Today, at my wedding, my husband stood up to give a speech. It started out beautiful, until he told everyone how he started to fall in love with me after I blew him on our first date. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, it was my wedding day. I gave a speech about the first time my wife and I met. I said I knew she was the perfect woman for me and it was love at first sight. I looked to my right as she stormed off and then realized I had told a story about my ex-girlfriend who was sitting in the crowd. FML
Today, at my ex's wedding, I had to listen to his joyful recounting of how he met his bride and how they fell instantly in love and he knew she was perfect for him. All this happened while we were still dating. FML
Today, I married the love of my life. I was ecstatic until the wedding reception, where my new husband got drunk and started crying about how he'd been "forced" into marrying me. FML
Today, was my wedding day and I had been preparing my speech for my husband for about 3 months. At the wedding, I poured my heart out to him. Did he do the same? My husband forgot about it and right before the wedding, took his from his first marriage and changed the name. FML
Today, my new husband and I were called up to have our first dance at our wedding. While I rested my head on his shoulder, he whispered the most romantic thing to me: "Your breath stinks." FML
Today, at my wedding, when my husband heard, "You may now kiss the bride!" he swung me down romantically and was about to plant one on me when his arm slipped, causing me to fall on the floor hitting my head, and getting a concussion. FML
Today, during my wedding ceremony, the groom-to-be found it appropriate to blurt out about an ongoing affair with my maid of honor. They got married instead. FML
Today, I had to give a speech at my sister’s wedding. I spent weeks preparing every word. When it was finally my turn, I stood up to the microphone and froze. Instead of something like, "Congratulations, I’m so happy for you both," I mixed up whatever jokes I'd prepared in my brain, and blurted out, “I’m in love with your husband.” FML
Today, my husband made an elaborate heartfelt speech to a female colleague regarding her job promotion during her celebration dinner that had everyone in tears. During our wedding, he insisted on not do wedding vows because he “doesn’t like all that emotional shit.” FML
Today, at my wedding reception, my father began his speech with "Well, I never, ever thought that this day would come," at which point the entire room, including my new husband, broke into a round of enthusiastic applause. FML
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Top comments
misterspock 16
I think you blew this out of proportion.
Brelywi 15
Damn, you must give one helluva ********.
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Comments (168)
gracehi 33
You mean the way to a man's heart ISN'T through his stomach??? I've been doing it wrong this whole time???
RedPillSucks 33
Well, if you're so good that you can give a ******** through his stomach....
Enslaved 38
I heard the rule was "Keep his stomach full and his balls empty". You're half way there.
sweetest_jenn 18
So...did you go on a lot of first dates before you met him?
chris4u2nv5 19
Man ouch, loves *sucks*!!!
quinn1184 25
Hyaaa
chocolatefrog28 29
Still a better wedding than anything from Game of Thrones, it could have been worse. You'll outlive being mortified, and as his new bride you'll have ample opportunity to repay him in kind.
askullnamedbilly 33
Any wedding is better than a Game Of Thrones wedding.
Mr_Loudmouth 9
Geoffrey being poisoned pretty much made that my favorite wedding of all time!
MortenM 17
Dude. WTF? At least write spoiler alert....
mike7800 8
fangirl...
limabeans101029 21
31, *Joffrey... sorry, couldn't help myself!
OctoberJade 12
Spoiler much #31? I'm only on season three! Thanks for ruining that happy surprise. -__-
Rag_dollxx 21
His name is Mr Loudmouth, you shouldn't be surprised.
Soloman212 28
Don't worry, he survives.
jw833055 13
Well then keep it out of your mouth on the first date.
gracehi 33
Normally I'd say that men don't take women who do sexual favors on a first date seriously, but clearly OP's husband is the exception.
limabeans101029 21
17- why? If she wanted to blow him on the first date I don't see the issue.
Voij 16
18: That strongly depends on the man and woman in question. Some men don't like that type of behaviour, similar to how some women don't like men who approach them to directly during the first date. It can seem weird and makes you wonder how often they've done this on first dates. [We all know that having sex often is not a bad thing, but our brain is wired so that it prefers people it perceives as "pure", since those have a higher chance of spreading our specific DNA and not that of a rival.] Some men, however, don't mind this on the first date. Depends a lot on what the motivation behind these advances is, aswell. If it seems like a desperation move, then they'll generally not find it appealing. If there's great chemistry, however, then sexual favors on the first date are, often times, very much welcome. Basically it's then a case of "What sense is there in waiting anyways? We could check our compatibility right now, no need to waste more time."
gracehi 33
I'm not saying men don't LIKE women who perform sexual favors on a first date. On the contrary, my work environment is basically a boy's club in which men speak very openly about their sex lives, and I can tell you that they tend to like "fast" women very much. I'm just saying that they don't tend to make serious, much less life long, commitments to women like that. Of course there are exceptions though.
rockhead1270 5
I cudda got 3 blow jobs by the time I read all that shit
gracehi 33
And instead you decided to enrich yourself by reading a discussion on human relationships by astounding intellects! What a quality guy you are!
smokecloud_ 37
You're that fast? Must be popular with the ladies.
jenn1808 16
Evo psych is largely bullshit. We aren't wired that way, our society just has lots of double standards.
okay17 7
Bless you for being the one to admit double standards are also a large contribution to the way we as humans think about sex.
foxwasalamb 24
not appropriate. at all. im sorry op.
foxwasalamb 24
why is this down-voted? I'm saying it wasn't appropriate of the husband?
Baucis 10
why do you care? It's FML. Embrance the hate.
foxwasalamb 24
the world shouldn't have so much hate in it. n how can you hate someone you don't know and haven't even met?
Sangue0608 26
Judging by the continued down votes I don't think you're helping your case.
tj4234 36
He was probably trying to be funny. Laughter helps nerves, and unless you are used to giving speeches giving a wedding speech is an incredibly nerve wracking thing to do. Even for those who are experienced with speeches, it's still horrible. I wouldn't think too much into it OP.
gracehi 33
Easy for you to say. The details of your sex life haven't been exposed to almost everyone you know, including your family.
olpally 33
Your husband must be peter griffin! Lol! Ahhh, hope you stopped him after he said that!
belljars 22
Lets talk about love. What is love?
davek 36
Baby don't hurt me.
geekchick88 17
Don't hurt me, no more.
briang959 47
You should've followed his comment with 'now that we're married I don't have to do that anymore'.