smart little prick

Shellfish little prick taking all the crab for himself.

Lol

Smart doggo

bad doggo

what goes in must come out. Have some fabreeze at hand.

Unless the dog does his business outside.

that isn't gonna help the dog farts tho

Or the dog breath..

What a crabby day. Sorry, shouldn't have made that pun. It's a little eggstreme.

There are no bad puns

That dog is one bad egg

*makes cringy egg pun*

Yolk's on you, OP, but though you'll have to step sideways around the pincher dog beclaws there's shell to pay now, it'll come out all eggwhite in the end.

Fucking awesome

Time to invest in a child safety lock for your fridge

Exactly what I thought when I read "--again."

Well I hope you didn't plan on having a good night's sleep tonight because you'll be up every two hours to let the whining bastard outside so he can have runny diarrhea all over your neighborhood. Any way you can lock up the kitchen while you're gone?

If not, we have a motion sensor that flashes light and beeps in a really high pitch so our dog doesn't raid the cupboards in our cellar. I get a heart attack every time I go downstairs and forget about the thing, but I haven't had to clean out flour mixed with dog spit out of the carpet in a while, so I'd say it was a good investment.

"Are you feeling it now Mr.Crabs?", Doggo thought to himself

Three words: Child safety lock.
Get one. Get two, if you must. I got locks to put on my lower cabinets because my cats kept getting into them and shredding boxes of dry goods, and my life has been so damned peaceful ever since. You can usually find them in any infant/toddler section in a department store (Walmart, Target, etc), and even at hardware stores, and they're fairly inexpensive.

I saw one family who had the same issue, they ended up chaining the fridge shut.

Good luck OP.