Transportation: Today, I dropped off a box for my sister at her job. In a rush,... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 103

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 696

You deserved it 111

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 635

You deserved it 42

20/11/2009 16:01

Today, I dropped off a box for my sister at her job. In a rush, I unknowingly parked in a reserved spot. When I got back to my car, I saw that my car was being towed. After successfully flirting myself out of an expensive towing bill, I backed into the pole behind me, leaving a noticeable dent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 111

You deserved it 34 972

You tried

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Fake it til you make it

30/10/2015 22:22

Today, I finally stood up to the guy who's been bullying me for the last 2 years. Even though he's been caught in the act several times, he never gets punished, so I figured I'd get away with gut-punching him. Nope. An hour later, I was suspended from school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 791

You deserved it 2 617

03/11/2012 05:34

Today, I'm at home, sick with walking pneumonia and a raging UTI. Every time I cough, I piss myself. I'm now having to lie on a bath towel and garbage bags until the meds kick in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 690

You deserved it 1 732

Clean-freak criminal

By Bryce - 13/06/2021 04:00

Today, some dumbass broke one of my car's windows to steal the pack of disinfecting wipes I just bought a few hours ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 672

You deserved it 39

12/02/2013 01:42

Today, while waiting for my order at a restaurant, a woman walked up to me and slapped me. She looked at me for a moment and said "Sorry, I thought you were someone else." Ten minutes later, the same woman came back and slapped me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 924

You deserved it 2 787

17/08/2018 14:30

Today, I called my boyfriend and a woman answered. Turns out, she's also his girlfriend. She broke up with me on his behalf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 445

You deserved it 201

05/06/2015 02:17

Today, I walked outside to get the paper, and saw a dying bird I assumed had flown into the window. It was warm so I thought it might still be alive. I wasn't wearing my glasses though, and was trying to nurse a dog turd back to life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 759

You deserved it 11 303

26/02/2015 16:18

Today, my mom told me she'd canceled my spring break trip to Europe for my 16th birthday. Why? So I could get my wisdom teeth pulled 2 months early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 012

You deserved it 5 245

24/08/2013 20:37

Today, my mother bitched me out for filing divorce papers against my abusive husband. According to her, it's a "slap in God's face". She's the one who's divorced two husbands so far because they weren't getting job promotions fast enough to support her hoarding habit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 475

You deserved it 2 868

14/01/2015 13:58

Today, I was trying on a shirt and asked my boyfriend if he liked it. He replied, "If I say no, can we still have sex tonight?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 238

You deserved it 6 631

It's called fashion Susan, look it up

By Anonymous - 16/07/2020 23:01

Today, I thought it'd be funny to give my younger brother a wedgie. I found the thong I thought I'd lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 628

You deserved it 392

08/08/2010 16:22

Today, my cat died. But, before he could bite the dust, he left a goodbye present on my bed: a decapitated baby rabbit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 901

You deserved it 4 426

23/05/2016 10:49

Today, I found out my husband has been catfishing my sixteen year-old brother for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 123

You deserved it 1 242

17/05/2012 20:14

Today, as part of my medical anatomy course, I had to give a presentation about an STD and the effects it has on women. The class was comprised almost entirely of girls. I become extremely anxious and accidentally stated "Vaginas are smelly" as my opening statement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 648

You deserved it 29 162

13/05/2010 23:31

Today, I was reading a magazine while straightening my hair. I got really into this one article until suddenly a huge clump of hair fell on it. I looked up and realized I had burned through the layer of hair I was straightening, leaving me with one layer at ear length and the rest at bra length. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 667

You deserved it 47 333

29/09/2013 21:12

Today, at work as a cashier, I was scanning cantaloupes. The man buying them then looked me straight in the eye and said, "Nice melons." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 650

You deserved it 4 932

Hashtag ForeverAlone

By Forever Alone - 16/05/2019 06:14

Today, I was so happy to hear my phone go "Ding" that I jumped for joy out of my couch. It was actually a character on my TV getting a text. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 633

You deserved it 265

You can talk to us

By Lonely Loser - 27/07/2021 02:01

Today, I started self-harming again. My therapist keeps switching the subject when I try to bring it up, and my best friend has called me attention-seeking and selfish so many times in the past year that I’m too scared to ask for her support. I have nobody else to talk to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 228

You deserved it 231

18/01/2014 23:09

Today, I was told I looked like Beaker from the Muppets. After doing a side-by-side comparison, I realized it's true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 293

You deserved it 4 630

13/06/2013 18:56

Today, I decided to introduce my boyfriend to my parents. My dad just looked him dead in the eyes and said, "How much did she pay you? I doubt it was enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 355

You deserved it 3 819

23/05/2009 18:10

Today, I was driving in my car with my daughter, who was eating a nutri-grain bar. After a while she holds out her hand saying, "It's on my finger! I don't wanna eat it!" I pick up the little piece of nutri-grain filling and put it in my mouth, only to realize it was a large booger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 492

You deserved it 27 517

Photography nerd

By Anonymous - 20/09/2013 23:44

Spicy

Today, the girl I like sent me a nude photo of herself. Being a photographer, all I could think about was how grainy the photo was, and the various ways it could be fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 021

You deserved it 21 788

11/06/2012 01:14

Today, at my workplace, I saw a system crashing. I mean literally, my manager was throwing my colleague's laptop at him while shouting around the office. This is only my second day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 984

You deserved it 1 851

24/11/2012 13:54

Spicy

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he'd rather play the new Assassin's Creed game or have a night of sex with me. He started crying from indecision. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 064

You deserved it 12 458

04/05/2016 00:39

Today, my fiancé received his divorce papers. Thanks to his procrastinating, his divorce is effective May 29th. We're supposed to get married on May 28th. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 286

You deserved it 5 284

I'm a weirdo, I'm a creep

By Anonymous - 08/10/2019 04:00

Today, I was sitting behind some bushes in the dark enjoying the view, when some cops came and confiscated my night-vision goggles, then warned me for acting like a "creepy perv." FML

I agree, your life sucks 487

You deserved it 3 343

Foreshadowing

By Anonymous - 22/05/2021 17:01

Today, I was talking to the girl I have a date with on Friday, and for the second day in a row, I misheard her and thought she was saying something about moving in with me. Friday is our first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 645

You deserved it 213

07/05/2015 21:43

Today, I had a plan. I was going to get up early, eat a well balanced breakfast, put on my workout clothes and enjoy this beautiful day with a fulfilling jog. Instead, I put on my workout clothes, spent hours on social media, ate a pizza and ended up falling asleep on my coach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 721

You deserved it 27 954

20/02/2013 13:54

Today, I heard a commercial for a great apartment complex. Includes food, snacks, entertainment, activities, cleaning service, and transportation services if you cannot drive yourself. I was really excited until the end when they repeated the name; too bad my perfect place is a senior center. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 931

You deserved it 8 449

25/09/2013 21:33

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 115

You deserved it 7 038

21/08/2017 00:30

Today, after weeks of complaints and an engineer call-out for our photocopier, it turns out that all faults are user errors, and it's now my job to 'idiot proof' the printer. The people I work for are all educated on a Master's / PhD level and are responsible for cancer patient treatment at a major hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 847

You deserved it 316

09/02/2013 23:26

Today, after much coaxing, I finally got my roommate to loosen up and have a couple of beers with me and my friends. It was only later in the evening that he admitted the real reason he hadn't wanted to drink: he's an alcoholic and had been sober for six months, until now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 803

You deserved it 60 416

04/10/2010 22:11

Today, my varsity swim team got second place in the State meet. My coach said I could bring the trophy home for the weekend. On the way home, I accidentally sat on it and broke it, cutting my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 318

You deserved it 35 998

22/07/2009 05:47

Today, I returned from a month-long stay in a psych ward for severe depression and suicide attempts. The first words my friends say to me when I call them and let them know I'm out? "Does this mean you're not gonna be so emo? 'cause that was really annoying." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 809

You deserved it 28 154

Pavarotti next door

By Anonymous - 18/02/2021 18:30

Today, I had to hear my neighbor whine again through the walls because he can't talk in a quiet voice. You can hear him from across the street, and that's before he gets drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 50

11/01/2014 20:26

Today, I sang "happy birthday" to my best friend. Sadly, it was while waitressing at work, where they were having a celebration I hadn't been invited to in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 771

You deserved it 4 178

10/06/2009 00:13

Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. To surprise her, I told her that I was going away on business, and could not be there on her birthday. When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake, she opens the door in her underwear, beside a man in his boxers. She was surprised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 479

You deserved it 6 793

Humblebrag in disguise

By samantha - 23/06/2020 02:02

Today, while buying drinks, the cashier immediately refused me and said, “Don’t even bother showing me your ID, you’re obviously 12." I’m 31. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 569

You deserved it 130

10/11/2011 03:52

Today, in a large church youth group, we were told to write our current biggest trial on a piece of paper, crumple it up, and throw it in pile. I wrote "My mother's death and having to leave my friends and family." The one I picked up just said "math." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 724

You deserved it 4 040

01/06/2010 23:56

Spicy

Today, I realized my boyfriend makes the same noises in bed as he does when he's winning in Call of Duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 949

You deserved it 6 169

10/01/2013 05:09

Spicy

Today, I caught my boyfriend wearing yoga pants and taking pictures of his butt to post on a "Girls in yoga pants" site. He saw my expression and said, "Nah, it's cool, I hid my junk so they'll think it's a chick!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 868

You deserved it 5 963

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repyourcliche 0

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Friday 20 November 2009 19:16

"successfully flirting" lol you shagged him in the parking lot, didn't you?

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Friday 20 November 2009 20:10

based on the whorish way you got yourself out of that ticket, i'm guessing that wasn't the first time you "backed into a pole"

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repyourcliche 0

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Friday 20 November 2009 19:16

"successfully flirting" lol you shagged him in the parking lot, didn't you?

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Friday 20 November 2009 19:20

DICK IN A BOX

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Friday 20 November 2009 19:22

There is ONLY 1 kind of succesful flirting Flirting that you score at the end of it, if you dont score your flirting has failed. For all the retards and minors on this site, scoring means getting laid. Thankyou for your time.

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Friday 20 November 2009 19:27

Pretty sure successful flirting just means you succeeded in getting the other person interested in you, in this case interested enough to let her off the parking violation.

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Saturday 21 November 2009 1:48

I dont think somebody who doesnt know what scoring is will know what getting laid is

megamandude455 10

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Wednesday 7 April 2010 2:02

she's a whore. jk

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Tuesday 4 May 2010 22:24

I always thought scoring was a French kiss

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Friday 20 November 2009 19:17

Hahahaha!!! YDI, but thanks for making my day. ;)

lifesize_barbie 0

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Friday 20 November 2009 19:18

lol @ #1... i also would love to know what "successful flirting" means here.

Sun_Kissed18 25

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Friday 20 November 2009 20:12

That she flirted enough to get him to do a fovor for the nice pretty girl. The favor was letting her off. She possibly got his number which she never intends to use

sweetspicegirl 0

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Friday 20 November 2009 19:19

haha YDI stop "flirting"

f_alltheirlives 3

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Friday 20 November 2009 19:19

Less successful driving..

crazyarsedfly 14

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Friday 20 November 2009 19:22

Karma got you back for "flirting" YDI.

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Friday 20 November 2009 19:26

How is this an FML? People keep embellishing their stories to make them sound less their fault or more interesting. Dropping off the package and almost getting towed had nothing to do with this FML. This is basically "Today I backed into a pole. FML"

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Sunday 21 July 2013 6:06

I think the fact that she got into a bad situation, and was able to use her charms to get out of it and the get into another bad situation is the fml. That feeling of success has been crushed. That's very fml.

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Friday 20 November 2009 19:41

the story is basically unrelated to the FML..

YourLittleSpies 0

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Friday 20 November 2009 19:51

Well, if you "unknowingly" parked in a reserved spot, then backed in to a pole, I really suggest they revoke your license. Seriously - first time, it's just a pole, but the second time it will probably be a mammal or large reptilian creature.

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Saturday 21 November 2009 5:21

Gah! Think of the reptiles man!

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Friday 20 November 2009 19:53

So you basically whored yourself out of a towing fee. You should be SO proud of yourself.