Today, my elderly neighbor came crying to me about the horrible thing someone had done outside. I hurried out to find a big pile of dog shit with the head of Donald Trump stuck into it. I had to fake a coughing fit so she wouldn't realize I was laughing. I'm not sure I got away with it. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, I was out walking with a cute girl when we passed by a house with a Trump sign. Trying to make her laugh, I went to steal it. Turns out it was booby trapped. I got drenched by a sprinkler when I got close. FML
Today, a downstairs neighbor of mine claimed money from me because apparently my dog took a dump on the fire escape, and the poop fell through the grates and on her groceries. I don't have a dog, but I paid the money anyway, because I was too ashamed to tell her it was my husband. FML
Today, I wanted revenge on my neighbor, whose dog craps in my yard, so I spent a day at the dog park gathering up dog shit. I piled it up by the property line and ran over it with the mower, intending to spray his driveway and car with turds. Instead, it gummed up the mower. Now it stinks too bad to fix. FML
Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML
Today, I was walking my dog when he stopped in the middle of the street and took a dump. I looked around furtively but saw nobody, so I just kept walking. I stepped in it on the way back home. FML
Today, I opened my front door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML
Today, my neighbours watched and laughed as I chased my dog around the lawn, trying to rescue the only clean pair of underwear I had in my house. FML
Today, my 63-year-old neighbor jumped out of his window. I was the first to find him, alive, naked and stuck in a bush. I guess I shouldn't have laughed at him while waiting for the ambulance, because he turned out to be my landlord. FML
Today, I had to make my boss believe that I was late to work because my sick dog shit all over my bedsheets and I had to clean up the mess before work. The truth is, I don't have a dog, and I wrongly trusted a long fart this morning. FML
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Top comments
Druu 53
"These people who did this, very bad people. They do not understand the prestige associated with the Office of President. Very prestigious! These are not good people. Bad hombres. Rude!"
MidnaLink 33
I'd have just laughed and taken any hits from her purse.
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Comments (20)
Reetri 0
What a shit head.
ProperPengTing 15
Lol nice
Druu 53
"These people who did this, very bad people. They do not understand the prestige associated with the Office of President. Very prestigious! These are not good people. Bad hombres. Rude!"
species4872 19
This comment is funnier then the FML.
Dave_Davington 33
But I'm sure some of them are good people.
AXel2169 23
Sad.
MidnaLink 33
I'd have just laughed and taken any hits from her purse.
RichardPencil 30
America just got a little greater again.
tonyfan00 38
I support Trump, but I still would have laughed at that. I just hope your neighbor understands you don't mean to be rude to her. (I said I supported Trump...prepare for the Comment Wars...)
awildwhisper 30
Yea I hope they don't start. People need more respect for their leaders. Instead of hoping they fail, how about hoping they succeed and help the country prosper.
Lalala579121 27
Comment wars are for YouTube. On FML they're a surefire way to get the comments locked. I think (hope) we're all too adult to have that happen.
siggy_mcsigx 22
Actually in a democracy leaders are supposed to respectfully represent us, the people. NOT the other way round. As Roosevelt said it's our duty to strip them of power if they are shit!
Burle 17
Rabble rabble rabble rabble!
maikeru1979 23
why? all the people screaming "we need to come together for the good of the country" SPENT THE LAST 8 YEARS blocking/trying to block EVERYTHING that Pres Obama tried to do. Now those same people in congress are actively removing everything that Obama actually accomplished. Respect IS A TWO WAY STREET.
RichardPencil 30
No. Not in a true democracy. Leaders aren't unquestioningly given respect, they have to earn it. Donald Trump is a liar and a crook and his election was illegitimate. His success will make this country less prosperous. He respects no one and he deserves none himself.
RockPrincess26 16
How was it illegitimate? Don't try to come at me with that lame "Russian hackers" bullshit. Killary gave them 20% of the U.S.' uranium supply. They would've hacked it in HER favor if they bothered to hack it at all.
Linda Graber 12
Sorry, I accidentally gave you a down vote.
EmperorPalpatine 19
I guess that Trump took 'Bomb the shit out of them' to a whole new level.
siggy_mcsigx 22
Damn OP, you don't even flinch at the sight of a bloody decapitated head in your front yard?
Roan13 7
I'm sure a pile of dog shit would make for a better president than Trump. I'm glad I'm not American, but tbh, the way the UK is going is no better. We're all ******.