Miscellaneous: Today, I was passing a building and saw a fat, ugly person inside.... - FML

By name50 - United States

Today, I was passing a building and saw a fat, ugly person inside. I started to laugh and noticed it was my reflection. FML

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Serious times

Deadly cocktail

Grow up

By IwishIwashigh

Today, I went to make cookies, the box said mix by hand so I literally used my hands. Not a fork or anything. My step-mom walked in and laughed at me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a mass text message from a friend saying she's sorry she can't meet up with our group of friends for drinks because she's busy tonight. This is the first I've heard of any bar-crawling. FML

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By Anonymous - France - Paris

Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML

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By manderpander21 - United States - Bronx

Today, my mom and I made the bad decision to go hiking for some mother-daughter bonding even though we had little experience. My mother tumbled down a mountain named Tumbledown and I couldn't even enjoy the irony because I had to half carry her all the way back to the car. FML

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By Tall Oaf

Today, my ex of 2 months, who I'm on good terms with, posted an Instagram photo with her new boyfriend, captioned "Love you babe, 4 months have never been sweeter." I've never been good at math, but 4 seems bigger than 2. FML

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By Person - United States

Today, my mother found condoms in my room. She asked why and I said, "Just in case." She started laughing hysterically. FML

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By creepedout - United States - San Francisco

Today, I received a text with my last name spelled wrong. A short conversation revealed he got my number from me, through Tinder. I don't have an account, but he insisted he knew that I like it 'hard and rough'. He knew my first name. I still don't know how he got my phone number or name. FML

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By eenkoekje

Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML

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By Anonymous - South Africa

Reasonable dude

Today, my fiancé told me that he expects me to agree to quit my job to cook and clean after we get married, or he will not show up at our wedding. He earns minimum wage and my salary is 17 times higher than his. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my lazy, obese mother took the last motor cart at the grocery store. My leg is in a cast. She told me to "use the shopping cart to help with the limp" as she rolled away. FML

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By zaktor

Today, at my fundraising job, I got my biggest donation ever: $500. I accidentally added a zero and charged the donor $5000. What I got: an angry phone call and a lecture from my boss. What I didn't get: a donation. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, as I was walking home, I passed some little girls who threw a bunch of snowballs at me. I dodged every single one, ran away laughing, and gave them the finger. I then ran into a snowman. FML

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By Merdoc - United States

Today, my girlfriend's guinea pig managed to go down her shirt. I have been dating her for 3 weeks and I haven't even kissed her yet. FML

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By thebiteof87 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was reading a picture storybook to a kindergarten kid. She could pronounce more words than me, and corrected me. I'm about triple her age. FML

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By bready - United States

Today, I drank a ton of beers for my 25th birthday. My friends love to watch me open beer bottles with my teeth. I chipped both of my front uppers doing this. I'm no longer covered by my parents dental insurance because I'm 25 now. FML

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By seriously - United States

Today, I was visiting my boyfriend, who lives 2 hours away. After about twenty minutes of glorious sex, he told me in no uncertain terms that he was about to come. He then "baaa"d like a sheep as he came. I couldn't come after that. FML

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By nekkiddrunk - United States

Today, I locked myself, drunk and naked, out of my hotel room. FML

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By HappyNewYearsToMeAndMyCat - Canada - Victoria

Today, I'm celebrating New Years with my cat. I made her a cake. FML

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By easyontheeyes1 - 1/5/2020 02:00

Romantic afterglow

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Immediately after we'd finished, he said, "Get off, you're making it hard to breathe on top of me." FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I noticed a woman struggling to work a parking meter, so I went over to help. She took one look at me before screaming, hitting me in the face, and running back to her car. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my colon got perforated during a routine colonoscopy. Apparently, it's a rare complication and I have no legal recourse. So now I'll need to use a colostomy bag for the next 6 months until I can get surgery to fix their mistake. FML

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By huh? - 22/7/2020 20:00

Race against the clock

Today, we found out that my 13-year-old cousin is pregnant. My mom then turned to me and asked why I decided to wait so long. I’m only 20. Instead of being worried that this young girl has potentially ruined her entire life, my mom just complained that her sister "gets to be a grandma first." FML

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By Judgeisalwaysright - United States - Chesterfield

Today, while at a big speech and debate tournament, I corrected the judge's use of the word "podium" instead of lectern, because that's what my debate coach had told me was the correct usage. Well, she didn't take it too well and neither did my partner. Or my debate coach. FML

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By ZombieGirl0417 - United States - Jupiter

Today, my aunt asked to see my new airsoft pistol. Not thinking anything of it, I handed it to her. She shot me in the leg. I was standing next to her. FML

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By GreatAim - United States

Today, I was at my friends house for the first time in months. I saw her newest chihuahua dog, Mickey, and he was excited that new people were over. I picked him up and slightly bounced him in the air. Because of the bounce and his excitement, he peed a little bit, straight into my eye. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Dalton

Today, I announced to my family that I got accepted into Harvard. My grandma laughed and muttered, "Liar." FML

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By dirtyclothess

Today, my mom informed me that she doesn't wash my clothes anymore. Instead, she sprays them with Febreze to "save money". FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got suspended from work after getting caught reading a work-related FML. Irony is funny, but it doesn't pay the bills. FML

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By cadillacfrank - United States

Today, I was dared to eat durian. With my reputation hanging in the balance, I bought one. Only after I opened it did I realize the extent of the dare. It smelled and tasted like dried cat shit that Satan himself had regurgitated. FML

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By chumleevil - United States

Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, my mother-in-law yelled from across the house for me to come quickly. She sounded frantic, so I rushed and asked what was wrong. She said, "Nothing." and that she just wanted to remind me that she hates my guts. She'll be living here with me and my wife for the next two months. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on a date to the zoo. I soon found out that my date had eaten several hash brownies before entering. FML

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By betterpianist - United States

Today, the girl I've liked for over a year, broke up with me after just 2 weeks of dating, all because I'm a better pianist then her. I've been playing since I was 8. She's been playing for 6 months. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, after having a shower, I walked back into my room butt naked. As I looked up I saw the window cleaner staring right at me. I looked. He looked. And without thinking I dropped straight to the floor to hid myself, then realized my naked butt was still staring right at him. FML

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By cachucy - United States - Geneva

Today, I was walking to a café with my soon-to-be boss. While crossing a busy street, I slipped in a puddle and accidentally grabbed his junk to catch myself. FML

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By Rhine - Barbados - Bridgetown

Today, at a Christmas party, my crush came up to me and cutely pointed out that I was standing under mistletoe. The only response my stupid brain could think of was, "Probably full of nargles though." He gave me a confused look and walked away. FML

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By tarynfaye - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I gave each other early Christmas gifts. I gave him a basketball signed by his favorite player, which took me forever to find. He got me diet pills. FML

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By stubby

Today, my girlfriend asked if I could somehow get uncircumcised so I could add an inch to my length. FML

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By c - United States - Denham Springs

Today, my boss bitched at me because my body language "indicates that you don't enjoy doing your job". I just have scoliosis. FML

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By baddoggy - United States

Today, I went to pick up my dog from the vet after she had surgery. I somehow managed to lock my keys, my purse, and my dog in the car. FML

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Top comments

By kighrawr | 0

#1822 - Friday 13 February 2009 8:35

This almost made me cry of laughter.

By twilightobsesser | 0

#17574 - Friday 6 March 2009 4:43

Ha-ha. douche bag.

COMMENTS

By NorfolkDude | 2

#571 - Sunday 8 February 2009 0:18

Everyone has negative images of themselves. Of course, don't make it a habit, and if you really feel you're fat, just talk with friends and family about it and perhaps seek help or get a personal trainer if you really are overweight. Otherwise, if you're happy about yourself, don't stress it.

Reply

Sharapova001 | 0

#979972 - Thursday 15 April 2010 5:22

fag

Reply

xGet_Over_It | 0

#998453 - Thursday 20 May 2010 4:44

fag? i would go with thoughtful

Reply

yuop77 | 0

#1296648 - Tuesday 24 August 2010 21:38

fag...

Reply

JayColt | 0

#1416577 - Friday 17 September 2010 3:56

fag

Reply

EmilyCecile | 0

#2031466 - Tuesday 1 February 2011 2:37

i agree with 85. a thoughtfull sweet person. the rest of yall r just ass's

Reply

xXwolflegionXx | 8

#2763668 - Sunday 26 June 2011 17:37

Oh yeah he's the fag

Reply

xXwolflegionXx | 8

#2763676 - Sunday 26 June 2011 17:38

I'm going with #85

Reply

Way2Fast8 | 20

#5875065 - Tuesday 4 March 2014 6:37

So true

By Malik_fml | 0

#602 - Sunday 8 February 2009 4:31

That's stupid. You can't just suddenly realize "Oh wait thats me"

By POSE1DON | 0

#1255 - Wednesday 11 February 2009 7:01

wow this is the stupidest FML story ever you dumbass how can you not know how you fucking look like you fat ass piece of shit fuck I HATE FAT PPL

By kighrawr | 0

#1822 - Friday 13 February 2009 8:35

This almost made me cry of laughter.

Reply

Jared900DUmpling | 30

#6649835 - Thursday 14 July 2016 13:16

Today I really fat and ugly woman looking at her reflection and laughing near a building. FML

By necomni | 0

#3792 - Thursday 19 February 2009 5:11

LOL HAHAHAHAHA, this is gold!

By JiNEx3 | 0

#5505 - Sunday 22 February 2009 22:43

LMFAO THIS IS THE FUNNIEST FML
HAAAHHAHHHHHA
looooooool
favourite :)

By Paigeth | 0

#6947 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 6:38

I call BS.

By Zvezdomir | 0

#8388 - Friday 27 February 2009 5:52

totally fake

By twilightobsesser | 0

#17574 - Friday 6 March 2009 4:43

Ha-ha. douche bag.

By unimportant | 0

#22988 - Monday 9 March 2009 7:17

um...are you serious?