Today, I accidentally sat on my sister's imaginary monkey. She then stabbed me with a pencil. I still can't get the piece of graphite out of my hand. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I insulted my younger sister's hamster. She then smashed me with a stool. FML
Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML
Today, while babysitting, I got stabbed by a 7 year-old with a mechanical pencil. FML
Today, my sister thought it would be funny to place a cardboard cut-out of a person at the foot of my bed. I woke up, saw the cut-out from the corner of my eye, fell out of bed, landed on my hand wrong, and broke two fingers. She got it all on video. FML
Today, I smashed a spider with my pencil eraser. Later, I absentmindedly chewed on it while doing my homework. FML
Today, my mom sat on a pencil and started bleeding. She then made me clean the wound on her butt and put ointment on it. FML
Today, I discovered that my sister coloured in the pages of my college text books with Sharpie as "revenge." FML
Today, my little sister started freaking out, because she was playing with some white-out eraser and got some on her finger. She started crying inconsolably because she thought her entire finger was going to disappear. FML
Today, my sister and I had a fight. In her rage, she threw piles of dirty laundry at me. One of her bloody panties hit me on the face. FML
Today, my sister kicked me up the ass with such precision that I’m still bleeding from my asshole where the toe of her shoe tore the skin. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
abc2601 20
Is the monkey okay?
invadermaythe1st 35
Bit over the top...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (101)
THEDARKLORDOFALL 17
I would've proceeded to take the monkey and shoot it multiple times then throw the lifeless body in her face. That's just me tho
Wildmind 7
Am I the only one who agrees that knocking off a girl lightly is ok if she does that kind of thing? I mean, sometimes you gotta give a little lesson in order to be more respected or you sister'll wreck you every time she wants /:
Rojo7098 3
Good luck OP. I still have a piece of graphite stuck on my left ring finger from 3 years ago.
Mcstud1y 30
Stab the bitch back
katyviper 22
My brother stabbed me with a pencil several years ago. You can still see the graphite...
DovahShep 20
schizophrenia much?
1947Chevy 17
Good luck with that man I still have a rather large pice stuck in my shudder from my ex
Mr_Misteerious 9
I still have graphite in my hand from a like senario from grade three, I'm graduated
Becausewhynot123 0
I'm a very lazy person and when I was on my bed drawing I fell asleep and I guess I rolled on a pencil lead and now I have a piece of graphite stuck in my back that shit does not come out unless you get it surgically removed (once the skin grows over it)
reese2003 2
A little while ago, I was getting out of bed to turn the light on, and I stepped on a pencil. Hard. The graphite is still there.