Today, I was passing a building and saw a fat, ugly person inside.... - FML

By name50 - 7/2/2009 18:16 - United States

Today, I was passing a building and saw a fat, ugly person inside. I started to laugh and noticed it was my reflection. FML

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Dangling modifier

Sister of the year

FML every way you look at it

By Anonymous - 12/4/2018 19:00

Today, while covering lunch for the self-checkout host, I noticed a customer walking away. I smiled and said "Have a nice night!" A few minutes later, I saw that she'd left without paying on her machine. I'd smiled and waved at a lady as she stole from me. FML

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By whatisthisidonteven - 23/9/2012 09:23 - Israel - Ramat Gan

Today, I was scheduled for an interview at a local firm owned by two partners. The secretary told me to be there at around 12:00 to 12:30 pm, so I arrived at 12:15. The first boss told me off for being early, the other one yelled at me for being late. FML

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By raybandy - 24/1/2009 00:22 - United States

Today, I wake up only to find that my roommates cooked all my food. Now I'm starving and the place smells like delicious bacon. FML

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By all shat out - 7/11/2014 06:53 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I got demonic gastric distress while taking my final college exam. I only got about 50% of it done, left the classroom 50% faster, and experienced both 50% dread and 50% relief. Now I have to repeat 50% of the class. FML

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By catlover - 16/6/2011 16:14 - China

Today, our new cat, which my mum was hesitant about letting us keep because she believes they're diseased, gave us all ringworm. FML

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By N - 7/5/2012 09:51 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I asked my dad why there were no photos of me on the wall. He replied, "Every time you disappoint us we burn one." FML

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By lexithepirate - 27/7/2012 09:24 - United States

Today, I had a doctor's appointment. I left with referrals to both a dermatologist and a mental health professional. FML

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By anonymous - 18/6/2009 14:04 - Norway

Today, I saw my crush walking on the other side of the street. She hadn't noticed me, so when she did I nonchalantly looked over and casually waved to look cool. I then walked right into a lamp post. FML

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By WTF - 15/10/2015 04:43 - United States - Bloomington

Today, I was dumped by my girlfriend because she wanted to be with a man who has an income and a stable career. We are seniors in college and I accepted a really good job offer which I start once I graduate, which she knows about. She dumped me for a drug dealer. FML

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By Ants everywhere but my pants - 19/5/2016 02:35 - United States - Sun City Center

Today, I left the windows open because I live in Florida without air conditioning because the asshole landlord won't fix it. There was nice cool air from the rain. I've killed about 100 flying ants that have made their way inside. Now I have a hot house with closed windows and flying ants. FML

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By etsl - 26/10/2008 12:07 - France

Today, I've learnt that the girl I love thinks I'm gay. To be honest, I'm having doubts too. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2015 20:49 - Germany - Stuttgart

Today, after taking my crush to the train station late at night, I sat in a local park alone with my thoughts for a while. Two cops appeared out of nowhere and started searching me for drugs and weapons, asking me questions for a good 30 minutes. Not the kind of action I expected tonight. FML

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By kellb123 - 18/12/2011 00:19 - United States

Today, I was at work, and was told to clean up the urine that a child had left down the slide inside the play place. While in the slide, another little kid peed on my head. FML

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By c - 9/2/2012 00:07

Today, I finally got up the courage to tell my boyfriend of a year and a half that I love him. His response was to start to snore, pretending to be asleep. FML

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By braceface - 14/3/2012 20:12 - United States

Today, I got my braces put on. This is the second time I've had them. The first time was after my cousin opened a car door in my face. This time a jock punched me in the mouth for saying that Reese's taste the same as Snickers peanut butter. FML

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By space_cadet90818 - 8/3/2010 00:16 - United States

Today, I woke up with one of the worst migraines I've had in months. My mother (who thinks I'm a hypochondriac) began to scream at me about "making up an illness". When I asked for my meds, she called me an addict and dumped my $300 prescription down the sink. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/1/2010 05:58 - United States

Today, my sister and I bought new cell phones. We both wanted the same phone in red, but the guy told us that there was only one red phone left. Flirting with him, I said "You should give the prettier sister the red phone." My new phone is black. FML

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By gamerguru13 - 21/4/2013 12:26 - United States - New York

Today, my grandmother tried to upstage me at my wedding by wearing an actual wedding dress because she "never had a real wedding". FML

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By southernpride93 - 18/11/2011 15:26 - United States

Today, I was involved in a car accident and hit my head on the dash. I now have huge, very sore knot on my head. My boyfriend now takes every opportunity to poke it and scream "Look! A baby unicorn!" FML

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By harry - 6/12/2008 07:51 - France

Today, my brand new and very expensive laser printer does actually print 10 times faster than my old one. Except there's nothing printed on the paper. Never mind, at least it makes a cool sound. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/6/2012 05:01 - United States - Sacramento

Today, my boyfriend told me I was almost perfect. And the only reason I'm not completely perfect is because I don't like Mountain Dew. FML

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By T-Guy - 3/7/2011 03:01 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted to spice up our sex life, so we went and had sex in the park. We had 30 minutes of "spice", just to spend seven hours in jail. FML

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By kneesarethenewdesk - 19/8/2009 22:38 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend jumped, naked, onto my computer desk, with the intention of having sex on it. A new, £250 computer desk, broken beyond repair. And we didn't even have sex. FML

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By Yudor - 21/12/2008 09:40 - France

Today, my girlfriend told me that she woke up after yesterday’s party with someone else’s trousers. FML

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By roofer - 31/7/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, I was working on a client's roof. Some neighborhood kids thought it would be hilarious if they knocked over my ladder. I was stuck on this roof in serious heat. I caught the attention of a pedestrian to come to my rescue. It was a little old lady. She gave me the finger and left. FML

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By notnerb - 19/5/2009 10:13 - New Zealand

Today, I met up with a guy from a local dating site for coffee. He walked up, looked me over and said "Ummm, no", then walked off. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/1/2014 21:30 - Iceland

Today, my mom made me go shopping with her. It was freezing out, but she didn't wear a coat, boasting that she doesn't feel the chill like I do. By the time we drove home she was whining about freezing to death, and now I'm stuck in a house whose heating is set to "inferno". FML

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By oww - 9/3/2010 11:14 - United States

Today, I learned not to jump off a stage if nobody is going to catch you. FML

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By Cromwel620 - 23/2/2010 11:52 - United States

Today, I was working the night shift at the hotel I'm employed at. After checking in a young couple to the room above the main office, I was forced to listen to them having it off for most of the night, serving a very loud reminder that I've been single for five years. FML

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By jesspie - 11/1/2013 02:41 - United Kingdom

Today, the abandoned cat that I took in for the night and during bad weather seems to have spread fleas around my house. They're everywhere. FML

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By Intheway - 29/8/2009 20:42 - United States

Today, the guy I've been dating tells me that I need to stop hanging on him in public because it's ruining his game with other girls. FML

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By ConnorFails - 12/5/2009 01:25 - United States

Today, I decided I didn't care about my pride, and so I asked this girl out in a text. After an hour of no response I asked again. Later I got a text saying, "I'm sorry, This is Emily's mom. Emily isn't here at the moment, but if I were you, I wouldn't ask again." I was rejected by her mom. FML

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By y00na - 17/8/2018 23:30

Today, I thought it would be fun to tint my hair. An hour later, I resemble a blueberry and it looks like a Smurf exploded in my bathroom. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/7/2015 01:48 - United States - Tampa

Today, I was bored of doing nothing so I decided to take my 4-year-old brother and 3 of our dogs to a school playground nearby. When we got there, one of the four of them pooped in the field. It wasn't one of the dogs. FML

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By soonaked - 30/1/2010 00:02 - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom getting ready to take a shower. I took all of my clothes off, and stepped into the shower facing the knobs. When I turned around, I saw somebody standing in there with me. Apparently, my little brother and his friend were playing hide and seek, and I found his friend. FML

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By great parenting pal - 11/8/2020 02:01

Child labor

Today, I was dining out with friends. I saw a mom instructing her young child to go to empty tables and take whatever cash had been left. I discreetly told the manager. He confronted the woman and pointed right at me. As she was being thrown out, she tossed a very heavy mug at my head. It hit me. FML

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By Pavlov Dog - 3/2/2018 19:00

Today, I "woofed" at a man on a gay dating site before realizing he's my Psych professor. Now during every lecture I'll never forget his nipples are pierced. FML

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By nolife - 5/11/2010 23:14 - United States

Today, my stalker - an annoying guy who's dedicated the past three years of his life to stalking me at every turn - somehow got a hold of my number and started texting me at 10pm about how I have no life. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/7/2013 01:55 - United States - Port Orchard

Today, I discovered that my 8-year old is not fully toilet trained when a turd fell out of his pants, shortly after introducing him to his new babysitter. FML

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By margretlle - 26/4/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML

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Top comments

By kighrawr | 0

#1822 - Friday 13 February 2009 8:35

This almost made me cry of laughter.

By twilightobsesser | 0

#17574 - Friday 6 March 2009 4:43

Ha-ha. douche bag.

COMMENTS

By NorfolkDude | 2

#571 - Sunday 8 February 2009 0:18

Everyone has negative images of themselves. Of course, don't make it a habit, and if you really feel you're fat, just talk with friends and family about it and perhaps seek help or get a personal trainer if you really are overweight. Otherwise, if you're happy about yourself, don't stress it.

Reply

Sharapova001 | 0

#979972 - Thursday 15 April 2010 5:22

fag

Reply

xGet_Over_It | 0

#998453 - Thursday 20 May 2010 4:44

fag? i would go with thoughtful

Reply

yuop77 | 0

#1296648 - Tuesday 24 August 2010 21:38

fag...

Reply

JayColt | 0

#1416577 - Friday 17 September 2010 3:56

fag

Reply

EmilyCecile | 0

#2031466 - Tuesday 1 February 2011 2:37

i agree with 85. a thoughtfull sweet person. the rest of yall r just ass's

Reply

xXwolflegionXx | 8

#2763668 - Sunday 26 June 2011 17:37

Oh yeah he's the fag

Reply

xXwolflegionXx | 8

#2763676 - Sunday 26 June 2011 17:38

I'm going with #85

Reply

Way2Fast8 | 20

#5875065 - Tuesday 4 March 2014 6:37

So true

By Malik_fml | 0

#602 - Sunday 8 February 2009 4:31

That's stupid. You can't just suddenly realize "Oh wait thats me"

By POSE1DON | 0

#1255 - Wednesday 11 February 2009 7:01

wow this is the stupidest FML story ever you dumbass how can you not know how you fucking look like you fat ass piece of shit fuck I HATE FAT PPL

By kighrawr | 0

#1822 - Friday 13 February 2009 8:35

This almost made me cry of laughter.

Reply

CamBen42 | 29

#6649835 - Thursday 14 July 2016 13:16

Today I really fat and ugly woman looking at her reflection and laughing near a building. FML

By necomni | 0

#3792 - Thursday 19 February 2009 5:11

LOL HAHAHAHAHA, this is gold!

By JiNEx3 | 0

#5505 - Sunday 22 February 2009 22:43

LMFAO THIS IS THE FUNNIEST FML
HAAAHHAHHHHHA
looooooool
favourite :)

By Paigeth | 0

#6947 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 6:38

I call BS.

By Zvezdomir | 0

#8388 - Friday 27 February 2009 5:52

totally fake

By twilightobsesser | 0

#17574 - Friday 6 March 2009 4:43

Ha-ha. douche bag.

By unimportant | 0

#22988 - Monday 9 March 2009 7:17

um...are you serious?