Today, I found out that my CEO knows my name when she followed me into the bathroom and called it out in a disgusted tone when I farted so loudly, she could hear it from four stalls over. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was in a meeting at work. In the middle of our CEO's speech, I farted. Everyone heard including my boss, who looked over and said, "Do you have anything else you wanted to add?" FML
Today, three of the four stalls were occupied in the restroom. I took the fourth stall. Upon sitting, I let out one of the longest, loudest farts I have done in a long time. Next, I heard, "Hey, how's it going?" I was CORRECTLY identified by a co-worker hearing me fart. FML
Today, at work while on the toilet, somebody came into the stall next to me and gave a loud play by play of every fart, plop, and grunt. He then asked loudly who I was and when I didn't answer put his head under the stall to look at me. FML
Today, I was at a big meeting at work. The CEO was reaming the hell out of us for our recent poor profits, when I accidentally let rip a vile fart. I was then subjected to a 10 minute tirade of abuse for "trying to be a funny man", and told that whatever small chance I had for a promotion is now gone. FML
Today, I was going over some paperwork with my back to my office door. As I turn around, my boss enters and says my name loudly. I was startled so bad that I jumped, yelped, and a high-pitched fart snuck out. Everyone in the office now gives prior notice before dropping by the "fart guy's" office. FML
Today, at work, I had to use the bathroom to urinate. It's basically in an open plan office, so everyone can hear absolutely everything. After successfully and discreetly doing my business, I noticed a bit of dirt on the wall. I gave it a rub with my thumb on the smooth tile. It sounded exactly like a loud fart. FML
Today, I was tutoring. When my kids were finally working on their own, I stood in my classroom’s doorway to talk to my boss sitting outside about upcoming work. Suddenly, one of my students sitting directly behind me let out the loudest fart ever. I think my boss heard and thought it was me. FML
Today, I was alone at the office. Having held it in all day, I let out the longest, worst-smelling fart of my life. The owner of the company, investigating the odd noise, opened my office door. When the stench hit him, he walked backwards all the way to his office, staring at me, in silence. FML
Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML
Today, a client shouted at me over something that had nothing to do with me. She put such effort into shouting that she farted in my office. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
EastCoastLez 14
To be fair, bathrooms tend to echo like the depths of hell.
homesuckfucker 28
It's not your fault she's uptight. After all, that's what bathrooms are for!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (44)
A07 48
4 stalls? That's impressive OP. I'm guessing spicy mexican was on the menu at lunch?
zman8881 8
That's part of what bathrooms are for... Your boss is too uptight.
PhoenixChick 26
You are a human, with a functioning digestive track, in the facility designed to deal with the side effects of digestion. WTF is her problem?
ulissey_fml 22
Luckily you are not a man bearing my grandpa's name , Gaston . May we call you ..Wendy ?
Calingaladha 21
It's okay, OP. Own your fart. Four stalls is a pretty good distance.
videogames4life 10
I'm sorry but after reading OP's name and then the article, I laughed way too hard
Dodge4x4Ram 46
I beat heavy metal would be just perfect for this occasion. in the bathroom no one can hear you scream, I mean shit, shit.
latenerd 11
I HATE when people feel the need to comment on what you do in the bathroom. What do they expect, that you never poop or fart? At least you went into the bathroom. Sorry, OP, your CEO is a jerk.
FitFriday 32
An immature jerk
Brandi_Faith 34
Me too. They say something as if they've never farted or had explosive diarrhea before or something. It's embarrassing enough as is, let's not point it out. That why I, generally speaking, like how girls handle the situation. Girls usually ignore all that stuff. Even if someone farts while you're talking to them and it smells rancid, a girl will usually just politely ignore it; where as a male usually has to comment. It seems op's ceo is the minority here. It's just a shame that op can't magically be in the bathroom to comment the next time her ceo gets digestive issues. Maybe that would teach her to keep her mouth shut in the bathroom. What happens in the bathroom should stay in the bathroom.
brezzyanna 17
Yeah, girls will have full conversations while one or both of them is going to the bathroom. They're normal body functions, so why be embarrassed about it?
Bunnyluver 20
I don't understand how people get so disgusted in place that's meant for that kind of stuff. At my school, girls like to talk in the bathroom, but talk shit about people when they are in the wrong. Grow up is what I say!
xx000o 27
Be proud and wink every time you pass each other.