Today, I brought home a ukulele I had just bought. Excited, I showed my dad. He then looked at me, smirked, and said "Just like everything else you have, it's a bit smaller than normal." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad yelled for me. It was an emergency. I ran down the stairs, tripped, fell, and limped over to my dad only to find that he wanted me to see a video of someone playing "Bohemian Rhapsody" on the ukulele. FML
Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML
Today, I came home and was greeted by my dad telling me that he pawned my guitar for gas money. FML
Today, my mom was feeling down, so I decided to buy her a gift. Knowing she likes lighthouses, I bought her a tiny one that plugs in and lights up. I brought it home, plugged it in, and when she saw me with it, she said, "Wipe that smirk off your face and get that junk out of here." FML
Today, I was in IKEA, furniture shopping with my dad. He was looking at one couch that was particularly small. I said "dad that couch is for like a midget." I look over to see a midget looking at me, sitting on the same couch in a different color. He definitely heard me. FML
Today, my dad found the Father's Day present that I spent at least ten hours preparing and decorating. I'd expected him to be extremely happy about this lovely gift. His only reaction was to ask if he could exchange it for something else. FML
Today, my dad found his old harmonica. It’s been five hours and he shows no signs of stopping. FML
Today, my 12 year old son came home from school and informed me that he bought an air guitar for $20. He honestly thinks this is a good price. FML
Today, my mom told me that she was selling my favorite thing in the world, my trombone. The only thing that I'm good at is the trombone. FML
Today, my little brother got a violin. FML
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Top comments
Danny_B 4
Prove him wrong by showing him that its bigger than his :L
MyChemical_fml 0
Or he could've just said "that's not what your mom said!". Wincest......
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Comments (163)
locachick101 0
ohh he told you haha your dad is a funny man but don't worry when he gets really old that me can't pee for himself, it still get smaller lol
Kelita 0
huh?
DaveOnDope 4
As we men age it seems to get smaller, but for a bonus our balls start dipping in the toilet water.
Kelita 0
OH. ummmmm okay......well I learned somethin new haha
Kelita 0
hahahaha
memo619 0
sadly, our ears and nose never stop growing :(
RedPillSucks 33
Gods joke. Penis, smaller. Ears and nose, larger.
i_love_grrr 0
that is a bonus?? lol sounds a little gross to me.
Doortje 30
Your dad is awesome :D But hey, isn't penis size genetic?
underguarded 20
LOL
abbyjordan 0
haha!
Alex94xela 0
ROFLMAO GG DAD
jess6blondie9 3
Like father, like son. (:
DaveOnDope 4
Your dad is an asshole. I bet this isn't going to be the worst thing he'll ever say to you. Be ready for it. Try to be calm, let Karma deal with your father.
RedPillSucks 33
Exactly. Parents are suppose to be inspiring, not soul crushers.
awildwhisper 30
dang, don't take things so seriously
DaveOnDope 4
Your dad is an asshole. I bet this isn't going to be the worst thing he'll ever say to you. Be ready for it. Try to be calm, let Karma deal with your father.
ryukk_fml 3
It's a joke, it's like you have a short fuse and a small temper, with such an itty bitty sense of humor. Maybe one day you'll grow a little. :p
flipstar530 0
that is very uncool. u should say " my friends mom said the same thing" lol
Arraggatis 0
So basically you are telling OP to insult himself by saying another person said he was small. I see no flaw in this.
Jimboom 12
Your dad isn't funny, he's fat, and looks as though he should be, but he's not. A better line would have been "Well, I guess you are used to playing with small instruments"
blondebrunette11 4
go buy him the world smallest violin used in spongebob ;)
stevenmx86 8
Imho, guys playing ukelele is kinda homosexual... Not that there is necessarily anything wrong with that...
bhangu023 0
Hahahahaha win