Love: Today, an old friend and I reconnected. Everything was going...

By kerripjones - 14/07/2015 19:44 - United States - Newark

Today, an old friend and I reconnected. Everything was going fine until he threatened to visit me at work. I didn't know he knew my place of employment, so I replied, "Do you know where I live too?" He answered, "Would you hate me if I did?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 180

You deserved it 2 097

Love

Walk the line

Mama's boy

Empathy lives

By doubleCoupon - 24/06/2014 18:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my friend excitedly told me about the number of guys who are romantically interested in her. I realized how pathetic my life is when all I could talk about in turn was the number of coupons I got to use today at the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 467

You deserved it 5 547

By barf - 06/02/2015 23:00 - Ireland

Today, I experienced the horror of walking in on my best friend fondling his tits. Yes, "his". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 740

You deserved it 3 243

By petlover - 23/11/2009 04:30 - United States

Today, I had to put my 17 year old cat down. I cried the whole way up to the vet's office and back. After finally coming to terms with the situation, and trying to forget, my dad's friend walks up to me and says, "So, I heard you killed your cat?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 939

You deserved it 3 833

By ReallyMom - 09/01/2014 21:48 - United States - Shawano

Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 558

You deserved it 5 179

By Anonymous - 09/06/2019 12:41

Today, I tripped over a kid at work. She was sitting on the floor with her legs sticking out into the walkway. Her mom caused a scene, accusing me of doing it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 740

You deserved it 91

By ctschantz - 06/10/2010 14:29 - France

Today, I was getting ready to load my groceries in my car when my remote wouldn't work and neither would my key to unlock it. A cute young guy came over, not to help but to ask me what the hell I was doing to his car. My car, that looked exactly like his, was on the other side of the lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 729

You deserved it 13 479

Rain stops play

By Wilf - 22/02/2013 15:48 - Australia - Perth

Today, the arts company I work for cancelled our 8 pm sold-out outdoor performance at 7:30 due to rain, and will have to reticket 550 patrons. I'm the only person in the office trained in ticketing. It stopped raining 10 minutes after we cancelled it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 782

You deserved it 2 748

By kris - 22/08/2011 16:06 - United States

Today, my mom let it slip that she was divorcing my dad. After making me promise to keep it from him and my little sisters, she had me help her with her plans to renovate the house. She intends to kick him out once it's done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 745

You deserved it 2 745

By lowly worker - 08/04/2017 18:00

Today, I nearly lost a hand at work, because a supervisor decided to remove a 'useless' safety guard on a machine despite my warnings. He doesn't understand why I'm so upset with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 615

You deserved it 407

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 13:28 - United Kingdom

Today, my six-month-old daughter decided to explore my nose, and before I could stop her she shoved her thumb deep in there. She thought it was hilarious when blood started gushing down my shirt. My nose is agony to touch and I still had to clean her up first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 995

You deserved it 3 922

By Anonymous - 07/02/2014 23:16 - United Kingdom

Today, wanting to break up with my boyfriend, I invited him to dinner with my parents. I was sure they'd hate him, which would give me the excuse I needed. They ended up loving him, and now they won't stop mentioning marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 698

You deserved it 52 952

By DeadlyKitten - 20/02/2017 05:00 - United States - Springfield

Today, my cat followed me into the bathroom. While I was showering, he knocked over the storage shelf behind the toilet. The shelf was the perfect length to wedge the shower door completely closed. No one was home so I had to climb over my tall shower door all slippery and naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 086

You deserved it 695

By Busted - 31/12/2009 20:52 - Mexico

Today, I canceled my ATM card, because it had been lost. Then I found it. Then I found out I can't reactivate it, because I asked for a replacement card. I'm from CA, and I'm in Mexico with only 20 bucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 150

You deserved it 8 540

By RatQuiRit - 13/10/2008 08:21

Today, I arrived at the station at 7:30pm sharp for the train... which was cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 700

You deserved it 15 876

By milkndstufff - 07/03/2011 00:50 - United States

Today, I went snowboarding and fell backwards, hitting my head on a patch of ice. When I got home, I told my brother I thought I might have a concussion. He told me I should be a man and suck it, swiftly smacking my head, causing me to pass out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 288

You deserved it 3 609

By Howimetmybrother - 05/12/2017 06:00

Today, to repay my brother who's been hosting me, I took his laundry out to wash. Loading the machine, I gave a tug on the corner of a towel and the biggest dildo I've ever seen flew out of the basket and bounced to a stop in the middle of the floor. Every. One. Saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 251

You deserved it 921

By Scarlett - 16/02/2013 06:03 - Canada - Barrie

Today, while I was babysitting, the little girl wanted to show me a picture that her mom had just sent to the family iPad via iMessage. Trying to be helpful, I clicked iMessage, only to see pictures of her father's erect penis. She won't stop asking about the "hotdog" in the picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 724

You deserved it 3 586

By dieders - 21/11/2016 06:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up and opened my curtains to see my gardener up a ladder in front of my window tending to the plants growing up the side of the wall. This would've been fine if his ballsack wasn't hanging out his shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 747

You deserved it 1 127

By Out Ran - 16/02/2010 06:32 - United States

Today, while running, I sped up to show off for a cute female runner I'd seen before up ahead. I passed her and not more than a minute later she sprints past me. I couldn't catch up. She not only out ran me, but waited to tell me it was a 'nice try'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 822

You deserved it 34 848

By Anonymous - 07/12/2009 03:32 - United States

Today, it snowed. So, a guy I like and I decided to go sledding. I really wanted to impress him by going down the hill and casually slowing down at the bottom right at his feet. Instead, I crashed into him and broke his ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 815

You deserved it 35 614

By SaggyBoy135 - 12/07/2011 12:19 - United States

Today, my dad thought it would be OK to make sound effects for everything he did, in a public park, with me tagging along behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 877

You deserved it 3 549

By fatteningmeup - 26/05/2011 14:24 - United States

Today, I found out my mom intentionally puts extra butter and oil in the food she cooks for me because she wants me to be fatter than her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 335

You deserved it 3 781

By Bullet - 13/08/2010 16:28 - United States

Today, I had to go along with my mom to meet some of her old friends from high school. When they asked her about how her life was going, she said she was married, always traveling, no kids, and introduced me as the neighbor's kid she babysits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 181

You deserved it 3 350

By jmac - 11/03/2012 03:06 - United States

Today, I dropped a knife while cooking. Luckily it missed my foot, but only because it hit my knee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 351

You deserved it 4 282

By Are you kidding me? - 09/09/2013 20:51 - United States - Kansas City

Today, while at the zoo, I found out that the rhinos there can pee backwards, while standing directly behind one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 964

You deserved it 4 559

Jesus wept

By chicochico - 19/12/2008 16:05 - France

Today, I had sex with a girl who cried out as she came, "Forgive me Lord! Forgive me Lord!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 208

You deserved it 7 021

By Anonymous - 05/03/2015 02:05

Today, my neighbor at my apartment building told me water from my sink was leaking into his apartment. He told me to call maintenance to fix it, but they won't help unless he calls. He refuses to, and I can't do my dishes without feeling like an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 262

You deserved it 3 015

By Anonymous - 02/01/2016 07:04 - United States - Burbank

Today, I was driving a little over the speed limit, when I saw a cop car waiting to join the road ahead of me. I quickly hit the brakes so they wouldn't have a payday with me. I hit the brakes too hard, lost control and almost ended up on someone's lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 531

You deserved it 25 098

By baebookboo - 04/08/2014 15:08 - United States - Lawrence

Today, I asked my mom about signing up for an online dating site. She took one look at me and said, "Why get rejected online when you can just go outside for the same?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 138

You deserved it 4 474

Not such a happy ending

By JustJared - 15/09/2021 05:00

Today, I get to see my best friend and love of my life of two years marry the man she loves. Back then, I lied and told her I was gay to avoid her finding out my feelings for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 1 804

By noname - 13/12/2008 05:48 - France

Today, my wife, in her magnificent wedding dress, had her period during the ceremony. How did I find out? The same way everyone else did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 742

You deserved it 2 944

By Anonymous - 01/12/2012 06:06 - United States - Friendswood

Today, I brought a boy over to my house to help with a history project. My mom suddenly swooped in and bombarded him with questions about his and my sex life, and how she wants to have exactly four grandchildren. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 251

You deserved it 2 231

By Jane - 24/11/2011 13:57 - Australia

Today, at the point of orgasm, my boyfriend screamed out, "Is this all there is?!" then rolled over and stared blankly at the ceiling without speaking for ages. This happens a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 730

You deserved it 6 196

Thin walls

By xtilltheendx - 05/10/2020 20:08 - United States

Today, I had to have an awkward conversation with my parents when they told me they were able to hear me and my boyfriend having sex at night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 500

You deserved it 1 267

Saturday night fever

By Anonymous - 14/06/2020 08:09

Today, I was arrested on my 25th birthday and thrown in jail overnight for impersonating myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 593

You deserved it 154

By LoveTheElder - 11/05/2016 01:38 - United States - San Clemente

Today, the elderly lady I work for got mad at me, all because I wouldn't feed her imaginary friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 972

You deserved it 1 325

By Anonymous - 10/04/2009 21:40 - United States

Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30 years old. The woman was my doctor. She snorted to cover a laugh and apologized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 312 839

You deserved it 43 901

By Anonymous - 22/10/2011 06:10 - United States

Today, I was relaxing at home while my boyfriend played with his hamster. After a while of silence, my boyfriend came over and put his fingers next to my face. Trying to be cute, I stuck his fingers in my mouth and sucked on them. Turns out he was trying to show me how bad hamster pee smells. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 583

You deserved it 53 524

By Yubi - 11/01/2009 15:22 - Belgium

Today, my mother told me: "If you didn't exist, I wouldn't stay with your father". So it's MY fault if she's having problems with him? FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 078

You deserved it 2 349

By arh - 28/08/2012 00:10 - Australia - Newport

Today, I wore an expensive vintage blazer which I'd purchased at a market in Paris. Turns out my colleague has the exact same one, only hers is from a clearance rack at Target. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 620

You deserved it 8 784

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

js_0508 9

Send a private message

Wednesday 15 July 2015 10:06

I hope he was joking but i'd keep my distance from him just to be safe. Goodluck!

bulletsinthewind 21

Send a private message

Wednesday 15 July 2015 10:07

Wow, that must feel a bit creepy. Perhaps he's been stalking you. I would say you should run like hell, and run far

sleepyfires 20

Send a private message

Wednesday 15 July 2015 10:04

Yes.

Nilorak 24

Send a private message

Wednesday 15 July 2015 10:16

No.

creatureman 14

Send a private message

Wednesday 15 July 2015 10:39

Maybe

91hayek 31

Send a private message

Wednesday 15 July 2015 11:03

I don't know.

Lorenzo1102 21

Send a private message

Wednesday 15 July 2015 11:30

Can you repeat the question

nonsensical 26

Wednesday 15 July 2015 11:51

No, this is Patrick

dabaerju 23

Send a private message

Wednesday 15 July 2015 16:22

You're not the boss of me now~

pedopears 18

Send a private message

Wednesday 15 July 2015 20:04

Amazing Malcolm in the Middle reference.. :D

thatguynamedsky 32

Send a private message

Friday 17 July 2015 6:31

why was 27 downvoted that was the best

js_0508 9

Send a private message

Wednesday 15 July 2015 10:06

I hope he was joking but i'd keep my distance from him just to be safe. Goodluck!

Rectov 10

Send a private message

Sunday 9 August 2015 22:39

Can't keep your distance if he knows where you live

khoov19 20

Wednesday 15 July 2015 10:07

"Run Forest Run"

pokemyeyes 23

Send a private message

Wednesday 15 July 2015 18:50

Forrest*

HerMischief 21

Send a private message

Wednesday 15 July 2015 10:07

Now you have to check under your bed every night before you sleep!

bulletsinthewind 21

Send a private message

Wednesday 15 July 2015 10:07

Wow, that must feel a bit creepy. Perhaps he's been stalking you. I would say you should run like hell, and run far

sonasonic 34

Send a private message

Thursday 16 July 2015 4:58

Why should she run when she can get a restraining order? Pretty easy to get one nowadays.

jake131000 21

Send a private message

Wednesday 15 July 2015 10:08

watch your step

echarlotte 19

Send a private message

Wednesday 15 July 2015 10:11

Time for a restraining order

TheDog6 24

Send a private message

Wednesday 15 July 2015 12:35

You should have responded with "Would you hate me if I called the cops" For the mean time though, maybe stay with a friend or family member just for safety in numbers.

Badkarma4u 17

Send a private message

Wednesday 15 July 2015 20:14

I don't know why, when I reconnect with an old school friend. It usually goes like this. "What ever happened to Cathy?" "Oh she got her art degree and is working at XYZ design firm." "Oh wow, so shes a big city girl now", "Nah she still lives over on elm, you know where the Millers used to live?" "Oh yeah, man, its been so long I'd like to catch up with her. Do you have her number?" "Sure". No need to be creeped out. There is also nothing wrong with knocking on an old friends door. Thats what doorbells are foor.