Miscellaneous: Today, I called my dad, because I haven't spoken to him in a... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 54

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 142

09/12/2012 06:43

Today, I called my dad, because I haven't spoken to him in a while, and I wanted to invite him to my graduation in May. When he picked up, I said, "Hey, how have you been, dad?" He scoffed, "Wrong number" and hung up the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 605

You deserved it 3 039

Dementia or hate? You decide

Empathy lives

Are you sure you're OK?

25/03/2013 21:53

Today, I was yelled at by a customer because I wouldn't give her a new iPhone 5 for free to replace her broken Nokia, which she threw out the window in "blind rage". I felt awful having to thank her for calling. Sadly, this is a daily event. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 670

You deserved it 2 679

10/12/2010 13:05

Today, for the first time, a good looking guy was in my yoga class. Today also marked the first time I farted during yoga class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 740

You deserved it 5 571

11/09/2017 23:15

Today, my birthday, was going great until my boyfriend received a text from a girl saying he gave her chlamydia. Now I have no boyfriend, but at least I have the chlamydia keeping me company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 432

You deserved it 390

Thanks

By Appelflap - 29/03/2013 22:18

Today, I was feeling down following a recent breakup. My dad tried to comfort me by patting me on the back and saying everyone goes through ups and downs, "Like when I found out your mum and I were having a boy." I'm their only son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 553

You deserved it 2 784

Overheard musings

By thanks hun - 07/05/2020 20:00

Today, my husband came out of the bathroom and screamed, "Call 911 because I just murdered this motherfucking toilet!” then laughed hysterically at his own stupid joke. I was on a Zoom meeting at the time. Everyone heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 892

You deserved it 230

12/02/2011 16:52

Today, I made the discovery that I'm in a true love triangle; both of my girlfriends are dating one another. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 669

You deserved it 69 340

Family ain't all it's cracked up to be

By frogface_fml - 20/05/2020 05:00

Today, I talked to my birth mother for the first time in over 26 years. Five minutes into our conversation, I remembered why I stayed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 468

You deserved it 187

19/03/2012 12:39

Today, while painting a wall, I handed a bucket of paint up to my friend who was standing on the top rung of a ladder. She said she felt dizzy, and came crashing down on me, along with the paint on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 199

You deserved it 2 554

19/01/2010 06:44

Today, I started my job as a consultant at a shop that sells wedding dresses. My first client? The girl my ex-fiancé cheated on me with and left me for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 375

You deserved it 2 241

25/08/2011 05:26

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my new college roommate holding his cock. He said "Hi I'm Jeffrey, and this is Jeffrey junior" while directing attention towards his penis. It's going to be a long semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 229

You deserved it 3 014

26/09/2009 20:28

Today, my sister bought my five year old son a giant ant farm for his birthday. We set it in the living room on a table. I went into the kitchen for a minute, and when I walked back in to the living room, my son was holding the empty case over his head, smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 059

You deserved it 7 930

31/05/2009 14:55

Today, I washed my face and grabbed the towel to dry it, I felt something moving down my forehead, thinking it was a drop of water. Upon looking in the mirror, I found it hadn't been a drop of water. Unless the water drop had legs and was gooey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 446

You deserved it 3 948

That went well

By Gigi - 02/07/2021 13:59

Today, my now ex-fiancé walked out on me on our wedding day. He decided his best female friend, whom he constantly told me not to worry about while we were together, is his "soulmate." Both of them ran away together to god knows where, while I stood there humiliated in front of our family and friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 285

You deserved it 69

07/05/2011 05:58

Today, at 2 in the morning, my water broke. I called my mom and woke her up to come watch our older kid, while my husband and I went to the hospital. After being tested at the hospital, I was told I had just peed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 958

You deserved it 8 962

26/04/2012 20:45

Today, I put my ironing board away in the bathroom. After closing the door, I heard a loud noise. The board had opened up while falling over, taking up the width of the room. I can't open the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 617

You deserved it 3 781

15/01/2012 05:58

Today, my crush grabbed my butt while I was walking up the stairs. In surprise I farted. He won't even look me in the eyes now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 451

You deserved it 7 640

27/06/2010 07:43

Today, while going to lunch with my boss, he asked me to check and see if the other lane was clear. When I did, he swerved hard, making me smack my head into the door window. This is apparently his new favorite thing to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 587

You deserved it 3 947

26/03/2014 23:45

Today, my teacher told us at least 7 different stories about his cat, Jeremy, and how much he eats. And he wonders why we never get anything done in his class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 025

You deserved it 3 542

05/08/2012 05:33

Spicy

Today, while attempting the Italian Chandelier with my girlfriend, I heard a popping noise, and then had a sharp pain in my dick. Turns out I "broke" it. Instead of calling 911 immediately, my girlfriend remarked how my now black and blue penis looked like a Smurf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 307

You deserved it 6 591

Good deed, but still…

By poor guy - 13/03/2020 05:16

Today, I was at Goodwill and I saw my bike, which was stolen from me a couple of weeks ago. It was a gift that my mom gave me for my birthday. The bike was being sold for 65 dollars. I had to buy it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 822

You deserved it 130

01/01/2014 05:38

Today, my 11 month-old son started viciously biting whatever part of my anatomy he can sink his teeth into. He thinks it is hysterical to latch on while I scream helplessly in pain for him to let go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 699

You deserved it 6 417

11/10/2012 06:59

Today, as I was about to leave for work, my 16-year-old son stumbled home in nothing but his underwear and pink cowboy boots. He threw his hands in the air, yelled, "BOTTLE SIP BOTTLE GUZZLE," promptly threw up and passed out in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 842

You deserved it 4 617

14/03/2010 09:57

Spicy

Today, I realized that I'm so bored of my relationship with my girlfriend, I'd rather make sure I don't break the springs in my bed than make love to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 405

You deserved it 24 521

12/06/2016 15:48

Today, I was grabbed and romantically kissed at the crowded carnival. Unfortunately, it was not by my husband but instead it was a complete stranger, in front of my husband and children. Now, my husband will not talk or believe that I didn't know the man, and my children think I'm a cheater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 180

You deserved it 1 606

Not now, guys

By Sonofa - 17/05/2013 15:52

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 153

You deserved it 3 791

15/10/2010 00:25

Today, as I put my 4 year old daughter in the car seat, she dropped her crayon. She then paused and matter-of-factly said, "Mommy, I don't say 'f***' anymore when I drop things." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 052

You deserved it 9 170

10/02/2016 05:08

Today, I was called a "Potato" for at least the 30th time by people online for living in Idaho. I've lived here my whole life, I have yet to see a potato farm. None of these people has even left the East Coast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 483

You deserved it 2 199

07/05/2012 14:08

Today, I accidentally kicked a can and it hit a man's shoe. He tried to kick it at me but his foot somehow failed to connect with the can. I could hear it rattling behind me as he failed again and again. So he decided to run up behind me and throw it at my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 934

You deserved it 5 917

Drama alert

By Anonymous - 27/06/2021 23:59

Today, I went to visit my grandparents, as my grandmother may not have long left. When my stepfather wasn't grilling my visibly uncomfortable grandad about Bible passages, my mother was trauma-dumping about how hard her life has been, and how awful her marriage to my father was. They're his parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 56

17/06/2009 12:27

Today, I gave a beautiful book of baby names to a friend of mine who's been trying to get pregnant for a while. She just burst into tears when she saw it. Just before meeting me, she'd found out she was sterile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 200

You deserved it 7 238

06/05/2012 07:38

Today, I had a huge yard sale. Since I live in a good neighborhood, I decided to leave the stuff out tonight rather than pack it all in for only a few hours. The news didn't say anything about the impending severe thunderstorm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 688

You deserved it 33 680

04/07/2015 13:18

Today, I got punched in the face, had hair ripped out of my skull and broke a tooth on the pavement when I fell. Some guy mistook me for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 571

You deserved it 1 740

01/02/2010 00:20

Spicy

Today, things heated up with the new guy I've been seeing for a couple of weeks, he kept saying things like "I want you so bad" and "it's going to take hours" to the point that I was so hot, I decided to go for it. Apparently he has "a problem sometimes" getting it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 677

You deserved it 3 879

17/09/2013 17:52

Today, I was uninvited to a bachelorette party. I wouldn't really care, if the party hadn't been for me, ahead of my wedding tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 753

You deserved it 3 939

23/11/2011 22:58

Spicy

Today, I was jogging around the neighborhood when I went past a bar. There were lots of drunk men outside telling me to come over so they could give me the night of my life. One of those men was my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 277

You deserved it 3 357

Can't catch a break

By not a whore! - 30/08/2020 07:05

Today my sister was complaining about all the inaccuracies in Grey's Anatomy and how it negatively portrayed nurses. I’m a massage therapist. Almost everything portrays us as cheap whores. I’ve even been propositioned several times. When I pointed this out, she and the rest of my family laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 763

You deserved it 206

29/08/2019 00:01

Today, I received a two-page letter/rant from my boss notifying me of my imminent dismissal, based on issues such as me "speaking in a suppressed voice." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 450

You deserved it 126

OCD FML

By necca - 15/04/2021 23:00

Today, during class, my teacher left a small mark on the whiteboard. When I pointed it out, she simply rolled her eyes and told me to, “let it go.” I have OCD and was completely unable to focus on the rest of the lesson because of the mark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 752

You deserved it 655

06/05/2009 01:11

Today, I saw someone drive recklessly as if they were drunk. When I called the cops, I got pulled over by another cop for talking on my cell phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 111

You deserved it 17 568

10/02/2009 22:30

Today, I made a joke about having a wedding to my mom and she told me not to joke about something that will probably never happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 810

You deserved it 3 524

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Sunday 9 December 2012 13:08

Maybe it was the wrong number.

ambitiousnygrl 17

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Sunday 9 December 2012 12:33

I hate to say it, but you're better off without him there. It's his loss, even if he's too stupid and/or ignorant to realize it.

Comments

fat_snooki_lol 6

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Sunday 9 December 2012 12:32

That's very harsh. Maybe try to make inroads with him. You'll both never forgive yourself if he misses out on such a special occasion. Sometimes it's hard to be the bigger person.

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Sunday 9 December 2012 20:38

I beg to differ.. My dad hasn't been a part of my life for 2 years and showed no interest in trying (much like how OP's dad sounds). So at my graduation this year he wasn't invited. I was surrounded by family who loved and cared for me :) I have no regrets

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Monday 10 December 2012 0:28

The OP was the one to reach out - I'd call that trying to be the bigger person. OP, every family dynamic is different; if your dad is that cold towards you, maybe he doesn't deserve to be at your big day. If you really want him there, you could try and get another family member to act as go-between. Whatever works for you.

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Sunday 9 December 2012 12:33

Wow. Rude much? He should show a little respect for his child. Even if you have hated him in the past, or made him feel like you did, he sure is acting immature about it. I wouldn't even think twice now about not inviting him. Have a good graduation, and don't let him bother you.

onlychildFTW 33

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Sunday 9 December 2012 19:06

Yeah that was incredibly rude. At least OP doesn't need to worry about some rude guy at his grad. I do feel bad for OP though.

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Monday 10 December 2012 0:59

Imagine if it really was a wrong number..

ambitiousnygrl 17

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Sunday 9 December 2012 12:33

I hate to say it, but you're better off without him there. It's his loss, even if he's too stupid and/or ignorant to realize it.

MyNameIsViet 15

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Sunday 9 December 2012 14:06

That's right, even though your parents are "supposed" to be the main people who bring you up and provide care and love, it's not always the case. There are always other people though that have been there in your life. Invite them without a thought. But for your dad, don't try too hard to get him to be there.

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Sunday 9 December 2012 16:01

Honestly, call him back and tell him to fuck off. I know there's gonna be a flood of being thumbed down, but he's an asshole. Seems there's a reason you haven't talked to him in such a long time. Live your life, make the most of it, and let every successful event in your life be a reminder as to why you don't need him.

_TasteTheRainbow 24

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Sunday 9 December 2012 12:39

Well, that's rude. Maybe you shouldn't invite him? Sounds like he doesn't deserve to be there anyway.

SqueakyChipmunk 20

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Sunday 9 December 2012 12:59

Call him back, tell him about the $50 you just found, and how he's not getting ANY of it.

strawberrywine22 27

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Sunday 9 December 2012 12:59

There is NO excuse for blowing your kid off like that.

SqueakyChipmunk 20

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Sunday 9 December 2012 13:03

My dirty mind just blew a fuse on 7's comment.

strawberrywine22 27

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Sunday 9 December 2012 13:06

Lol I figured somebody would go there

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Sunday 9 December 2012 13:08

Maybe it was the wrong number.

patrickalamo 47

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Sunday 9 December 2012 14:09

Mail an invitation

andiewithlove 21

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Sunday 9 December 2012 16:00

I'd like to think OP double checked the number before posting this. I think it highly unlikely that someone would forget their own parent's number/not have it in their cell phone's contact list.

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Sunday 9 December 2012 17:12

People do occasionally get their numbers changed...

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Sunday 9 December 2012 13:16

I can see why you haven't talked to him a in while. Absolutely ridiculous.