Today, I got married. My new husband wanted to carry me over the threshold of our apartment, but he couldn't pick me up. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my boyfriend picked me up bridal-style to carry me to our bed. As he carried me through the bedroom door, the dog ran between his legs and sent us both crashing to the ground. FML
Today, I married the love of my life. I was ecstatic until the wedding reception, where my new husband got drunk and started crying about how he'd been "forced" into marrying me. FML
Today, my fiancée got married. I did not. FML
Today, my new wife and I got back from our honeymoon. Her parents had dropped our wedding gifts off at our apartment, but didn't lock the door. We came home to start off our new life together to a wrecked apartment and no gifts. FML
Today, I almost got married. After the elaborate and very expensive wedding, my "husband" decided he did not want to sign the marriage license because he wasn't sure if he really wanted to settle down after all. FML
Today, I got married wearing a strapless dress. As I walked down the aisle, our wedding photographer stepped out behind me to get a shot of me approaching my husband. Instead of stepping out, though, he stepped on. Stepped on my dress. Pulling it completely down. FML
Today, it was my wedding day, and while I was standing next to my husband in front of all of our guests, I was rocking on my heels because I was nervous. I rocked too far and fell backward. My husband didn't come to help me up. He just said at the top of his lungs, "FAIL!" FML
Today, at my apartment complex, I was carrying a bag of trash up to the dumpster. A guy stopped his car and helped me carry it the rest of the way. I thanked him and he asked me out. I explained that I was married. He grabbed the trash bag and carried it back to my apartment. FML
Today, at my wedding, when my husband heard, "You may now kiss the bride!" he swung me down romantically and was about to plant one on me when his arm slipped, causing me to fall on the floor hitting my head, and getting a concussion. FML
Today, I got married. When my father gave me away, in front of hundreds of people, to my groom, he said, "She's your problem now." FML
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Top comments
Isamermaid 17
Aww. Either you're fat or he's wimpy. Good one....
Teyros 24
Someone's a bi..*cough*
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Comments (140)
akaOtter 1
if he's loaded, it really shouldn't matter.
merp 0
my thoughts exactly
_Jibran_ 0
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Dylan94_fml 8
don't try and put this on him, fatty.
MissCuteStack 12
ummm your rude
aback 5
At least he doesn't have to roll you in flour and go for the wet spot. I mean he doesn't, does he?
eihtballplaya_fml 4
He should have rolled your Big Ass in the apartment. He could have used canola oil.
loriaking18 0
ummm! ur fat? he's a lame whimp?
Skimbap 0
Loose sum weight fatty
mikagesouji 0
Time to call Jenny Craig, fattie! :D
charliefreak 0
So either lose some weight or tell your husband to go to the gym
penguinazul 13
Am I the only girl that doesn't like the idea of being picked up? What if I get a klutz like that one in the FML where the guy tripped and bashed his girl's head in a wall? Or what if he drops me? Yeah no, I'll just walk in meself, thanks. (I'll take a hot make out session on the way in, though! Or a hug, what have you.)