Today, I found out that my 16-year-old son bought a huge amount of grape juice, because he thought he could store it under his bed and wait for it to turn to wine. FML
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Today, while searching for the pungent odor that has been lingering in my son's bedroom, I discovered various types of juice my son has been "storing" to make wine. FML
Today, I discovered that last night, my son snuck downstairs at 3am, drank two glasses of my very expensive wine, threw up on his bed, and then slept in his own vomit. My son is 14. FML
Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML
Today, I was packing my son's lunch and we'd ran out of water bottles. I asked my 16 year-old to run to the store. She didn't want to, but gave me one she had. After dropping my son off, my daughter frantically told me she'd made a mistake. I sent my second grader to school with a bottle of vodka. FML
Today, I finally found where the awful lingering stench in my house was coming from. My son thought it would be funny to piss in the baby's humidifier. He's 16. FML
Today, my son tried my great-grandad's 90 year-old whiskey, didn’t like it, and poured it all down the sink. When I confronted him, he confidently told me it was nasty and must have expired, so he did me a favour and poured it away and washed the bottle. I had to walk away and remind myself I love him. FML
Today, I noticed that my 80-year-old mother has gone through 50+ bottles of my home-made wine. She only moved in with me a month ago. And now I have no wine. FML
Today, I went into my fridge and someone had drank all the beer. Only my 8-year-old son lives with me. FML
Today, my 17 year old asked me whether to chew or swallow grapes. I raised this dumbass. FML
Today, my son had a secret party. At first I was mad, then I had a complete and total Incredible Hulk meltdown when I realized that he had opened a bottle of very expensive whisky, originally bottled by my great great grandfather in Scotland, and used it as a mixer with fucking Pepsi. FML
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Top comments
littlem91 29
He's going to make a great college student one day.
benimin 6
God bless America...
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Comments (92)
margojill 13
Well at least you have all that juice.
olive12560 0
there is a simple recipe with honey, water, spices and yeast. biology is fun !! or just offer a beer kit to that kid !
Omniprism 14
Teach him to do experiments first with things. Try a small amount then when successful move on to bigger things. Maybe you guys should buy a beer making kit together and then with your supervision drink them together. It could be a binding experience for you both.
thew_fml 14
he's right, of course. that is how you make wine. the wild yeasts in the air are enough to start the process - how do all you naysayers think wine was originally made?
immortalballoon 12
Finally someone says it! Back when alcohol was prohibited, didn't they sell grape concentrate with a "warning" saying something like "Do not dissolve in a gallon jug of water and store in the cupboard for 20 days, as this would turn it into wine?" I may be misinformed. Anyway, grape juice will ferment into something like wine all on it own, like #85 said. Although if the way wine takes on wild yeasts (and odors!) is anything like sourdough, I don't want to think about ingesting what ferments in a teenage boy's room.
avapaige1234 19
Well let him keep it there for years. Who knows?
AlgodonDeDulce 2
If the grape juice doesn't have any preservatives then it will have it's own yeast from the grapes to turn into wine. If it does have preservatives and he added yeast then in could also turn into wine. All juices become alcoholic after expired but could potentially kill someone. If they are kept sealed and at the right temperature then it should be sterile.
Shade1982 20
No, it doesn't turn into wine. It's more like alcoholic vinegar... And at no point would it be drinkable...
thew_fml 14
there's a word for alcoholic vinegar , what is it? wane? wone? something like that (hint look at the 1st 3 letters in vinegar......)
Sir_Swaggington 6
Dude, they even teach alcohol fermentation in grade nine biology. Your kid is a new breed of stupid. FYL.
TcheQ 12
You deserve it for living in Texas. Unless you're an Austinite
JackFaire 27
Let's see so he isn't yet of age to drink and last I checked there isn't a high school class called "how to make alcohol" and chemistry teachers typically get a lot of angry parents when they try to include the fermentation process in the curriculum. So as a 33 year old man who also didn't know how they make wine when I was 16 he was actually thinking intelligently. All he knows is that grapes are what go into Wine using that little bit of knowledge he attempted something that failed. Stop equating lack of knowledge with stupidity.
ThatEmoBoy 26
your son isn't very smart