By Dopeydancer - United Kingdom Today, after a few drinks with some mates at a bar, we were invited to the dancefloor with some girls. After some dancing and flirting, I felt a cheeky squeeze on my backside, and so I quickly returned the favour without looking back. A few minutes later at the bar, I realised my wallet was gone. FML I agree, your life sucks 36120 You deserved it 13003 59 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, while working in my pharmacy, a patient told me that he sometimes wants to jump the counter and skin me alive. He has no more refills, and his doctor is out of town for the week. FML I agree, your life sucks 32327 You deserved it 2095 90 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By preggo eggo MAKE UP YOUR MIND Today, after months of my fiancé begging me to have a baby with him, I found out I’m pregnant. He doesn’t want a baby anymore. FML I agree, your life sucks 4024 You deserved it 501 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By missbutthole - United States Today, after being chronically constipated for the better part of a week, I finally have the urge to poop. Too bad I'm 30 minutes early to work and locked out of the building. FML I agree, your life sucks 34592 You deserved it 3864 136 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By FootFlakes - United States - Boston Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend once again that the dry skin she picks off her feet belong in the trash, not on our coffee table. FML I agree, your life sucks 40894 You deserved it 4419 84 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ughhhhh - United States - Stockton Today, I purpose woke up early so that I could be prepared for a class taught by a professor who thinks I'm an idiot. This professor was the first to tell me that I'm 2 hours early and asked very slowly if I know how schedules worked. She seriously sounded concerned. FML I agree, your life sucks 10732 You deserved it 3489 32 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By geewhiz - United Kingdom Today, I'm 19, I'm at uni, I've never been kissed and the only person I have had a proper conversation with in the past week is my Mum. FML I agree, your life sucks 30541 You deserved it 5456 68 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By tracie - United States Today, I took my dogs to an empty park. While they were running around, I laid down in the grass to read a book. Someone thought I was a dead body and called the cops. The police and paramedics showed up. This is the second time it's happened. FML I agree, your life sucks 38508 You deserved it 4976 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By pranksonpranks - 14/9/2020 17:02 - United States Dicks aplenty! Today, my sister and I have been in a prank war. She spammed my phone with dozens of random dick pics from the internet. My boyfriend saw and accused me of cheating. Now he won’t talk to me, and my sister won’t help me explain things. Guess she won. FML I agree, your life sucks 1428 You deserved it 233 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Fuck - United States - Fowler Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML I agree, your life sucks 36532 You deserved it 4399 91 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, after trying for several days to change some details on the social security website, I got fed up and called them. I waited nearly two hours on hold, and when I finally got through, the guy on the other end just told me to reboot my computer and try again, then hung up on me. FML I agree, your life sucks 47037 You deserved it 4353 73 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Lost... - United States Today, after leaving work at 10 pm, I took a shortcut to the highway. After getting lost, my GPS informed me that the service was unavailable and I should try back in an hour. This occurred moments before I ran out of gas. FML I agree, your life sucks 25995 You deserved it 8578 74 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - India - New Delhi Today, at a party I got blind drunk and I gave a guy a blowjob for the first time. I'm a 100% heterosexual male. FML I agree, your life sucks 23141 You deserved it 42189 321 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By omgfmlhard - United States Today, I walked into Best Buy to buy a 42" widescreen TV I'd been saving up for many months. As I walked in, a man stopped me and handed me my wallet that I'd accidentally dropped. I thanked him. 5 minutes later at the checkout, I opened up my wallet to realize it was empty. He had stolen everything. FML I agree, your life sucks 57612 You deserved it 11975 136 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Moody - United States Today, I opened my personal laptop at a company meeting. I forgot that the battery died while watching a porno last night. It was ten seconds of slurping, spitting and gagging. It was my first day. FML I agree, your life sucks 9359 You deserved it 37947 70 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By UTRejected - Canada - Toronto Today, I was selling winter-themed cookies at my university. I cheerfully asked a girl if she would like to buy cookies to support peer tutoring. Her response? "I don't eat food." FML I agree, your life sucks 34572 You deserved it 3832 97 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn Today, my 3-year-old son discovered his testicles. When I asked him what they were, he replied, "They're my balls! They make my winkie happy!" Now he won't quit singing it. FML I agree, your life sucks 42797 You deserved it 6089 84 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hugme101 - Canada Today, after a long time convincing my parents that my boyfriend is really a good guy, not only did he decide to come by the house completely drunk, but he also ended up trying to kiss my mom, thinking it was me. FML I agree, your life sucks 30973 You deserved it 9658 70 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Katsura - United States - Perrysburg Today, my boyfriend wanted to get into an open relationship. He has no romantic feelings for me anymore, but he didn't want to separate from my cat. FML I agree, your life sucks 14054 Phew, glad it wasn't me 1358 34 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I threatened to break up with my boyfriend over the Trolley Games in Toontown Rewritten for trying to sabotage my scores. We're 24 and 26. FML I agree, your life sucks 525 You deserved it 1561 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By clip_kate Today, I went to the store, but after I'd selected my items, I saw that I'd forgotten my wallet. When I tried to explain to the cashier, he thought that I was trying to steal and called the cops. My roommate had to come to the store to save me. FML I agree, your life sucks 14097 You deserved it 1359 47 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 22/5/2020 05:00 Yeet it Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend is on the pill, and even though my girlfriend took emergency contraception, she became pregnant days after the first time we had sex without a condom. FML I agree, your life sucks 1233 You deserved it 1032 22 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Lonely - United States Today, the girl I have been dating for the past couple months broke it off with me. She said she's tired of waiting around for me and being ignored in the mean time. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been so greedy as to finish my 2 degrees and work 2 jobs to pay for my school. How selfish of me. FML I agree, your life sucks 37411 You deserved it 18867 248 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I was having motorbike lessons. We were parked by the side of the circuit when one side of my gloves dropped on the ground. I tried to pick it up without getting off the bike. I lost balance, fell off the bike and the bike landed on my leg, trapping me. FML I agree, your life sucks 861 You deserved it 1144 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By whatthewoah - United States Today, I went to the bookstore. While I was in line, I heard everyone talking about how a book cart had gotten loose and rolled down the parking lot into a car, smashing the front. It was my car. FML I agree, your life sucks 30046 You deserved it 2214 61 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Chevy Chase Today, I came out of the closet, after years of fear and shame, thanks to my mom making me to go to a church full of fundies my whole life. In the end, I was in tears. All I got was a frown and a "So? Want a medal or something?" FML I agree, your life sucks 19723 You deserved it 3745 91 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 15/6/2020 08:09 So wrong Today, my boyfriend came over to meet my family. When I told him I had an autistic brother before he came in, he immediately broke up with me because he claimed autism is another word for overprotective. I've been dating an idiot. FML I agree, your life sucks 1726 You deserved it 195 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Pissed.Off.Mom. - United States - Houston Today, I got a call informing me that my 16-year-old daughter had been arrested for shoplifting jewellery. Trying to look on the bright side, I assumed it was for my birthday that is coming up in a few days. Nope. It was a "Thank you" gift. For her drug dealer. FML I agree, your life sucks 14150 You deserved it 2508 70 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By spartanson Today, my football coach thought it would be a good idea to get drunk, run to the other sideline, and scream, "WELCOME TO SPARTA, BITCH!" This would've been funny if he weren't also my dad. FML I agree, your life sucks 40298 You deserved it 4202 202 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By blackcat37 - United States - Independence Today, at 6 in the morning, I sneezed so hard I fell off my bed. I guess I'm up for the day. FML I agree, your life sucks 41505 You deserved it 4892 74 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my dog managed to get into our cabinet and eat an entire bag of hershey kisses. Now she is puking all over the house and outside too. When I called the vet to tell her about it, she said that it was normal, and to call her back when it was "coming out the other end." FML I agree, your life sucks 23364 You deserved it 3841 141 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Chesty Larue - United States Today, I got fired from my part-time job, because I insisted on keeping my phone in my pocket and never using it, instead of putting it in locker without a lock or security camera, that anyone can go through. The manager found out by searching my locker for the past 3 weeks. Ironic. FML I agree, your life sucks 28202 You deserved it 2360 91 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By effinit - United States Today, while I was on a second date with this guy, my roommate tried calling me and I ignored her. After dinner my date brought me back to my apartment and there was a waterfall gushing down from the balcony above our apartment. The guys above us had started a fire and our apartment was flooded. FML I agree, your life sucks 29006 You deserved it 6592 44 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, I am 8 weeks pregnant. I have debilitating 'morning sickness' all day. And now I get to add peeing my pants every time I throw up. FML I agree, your life sucks 31566 You deserved it 4952 239 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Sarah - Canada Today, I was directing traffic at work during one of the hottest days of the year. Not only do I have to stand in the heat and exhaust fumes for minimum wage, I also had to endure people asking me "Aren't you hot?" as they drove past me in their air conditioned cars. FML I agree, your life sucks 34239 You deserved it 3618 176 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bookworm94 - United States Today, my immature dad said I am a girl not a woman, so my witty response was ''I have a period, I'm pretty sure that makes me a woman.'' My dad stole my phone and sent a text to everyone in my address book, quoting me. Including the guy I like. FML I agree, your life sucks 51470 You deserved it 16612 269 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Fort Smith Today, for Mother's Day, I surprised my Mother with the news I that I'll be visiting in June. The last time we got to visit was 4 years ago, we live 4000 miles apart and it's a very expensive trip. She said, "No, come next June, I want to lose some more weight before seeing you." FML I agree, your life sucks 13439 You deserved it 1120 26 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By send the army please - United States - Elizabeth Today, I broke up with my girlfriend, because her military father, who doesn't like me, continuously threatened my safety for dating her. Now he's threatening to kill me for dumping her. I can't win. FML I agree, your life sucks 15201 You deserved it 1518 79 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By OL2R - United States - Somerville Today, my best friend texted me saying she is determined to find out what skank her brother is sneaking around with. I've been secretly dating her brother for months; apparently I'm the skank. FML I agree, your life sucks 13048 You deserved it 39144 49 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 19/5/2020 02:00 Unrequited and stuck Today, I'm crushing so hard on my male roommate that I've basically become a doormat for him. Meanwhile, he's on the phone for hours with the pretty girl he met over Tinder. I feel pathetic, stupid and jealous, which I have no right to be. Worst part, we're still quarantined together. FML I agree, your life sucks 1552 You deserved it 693 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, since I've been falling for the girl I've been sleeping with for the past couple of months, I decided it was time for us to talk about making things... I agree, your life sucks 18 You deserved it 26 2 Comments
Today, I'm in love with my best friend, while also being in love with my wife. I know he has feelings for me too. I wish my wife was poly too. FML I agree, your life sucks 113 You deserved it 371 5 Comments