Transportation: Today, I dropped off a box for my sister at her job. In a rush,... - FML

By hopefulanonymous - United States

Today, I dropped off a box for my sister at her job. In a rush, I unknowingly parked in a reserved spot. When I got back to my car, I saw that my car was being towed. After successfully flirting myself out of an expensive towing bill, I backed into the pole behind me, leaving a noticeable dent. FML

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Messed up

Doomed

Public transport FTW

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a my neighbor being mugged on the street. I wanted to help, so I tried to yank her purse from the mugger's hands. I guess my neighbor didn't see me clearly, because she thought I was another mugger and kicked my directly in the happy sacks. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, the guy at Subway asked if I wanted to make my sandwich a footlong. I'm not sure what came over me, but before I realized what I was saying, I'd told him that I couldn't handle 12 inches. FML

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By lene - United States

Today, the 9th grade dean called me into his office to talk. He asked me if I was new because it seemed like I was having trouble making friends. I've been going to the same school, with the same people, since kindergarten. FML

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By KayIsKiwi99 - United States - Houston

Today, I realized after turning in my resume to over 100 job openings over the past month, that the resume I've been submitting does not have my phone number or any other contact information besides my name. FML

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By Gregory - France

Today, while shopping for a pair of shoes, I saw a pair I really liked lying around, so I sat down to try them on. Then, a man came up to me and pointed out that they were actually his shoes. FML

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By lyssamarie316 - United States

Today, I went to an interview for a job at a company I've applied for numerous times this year. When I showed up at the interview room, I found it was a vacant office. I called and confirmed the address. I guess this was my hint to stop applying. FML

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By idk.man® - 1/1/2021 22:54

Thanks, dad

Today, I got yelled at by my dad again for being inside so much instead of outside doing stuff. We are still in a lockdown and are not allowed to leave the house unless its for work or to go to the store. FML

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By Oopsie - United States - Saint Albans

Today, a revolving door got the better of me. I made it into the crowded lobby, unlike my skirt. Bad day to wear a thong. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I pulled an all-nighter to finish rereading my set work for my English exam. I managed to finish earlier than expected and decided to get some sleep. I then promptly slept through my alarm and missed my exam. FML

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By itchy itches - 23/8/2020 05:05 - United States

Box of magic

Today, my neighbor brought home a box of kittens he found in the park. Instead of calling animal control, he decided to keep them. Besides the incessant meowing throughout the day and night, a massive horde of fleas decided to migrate through his light sockets and into my nice clean apartment. FML

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By catfriend - United States - Salida

Today, my husband's cat died. He has resorted to calling me by her name to comfort himself. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, my dad uploaded his porn collection onto our family server. My mom was convinced I did it and sat me down for a long talk. FML

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By saynotochrispine - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that we would be living out one of his fantasies. When I showed up, ready to go, he began playing the theme song to Star Trek and asked me to call him Mr. Spock. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Palmdale

Today, my boyfriend of several years, and father of our one-year-old child, finally proposed. He was making idle conversation from twenty feet away and casually said, "By the way, you wanna get hitched?" This is as romantic as my life will ever get. Yay. FML

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By rapper in training - United States

Today, I was taking a dump in a public toilet, when a guy in the next stall started drunkenly rapping. He kept trying to get me to rap along with him, eventually bashing the wall and threatening to bust my face in if I didn't. I soon found out I can rap to Slob On My Knob pretty well. FML

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By .... - United States

Today, I locked my keys in my car. After spending 20 minutes on the phone with AAA, and then waiting a half hour, the guy showed up, he stuck his hand in the drivers side window and asked, "You couldn't just reach in?" I forgot I left the window open. FML

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By Zoe123 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were at his house having sex. After about 30 minutes, his mom came home and was knocking on the door asking "What are you doing?" Thinking I might have a chance to sneak out, I got dressed real quiet. Then my boyfriend answers, "Zoe. I'm doing Zoe." FML

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By no boobies - United States

Today, while shopping for dresses, I found a really cute one that fit me really well, but not at all in the breast area. My grandma screamed "buy her some titties!" Everyone in the store looked at me. FML

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By SleepIsForTheWeak - Canada - St. John's

Today, I had to work a double shift after my relief called in "sick" just so he could go to a party. FML

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By Poopsie

Today, I went to the ER due to intense headaches. My partner was unable to go with me so he called his father to drive me. My father-in-law now knows that every time I orgasm my head feels like it will explode. He also knows that it happened 4 times last week. FML

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By mszoe - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was checking the family's computer history, and found that "Shrek Porn" had been searched multiple times. FML

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By cheesy grin

Today, my front tooth randomly fell out in the middle of class. I brush regularly and visit the dentist, the tooth was perfectly healthy looking, and it didn’t hurt beforehand or bleed. It literally just fell out for no reason. Now I have a gap grin and I don’t know why. FML

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By familyofpsychos - United States - Elkhorn

Today, I found a notebook my 12-year-old sister had been doodling in. Turns out the "doodles" were poems full of obscenities and descriptions of how she wanted to hurt herself. When I showed it to my mom, she accused me of writing the notebook myself to frame my sister. FML

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By disfunctionalfamily - United States

Today, I got married. My sister and father could not attend because they already had plans. My sister went to the mall with her friends, and my dad went to a pool party. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Ocoee

Today, I was talking to people around school to make new friends. I met an amazing guy and we really hit it off. He was fantastic in every way, but decided to end our conversation with, "We shall meet in the afterlife!" I don't know if I should be scared or not. FML

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By dan - Reserved

Today, we had a sprint race in gym class which I wasn't looking forward to because I'm a little chubby. The race started and I shot off as fast as I could, somehow in the lead. Everyone was cheering. When I was nearing the finish line I turned around, only to see the race hadn't started yet. FML

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By No Nip

Today, I was making breakfast with my parrot on my shoulder. He was excited about the food, and in his rush to climb down to the counter, bit through my nipple. I had to get stitches. FML

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By purplefuzz - United States - Savannah

Today, my grandma posted an embarrassing childhood photo on my school's events page. I told her everyone could see it, and asked if she could take it down. She freaked and commented on it, apologizing for posting it. Now I feel guilty for embarrassing her, and it's still on the page. FML

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By screwed - Canada

Today, I accidentally walked in on my roommate while she was changing clothes. She insisted on telling her boyfriend what had happened, because, "It wouldn't feel right" if she didn't. Her boyfriend is a MMA fighter/bodybuilder and has major jealousy issues. I'm screwed. FML

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By Teenagegirl - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, my mother told me it's okay to be a prostitute, as long as I make sure the clients pay a lot. FML

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By kansasgirl - United States

Today, my two year old decided to run out the front door alone. I ran after him, tripped over the bottom of my jeans, fell onto the sidewalk and scraped up both my hands and knees. My neighbors just watched. FML

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By das_shizzle - 2/5/2020 05:00

Entitled bitch

Today, after telling a student that she had to take the online test on the date that I had assigned, she whined to the vice president of the college, who then told my dean that he needed to do something about it. She made me offer testing days on multiple dates. So much for integrity. FML

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By Roxas - United States

Today, I got a parking ticket in the mail. I don't have a car. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I snuck out of my house in the middle of the night. I ran into my dad carrying wine into another house. I didn't assume he was cheating until he saw me and said "I won't tell if you don't tell, please don't tell your mother". FML

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By Anonymous - 29/6/2020 17:00

Sensitive

Today, my mom had to go off on my grandmother because I don’t have kids yet and she, "wants great grand babies before she dies." My grandmother was going to gift me a baby outfit for me to get another hint. I’m 25 and can’t conceive because of health issues. I may never have my own kids. She knows. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I failed a final presentation. My partner, who did none of the research, presented the entire project, talking over me and glaring when I spoke up. He denied everything and the professor didn't believe me. Now I have to retake this class with the same professor. FML

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By Fennec - France - Paris

Today, my coworkers and I were comparing the backgrounds we have on our phones. They pretty much sum up our love lives; everyone else's background is a photo of their boyfriend or girlfriend. Mine's a photo of a lifeless desert. FML

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By lonestar - United States

Today, my boyfriend accused me of deleting my texts from my phone because I'm afraid of him finding out about another man in my life. Truth is, I don't have a life outside of him. FML

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By fattymcbutterpants - United States

Today, I'm a nanny. After the kids went to bed the dog wouldn't stop barking violently unless I held the end of a blanket for him to hump. I need a raise. FML

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By musicyman55 - United States

Today, my girlfriend who I love very deeply dumped me two times, over the phone. The first time was to dump me. She then called me back a couple hours later explicitly to dump our friendship. I was just friend dumped. FML

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Top comments

By repyourcliche | 0

#681101 - Friday 20 November 2009 19:16

"successfully flirting"

lol you shagged him in the parking lot, didn't you?

By Ilovelife07 | 0

#681204 - Friday 20 November 2009 20:10

based on the whorish way you got yourself out of that ticket, i'm guessing that wasn't the first time you "backed into a pole"

COMMENTS

By repyourcliche | 0

#681101 - Friday 20 November 2009 19:16

"successfully flirting"

lol you shagged him in the parking lot, didn't you?

Reply

Peroxide | 3

#681112 - Friday 20 November 2009 19:20

DICK IN A BOX

Reply

The_Pleb | 0

#681120 - Friday 20 November 2009 19:22

There is ONLY 1 kind of succesful flirting

Flirting that you score at the end of it, if you dont score your flirting has failed.

For all the retards and minors on this site, scoring means getting laid.

Thankyou for your time.

Reply

Twinklestar | 0

#681127 - Friday 20 November 2009 19:27

Pretty sure successful flirting just means you succeeded in getting the other person interested in you, in this case interested enough to let her off the parking violation.

Reply

polico_wolf | 0

#681582 - Saturday 21 November 2009 1:48

I dont think somebody who doesnt know what scoring is will know what getting laid is

Reply

megamandude455 | 10

#975401 - Wednesday 7 April 2010 2:02

she's a whore. jk

Reply

abcnonamecba | 0

#988356 - Tuesday 4 May 2010 22:24

I always thought scoring was a French kiss

By RushFanatic | 0

#681104 - Friday 20 November 2009 19:17

Hahahaha!!! YDI, but thanks for making my day. ;)

By lifesize_barbie | 0

#681107 - Friday 20 November 2009 19:18

lol @ #1... i also would love to know what "successful flirting" means here.

Reply

Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#681207 - Friday 20 November 2009 20:12

That she flirted enough to get him to do a fovor for the nice pretty girl. The favor was letting her off. She possibly got his number which she never intends to use

By sweetspicegirl | 0

#681109 - Friday 20 November 2009 19:19

haha YDI stop "flirting"

By f_alltheirlives | 3

#681110 - Friday 20 November 2009 19:19

Less successful driving..

By crazyarsedfly | 14

#681115 - Friday 20 November 2009 19:22

Karma got you back for "flirting" YDI.

By sarahbau | 0

#681124 - Friday 20 November 2009 19:26

How is this an FML? People keep embellishing their stories to make them sound less their fault or more interesting. Dropping off the package and almost getting towed had nothing to do with this FML. This is basically "Today I backed into a pole. FML"

Reply

ManiacsRose | 10

#5590331 - Sunday 21 July 2013 6:06

I think the fact that she got into a bad situation, and was able to use her charms to get out of it and the get into another bad situation is the fml.

That feeling of success has been crushed. That's very fml.

By smartieee | 0

#681146 - Friday 20 November 2009 19:41

the story is basically unrelated to the FML..

By YourLittleSpies | 0

#681164 - Friday 20 November 2009 19:51

Well, if you "unknowingly" parked in a reserved spot, then backed in to a pole, I really suggest they revoke your license.

Seriously - first time, it's just a pole, but the second time it will probably be a mammal or large reptilian creature.

Reply

radooh | 0

#681856 - Saturday 21 November 2009 5:21

Gah! Think of the reptiles man!

By ElMundio87 | 0

#681167 - Friday 20 November 2009 19:53

So you basically whored yourself out of a towing fee. You should be SO proud of yourself.