By Anonymous - 8/8/2020 14:02

Imitation is a form of flattery. Or is it?

Today, and ever since he saw the infamous interview that was on TV the other day, every time I say something to my husband, he keeps quoting, "You can't do that!" and "You don't know that!" at me in Donald Trump's voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1153

You deserved it

160

Favorite

There's no helping some people

Rock, hard place

Clocked

By MillyMan - United States

Today, I have to follow through with the bet I lost over the Super Bowl game. I don't have a problem running a lap nude around my block, but the cops in the police station right across from my house probably will. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10897

You deserved it

35313

Favorite

By not chicken spaghetti - United States - Clarksville

Today, while cooking supper with my boyfriend, we both smelled something funny. He tasted the sauce I was making, then asked me to taste it because something was off. I guess the burned teflon of our cheap pot mixed with Rotel just doesn't work that well. Now we're having dry chicken and plain noodles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5718

You deserved it

655

Favorite

By Catpiss - United States - San Bernardino

Today, I finished filling the pages in my passport. Also today, my mom's cat urinated on my backpack, soaking my passport with rancid pee. I have visas that last 10 years and can't be moved to a new passport, so I have to keep this nostril-burning booklet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4081

You deserved it

616

Favorite

By Tag - Australia

Today, my psychotic, very jealous ex-boyfriend appeared out of nowhere and punched a male store clerk who was helping me look for azaleas in a garden center. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39073

You deserved it

3147

Favorite

By Blue_belle

Observational Comedy 101

Today, I was wearing a cute black dungaree dress with a purple top underneath. I thought I looked pretty good, until my son told me I looked like an evil Minion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1279

You deserved it

288

Favorite

By baseball25635 - United States

Today, I was at my son's baseball game when a foul ball came flying toward my brand new car. In an attempt to save my windshield, I dove onto trying to stop the ball only to land on my windshield, crack it and see the ball land safely on the ground next to my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11398

You deserved it

40298

Favorite

By Weter - United States

Today, I fell flat on my ass while running for the subway. Made it on only to find out that it was standing by for ten minutes. I then got to ride all the way to work with a train full of people who watched me fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21854

You deserved it

3421

Favorite

By thirdwheel - United States

Today, I found out that my best friend pays my boyfriend to this day to take me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38655

You deserved it

3155

Favorite

By cnkk07 - United States

Today, my dad used the stove to boil water. Unfortunately, he turned the wrong burner on, setting the smoke alarm off. What's worse was the smell of burning plastic that came from the coffeemaker being melted down. It's been over an hour, and my eyes still burn like hell when I walk into the kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23486

You deserved it

2501

Favorite

By LifeSucks - Canada

Today, as I was taking my three year old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66442

You deserved it

3953

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I dog-sat for my neighbors' pitbull. Weighing in at 100 pounds with a nasty bite; this dog was no lap dog, but I treated it as one - not knowing how deadly this dog could be - beckoning it towards me with my hand. I now have 6 stitches in my hand and arm, and the neighbors didn't pay me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52121

You deserved it

17833

Favorite

By mee - 24/11/2020 08:02

Knock off

Today, I overheard my six year-old step-son playing with his sister and cousin. His sister was the baby, cousin the step-dad, and he got to be “the best one” because he was the "real dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks

698

You deserved it

Favorite

By Donnie

Today, I picked up a prostitute. The prostitute was my sister, and I picked her up from jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2345

You deserved it

179

Favorite

By El Stupido - Australia

Today, I was stuck in stand-still traffic for 5 minutes, before realizing I had stopped behind a parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14156

You deserved it

58324

Favorite

By iGreen - Canada

Today, my mom cooked her dog some potatoes, carrots, beef, rice and peas. She cooks better food for her dog than she will for our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35442

You deserved it

3596

Favorite

By nonmormon - United States

Today, it was my fifth wedding anniversary. After an intense lovemaking session, my husband looked lovingly into my eyes and asked, "How do you feel about polygamy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

58965

You deserved it

4252

Favorite

By powerless - United States

Today, a soccer ball hit my car while I was going 75 mph on the freeway during my drive home. I still don't know how to explain it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1416

You deserved it

107

Favorite

By single once again - Cyprus - Nicosia

Today, I found out my boyfriend has an account on a sex hookup site. He said it has "interesting articles" and that he'd completed his profile and listed his sexual preferences out of boredom. When I told him to sign in and prove he hadn't been messaging girls, he refused and called me paranoid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30279

You deserved it

2588

Favorite

By missprude666 - Australia

Today, I had to sit through 10 minutes of hearing a man on the tram tell his friend in explicit detail about all the filthy sex acts he'd like to do to me. His friend told him to take a photo to jack off to later. When I tried to tell the tram driver, he told me to "take it as a compliment." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41976

You deserved it

4475

Favorite

By paige - United States

Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55605

You deserved it

5771

Favorite

By Disappointed

Today, my brother came up with what he thought was a genius idea for how to make money. I then had to explain to him that insurance fraud is illegal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2241

You deserved it

159

Favorite

By Anonymous - Netherlands - Dronten

Today, I worked up the courage to tell my girlfriend that I love her. She made a face like she'd just sucked on a lemon and said, "Um... yay, I guess...?" and awkwardly left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34235

You deserved it

3019

Favorite

By lovingthis - United States - Largo

Today, I walked in on my grandfather smiling at his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38098

You deserved it

5219

Favorite

By WoofWoof - 27/9/2020 14:01 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Comedian

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that getting on all fours and barking at my penis for fun in the center of a mall is extremely inappropriate. She thinks otherwise, and promises to do it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1286

You deserved it

390

Favorite

By Nchristine - United States

Today, I came home to find my dad had backed into my already crappy car. The reason they didn't buy me a nicer car in the first place was they were afraid I'd wreck it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29845

You deserved it

4114

Favorite

By wtbfiber - United States

Today, my stomach muscles are still sore from yesterday. Not because I was doing sit-ups or working out or anything, but because I have to work that hard to take a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23119

You deserved it

6295

Favorite

By 2k16 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I came home to find that my dog had figured out how to open the fridge again. He'd helped himself to raw eggs and crab. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18739

You deserved it

1663

Favorite

By Sybil90 - United States

Today, a bee flew in my car so I swerved off the road and hit a mailbox. It was a metal keg filled with cement buried in the ground. Taking my father's advice I fled the scene. Later my mailman knocked on my door holding part of my bumper. He said "Excuse me, I think you hit my mailbox this morning." FML

I agree, your life sucks

7459

You deserved it

44638

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my friends were convinced that I was gay. I have known most of them for 3 plus years, they all thought my girlfriend was a special shopping partner. I found this out while announcing my engagement. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36667

You deserved it

3191

Favorite

By scottskidee - United States

Today, I had my girlfriend drive me to go buy a motorcycle. I rode it 50 minutes home, got in the drive way, put the kick stand down, and then lost my balance and fell on the other side. I paid $3000 to drop it in the first hour and break the turn signal off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22413

You deserved it

24839

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Shelby

Today, while walking down the street, a cute guy approached me. We ended up having some drinks then heading back to his place and hooked up. Afterwards, I used the bathroom, and when I came out, he was going through his wallet and asked me how much he owed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37709

You deserved it

11797

Favorite

By Anonymous - Malta

Today, my parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over. It was the afternoon, and things started to heat up. We were having sex, and I was about to finish. Then I looked through the window, to see a construction worker (who was fixing the house next to mine) giving me a thumbs up. He's her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

195957

You deserved it

34549

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a month had to leave early. I asked him why and he replied that his brother was getting off the bus and he needed to feed him. I had never met his brother, and I said "He can't feed himself? What is he, retarded?" He is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11441

You deserved it

93570

Favorite

By yourfault - United Kingdom - Kingston

Today, my boyfriend blamed me for his affair, because apparently I "should have made it clear to him" not to have sex with other people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66672

You deserved it

6751

Favorite

By anonymous - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I asked a short girl to prom by making a "You must be this tall to say no" sign. She grabbed a chair, stood on it, and then said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12852

You deserved it

30106

Favorite

By Random Person - United States

Today, I was eating out at a restaurant downtown with my brother in-law when I told him I couldn't eat any more. He then told me, "You better, or you're walking home." He wasn't kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27331

You deserved it

3511

Favorite

By JobHunter - Malta

Today, on my way to work I stopped at a winery and spent around $120 on 2 bottles of wine for my boss, since it was his birthday. When I gave him the gift, in exchange he let me know I am being laid off - his consolation was "if you can afford this wine I'm sure you'll be OK". FML

I agree, your life sucks

53074

You deserved it

4274

Favorite

By stickygoober - United States - Peoria

Today, my boss sent a message to a coworker saying, "We're putting all of you back on the phones because one of you can't stop watching Netflix so corporate thinks you guys don't do anything." That person was me. Everyone's pissed at me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

811

You deserved it

7043

Favorite

By purpledp12 - United States

Today, I was eating in the food court at the mall by myself but then a cute guy from my school offers to sit by me, I say yes of course, he then asks me for a french fry. Later on I realize he has eaten half my meal. He only wanted to sit by me for my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29372

You deserved it

6827

Favorite

By Saberwolf - United States

Today, I got a text from a girl that I've had a crush on for a long time, asking me out to dinner. I agreed and went to the restaurant. Not long afterwards, I got text from her saying something had come up, so she couldn't make it. As I was walking back to my car, I saw her walk into the same restaurant with another guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44809

You deserved it

3087

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Jaymail | 17

#7929386 - Saturday 8 August 2020 19:21

Yes. Anybody who has the mentality to like Trump deserves to be dumped! I see trouble down the road. Now if he’s just making fun of him then that’s OK. Trump deserves to be made fun with. I can see a whole stand-up comedy routine mimicking Trump.

By millsjoshua949 | 12

#7929393 - Saturday 8 August 2020 19:52

That's obnoxious but funny.

COMMENTS

By Jonkbaby | 19

#7929355 - Saturday 8 August 2020 16:09

dump his as!!

By Jaymail | 17

#7929386 - Saturday 8 August 2020 19:21

By millsjoshua949 | 12

#7929393 - Saturday 8 August 2020 19:52

That's obnoxious but funny.

By juggalo2 | 15

#7929481 - Sunday 9 August 2020 4:51

You must be so turned on. Tell him you feel something "Stormy" brewing.

By Matthew Irmen | 11

#7929585 - Sunday 9 August 2020 15:28

You are lucky to be the audience for all that talent