Today, my dog showed me her latest kill. Too bad it was the stuffed animals my dead grandmother had given me as a child that had a lot of sentimental value to me. FML

Today, my new dog unburied my old dog and chewed on his bones. FML

Good boy

Today, I went to the local pet store to purchase a large dog bed so my dog wouldn't sleep in mine. After I got home and set up her bed, I realized I forgot to buy dog treats. When I came home again, her new bed was torn to shreds, and she was still sleeping on my bed. FML

Bad doggo!

Today, I came home to find that my dog had destroyed my couch. The worst part? He buried his plastic toy bone inside the wreckage, so he clearly thinks this is his new personal sandbox play pit spot. I'm afraid to get a new couch and put it in the same place. FML

Today, I drunkenly buried my girlfriend's recently deceased cat. Later she asked to see it and came back inside crying. It turns out I didn't bury it completely and its two back legs were poking out of the dirt. FML

Today, my cat died. But, before he could bite the dust, he left a goodbye present on my bed: a decapitated baby rabbit. FML

Today, my cat attempted to make up for my insomnia with a dead mouse. I have no idea where he got it. FML

Today, my dog died. My parents told me to bury it out back. In the process, I managed to dig up my cat. FML

Fetch!

Today, I saw my cat playing with one of his many toy mice. Knowing he likes to play fetch, I picked it up and threw it across the room. Upon trying to pick it up a second time, I realized that not only was it not a toy, but it was only half-dead. FML

Who's a good boy? Not you.

Today, while walking my dog in a cemetery, she stole a stuffed animal off a child's grave and began to play with it. FML