Miscellaneous: Today, I came home with a friend to find my mom scratching my...

By maruskasommers - 09/01/2012 09:39 - Czech Republic

Today, I came home with a friend to find my mom scratching my dad's butt with a fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 302

You deserved it 2 706

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Same thing different taste

By imblue42 - 24/06/2015 05:16 - United States

Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 240

You deserved it 3 696

By not as scarred as he should be - 18/10/2012 18:19 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I walked in on my mother using a razor to shave my dad's cream-covered testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 756

You deserved it 3 341

By Anonymous - 19/02/2010 00:44 - United States

Today, I had to help my dad remove a splinter. From his butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 057

You deserved it 2 804

Not now, guys

By Sonofa - 17/05/2013 15:52 - Canada - Cold Lake

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 232

You deserved it 3 802

By smf_ds - 31/07/2015 20:48 - Portugal - Rebordosa

Today, I witnessed my dad spreading his ass cheeks to show my mom the rashes his hemorrhoids are giving him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 060

You deserved it 2 216

By nomorecleaning - 16/03/2013 12:17 - United States - Augusta

Today, I discovered that the reason my mom hasn't been noticing the extra cleaning I've done lately is because her boyfriend took credit when she asked about it; and was rewarded for it in bed. I helped him get with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 148

You deserved it 4 036

By ouharguohargssdf - 28/09/2013 21:01 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, my wife made me go with her to dinner with her parents, despite their long-standing hatred of me. Later on, my mother-in-law muttered to me, "I made yours special for ya", smirked, then made a show of scratching at her butt-crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 443

You deserved it 2 895

Love is love

By Anonymous - 30/09/2022 01:00

Today, I found out my dad is dating my dead mom's best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 257

Life is a roller coaster

By Username - 02/10/2019 14:00

Today, it's my birthday and my mom took me and some friends to an amusement park. Looking for a tampon, I found a phone in my mom's purse that I didn't recognize. Turns out my mom is cheating on my dad. Happy birthday to me, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 866

You deserved it 171

By maddie - 27/12/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were at dinner with his parents when he discreetly slid his hand up my skirt and tickled me. This caused me to kick his dad's recently broken leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 866

You deserved it 4 976

Mole116 4

Monday 9 January 2012 15:46

LOL WTF. That's... creepy... O_o

GoW_Chick 14

Monday 9 January 2012 15:50

It's all about teamwork in a healthy marriage, I bet they're a really happy couple.

Comments

Mr25_fml 14

Monday 9 January 2012 16:08

and to think one day you'll be able to embarrass your kids like that too..

jerry2011 4

Monday 9 January 2012 16:16

Hope you didn't offer dinner to your friend.

meeeaner_th 16

Monday 9 January 2012 19:37

I don't think he or she would have accepted. :S

xxmusicroxxx 0

Monday 9 January 2012 16:16

Eww!! Do you eat with it?? BOIL IT!!!

jerry2011 4

Monday 9 January 2012 18:00

Or burn it

xxmusicroxxx 0

Tuesday 10 January 2012 6:11

Can you do that? Wouldn't it like melt or something?

Juju123187 2

Monday 9 January 2012 16:23

This makes me laugh, I bet Mom and Dad were being all cute and flirty before OP showed up. Praise the happy marriage.

xSorry_fml 10

Monday 9 January 2012 16:24

Try not to imagine what else they have used silverware for while your eating.

zoeypony98 0

Monday 9 January 2012 16:24

I thought this read stretching...

RedPillSucks 31

Monday 9 January 2012 16:28

Stretching his butt hole???? Filthy, filthy girl.... (send me your number)

Epsilonyx 15

Monday 9 January 2012 16:24

"Welcome home, son! Leftovers for dinner." *hands you fork*

eatsleepjb 8

Monday 9 January 2012 16:28

Today, h

eatsleepjb 8

Monday 9 January 2012 16:43

Lol didn't mean to post that

drawmesunshine 17

Monday 9 January 2012 17:02

Really? 'Cause yesterday, g

eatsleepjb 8

Monday 9 January 2012 17:03

I was in the middle of typing a word lol

perdix 29

Monday 9 January 2012 16:40

On the bright side, you could have walked in five minutes later when she switched to the rolling pin. Or the melon-baller? Or the egg beater?

Fjeldfe 8

Monday 9 January 2012 16:45

That's not nice to see. But a least you know that they love each other! Unless she did it violently, that is!

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I had sex with someone new for the first time after my 10 year relationship ended. The person was a friend who had been making serious sexual references toward me on and off over the year I've known him. I don't know if I'm more embarrassed that he couldn't keep it up, or that I came from anticipation anyways. FML

I agree, your life sucks 954

You deserved it 282

Today, I had to spend at least 30 minutes, at 3 in the morning, shooting BBs at a mateless whip-poor-will to scare it off so I could sleep. It was making noise in a tree right outside my window. I feel for you my dude, but you're doing the equivalent of drunk texting an ex and crying into your beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 188

You deserved it 330

The Top

Today, I was in a hurry trying to get into my locker, but it stuck. After a few frustrating attempts, I finally managed to get it open. In anger, I threw the door open, but it bounced back and hit me in the head. My natural reflex was to jerk forward, giving myself a black eye from the hook inside. I got in a fight with my locker and lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 649

You deserved it 13 754

Today, after I'd finally decided to see a doctor about my anxiety and insomnia, I was so nervous about what the doctor would think of me that I had anxiety attacks that kept me from sleeping a wink all night. I ended up oversleeping and missing the appointment I was so nervous about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 418

You deserved it 233

Today, I thought my coworker had confided to me that a close friend had died too soon, but it turns out she'd just ruined an expensive pan. We talked for 10 minutes and she cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 96

Today, I did a California stop during a drive with my Driver's Ed teacher. He made me get out, hug the stop sign and apologize to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 547

You deserved it 8 046

Today, my family and I discovered that my sleepwalking has escalated into sleep-raiding-the-fridge, after I woke up on my kitchen floor in a puddle of melted ice cream, surrounded by my parents, brother, and dogs. Apparently my recent dieting plans aren't going over too well with my subconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 098

You deserved it 4 326

Today, my new wife kept taunting and goading my ex into a fight. Now, instead of an amicable co-parenting situation, I have multiple court dates and a child support order. My wife won’t apologize and my ex doesn’t want her around the kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 302

You deserved it 483

Same thing different taste

Not now, guys

Love is love

Life is a roller coaster

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