Miscellaneous: Today, I asked my Instagram followers out of curiosity who their... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 426

You deserved it 113

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174

You deserved it 1 495

25/04/2019 02:00

Today, I asked my Instagram followers out of curiosity who their favourite influencer was. Someone replied, without knowing it doesn’t come up anonymously, “Not you.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 2 123

Empathy lives

Age difference

Are you sure you're OK?

02/11/2010 14:20

Today, I went back to work after being sick for a week. While I was gone, they hired a new manager. Trying to score bonus points, and possibly a raise, I went to shake her hand and introduce myself. Just as I was about to say "Hello, my name is-" I sneezed right in her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 819

You deserved it 6 414

23/10/2015 20:41

Today, I woke up at 2am and went to use the toilet. I sat there doing my business, when I heard a voice whisper my name from behind me. I live alone and the toilet is right up against the wall. I screamed and ran back to my room, then went without sleep for the rest of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 485

You deserved it 2 400

11/06/2013 12:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend asked if I could grow out my pubic hair since I usually wax it. He said his mom has a full bush and he always thought it looks better that way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 617

You deserved it 7 712

09/12/2009 05:07

Today, I was cleaning out my new guinea pig cage for the first time because one of them had babies last night. After using a spatula to shovel up the 3 inch layer of crap and placenta, I decided to hose it down. The hose came on so hard, it sprayed the dung and birth water all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 106

You deserved it 30 103

08/04/2016 18:11

Today, all of the long hours I've spent rehearsing paid off because tonight I'll be the lead at the opening show of my school musical. This is a dream come true. Too bad I just got bronchitis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 077

You deserved it 1 359

Check yourself before you wreck yourself

By Anonymous - 12/04/2021 02:00

Today, I dumped my girlfriend because she frequently wouldn't answer my texts or phone calls, and not call or message back for days. I felt that bringing it up made me a control freak. I couldn't take it anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 156

You deserved it 286

11/09/2009 01:19

Today, while at work I passed out due to my blood sugar not being normal. Despite the fact that it took 10 minutes to wake me, no one thought I was in any sort of danger. After the episode, I then got fired for "sleeping on the job." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 121

You deserved it 2 940

Get help soon

By Anonymous - 08/08/2021 06:01

Today, I realized I rarely go outside anymore due to hyperacusis, social anxiety, depression, and sensory issues. I'm also afraid to tell my family and friends about my problems, because they don't understand how bad it really is. Looks like I'm doomed to be depressed and alone my whole life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 714

You deserved it 180

Oddly specific thief

By Anonymous - 13/04/2020 14:00

Today, my car was broken into. What was stolen? My steering wheel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 589

You deserved it 114

21/11/2011 02:05

Today, I found out my wife has been bribing my daughter to keep quiet about her affair with my boss. That would explain the iPhone 4S, the $500 shoes, the $200 purse, and the professional $300 haircut. They told me it was because she had straight A's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 287

You deserved it 3 997

26/01/2013 05:53

Today, I made a new friend: the cricket the doctor pulled out of my ear canal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 307

You deserved it 3 439

17/12/2016 03:15

Today, I kindly explained to a client that she had calculated her CD interest wrong. She kindly responded that, as a nurse, she would never give me medical treatment if I was involved in a car accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 488

You deserved it 611

07/12/2013 17:30

Today, a lady told me that I should sue whoever screwed up my "nose job" so badly. This is the nose I was born with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 116

You deserved it 3 186

30/04/2011 19:03

Today, my bladder decided to empty itself while I was on a rollercoaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 211

You deserved it 10 680

16/12/2012 00:46

Today, it was my first day at my new job at a nursing home. Not only were we short staffed, two residents passed away, and I got beaten up by an old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 464

You deserved it 2 540

16/06/2017 22:00

Today, after working at my summer job for 3 weeks, I was informed that I was too young to work there. I had contacted them 3 months prior and had given them my birthdate multiple times. I had also attended a special training in their corporate HQ, which I drove 7 hours both ways to get to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 062

You deserved it 302

Can't filter that

By Weightlosshereicome - 18/09/2021 11:44

Today, Snapchat thought my double chin was a mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 656

You deserved it 4 601

07/05/2011 23:10

Today, it's my three month anniversary with my girlfriend and so I decided to bake her a cake from scratch. It took me three hours, a call to my mom, three different recipe books, and half my pantry. On the way to her house, I stopped to pick up flowers and left the cake in the car. It melted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 365

You deserved it 11 668

13/08/2009 03:13

Spicy

Today, I found out that I was adopted, now my gay brother thinks it's acceptable to tell me that he's always wanted to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109 272

You deserved it 5 581

My body hates me

By Justin - 20/05/2021 22:01

Today, I pulled a muscle by doing absolutely nothing and now I can’t bend over without excruciating pain. I’m 15 and exercise regularly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 89

19/09/2011 00:23

Today, my boyfriend kindly informed me that if I ever got bitten during a zombie apocalypse, he'd love me enough to beat me to death with a tire iron. He said this because he's been having vivid dreams about it happening. I honestly don't know whether he's joking or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 884

You deserved it 3 551

14/05/2010 23:28

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend saying, "I shall be the prince, and you shall be the princess," to his hamster. Once he saw me, he quickly turned to the hamster and said, "I have to go. The dragon is here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 533

You deserved it 8 749

17/05/2017 04:00

Today, I found out half of the staff at work have been spreading rumours I'm sleeping with my boss. The other half are spreading rumours I'm sleeping with my subordinate. In reality, every night I go home to an apartment so empty that I don't even have condiments, to sleep alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 122

You deserved it 359

04/01/2014 05:25

Today, I wrote a text to the guy I've had a crush on for two years. I typed "hey" and put my phone down, not ready to send it. A little while later, I heard it buzz. The reply said "Um... what?" Apparently my sister had added "I'm a shitty prostitute" to my text and sent it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 281

You deserved it 8 760

30/12/2009 10:36

Spicy

Today, I found out that my parents bought a stripper pole, my mom even hired a stripper to teach her some "moves." I'm scared to go in their room now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 175

You deserved it 2 601

17/07/2011 00:19

Today, my mother told me I'm going to get lung cancer. Because she smokes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 134

You deserved it 2 804

23/04/2018 16:00

Today, my daughter was stung by a bark scorpion, requiring a visit to the ER. Luckily, we were seen quickly. Unfortunately, due to a new policy, the medicine used to treat the sting is not available for children as it "might" cause low blood pressure. Awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 989

You deserved it 216

02/06/2019 14:05

Today, I was volunteering at an Indian hospital through a Canadian volunteer agency after paying $3000. It was my first day, but I got deported for having an incorrect visa. I had a tourist visa when I was supposed to have a "miscellaneous" visa. I got deported for volunteering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 877

You deserved it 481

20/01/2011 08:52

Spicy

Today, I was supposed to go on a date with a guy who lives on the same floor as me in my apartment complex. I got stood up. Instead I got to listen to him doing the girl who lives next door to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 633

You deserved it 3 083

14/05/2009 18:09

Today, I ordered a graduation cake from a woman at the grocery store. She asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I said "Congratulations Annie". Then she asked me who was ordering and I said "Annie". I had to order my own cake. The woman was silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 864

You deserved it 6 717

09/04/2009 18:48

Today, I got a missed call from my dad, who hasn't talked to me in months and has vowed not to have anything to do with me. I called him back excitedly and apologized for missing his call, and we had a 20-second conversation about how his phone accidentally dialed my number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 039

You deserved it 3 522

10/08/2011 21:10

Today, I saw a cute girl working register at my regular coffee shop and politely asked the her for her number. I was brutally rejected. A few minutes later, a douchebag with a popped collar approached her with a cheesy pickup line and left with not only her number, but a free frappe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 968

You deserved it 6 067

Are you taking the piss?

By Anonymous - 28/05/2019 14:00

Today, I was being drug tested as part of a pre-employment policy for substitute teaching. Once I had peed in the cup enough to pass the line, I put it on the only available space: the toilet paper holder. Trying to get toilet paper, I knocked the cup over, spilling pee all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 444

You deserved it 848

10/09/2013 23:30

Today, I found out my extremely anti-war relatives hate me because they think I served in the Army, after hearing I was "a vet". I'm a veterinarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 443

You deserved it 3 081

05/04/2012 21:53

Today, I realized my Internet addiction had gone too far when I tried to Google what was in my freezer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 643

You deserved it 28 803

11/04/2013 12:52

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 194

You deserved it 19 276

Contradictions everywhere

By Anonymous - 14/05/2020 02:00

Today, I was demoted from my job because I didn't volunteer to help out with my job during COVID-19. I texted them on the day of sign-up to see if they had enough people. I was told since I was there not to worry about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 448

You deserved it 134

24/11/2009 08:11

Today, I had to break up with my girlfriend on her request because she "didn't have the heart to do it." Within twenty minutes I'd received 4 calls from mutual friends, including my best friend, telling me what a jerk I am. And one from my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 374

You deserved it 5 223

29/04/2009 23:12

Today, I came home from work and went to open the door. I Iooked in the window and saw a man in my house. Terrified, I called the police. They came, searched the house, and found nothing missing. I went back inside and looked through the window and saw him again. It was my reflection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 492

You deserved it 79 225

26/01/2017 04:00

Today, I finally had the guts to tell my mom about her boyfriend hitting on me. Not only did she not care, but she got mad at me. I'm 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 676

You deserved it 469

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Thursday 25 April 2019 2:13

I can tune my tiny little violin to play for you if you want?

Send a private message

Thursday 25 April 2019 2:38

Maybe he did know and just didnt care.

Comments

Send a private message

Thursday 25 April 2019 2:10

aight

Send a private message

Thursday 25 April 2019 2:13

I can tune my tiny little violin to play for you if you want?

Kelsie Lynn Christensen 13

Send a private message

Thursday 25 April 2019 2:26

Wow what a mean thing to say

Send a private message

Thursday 25 April 2019 2:57

That's something one has to expect to get when asking such a question. It's usually fishing for fake compliments anyway like all that social media nonsense.

Send a private message

Thursday 25 April 2019 2:38

Maybe he did know and just didnt care.

weeping_willow 25

Send a private message

Thursday 25 April 2019 4:19

“Without knowing”

Mungolikecandy 19

Thursday 25 April 2019 7:18

Someone is a tad fragile and precious if one person saying something which is not important is and FML.

Send a private message

Thursday 25 April 2019 10:22

Hun you need to get off of Instagram and stop feeding your ego with likes and comments, if this is all it takes to make you feel seriously slighted. It's hard to stand out between millions of profiles, and a few handful get lucky enough to profit off of it - not being one of those people isn't failure. Just log off for a while and I'll promise you'll find other talents and skills that will give you a real sense of confidence and validation, Instagram isn't it.

Send a private message

Thursday 25 April 2019 11:51

I doubt they didn't know it wasn't anonymous. I think they were just trying to get attention and a reaction.

Send a private message

Thursday 25 April 2019 14:31

Nobody cares stfu

yeetyeetbitch69420 2

Send a private message

Thursday 25 April 2019 14:44

this is why people swallow