaned up my dog's crap after my wife asked me. Five minutes later she yelled at me for being lazy as she slammed the door leaving for work. My dog had shat in the exact same spot, apparently to make me look stupid. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
thecowbellskit 0
i hate when that happens.
agsilver 14
Here's a tip, NOONE ******* CARES
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (64)
girlychic 0
WTF?!?!?
dookiedoo 0
It's really the only known weakness of team Jacob.
skidoo800HO 2
Everyone needs the three S's before they are ready for the day. Shower, shave, and shit
brrarm 17
How do we know it's dog shit or you are sleepwalking {remembering pile was huge........}? Lol at #63 three S's :)
Epic_Times 10
There's definately more to this story...
xiaoxaio 5
hobo shit
StromyG2 10
Do you sleep walk? Maybe that didn't belong to a dog.
backyarddcg123 2
I'm sorry but this is just bullshit
SinfulEnd 20
Are you sure it was a dog? I know when I first break into houses, my imidiate reaction is to take a dump.
corocoro 30
Shitty way to start the day.