Work: Today, after handing in my resume to get a part-time job, I tried...

By nevergettingajob - 22/02/2012 18:10 - Canada

Today, after handing in my resume to get a part-time job, I tried leaving, but the door wouldn't open. It was the "in" door. The person I gave my resume to had to slowly explain this to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 041

You deserved it 25 783

Work

Mother of the year

Triage

Creepy Crawly

Gamers gonna game

By Anonymous - 25/06/2021 02:01 - United States - Escanaba

Today, I had to delay the Father's Day dinner that I had to cook, so it wouldn't conflict with my wife and kids' gaming schedules. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 105

By sheryl_m - 09/04/2009 15:11 - United States

Today, I came home expecting a surprise party. It was my birthday and I had overheard my friends planning it all week. Nobody was there. It turns out the party they were planning was for my friend's dog's birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 053

You deserved it 4 526

By steak through the heart - 18/11/2014 18:57 - United States - El Monte

Today, I went on a date. I took her out to an expensive steak house. When she was done eating, she got up, said she was married, and told me she only accepted the date because I'd be paying for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 965

You deserved it 4 108

By Anonymous - 27/12/2010 08:47 - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me via text message. The sad thing is that I left my fiancée of 5 years to be with a girl I worked with at Walmart. My ex-fiancée is now a doctor. I still work at Walmart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 304

You deserved it 111 681

Cool nickname

By nearsighted-ut - 26/09/2019 02:00

Today, I was watching TV when my older brother thought it would be funny to rip a bare-assed fart in my face before a shower. I looked up, only to see a brown blob on my glasses. My nickname is now "Shitfaced." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 857

You deserved it 113

By Anonymous - 02/02/2012 20:56 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend confessed to me that he purposely makes me angry, because when I'm angry, I clean, and it saves him having to do it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 397

You deserved it 6 359

By -.- - 19/01/2015 01:18 - United States - Ellwood City

Today, my mother told me how long it took for her to have me. Not how long she carried me in her womb - how long it took her and my dad to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 928

You deserved it 3 009

By Ryanissaur - 19/10/2009 05:34 - Australia

Today, being a music student, a professional orchestra performed a symphony that I wrote and dedicated to my girlfriend. It took months to compose and it the first and only time it was ever going to be played. My girlfriend forgot to come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 415

You deserved it 2 992

By Anonymous - 12/10/2018 22:30

Today, at work, a table of girls complained to the manager about me. The complaint? "He's not hot enough to work here. We want a sexy server." The manager agreed with them and sent me home. I might lose my job because of a table of shallow women. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 577

You deserved it 180

By StephD - 20/03/2009 03:41 - Canada

Today, driving some friends back from a party I said, "Did everyone see Lisa totally hanging off of Pat tonight?! It was hilarious!!". There was a long silence, then one of my friends said "...you know Lisa is in the car, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 162

You deserved it 103 567

Smooth moves

By ouch - 25/03/2010 08:00 - United States

Today, while having sex, I tried to kick the blanket over my feet and kneed myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 880

You deserved it 26 213

By ClothMom - 08/12/2009 07:02 - United States

Today, I was visited by Child Protective Services. Seems someone on my street reported me for neglect because I cloth diaper my children. I moved in less than 6 months ago, so I guess this is how they say, "welcome to the neighborhood" about these parts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 160

You deserved it 3 703

By bitch - 07/10/2013 07:37 - Australia

Today, I was working behind the bar at a club. After serving drinks to a guy, he asked me if I could carry them outside to the two girls waiting for him. I scowled at him and told him I wasn't a waitress. That's when I realised he had one arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 495

You deserved it 56 525

By hehe - 02/02/2011 23:57

Today, I went to shovel the massive amount of snow that was on our car. After spending time in the cold wind, I finally finished, realizing it wasn't my car. It was an identical car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 608

You deserved it 6 285

When karma does its job

By Anonymous - 17/02/2020 18:00

Today, I found out the guy whose ass I used to routinely kick in high school is now dating my 19 year-old daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 4 830

Sins of the Mother

By speedster - 24/06/2021 06:01 - United States

Today, I asked my science teacher if he'd had my mom when she went to my high school. He took one look at me, glared, and said, "Oh yeah, I remember HER." I have that class every day the rest of the year. Thanks a lot, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 771

You deserved it 254

By teinage - 02/05/2011 18:47 - Belgium

Today, some kids stole all four wheels off my car. They were nice enough to leave a note and some money though, "for the bus". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 713

You deserved it 3 095

By Lebac - 14/04/2015 08:33 - United States - Burlington

Today, I went to feed my neighbors' chickens while they were on vacation. I noticed the TV on inside, so I peeked in to see if the place was being messed with. Guess who found the neighbor home early, fully naked, and jerking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 666

You deserved it 4 055

…and then everyone clapped

By boobsnbaseball - 02/07/2021 05:59

Today, my boyfriend and I got put on the Kiss cam at a baseball game. Instead of kissing me, he grabbed my boobs and got the biggest round of applause I have heard in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 925

You deserved it 160

By P4ntless - 26/10/2009 22:18 - United States

Today, I'm single. Last night, I decided it would be silly to leave my phone in my car before I went to my roommate's brother's birthday party. Highlights of the evening include: Beer Pong, a keg stand, and breaking up with my girlfriend via text message. I don't remember the last one. She does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 547

You deserved it 41 258

Cultural appropriation

By Christinne - 26/06/2021 04:01

Today, I had to explain to my mom what an 'LGBT ally' is and that it is entirely possible for a straight cis girl to support the LGBT movement. She thought I was a lesbian because I have rainbow colored and LGBT memorabilia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 681

You deserved it 508

Classic Jeff

By Anonymous - 02/02/2017 18:00 - United States - Peru

Today, it was my wedding day. My new husband decided it would be a good idea, when he was supposed to do his speech, to stand up and say, "Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please. Genitals. That is all." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 789

You deserved it 1 506

By Wallz99 - 19/04/2013 06:00 - Pakistan - Plot

Today, my long-distance girlfriend drunk dialed me and told me she was horny. Surprised, I exclaimed, "You're horny?" without realizing my boss was right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 255

You deserved it 23 277

By 1357katie - 19/09/2009 04:22 - Canada

Today, I told my mom about the couple times that I'd skipped classes during high school. She got really mad and grounded me for a month. That would usually be normal except for the fact that I'm 27 and live in my own apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 597

You deserved it 6 251

By Anonymous - 01/10/2012 00:49 - Australia - Sandringham

Today, a man with a clipboard came up to me in the street to ask me if I was happy with my life insurance. I couldn't bring myself to admit to him that I'm so clueless about my own life that I wasn't sure I was even happy with the Twix I was eating at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 615

You deserved it 3 724

By ew - 11/08/2013 13:09 - United States - Titusville

Today, someone told me that my initials really fit my personality. I took it as a strange compliment, until I realized my initials spell "ew". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 750

You deserved it 4 608

By Tweenmom - 13/04/2017 16:00

Today, my tween daughter found an exciting new book series to replace her two-year obsession with Harry Potter. Hello, Team Jacob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 679

You deserved it 532

By GildedByVices - 24/12/2016 08:12 - Australia

Today, on Xmas Eve, my eight-year-old and ten-year-old children and I sat down to watch 'Mr. Stink', an Xmas film about a scruffy, stinky tramp. When he first appeared on screen my children both exclaimed in unison, "He looks like you, dad!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 331

You deserved it 693

Freudian slip

By MollyMadamme - 01/02/2011 00:33

Today, I decided to wake my fiancé up by giving him a blowjob. When he finally started to wake up he called me by his ex's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 829

You deserved it 6 318

Music nerds of the world unite!

By Anonymous - 10/11/2020 05:03

Today, I woke up this morning to find out I have lost all ability to hear. Not only is that medically concerning, it also means that now I can’t listen to the new albums I just bought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 060

You deserved it 81

By letmediealready - 22/12/2017 19:00

Today I saved my wife's puppy from drowning in an icy pond and I ended up in the ER struggling to breath from the water in my lungs. When my wife showed up to see me, I caught her flirting with my doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 665

You deserved it 321

By YipYop - 20/01/2016 04:06 - United States - Brandon

Today, I rode a skateboard down a street past a busy two-story outdoor cafe. As I rode by, a group of people thought it'd be funny to kick stray pebbles at my wheels, trying to make me trip. It worked. My backpack ripped open in the process letting all my school-work float away in the wind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 756

You deserved it 1 911

Seasonal allergies

By Anonymous - 18/07/2021 06:01

Today, I sneezed inside my helmet when I was driving 90 mph on my motorbike. No quick solutions were available to improve visibility. FML

I agree, your life sucks 808

You deserved it 226

Why would you do that?

By dammitt - 10/10/2009 06:10 - United States

Today, my best friend and I went to the movies. There was a hot cashier, so I thought it would be cool to talk in a British accent to try and be sexy. I walked up and started talking when he interrupted me and said in a very heavy British accent, "I know you're faking. You can stop now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 981

You deserved it 60 444

Pound for pound

By Anonymous - 27/04/2021 14:01

Today, my girlfriend had a huge fight with me because while I'm trying to gain weight and she’s trying to lose some, I’ve still lost more weight than her. Not my fault my body’s natural preference is to drop pounds like they’re hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 802

You deserved it 99

By Tim - 09/04/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, my mom had a baby shower. When it was over I walked around cleaning up the trash, when I saw a card sitting on the table with a note to my mom saying "better luck with this one." At the moment I am an only child, and the card was signed from my grandmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 557

You deserved it 4 222

By BrittUnicorn - 06/07/2015 15:14 - United States - Morristown

Today, I was having a dream about Chris Pratt. Instead of having a sexy dream that I would have enjoyed, I dreamt he was a supervisor at my work. He kept telling me how much I sucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 571

You deserved it 3 658

Our house, is a very very very fine house

By Anonymous - 24/03/2021 17:00

Today, my housemate, who never cleans, cooked tacos, then left her dishes for the rest of the evening. When shown a bowl of murky water in the sink, she denied it was hers, prompting my vegetarian housemate to clean it. Putting her hand in the bowl, she found a lump of raw taco meat. Yum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 110

By Anonymous - 18/08/2015 22:55 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I am two months pregnant. Being super hormonal, I was crying about how much I was crying. My husband put his arms around me to comfort me, and I sobbed so hard that I threw up all over him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 303

You deserved it 3 107

By eggonmiface - 01/07/2018 15:00

Today, I made scrambled eggs. Returning the rest of the carton, I tripped and spilled 10 raw eggs all over the inside of the fridge. The same fridge I spent 2 hours cleaning and scrubbing every drawer and shelf of yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 360

You deserved it 479

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Top comments

zfrt 3

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 22:17

Way to leave a good first impression.

groupleader 7

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 22:19

So, when do you start this new gig as a doorman?

zfrt 3

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 22:17

Way to leave a good first impression.

crimsonprodigy 15

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 22:31

Judging how op said that the guy "Slowly explained" I think he left an impression alright... I think he's screwed for the job with THAT type of impression, thus OP should have went out with a bang and said "I'm not fucking retarded I know what a in door is" and left. Depends how slowly the guy explained it which would effect the language used :s

DrMime 10

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 22:32

First impressions are key in the physiotherapy business! Or was is 'worst depressions'...?

farnsworth 3

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 22:35

Do u care if u die? Get sick? Space travel? I might just have the job for u!

llamafish 25

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Thursday 23 February 2012 0:12

OP was justified in using the "in" door. Perhaps they thought it led INto the hallway.

shanemaximo 7

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Thursday 23 February 2012 0:51

A lot of employers get special government incentives for hiring the mentally handicapped. :)

qwertsarecool122 23

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Thursday 23 February 2012 1:59

Are you blond? That might be a contributory factor to why he talked so slow. Stupid stereotypes!

ZestfulClown 3

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Friday 22 June 2012 2:58

Also the fact that s/he went to the wrong door and couldn't figure out why

Teyros 24

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 22:18

Don't worry about it man, getting a job is stressful and it sometimes causes us to think incorrectly.. I'm sure people have done worse :P

Danny0522 8

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 22:25

I don't think it can get much worse than this...

nofearjenshere 12

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 22:41

I once was so nervous at an interview that I told the manager I would do anything for him if he hired me... I didn't realize how inappropriate that sounded until after he gave me a weird look. Yep, didn't get that job.

K_kanaka 26

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 23:14

I think this isn't so bad compared some of the past FMLs that had to do with job interviews. I mean there was the one where the guy got stoned as fuck due to eating "special" brownies, then there was the girl who's job interviewer was some dude she slept with and never called back. So this FML isn't as bad as those but still pretty funny. Hope you get the job OP.

HowAreYouToday 34

Wednesday 22 February 2012 22:18

Idiot

HowAreYouToday 34

Wednesday 22 February 2012 22:18

Like, huge idiot...

HollyoaksFan93 9

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 22:28

You're the idiot.

Scarlettkiss 8

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 23:03

Like, a huge idiot...

JRFaceless 8

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 22:18

I think you have that job in the bag!

SecretMe00 5

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Thursday 23 February 2012 0:06

What ya smoking there in your picture... Eh?

JRFaceless 8

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Thursday 23 February 2012 0:18

Weed

groupleader 7

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 22:19

So, when do you start this new gig as a doorman?

tylersign 11

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 22:23

Tell them that you have a tragic disability. A very extreme version of dyslexia, sometimes called: "Imanidiot-ia".

ninjuh_wingman 29

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 22:23

That must have been awkward.

KiddNYC1O 20

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 23:09

Epitome.

kimmi41509 10

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 22:23

Sounds like something I would do, but your nerves were probably all worked up and you didn't want to make a fool out of yourself but ended up doing that anyway. Its okay, happens to the best of us. And it doesn't mean you won't get the job.