Today, I asked my husband for help with a household chore. His... - FML

By Anonymous - 29/08/2019 15:00 - United States - Russellville

Today, I asked my husband for help with a household chore. His response was to fake snore and pretend to be asleep. Later, our toddler pulled the exact same BS when I asked him to pick up his toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 725

You deserved it 227

Mother of the year

Sorry…

Vulture

By melyeah - 02/03/2013 14:14 - Australia - Sydney

Today, to avoid a massive delay on our scheduled flight at the airport, we were generously moved to an earlier flight home. An hour later, our new flight had been cancelled and they told us we'd be stuck at the airport overnight. Our original flight took off fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 119

You deserved it 3 695

By KayEffEh - 17/09/2014 21:22 - Canada - Georgetown

Today, my girlfriend admitted that she "probably wasn't even sober" when I asked her out and she said yes. Our almost 2-year relationship is the longest drunken mistake ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 166

You deserved it 3 434

By Miguel - 20/08/2011 19:40 - United States

Today, in algebra, I took out my notebook. My Chinese teacher was so impressed with my "Chinese" writings on the cover that I'm now her "favorite student". Those "Chinese" symbols are actually Japanese, but I wanted someone to like me so badly that I didn't correct her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 233

You deserved it 5 610

By noexceptions - 11/11/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, at school, I got stuck in the elevator and was about to panic before I remembered I had my phone. I called my mother and she called the school to tell them that I was stuck. They got me out in a few minutes and then confiscated my phone and gave me two detentions for using it in school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 463

You deserved it 3 426

By TheHeirofTime - 15/08/2016 15:11 - United States - Marlborough

Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 191

You deserved it 1 707

By Greig - 22/05/2011 12:18 - United States

Today, I saw my neighbor of twelve years at the grocery store. Being friendly, I went over to say hello. After I did, she responded by saying that she didn't know me but I look familiar. Finally, she remembered why I'm familiar saying that I look like the dorky guy from Two and a Half Men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 900

You deserved it 3 771

Alcoholics of the world, get help

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 02:01

Spicy

Today, I know my life is awesome when my partner and I have to plan watching movies and having sex around his drinking schedule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 807

You deserved it 192

By notgoodwitholdpeople - 23/05/2014 16:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, an old lady fell in the street, and I rushed to help her. As I tried to help her to her feet, she started screaming, "She pushed me! She pushed me!" I froze up in shock, and ended up being chased by some guy who thought I'd attacked her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 732

You deserved it 3 099

By stk - 19/12/2016 12:56 - United States - Aurora

Today, I woke up at 3am to catch my flight back home, only to realize that my flight was pushed back 14 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 638

You deserved it 475

By Idiot - 26/05/2019 02:00

Today, I was in a store with my mom. I wandered off, then walked around looking for her. I spotted her, and decided to put on a ski mask to give her a scare for a laugh. I hid around a corner and yelled "BOO!" when I saw her. It wasn't my mom, and I'm now banned from that store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 752

You deserved it 2 081

By anon - 16/02/2014 12:56 - Australia - Kingston

Today, I needed to borrow money from my girlfriend. I went into her bag and pulled out the money all while a lady watched me open-mouthed. Turns out it wasn't my girlfriend's bag. It belonged to the lady watching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 438

You deserved it 20 103

By toobroketoprotest - 16/08/2019 20:00

Today, I found out that the higher-ups aren’t letting us use the break room anymore, so guess it’s back to eating lunch in my car while it’s 100°F outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 703

You deserved it 108

Happy Reset Day!

By TheSaddestSpiceMeatball - 30/10/2019 16:00

Today, it was mine and my fiancé's 4 year anniversary. What did he get me? Nothing, but I did find out he's been cheating on me with multiple women. Guess I’m back to 0 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 009

You deserved it 146

By lambxox - 08/11/2010 09:04 - United States

Today, when I signed into Amazon, their top recommendation for me based on past purchases was "The Brave Little Toaster" on DVD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 332

You deserved it 25 766

By stephanie - 28/09/2018 03:00

Today, my husband tried to use his "grief" over his grandmother's death to manipulate me into giving him a blowjob. In the toilets. During the funeral. With his family only a few yards down the hall crying their eyes out. What an asshole I married. An absolute asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 486

You deserved it 943

By Anonymous - 10/02/2016 16:57 - United States - Avon

Today, there was an issue with the sewage system at work. It smelled like somebody took a turd, left it in the sun to marinate, threw up on it, then put in the air conditioning to fill the store with nauseating stink. I nearly threw up multiple times because we weren't allowed to leave early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 228

You deserved it 1 364

By Anonymous - 23/05/2012 11:44 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I had dinner with my family for the first time in a couple of days. My mum and dad spent the majority of the time arguing whether salt or pepper weighed more. This is why I'm not home often. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 755

You deserved it 2 220

By alycion - 17/06/2019 19:07

Today, I woke up with my face flying at the wall. A muscle spasm had caused me to pop out of bed. I'm now dealing with a concussion and sprained neck, thanks to an almost physically impossible feat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 612

You deserved it 115

By itsthebestdayoftheyear - 22/12/2015 12:30 - Canada - Stoney Creek

Today, after 3 years of hard work, very little vacation and no raises, our boss got us a crappy box of drug store cookies as an employee appreciation gift. Which he ended up eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 560

You deserved it 1 515

By whyme - 12/04/2017 22:00

Today, I met a wonderful man and agreed to go on a date. Halfway through the date, he started telling about how much he hates his wife. And his four kids. I texted him after I walked out, saying not to call me again. He agreed. His wife didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 351

You deserved it 329

Strong incel vibes

By Anonymous - 26/06/2021 02:01

Today, I showed up to my Bumble date with a guy. He looked at me up and down and said, "You look different from the pictures. I pictured you more slimmer." To rub salt in the wound, he proclaimed, "I’d rather staple my nutsack than continue this date. Good luck to you," and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 289

You deserved it 214

By hulagirl1217 - 29/05/2010 12:11 - United States

Today, a bee landed on my leg. I didn't realize it was there until my friend yelled out, "Bee!" kicked me in the leg, and ran off. I fell to the ground screaming and clutching my leg. She missed the bee and it still stung me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 511

You deserved it 2 921

Dating is hell

By ZombiKilla - 16/08/2016 02:46 - United States - Delta

Today, I went on a date. Met the guy at the restaurant, everything seemed to be going OK, but then he spent the entire dinner talking about Pokemon GO, and wouldn't let me say a word. He suddenly stops talking, gets up, says he, "doesn't feel a connection" and leaves. I had to pay the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 469

You deserved it 1 537

By brinn - 16/09/2011 05:15 - United States

Today, I told my husband that I wanted him to stay sober during the week. He responded by saying he wanted me to be a supermodel during the week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 867

You deserved it 9 741

By EwokLover17 - 13/03/2010 05:16 - United States

Today, my iPod came back from repair and still had a distorted sound. I've been through calls, meetings, and repairs with Apple since Christmas, and it still sounds like the half speaker in my old car. Then I found out the new Nano requires you to push the headphones plug in harder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 606

You deserved it 41 875

By BryanTazed - 22/08/2015 12:21 - United States - Ashland

Today, I woke up early for work. Had my coffee, finished up a report and headed out of my house. Not only was the office closed today, but the silent alarm was on, which is triggered by a door opening even if you use a key. I was startled by the cops searching the building, ran, and got tazed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 605

You deserved it 6 627

Sorry…

By Forever alone - 21/12/2020 17:02 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I was falling in love with the nostalgia of having handwritten love letters and flowers left on my windshield. Turns out my "secret admirer" was just a mean prank conjured up by my coworkers. They laughed. I cried, hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 116

You deserved it 230

By the-yao - 24/01/2009 14:53 - United States

Today, someone told me they liked my personality when i'm drunk. I asked, "what about when I'm sober?". "No, only when you're drinking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 839

You deserved it 3 781

By scarlett666 - 05/06/2009 02:04 - United Kingdom

Today, on a plane home from Ireland, my husband who was severely hungover, vomitted in a bag before we took off. When he got up to put the bag in the bin the stewardess forced him to sit back down. I had to hold on to a bag full of vomit for a good few minutes whilst my husband was passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 846

You deserved it 5 560

By Anonymous - 12/09/2018 18:30

Today, my mother turned up drunk at my house with a chocolate cake for my 14th birthday. I'm 27, I haven’t seen her in 6 years, I'm allergic to chocolate, and when she saw I had 2 kids she wanted to know why I bothered since kids are always "such a disappointment". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 534

You deserved it 148

By imgonnadie - 07/09/2014 15:11 - United States - Spring Hill

Spicy

Today, I'm staying with my grandma and her older sister while my parents are away. It's been two hours and so far they've popped vicodins, talked about banging Alex Trebek, and had a farting contest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 484

You deserved it 4 349

By dileigh - 10/03/2009 18:37 - United States

Today, I received my graduation gift, a bath robe, from my parents. My have two older sisters also graduated. The first one got a Tiffany's bracelet, the second one got a plane ticket to Europe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 136

You deserved it 3 614

Social parasites

By Poor doggo - 15/07/2021 08:01

Today, I was walking my friend’s dog at the park as a favor. A stranger then struck up a little conversation with me about the dog. It turned out that the stranger I talked to was my friend’s landlord, who now knows that my friend was lying about her pet being a service animal and is threatening eviction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 178

You deserved it 251

By ihatethisjob - 27/09/2013 08:18 - United States - Romulus

Today, I was working the night shift when a guy came in smelling like alcohol. He kept muttering his order, so I leaned over the register to hear him better. My ear now smells of vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 754

You deserved it 4 415

By jessiethebestie - 05/05/2016 17:35 - United States

Today, I learned that for the next two months I'll get to train physicians on how to use the computer program that has made my job obsolete. I've known this program was coming for months, but I didn't know it would be taking my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 588

You deserved it 1 004

By Kayla - 12/04/2012 05:30 - United States - Mesa

Today, I freaked out because of the smell of rotting eggs lingering in my apartment. I soon discovered it was my boyfriend's feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 689

You deserved it 3 197

Wokescolds gonna wokescold

By Anonymous - 18/09/2021 11:00

Today, I was accused of digital black face and cultural appropriating my own culture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 728

You deserved it 63

Indifference

By Anonymous - 03/05/2020 17:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend walked in on me having phone sex with another guy. He either didn't notice or didn't care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 488

You deserved it 4 866

By emergencyroom - 15/03/2014 12:21 - United States - Parkton

Today, I locked myself out and had to enter my house via the back door. Thinking I was an intruder, my 7-year-old daughter slammed a metal rake into the back of my head. Nice to know she can take care of herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 394

You deserved it 9 359

By ygma - 01/12/2015 16:39 - United States - Mansfield

Today, my extremely religious grandmother disowned me for watching Supernatural. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 381

You deserved it 2 749

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Top comments

Spencer Cookson 4

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Thursday 29 August 2019 23:14

Next time they ask you when dinner is just snore and pretend to be asleep

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Thursday 29 August 2019 23:25

He's a piss poor example of a father... Did you tell toddler to cut out the act and pick up toys before you throw them out?

Comments

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Thursday 29 August 2019 22:05

Kids do learn very fast

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Thursday 29 August 2019 22:20

Well you know what they say... the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Spencer Cookson 4

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Thursday 29 August 2019 23:14

Next time they ask you when dinner is just snore and pretend to be asleep

Send a private message

Thursday 29 August 2019 23:25

He's a piss poor example of a father... Did you tell toddler to cut out the act and pick up toys before you throw them out?

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Thursday 29 August 2019 23:26

As for the husband, I would enact the water gun... squirt him till he gets up to do something...

RichardPencil 30

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Thursday 29 August 2019 23:29

I'm going to comment on this story ... zzz, zzz, zzz!

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Friday 30 August 2019 1:05

lmmfao... this cracked me up!

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Friday 30 August 2019 10:14

If you did actually let your husband out of the chore, you sort of reinforced in your little sponge that it works. But still, it sucks when you can’t get a little help around the house. I like to do laundry strikes where I just wash my own clothes. When he’s out of clean work clothes or fishing clothes, he really gets everything in shape. I have him utterly confused with the stain removers and multiple detergents for things. He has no idea what to use, and he knows the wrong thing will destroy his clothes. I really should throw it out, but it’s my ammo to get things done.

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Saturday 31 August 2019 6:09

Monkey see, monkey do...

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Wednesday 4 September 2019 23:56

Oh Yeah, ANYTHING for him, dinner, sex, conversation, fake snore and sleep. Do it til he's begging you to stop. As for Jr. a quick swat will put an end to that crap.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 111

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 209

You deserved it 292