Transportation: Today, I was pulled over for speeding. When the police officer...

By FakeID - United States

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. When the police officer approached me and asked for license and registration, I accidentally gave him my fake I.D. FML

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Transportation

Triage

Walk on the wild side

BO Central

By Cheese4men - Canada

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend saying, "I shall be the prince, and you shall be the princess," to his hamster. Once he saw me, he quickly turned to the hamster and said, "I have to go. The dragon is here." FML

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By jameen - United Kingdom - Tadley

Today, whilst out shopping with my crush, I decided to jokingly try on a silly-looking dress in an overly-expensive shop. Apparently I took the wrong size as I couldn't get out. Not only did the shop assistants have to publicly cut me out of the dress, I had to pay for it. FML

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28630

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By PartTimePrincess - United States

Self serving

Today, my sister, who knows I'm severely afraid of heights, got me tickets to skydive for my birthday. When I reminded her of my fear, she stated that she forgot and should just keep them for herself and her boyfriend. My mom agreed. FML

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50122

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By Anemity_is_my_name - 17/5/2021 00:01 - United States

Tradlife blues

Today, I wish I could go back to living alone in a van, sleeping, eating, and showering in the truck stop that's near my job. I've tried to be a model husband and father for over a decade, and am left depressed, and exhausted. I love them all just enough to not actually abandon them. FML

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933

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203

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I shared our first kiss. When I leaned in on him, he fell over backwards and smashed his head against the floor. FML

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29529

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4080

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By seriously

Today, I was spoken to by my boss about an argument I had gotten into with my co-worker, saying I needed to be "respectful of others' beliefs" and less "close-minded." The argument was over whether or not the Earth was flat. FML

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4777

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By Anonymous

Water, water, everywhere

Today, I learned that taking a shower right before your house starts flooding is the human equivalent to washing your car right before it starts raining. Only much worse. FML

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1378

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134

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By teeth - United States

Today, I meant to forward an email to my friend mocking a coworker's email, but I hit "reply" instead of "forward". FML

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7232

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By Simon - France

Today, as a prank I shook my girlfriend's can of soda. I hadn't noticed that it was already open. FML

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6126

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53345

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By yuck - United States

Today, I was in the basement at my grandma's house. The bathroom is on the ground floor and there's a laundry chute that goes down to the basement. I looked through the chute to see if the bathroom light was on. A pair of shitty underpants came down and landed in my face. They were my grandma's. FML

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44102

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By blackntangirl - United States

Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid out of bed. When he realized I was awake, he looked down at me, shook his head, and said "I've gotta lay off the beer..." FML

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53257

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By bbedlock - Australia

Today, after receiving the third call this week from teachers about my son falling asleep in class, I decided that it would be a good idea to hide his Xbox controllers. He decided it would be a good idea to hide my diabetes medication. FML

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51236

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By MarcusJones713 - United States

Today, I was at the gym with my friends when they invited me to do a few bench presses. Since I'd never done any before, I decided to start with no weights on the bar and work my way up from there. I wound up pinned beneath the bar, calling for my friend to come free me. FML

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49753

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my very traditional grandmother has decided it's time for me to get married to Kevin. She's called half the town and informed them of the good news. I'm 17. I've never met Kevin. FML

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46634

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By Not his SunShine anymore - United States - Manchester

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me over something that happened 5 years ago. We've only been together for 2 years as of this July. FML

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12635

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By sofakingweetodit - United States

Today, in preparation for a presentation at work, I decided to take a handful of vitamins to fight my cold. As I was putting the bottles away, I noticed one of them was a laxative. FML

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10757

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a woman got out of a car to scream at me as I was walking with the kids I babysit, demanding to know where I was taking her children. Apparently the woman who pays me is also a babysitter, who I have been "covering" for on her party nights. The mother doesn't believe I didn't know this. FML

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39495

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By Anonymous - 5/2/2021 00:30

Set phasers to stun

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because there was “something missing”, which was the lack of sex we had because she didn’t feel good about her body. Less than three hours after crushing my heart, she posted about how hard it will be to have a "hoe phase" during a pandemic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1272

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119

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By catslave - New Zealand

Today, my cat wanted to go out. She watched me open the front door, leave it open while I got something from the car then come back inside. She then insisted on going out the back door. I'm a slave to a cat. FML

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9014

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By Joey - United States - Reno

Today, my mother was digging up our Halloween decorations, and found the Christmas decorations as well. She's shoddily decorated the house already in half-Halloween and half-Christmas style to save time. I guess we'll be celebrating Christmasween for the rest of the year. FML

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21798

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I nervously started a new job, and my co-workers were telling me silly rules about our boss. Later, I accidentally bumped into him, and blurted "Rule #7, don't touch George." He definitely heard. FML

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18284

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By Mr. King - United Kingdom - London

Today, whilst walking past a large pond-sized puddle, a double decker bus and a van slowed and drove around the puddle so as not to splash me. Thinking luck was on my side, I began walking more confidently, only for a tiny smart car to come hurtling past, causing a huge wave of water to hit me. FML

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17839

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By WTF - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I saw my mom changing the expiry date on milk. She genuinely thought this would make the milk sour later. FML

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29696

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By Shelly - United States

Today, I used the restroom at a department store. While I was in my stall, I overheard a little girl say to her mother, "I see someone wearing pink!" I remembered that I was wearing pink just as she finished her thought, "And she's pooping." She was peeking at me through the stall. FML

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By PositiveElectron - United States - Glen Allen

Today, my mom decided to show me her new rape whistle. She kept blowing it every couple of minutes while we were stuck in traffic. FML

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22580

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By hungry - United States

Today, I heard that there was supposed to be a huge blizzard heading our way, so I went out to stock up on groceries. After spending $600 on food, I drove home and packed most of it into the fridge and freezer just in time for our power to go out. FML

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44547

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She plays tricks on me

Today, I had dinner at my girlfriend's house with her parents. Everything was going great, until after dinner when her dad pulled me aside and told me he'd heard us having sex. I was out of town all weekend for a baseball tournament. FML

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4400

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By Anonymous - United States - San Diego

Today, I caught my parents having sex. It wouldn't have been as mortifying if they weren't doing it in my room. FML

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3299

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By Ouch

Getting a head start on the Halloween look

Today, while washing dishes for my friend, I managed to break an unbreakable glass and slice my hand open on it. FML

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1389

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By Anonymous - Canada - Pierrefonds

Today, I was at a Chinese buffet, and I got a fortune cookie. I opened it, and it said, "The love of your life is sitting across from you". The only thing across from me was an empty chair. FML

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37540

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By Anonymous

Not safe for work

Today, I went to move an intimate, very NSFW Word document to a secure folder on my phone. Instead, I accidentally sent it to a printer somewhere in my office building at work. I don't know which of my 40 coworkers or managers has it on their printer for their arrival tomorrow morning. FML

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835

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By Victoria - Australia - Perth

My name is?

Today, while interviewing for a job, I was greeted by the interviewer with a handshake and a greeting of, "Hello Victoria, my name is Bill." I responded with, "Hello. My name is Bill." I think it's safe to assume I didn't get the job. FML

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1324

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By verrine - United Kingdom

Today, I was mugged on my way to the bus stop. With no money or mobile I started to panic about the exam I had and ran the 3.5 miles to get to there. When I staggered up to the building only 20mins after the exam started, the university staff wouldn't let me sit it as I couldn't prove my identity. FML

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59836

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By TrailerTrash - United States

Today, I had artfully managed to avoid anyone knowing that I was moving into a trailer park. I showed up at the trailer where all my friends, co-workers, and exes were waiting. My parents knew I was feeling down and wanted to throw me a surprise 'moving in' party. FML

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66361

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By fuck yuo - Canada - Saint John's

Today, my clumsiness has reached such legendary proportions in my family, that when I visited my grandparents, I found they'd put stickers all over their glass doors, so I wouldn't have "yet another painful accident". FML

I agree, your life sucks

21459

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By Anonymous

Today, I was playing a game with my family where we had to say the name of an actor/actress that started with a certain letter. When I said mine, my dad grounded me because he knew it was a pornstar. Now my mom is mad at my dad for watching porn too. FML

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18599

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Brentwood

Today, I had to calm my rather gullible boyfriend down and reassure him that the email he got, telling him that he has AIDS, was just a scam. FML

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40600

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By Lulu - United States

Today, I was washing some clothes in the laundry room at my apartment complex. I went back an hour later, passed my neighbor on the way in, and moved my clothes to the dryer. I just brought them back from the dryer, and all my underwear are missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37514

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By Pimaan - United States

Today, I decided to be a generous guy and slip a dollar from my pocket to a beggar. Turns out I'd slipped my hard-earned $100 bill instead. FML

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22694

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By dogdays - Canada - Oshawa

Today, I left my dog alone while I went to work, like usual. He usually hangs out in the big bay window that faces the street. Today he decided to steal my vibrator and chew it while sitting in the window. I can only imagine how many people walked by and saw it. FML

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Top comments

By stkeepsitreal | 0

#175355 - Thursday 7 May 2009 0:46

haha iv done that but my fake is the same pic and same info on it, the only thing different is the year i was born, i hella got away with it thank god! Giggidy giggidy!

By maddybee111 | 0

#175347 - Thursday 7 May 2009 0:44

smart.

COMMENTS

By manoverboard | 0

#175343 - Thursday 7 May 2009 0:44

THAT'S WHAT YOU GET.
Don't you watch Secret Life of the American Teenager?

DamnDatFML | 0

#976848 - Friday 9 April 2010 13:18

In Soviet Russia we are told what to watch

sapiano | 0

#1093533 - Thursday 15 July 2010 15:56

smooth move x- lax

Teyros | 24

#4176004 - Saturday 17 March 2012 1:37

Mclovin would be so ashamed.

DerrickJames | 33

#5363029 - Monday 11 February 2013 9:35

1 - No.. No one does.

By maddybee111 | 0

#175347 - Thursday 7 May 2009 0:44

smart.

By lolbitch | 0

#175349 - Thursday 7 May 2009 0:45

Haha!!

By stkeepsitreal | 0

#175355 - Thursday 7 May 2009 0:46

haha iv done that but my fake is the same pic and same info on it, the only thing different is the year i was born, i hella got away with it thank god! Giggidy giggidy!