Today, I finally found a reason to quit smoking. I threw my cigarette butt out the window and it blew back in, went down the back of my pants, and burnt my butt in 3 different places. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I quit smoking cigarettes. While driving to work, the car in front of me flicked his out the window, flying straight into mine. It set the bottom of my seat on fire. FML
Today, as I was smoking a cigarette I realized that it's time to quit. This realization came to me after a particularly violent coughing bout forced not tar out of my lungs, but rather poo out of my bum. FML
Today, while sitting at a red light with my window down, the asshat next to me flicked his still-lit cigarette away. It landed in my car and wedged between me and my seat. It burned a hole in my shirt and my seat, and burned my back and hair. FML
Today, I lit a cigarette in the opposite direction of the wind. My hair blew into it, and caught on fire. FML
Today, as I was walking home late at night, some asshole threw a lit cigarette butt out of their balcony. It fell between my glasses and my eye and left a burn mark on my cheek. FML
Today, I accidentally dropped my cigarette down my shirt. There are now two unsightly, painful burns right in the center of my chest. FML
Today, I was standing on the patio when one of my upstairs neighbors threw a cigarette butt over the balcony. It landed on my head and burned some of my hair. FML
Today, I was on my back porch having a cigarette. Not being all that awake yet, I threw the butt, still smoldering, on the ground. Did I remember that there was an ashtray right next to me? No. I did what I would do at work; I stamped it out. Barefoot. FML
Today, I thought it was a good idea to go number two while smoking a "cigarette". My ash tray was over by the sink so I decided to just ash in the toilet. While ashing between my legs, I sneezed and now I have a extremely uncomfortable burn on my man member. Smoking is bad. FML
Today, I made the decision to quit smoking while I was driving in my car. So I took my pack, crushed it and threw it out the window. I felt triumphant about this change I was making in my life, until the cop I didn't know was behind me gave me a ticket for littering. FML
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Top comments
ejejeje 0
good.
MyNameIsBruce 0
Turns out the wind doesn't like smoking either
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Comments (161)
tona01 16
totally a fake, what are the odds of something like that happening
rightsaidred 3
The risks of cancer, heart disease, tooth decay, nasty breath and smelling like an ash tray weren't enough but a burn on your tushie was enough to convince you that they're bad for you?
Mercury03 13
Most smokers aren't as considerate as you or we wouldn't bitch about all of them.
Mercury03 13
Bah comment bug got me on my phone. Ignore this it's in the wring spot.
Mercury03 13
Most smokers aren't as considerate as you or we wouldn't bitch at them.
DocBastard 40
AwardZu and spirit, feel free to smoke all you like. All you're doing is keeping the tobacco companies and your doctors in business.
xxmollyxx 25
Hehe.
LukeNukem_fml 3
some people, myself included just don't give a shit about the effects of smoking so y'know.
oblio 0
that's because you're young and you think you're immune. I would love to hear your opinion when you're 40.
MaskingTape 2
YDI for littering. I wish it went in your gas tank instead of your crack. but you got burned either way so "good for you!"
Grimmerie 31
Bigger paycheques and more profile pics for you, Doc ...
sincerely331 0
Isn't it cigarette bud not cigarette butt...?
Grimmerie 31
no.