By Anonymous - South Africa - Johannesburg Today, my estranged father, with whom I haven't spoken in years, called me and demanded to know where his Father's Day gift was. FML I agree, your life sucks 46435 You deserved it 3363 60 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Fatty - United States Today, I found out that I've been using a "Trick Scale" that my family bought to boost my self esteem so I'd think I was losing weight. I found this out at my physical, where I learned I have actually gained ten pounds. FML I agree, your life sucks 31440 You deserved it 4860 96 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bowler99 - United States - Brooklyn Today, my little brother walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex and threatened to tell my parents. I paid him $30 to keep quiet. 15 minutes later he told them. FML I agree, your life sucks 39127 You deserved it 15024 142 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, on Dr. Phil… Today, I realized that masturbating to pictures of my girlfriend is better than having sex with her. FML I agree, your life sucks 1748 You deserved it 429 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ldp56 - United States Today, I got a call from my daughter's school. Apparently, she was learning about the food pyramid and when she was asked to identify what she had eaten the day before, she said "dog food". FML I agree, your life sucks 32935 You deserved it 4571 64 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my car key clicker wouldn't let me in. After a few frustrating minutes, I realized that, besides electronic capabilities, it's also an actual key that fits in a hole to unlock my door. FML I agree, your life sucks 7629 You deserved it 40974 155 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By angela - 9/4/2020 23:00 Busted! Today, I went to a party. Although I wasn't drinking, I was still afraid the cops would bust me. Halfway through the party, the cops showed up. I tried to hop a fence, ripping my pants and cutting my leg in the meantime. It wasn't until was on the ground that I found out there was a gate. FML I agree, your life sucks 434 You deserved it 1943 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lostmystuff - United States - Livermore Today, I was moving to my new apartment. I left some furniture outside as I drove to dump the first load at my new place. When I got back, everything was gone. Apparently, today is the day the donation truck was coming around to take everything we don't need. FML I agree, your life sucks 51599 You deserved it 25073 109 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mindlost - United States Today, I had an argument over whether or not I should buy some flowers. With myself. Out loud. FML I agree, your life sucks 8229 You deserved it 29371 62 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Salem Today, I received the photos my friend took of me proposing to my girlfriend. I'd proposed at the place we'd first met: the local zoo. When I looked them over, I noticed there was an elephant taking a poop in the background. FML I agree, your life sucks 28176 You deserved it 4385 144 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Idiocracy - United States Today, my boss confessed to me that she doesn't know how to change the staples in the staplers at work, so she just switches them when they run out. We work at an office supply store. She makes six figures. I make $10 an hour. And she just got awarded a trip to Aruba for doing a "great job". FML I agree, your life sucks 63348 You deserved it 3406 92 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 12/8/2020 17:01 Take the compliment Today, I was working in the yard and took off my shirt. My neighbor yelled, "Nice tits!" I'm a dude. FML I agree, your life sucks 1198 You deserved it 395 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, I bought my niece a plush My Little Pony figure for her birthday. Only after she unwrapped it did I realize that it was meant to be a sex toy for grown men. FML I agree, your life sucks 45674 You deserved it 19155 205 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Unloving - United States Today, a man proposed to me in classic style on one knee. Unfortunately, I have been telling this man for the last two months that I don't even want to date him. He thinks I'm playing hard to get and is not giving up. FML I agree, your life sucks 35906 You deserved it 4998 116 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By DatAss Today, I was out grocery shopping when some pervert decided to slap my ass as they walked by. As I turned around to confront them, I saw that the culprit was a 7 or 8-year-old boy. I was so shocked, speechless and angry that I couldn't even decide how to handle the situation. FML I agree, your life sucks 23912 You deserved it 2442 114 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By can't win - Australia Today, I was cuddling my girlfriend. The TV was on behind me, with some kind of girl's basketball game playing. When I stared into my girlfriend's eyes, she accused me of trying to check out the girls by looking at their reflection in her eyes. FML I agree, your life sucks 39365 You deserved it 3427 114 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By MakeItMaaco - United States Today, I saw a Red Tailed Hawk land on my car and spend a few minutes looking at his reflection in the windshield. This was all really neat until I found out he badly scratched my hood with his large talons. FML I agree, your life sucks 29845 You deserved it 3747 100 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bald baby Today, despite my protests and warnings, my mother-in-law decided to chemically straighten my bi-racial daughter’s very curly hair. Hours later, not only is her scalp is raw and red, her hair is stringy completely fried and coming out in huge noticeable clumps. Fml I agree, your life sucks 3873 You deserved it 320 36 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By KillMeNow - United States Today, Twilight once again won all the awards at MTV, beating out Inception, Toy Story 3, Harry Potter, etc. This is MY generation. FML I agree, your life sucks 105062 You deserved it 12082 659 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By wonder woman - United States - Levittown Today, my tire blew while I was on the freeway. I had to change the tire in pouring rain while wearing short shorts and flip-flops. No one stopped to help, but several people politely honked as if to remind me of my misfortune. FML I agree, your life sucks 23972 You deserved it 3607 146 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By nali1122 Burned! Today, I received a text forward from a good friend inviting me to his birthday party. Jokingly, I texted back, "No. I hate you and I don't want to go to your lame party." He replied with an apology for the mix-up, because he'd accidentally sent me the invite. FML I agree, your life sucks 564 You deserved it 2478 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By porkythighs - Singapore Today, I was driving in the car with my boyfriend and he couldn't keep his hands off me. Nothing to complain about when your boyfriend likes to touch you, right? Except when he keeps smacking your jiggly thighs to watch the ripples and 'tenderize the pork chops'. FML I agree, your life sucks 36258 You deserved it 7765 120 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By meesa in big doo do dis time! Today, I learned that all of my "friends" refer to me as the, "Jar Jar Binks" of our circle of friends. FML I agree, your life sucks 3454 You deserved it 451 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Failsafe - United States - Newark Today, I worked up the courage to ask out the girl I liked. I got her a nice bracelet for her birthday and asked her on a date when I gave it to her. "Aww, you're so sweet!" was the response to the gift. Her response to the date proposal? "Wait, you aren't gay?" FML I agree, your life sucks 15540 You deserved it 1425 53 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom Today, my dad killed my pet rats. They were playing on the sofa, and he thought they were vermin. This would have been understandable if the reason he came over wasn't to meet them, and they hadn't been wearing bright pink walking harnesses. FML I agree, your life sucks 31887 You deserved it 7194 111 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Bes - Canada Today, at school, I was trying to pee in the stall, but I couldn't. I repeatedly pushed my bladder. Unfortunately, I didn't realize a number of thing. My stall was open, I made noises from frustration, and I looked like I was jacking off. When I gave up, somebody clapped and yelled, "FINALLY!" FML I agree, your life sucks 17950 You deserved it 51200 181 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lucky? Today, some wisenheimer hacked my Facebook account and posted that I just won the Powerball. I now currently have 284 "friend" requests and 142 tags as "family". FML I agree, your life sucks 3817 You deserved it 294 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By painful - Norway Today, I was stuck in the car with my grandma for an hour as she described to me how she had looked through my great grandma's poop to make sure her calcium pills were being digested. FML I agree, your life sucks 30513 You deserved it 2640 113 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By JWags Today, at 30 years old, my wife asked why I'm circumcised when my parents aren't religious. I didn't know I was circumcised. FML I agree, your life sucks 3404 You deserved it 1459 29 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Judgeisalwaysright - United States - Chesterfield Today, while at a big speech and debate tournament, I corrected the judge's use of the word "podium" instead of lectern, because that's what my debate coach had told me was the correct usage. Well, she didn't take it too well and neither did my partner. Or my debate coach. FML I agree, your life sucks 11679 You deserved it 20846 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By DoesNotLikeCubes - Qatar Today, I spent 3 hours looking at a youtube video for how to do rubik's cube. Even after being told how to do it, I couldn't finish it. I scroll down at the comments and read "Awesome! I'm 10 and can do it in 3 minutes now!". I'm 28 and still couldn't get it, even with a guide. FML I agree, your life sucks 40531 You deserved it 10975 185 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Mel - United States Today, I thought I'd finally make a step towards getting over my ex-fiancé by flirting with a cute waiter. I left him a note on the bill. He comes back, says "which one of you is [name]?" and leans down close to me to say, "Thanks for your note, but your card was declined." FML I agree, your life sucks 52761 You deserved it 8042 89 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Mr_Jah - United States - Boerne Today, I got offered a free $80 salon haircut by a girl I've liked for awhile. Thinking this was my chance to get close to her, I accepted, only to find out it was for a class her boyfriend was teaching. He was the one cutting my hair. FML I agree, your life sucks 12377 You deserved it 2148 56 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NotTodaySatan - United States - Tempe Today, my dad suggested I go back to my abusive, psychotic ex, who happens to be the father of my only child. He suggested this only so I can get pregnant again, and get more money back on my taxes. His "bright side" to this? At least my kids will have the same father. FML I agree, your life sucks 1866 You deserved it 302 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By illequipt - Canada Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my penis over my jeans and said "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML I agree, your life sucks 203640 You deserved it 31910 196 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Catremorse - United States - Centreville Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML I agree, your life sucks 1283 You deserved it 511 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Addlestone Today, I received a panicked email from one of my university students on my course on Russian history, stating that he'd "always thought Stalin was fake, like the moon landing". FML I agree, your life sucks 28911 You deserved it 2320 77 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By MJB Today, as a 17-year-old, after having gone to the doctor to about some unusual hair loss, it turns out I simply have crappy genetics, and should expect to be fully bald within a year. FML I agree, your life sucks 6926 You deserved it 390 28 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By DogLover - United States - Watertown Today, I learned that my big, tough, strong dog is terrified of spiders when he jumped, knocked over a table and then peed on the spider to drown it. FML I agree, your life sucks 35461 You deserved it 4791 114 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Nominome - France Today, I was in the check-out line when I noticed the guy behind me kept impatiently sighing. Thinking he was a jerk, I took as long as I could packaging my items. Turns out he left his oxygen tank in the car. FML I agree, your life sucks 7929 You deserved it 44039 69 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lesson.learned - United Kingdom - Littlehampton Today, I dragged my boyfriend to see Les Misérables with me. He now refuses to communicate with me through any medium other than singing. Apparently, this is his revenge. FML I agree, your life sucks 18032 You deserved it 50360 104 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By omgjustno | 7 #5537861 - Sunday 16 June 2013 23:04 Say it's in the same place as all your lost birthday and holiday presents from him Send a private message 173 0 Reply
By FALLENSEBZERO | 16 #5537851 - Sunday 16 June 2013 23:03 Tell him its up his ass if he wants to be so rude. Send a private message 164 3 Reply
By ForeverFat | 12 #5537850 - Sunday 16 June 2013 23:02 First! Hahaha Send a private message 0 5 Reply
By FALLENSEBZERO | 16 #5537851 - Sunday 16 June 2013 23:03 Tell him its up his ass if he wants to be so rude. Send a private message 164 3 Reply
Reply Kc1001 | 14 #5538401 - Monday 17 June 2013 5:08 "it's up your ass. go look for it." Send a private message 8 1 Reply
Reply rapunzel3416 | 28 #5538467 - Monday 17 June 2013 6:16 Hey this is my FML reworded and resubmitted! I was robbed Send a private message 1 0 Reply
Reply nsempsrott | 2 #5538732 - Monday 17 June 2013 10:11 I would phrase it "With your head. Up your ass." Send a private message 9 2 Reply
By cuppycakeslove | 20 #5537852 - Sunday 16 June 2013 23:03 Demand where he was all those years you two didn't speak. Send a private message 74 4 Reply
By omgjustno | 7 #5537861 - Sunday 16 June 2013 23:04 Say it's in the same place as all your lost birthday and holiday presents from him Send a private message 173 0 Reply
Reply pandalover69 | 26 #5538222 - Monday 17 June 2013 2:48 Damn you took the words right out of my mouth Send a private message 7 4 Reply
Reply Zebediabolical | 38 #5538469 - Monday 17 June 2013 6:19 It must have been while I as kissing you. Send a private message 2 14 Reply
By Kittem | 10 #5537862 - Sunday 16 June 2013 23:05 Tell him it's in the last place he took you out to dinner/had special bonding time with you. THAT might have him straining his mind for a while. Send a private message 44 0 Reply
By Harshdfml | 14 #5537865 - Sunday 16 June 2013 23:06 Ask him to choose : a kick in the balls or a punch in the gut? Send a private message 24 3 Reply
By duhhspammerx3 | 16 #5537869 - Sunday 16 June 2013 23:08 Say that he's got the wrong number? Send a private message 23 2 Reply
By scottyspot | 11 #5537875 - Sunday 16 June 2013 23:09 Tell him you had one from a long time ago, but you misplaced it due to not seeing him in so long. Send a private message 11 0 Reply
By XxWolfyGirlXx | 16 #5537877 - Sunday 16 June 2013 23:10 I feel ya there. Just had something similar happen Send a private message 6 2 Reply
By Kitten_Lover | 8 #5537879 - Sunday 16 June 2013 23:11 Ask him where your presents are. I bet he'll hang up and never call you again. Problem solved! :) Send a private message 8 0 Reply
Today, I got home from work a few hours early to find my mum cheating, right in the middle of the act. So much for a nice afternoon off. FML I agree, your life sucks 751 You deserved it 53 4 Comments
Today, barely able to pay rent while working 3 jobs, I decided to give in to the idea of making online sex work photos and videos. Everyone else seems... I agree, your life sucks 887 You deserved it 313 6 Comments