Today, for my birthday, I found out I'm too ugly even for a hooker... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 97

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 471

You deserved it 72

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 37

30/08/2019 14:02

Spicy

Today, for my birthday, I found out I'm too ugly even for a hooker to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 045

You deserved it 322

Taking stock

Broken heart

Bodyshaming

08/05/2012 00:25

Spicy

Today, I'm cheering myself up about being newly single by having a sleepover with my best friends. Their boyfriends have all decided to sleep over as well though, so I'm currently alone in a corridor with nothing but the sound of all my friends having loud sex to keep me company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 758

You deserved it 4 463

17/04/2012 18:11

Today, I was looking through my Internet browsing history. Apparently my wife had searched "How to have an affair without getting caught". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 266

You deserved it 2 703

28/03/2011 05:26

Today, I discovered my boyfriend has been slipping me abortion pills to "supplement" my regular birth control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 214

You deserved it 5 450

13/03/2017 18:00

Spicy

Today, my wife called to me from across the house just to look at the penis-shaped period bloodstain on the back of her underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 351

You deserved it 872

14/12/2010 13:32

Today, my girlfriend made a delicious birthday breakfast, and she said there would be a surprise at the end. Today is not my birthday, it's her ex's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 896

You deserved it 3 012

31/08/2016 11:01

Today, I made spaghetti bolognese for three people. Of those three people, only one got food poisoning. Me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 289

You deserved it 1 730

Let's say, hypothetically…

By Anonymous - 08/12/2014 04:35

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend gave me a long, philosophical explanation about how he doesn't love me, but we should still have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 731

You deserved it 3 846

15/11/2009 14:47

Today, after dating for almost five years, my boyfriend stated that I have a "perfect and amazing personality" but that my looks are not what he "envisioned himself spending the rest of his life with." In other words, I'm ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 722

You deserved it 3 944

16/06/2011 05:42

Today, I woke up to a burglar holding a gun. He yelled at me to get up so I did. He then paused and laughed. I was sleeping naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 954

You deserved it 6 536

17/07/2014 03:51

Today, I ran into a good friend at work. I work at a jail. She doesn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 837

You deserved it 4 840

25/03/2009 00:11

Today, I was sitting at home when I remembered that I desperately needed gas for my car. On my way there, I prayed that my car would make it the whole way, and was thankful when I pulled up to the pump, because I knew my car wouldn't go any further. Then I realized I left my wallet at my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 820

You deserved it 26 403

25/07/2011 03:26

Today, after a year of suspicion, I finally found out my sister is in a cult. My family's response? "It will be good for her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 507

You deserved it 2 684

28/02/2014 20:01

Today, I left for work. Halfway to my car, my neighbour's son jumped out and emptied a bucket of water all over me. The little pissant screamed with laughter and ran back to his house. His mum's reaction was essentially "kids will be kids" and slamming the door on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 235

You deserved it 3 645

17/04/2009 17:02

Today, my friend was pulled over and told to get out of the car. The officer motioned for me to get out of the car too so I reached behind me to get my shoes. He then pointed his gun at my face and frantically asked my friend if I had a gun. My friend calmly replied "No, but shoot him anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 530

You deserved it 9 971

26/03/2014 03:37

Today, I got a history project back that I worked very hard on. The teacher didn't bother to write any feedback, besides, "Did you even understand the assignment?" on the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 621

You deserved it 6 505

08/04/2012 09:16

Today, during an Easter egg hunt, I found divorce papers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 672

You deserved it 2 804

Life's what you make it

By ratherbealone - 27/10/2020 02:06

Today, I don't want to go to work because I hate my boss, but once I'm there, I won't want to go home because I hate my husband. I have nowhere else to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 116

You deserved it 425

17/01/2011 16:46

Today, I was quietly reading in the subway, when all of a sudden, at a station, the man sitting next to me stood up, slapped me, yelled "Bitch!", and rushed off the train. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 530

You deserved it 3 688

10/11/2015 15:17

Today, I found out that my immediate supervisor had modified my phone in the priority order at our call center. As a result, any calls that came in during the night shift would be routed to my phone first, so that he can play games on his phone uninterrupted. It's been a whole year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 129

You deserved it 1 764

15/06/2016 15:07

Today, my bratty sister shoved me overboard during a boat ride. Not ten seconds after being pulled back on board, I got an earful of abuse from my parents. My sister is the family favorite and they refuse to believe that I didn't "provoke" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 594

You deserved it 883

08/08/2014 14:43

Today, I fell asleep in the doctor's waiting room. When I woke up, the room was empty, and there was a $1 bill tucked into my cleavage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 983

You deserved it 6 925

17/12/2016 17:39

Today, I was working at our garage sale with my dad. I sat outside for 2 hours, talked to three people, and sold nothing. My dad came outside and got angry at me, so I told him to give it a shot. He sold 3 things to the first guy who walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 959

You deserved it 1 006

05/06/2017 22:00

Today, I woke up early to weird scratching and smacking noises. After gathering enough courage to check what it was, I found out it was just an ant stuck on a piece of paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 162

You deserved it 320

17/12/2009 09:58

Today, I spent five minutes trying to kill a spider with my mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 588

You deserved it 43 869

14/02/2011 05:20

Today, I got a parking ticket in the mail. I don't have a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 740

You deserved it 3 227

28/02/2010 13:10

Today, I saw my boyfriend of two years had joined a group on facebook called 'Guys who are proud of their girlfriends'. I smiled and was about to like it when I noticed a comment below from a girl saying "Awww thanks babe :) xxxx". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 580

You deserved it 2 986

03/05/2012 12:16

Today, I went for a job interview for a building position at a retail store. They saw on my application that I was good at math. They asked me what the circumference of a circle is. Being nervous during the interview, I accidentally said the area of a circle. I didn't get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 281

You deserved it 7 338

09/07/2009 05:17

Today, my suburban, white boyfriend of two years told me he wanted to tell me something serious. He sat me down, looked me in the eye and said "I want to be gangster." I started laughing thinking he was joking. He was 100% serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 839

You deserved it 7 704

Pills, thrills and bellyaches

By Anonymous - 24/09/2019 20:00

Today, I came home from surgery to remove my tonsils. It's a much better surgery to have as a kid, because when you get older it's much more painful. I didn't know my mom liked pain killers. I do now, because I have none left and I haven't even taken any yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 908

You deserved it 80

Reported!

By thatcreepyteacher - 17/02/2016 04:27

Today, someone called the police on me because one of my students was going home with me every day. The student is my son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 724

You deserved it 1 414

30/09/2011 10:18

Today, I had a car accident. In the same place, at the same time, and with the same friend in the passenger seat as last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 409

You deserved it 11 718

19/12/2010 07:46

Today, my parents finally invited my boyfriend over for dinner. Everything was going great until my mother asked him his profession. He stuffed his mouth full of lasagna, snorted, and then responded, "I clean shit for a living." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 086

You deserved it 25 429

Great deal

By Depressed - 04/08/2011 11:45

Today, I arrived in Africa to start my new job. I agreed to come to a city with little to no electricity, and poor water for triple the money I was making in Canada. I just realized my boss and I negotiated in two completely different currencies, and I'm now making half of what I used to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 366

You deserved it 41 248

04/04/2015 03:29

Today, the last thing I remember before getting the shit beaten out of me at the bar, was my dipshit brother saying to me, "Dude, I'm not a racist, but" and then ranting about how non-whites should get out of America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 977

You deserved it 3 274

I'm normal, I swear

By Anonymous - 17/06/2021 18:01

Today, I was doing weird voice impressions for my friend right before the doorbell rang and I had the front window open. The postman looked at me strangely, handed me my parcel and didn't say a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 583

You deserved it 199

21/07/2017 14:27

Today, I learned that, even after several interviews and congratulations for getting the job, you still might not get the job. I just received an email stating that my accepted offer is now rejected. I already treated my close friends to an expensive dinner to celebrate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 819

You deserved it 939

02/10/2015 22:22

Today, my parents pranked me hard. They spent breakfast messing with my head, all to convince me that I was dreaming. I got so excited at finally having a lucid dream that I ran outside in my pajamas, yelling "Woo-hoo!" and trying to fly. Nothing happened. People saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 857

You deserved it 23 437

10/11/2009 23:05

Today, I was jumping on every crunchy leaf on the sidewalk. I went especially far out of my way to step on one only to notice it didn't crunch right. I looked closer, it was a dead bird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 726

You deserved it 18 429

19/07/2014 22:38

Today, I was browsing the People of Walmart site, chuckling at all the weirdos on there, when I came across a picture of my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 881

You deserved it 7 891

02/03/2016 18:53

Today, being jobless and all, I tried calling my dad for a job after my many years of pride. He invited me to an interview to compete against 10 people, probably more qualified than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 978

You deserved it 7 173

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Friday 30 August 2019 14:41

Hookers are people too.

Cat Michele Davila 3

Send a private message

Friday 30 August 2019 16:01

How small is your penis?Maybe you have bad BO and bad breath. You don't need to get laid and catch herpes for your birthday buying hookers in a van down by the river.

Comments

Send a private message

Friday 30 August 2019 14:41

Hookers are people too.

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Friday 30 August 2019 15:03

You didn't offer her enough money.

Ashamed_Sister 60

Send a private message

Friday 30 August 2019 15:47

You have to ask for a hooker with low standards.

Cat Michele Davila 3

Send a private message

Friday 30 August 2019 16:01

How small is your penis?Maybe you have bad BO and bad breath. You don't need to get laid and catch herpes for your birthday buying hookers in a van down by the river.

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Friday 30 August 2019 18:25

I don't think hookers mind small penises. Less wear and tear on the ol' moneymaker.

ThatOneLonelyAsian 31

Send a private message

Friday 30 August 2019 17:26

Hookers aren't free you know ... even if its your birthday

VJ_1015333503 6

Send a private message

Friday 30 August 2019 20:17

feel your pain man

Laurea Lindroos 8

Send a private message

Friday 30 August 2019 22:15

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Send a private message

Saturday 31 August 2019 2:23

Ok, do not throw the word "rape" around like that. I'm sure professional prostitutes would take offence to that for one, and two you devalue what the word means. Rape is a serious thing and casually saying it like that for something not considered rape, is not ok. Prostitutes get to choose their customers, and it is a business transaction to which they consent to. If the prostitute was one which was being pimped out and forced to have sex with every man willing, then that changes the situation. We know this woman was not being forced as she refused the poster. True, women are people, not just something for guys to stick a dick in. But in general sex is fun for both parties and your offence at the post in this regard is astounding. The guy wanted to pay for sex, that's his own choice. Doesn't make him a bad person.

Major_Haywire 7

Send a private message

Saturday 31 August 2019 2:50

That’s what paper bags were invented for