Miscellaneous: Today, my relationship with my family is so bad that when someone... - FML

By saracenslament - 22/11/2016 11:47

Today, my relationship with my family is so bad that when someone burst into my house without ringing the doorbell, my first assumption was, "Oh God I hope it's not my mum visiting!" rather than, "Oh God, it's a burglar!" It was actually my mother-in-law, and I was truly relieved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 620

You deserved it 939

Another great day to be alive

Mother of the year

People are people

By Anonymous - 03/04/2013 09:17 - United States

Today, I was lost in a foreign city so I asked a girl for directions. She replied, "Directions? ONE DIRECTION!" and started screaming in my face and jumping around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 672

You deserved it 5 691

No kinkshaming here

By Anonymous - 30/09/2012 04:37 - United States - Northridge

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me he masturbates to the thought of me swimming in pancake syrup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 978

You deserved it 5 741

By onlyjuggalos - 31/01/2016 08:13 - United States

Today, I told my grandpa that I want to join the police force. His response: "You wanna lynch some blacks without the jail time, eh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 503

You deserved it 2 534

By MyMomIsInsane - 10/03/2015 00:28 - United States - Uniontown

Today, my mom demanded that I go into the basement and fix the water heater. I told her that I had no idea how to fix it, so she threw my phone down the stairs, told me to Google it, and locked the basement door behind me. It's been two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 683

You deserved it 3 212

By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, I was at a dinner with my dad's girlfriend's family. I met this guy who I found kind of cute and tried to talk to him a couple times. To avoid talking to me he started playing his PSP. I could see the screen perfectly and the PSP was clearly off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 907

You deserved it 6 106

By Fantastic - 04/03/2009 04:19 - United States

Today, I was walking to my car tonight when I saw a large man walking behind me, I hurried to open my car as he was approaching quickly, my door wasn't unlocking and I panicked. It was then I noticed it wasnt even my car. As I walked away from the other car, he walked up and unlocked the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 092

You deserved it 48 663

By AsianSensation - 15/12/2014 03:30 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my new friend tried to introduce me to "American Culture," as I am new to the city. He explained what a hamburger is and how it differs from the Asian food I was used to eating. I moved from Seattle and have worked at Burger King. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 023

You deserved it 2 923

By Tired Hungry Geek - 27/10/2015 04:40 - United States

Today, I was exhausted after a long day at work and didn't feel like cooking so I went to a drive thru. I placed my order, went to the window and paid. I then drove off without my food and didn't realize it for a couple of blocks. I was too embarrassed to go back and get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 626

You deserved it 10 262

By Anonymous - 09/07/2011 00:12 - United States

Today, I found out that the landscaping job I started three weeks ago is actually for an illicit business run by a hippie who pissed away the entire payroll to fund his drug habit. He has no way of coughing up the $900 he owes me. I'm broke as hell, and my electricity is now going to get cut off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 002

You deserved it 4 558

By now what - 24/12/2014 05:56 - United States - San Leandro

Today, my husband came home with a Christmas gift from a coworker. It's the same thing I got him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 063

You deserved it 3 354

By 282 - 29/10/2018 14:00

Today, I was sitting on my younger sister's bed while I was on my phone. She came in the room and pushed me off the bed, and I ended up slicing the skin under my eye. Now, my parents are forcing me to pay for the injury for "hanging off the bed". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 657

You deserved it 307

By Eric - 27/02/2012 21:58 - United States

Today, I ordered Chinese food. As I approached the restaurant to pick it up, I took out my keys and tried to unlock the front door. By the time I realized my mistake, everyone inside the restaurant had noticed and started laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 282

You deserved it 24 531

By in pain - 15/03/2011 22:57

Today, I got into a bad car accident, where I got severe whiplash, swollen knees, and cuts everywhere. I called my boss to let him know I wouldn't be able to make it in and he fired me for being 'not dependable'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 411

You deserved it 3 649

By Whywhywhy - 20/08/2017 13:01

Today, my daughter decided to draw me a heart for my birthday. Unfortunately, she drew it on the side of my car. With a rock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 257

You deserved it 360

By Eli - 20/09/2011 00:21 - Canada

Today, I had a violent allergic reaction to some bread I ate at a restaurant. How did they apologize? By sending me a free basket of bread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 465

You deserved it 3 221

By Anonymous - 02/08/2009 21:20 - Canada

Today, a moth was flying around my house. Annoyed, I picked up a shoe to crush it with. The moth landed on a light fixture on the ceiling, so I made my move. Dead, the moth slipped gracefully through air and onto my head. So did the light fixture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 803

You deserved it 51 892

By Anonymous - 11/08/2010 01:05 - United States

Today, I wanted to spend the day cleaning my room. My mom thinks that I was lying just to stay home, so she yelled at me to go to her shop. At the shop, she yelled at me for not being any help. When we got home she yelled at me for having a messy room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 570

You deserved it 3 827

By Anonymous - 05/05/2009 10:32 - United States

Today, I was insulted online by a teenager who said that I was probably a fat loser that still lives with their mother and a couple of cats. They were right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 190

You deserved it 58 269

By Username - 11/01/2011 09:45

Today, I found out my boyfriend is only with me because he's in love with my sister, who turned him down repeatedly, and I'm the closest he can now get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 886

You deserved it 3 462

By mitchellcrawford - 31/05/2016 18:05 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after seeing a cute girl on the bus, I tried to look cool by flipping my hair, only to smack the side of my head into the bus window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 050

You deserved it 10 037

My cousin the shitgibbon

By ladyofzanarkand - 10/06/2020 14:19

Today, my cousin posted an article on Facebook with the caption, "This warms my heart." The article was about a teenager who was bullied to suicide for being gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 573

You deserved it 165

By Mad Munki - 07/12/2017 05:00

Today, I went on the best date of my life with someone I’ve admired for a very long time. On the car ride home, she vomited all over my lap and informed me that she’s moving across the country next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 783

You deserved it 344

By mandy - 10/04/2009 15:35 - United States

Today, I was babysitting my neighbor's kid. We were playing in the yard, when he fell and got a small scratch on his leg. I gasp, and he takes a huge breath in and yells, "FUUUCK!!!" as loud as possible. The parents thought it was me, and the mother slapped me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 167

You deserved it 3 542

By sos - 17/01/2011 03:59 - United States

Today, I found out that I can't pass a field sobriety test while sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 197

You deserved it 4 706

Weird compliment, but OK

By prettyconstipated - 09/03/2021 14:02

Today, while buying laxatives at a store, the cashier loudly declared that I'm "too pretty" to be constipated. What? FML

I agree, your life sucks 952

You deserved it 83

By thecathater - 09/07/2013 13:35 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I found out that I'd been wrong to constantly accuse next door's cat of peeing on my car every night. It was actually my 16-year-old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 743

You deserved it 7 085

Odorama

By carla - 13/01/2009 01:35 - France

Today, as I came out of some changing rooms in a clothes shop, I gave back all the stuff I'd tried on to a saleswoman. I then walk off, make it about a couple of yards, change my mind and decide to purchase one of the items I'd tried. When I get back, the saleswoman was spraying the changing room I'd used with deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 513

You deserved it 10 667

By nicooolea - 03/03/2009 08:26 - United States

Today, the 75 year old blinding owner of the bar I work at called me over and told me to fire "Rachel, the stupid c**t after the next wrong thing she does". My name is Rachel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 188

You deserved it 3 915

By Oh hells no - 16/09/2013 07:26 - United States - Los Altos

Today, my girlfriend came home with a huge bouquet of roses. They were from an admirer, brainwashing her to think I'm a terrible boyfriend for not buying her flowers like he did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 477

You deserved it 12 081

By Anonymous - 24/02/2016 15:05

Today, I went to my stepdad's funeral. He was the most important person in my life, but it didn't stop my stepsister angrily saying, "Why are you crying? He wasn't even your real dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 059

You deserved it 1 263

By Anonymous - 28/01/2011 11:44 - United States

Today, at work, a homeless woman called me trash, threw her coffee at me, and told me to get a job. I do have a job. It's homeless outreach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 393

You deserved it 3 305

Feu Orange

By Farty - 02/09/2021 19:01 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I found out my boyfriend keeps a car air freshener on his desk, because it "keeps my farts away from his air." FML

I agree, your life sucks 578

You deserved it 238

Foreshadowing

By Anonymous - 16/08/2021 20:01

Today, my husband wouldn’t touch or even look at our newborn daughter until she’d had all the birth slime cleaned off her, then he held her for like 5 seconds before giving her back, saying he could still smell the slime and vomited all over a nurse. This does not bode well for nappy changing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 271

You deserved it 174

By razordot - 28/02/2019 09:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, after complaining all my life that no one makes a decent can opener, I have realised that I have been using them the wrong way. I finally figured out that the cutting blade goes on the SIDE of the can not the TOP. I'm 57 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 053

You deserved it 1 991

By Anonymous - 22/09/2010 12:11 - Japan

Today, I decided to go for a run to try and work on getting in shape. Nine steps in, I slipped in some slimy moss, almost broke my hip on the pavement and gashed open my elbow. I'll be surprised if I can walk straight in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 061

You deserved it 3 978

By abby0019 - 13/03/2010 00:08 - France

Today, my new neighbours came over to introduce themselves. I open the door to see my ex-husband, with a horrified look on his face, and his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 331

You deserved it 2 319

By ashamed - 14/12/2014 02:02 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my dad and grandpa came to a charity event that I helped set up for people who have autism. I appreciated their support, until I heard my dad say "Man, some of these 'tards are pretty hot." and my grandpa replying "Yeah. Probably like dead fish in bed, though." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 046

You deserved it 3 223

By Anonymous - 25/10/2016 11:35

Today, I explained to my boss what clickbait is and why it's bad practice to use it when writing online. After my explanation, she ordered me to go ahead with it, saying it's "exactly what we need". This person is the marketing communications director for a major multinational company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 115

You deserved it 1 172

That's not very pog

By Anonymous Dad - 02/02/2021 17:02

Today, my son and his friends were gaming in his room when I thought I'd use a word I recently discovered online. I said, "Hey, this is all very poggers." My son sighed and said, "How do you do, fellow kids?" I got Steve Buscemi-ed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 245

You deserved it 924

By Anonymous - 29/12/2013 21:04 - United States - Bolingbrook

Today, I was mopping the floor at the hotel I work at. Before I could react, a gentleman stormed through the corridor and slipped and fell on the still wet floor. He complained to the owner, who bitched me out just to satisfy the guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 878

You deserved it 3 981

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Tuesday 22 November 2016 17:06

I'm sure she was relieved too. After all, you bought her mother-in-law disguise. She was able to rob your house with ease after wondering whether or not the cheek pinching and attempts to ground your spouse took it too far.

thepeniswrinkler 14

Send a private message

Tuesday 22 November 2016 16:13

Well, at least you don't have family issues and burglary issues

Comments

thepeniswrinkler 14

Send a private message

Tuesday 22 November 2016 16:13

Well, at least you don't have family issues and burglary issues

naivemisanthrope 4

Send a private message

Tuesday 22 November 2016 16:21

My sympathies; I moved five states away from my mother and still worry about her tracking me down and showing up out of nowhere.

Send a private message

Tuesday 22 November 2016 16:52

Five states away? That'll really help me refine my search radius, honey.

RememberSchlitz 9

Send a private message

Tuesday 22 November 2016 16:27

Lock the door?

saracenslament 8

Send a private message

Tuesday 22 November 2016 16:47

We were waiting on food to arrive, so I had the door unlocked so I wouldn't have to mess around with it.

Send a private message

Tuesday 22 November 2016 16:53

Well a burglar wouldn't "burst" into your house, so that one was kinda obvious...

Send a private message

Tuesday 22 November 2016 17:32

Are you sure about that mate? Like. Are you really sure? That maybe the burglar would've assumed the door was locked without trying the knob and just busted the door open?

Taco The Dank 27

Send a private message

Tuesday 22 November 2016 21:13

Yeah, because all burglars are kind enough to knock on the door and wait, whether there's a car in the driveway or not.

Send a private message

Wednesday 23 November 2016 8:19

Knowing my crippling anxiety i would probably be the ONE to knock and politely ask to rob them. because ya know, i wouldn't want to bother them or anything.

Send a private message

Tuesday 22 November 2016 17:06

I'm sure she was relieved too. After all, you bought her mother-in-law disguise. She was able to rob your house with ease after wondering whether or not the cheek pinching and attempts to ground your spouse took it too far.

Taco The Dank 27

Send a private message

Tuesday 22 November 2016 18:10

The next question to ask is why did your mother-in-law burst into your house without ringing?

saracenslament 8

Send a private message

Tuesday 22 November 2016 18:14

Probably because we don't ring when we go to hers, though it'd be hard to since they don't have a doorbell lol.

Taco The Dank 27

Send a private message

Tuesday 22 November 2016 21:12

lol, it's a taste of your own medicine

Send a private message

Tuesday 22 November 2016 22:36

Honestly in the exact position with my family (mainly my mom).

Send a private message

Tuesday 22 November 2016 23:47

was she drunk?

Send a private message

Wednesday 23 November 2016 2:28

Could have been the Kool aid man. Oh Yeah!

Send a private message

Wednesday 23 November 2016 13:30

Nah, the Kool-Aid Man doesn't even bother with the door if there's a perfectly good wall he can smash through instead.

Send a private message

Wednesday 23 November 2016 3:40

It's your house right? How about getting a door that locks? Maybe that would keep them out.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 652

You deserved it 91

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 176

You deserved it 287