Today, after waking up, I went into the kitchen and took a swig of milk from the carton. I overestimated my strength, and the whole thing splashed all over my face. A few moments later, my dad staggered in, looked at me in disgust, and said, "You know what? I don't even wanna know." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried to discreetly smell a carton of milk to see if it had gone bad. I squeezed it a little too hard and it sprayed directly into my face. My roommate walked into the kitchen at that exact moment, then silently walked back out. FML
Today, I jokingly mocked my dad about his age. He jokingly poured milk all over my head. FML
Today. I was sitting up having coffee early in the morning, still half-asleep. My dad walked in, getting ready for work. He asked if that was my water sitting there. He thought it must've be his, so he took a big gulp. OMG, I'd forgotten I'd poured a glass of pure white vinegar last night. His face was absolutely hilarious. FML
Today, while relaxing in the kitchen drinking coffee, my dad suddenly rushed in, knocking me over and causing me to spill boiling hot coffee all over myself. Then, my dad thought it would be a good idea to grab the sprayer from the sink and douse me with cold water in order to "put me out." FML
Today, my dad was making coffee for the family. Half-way through, he excused himself to the bathroom, so for a laugh, I discreetly poured a load of salt into his drink. When he served us, I drank a mouthful and doubled over hacking. My dad barked, "I wasn't born yesterday, son." FML
Today, I was at the store with my kids. My 5-year-old son wanted to carry the milk carton, so I let him. He dropped it and it spilled. I was really embarrassed. Then he decided to get on the floor and lick the milk off the ground. Everyone stared at me accusingly. FML
Today, my father started drinking a little early. At some point, he got hungry and decided to boil eggs. He started a dozen, drank some more, and passed out on the couch. When I came home, all the water had boiled off and the eggs had exploded all over the kitchen. I'm still cleaning up the mess. FML
Today, I saw my little brother drink from the milk carton, gag, and spit the milk back in. FML
Today, my dad came home and wanted to grab a glass. It wasn't in direct sight so he slammed the cupboard door so hard, I peed my pants. FML
Today, I woke up at 2 a.m. needing a drink. Not only did my cat wake everyone up when I tripped over him, but I also spilled a whole gallon of milk on myself. FML
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Top comments
Feklfekl2222 32
Who drinks from the carton that's just disgusting.
Bluekaren16 19
A carton of milk isn't that heavy.
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Comments (141)
cupcakestar 5
I'm not sure how this is an FML...
perdix 31
You must be the Hulk, y'know, being able to manhandle a carton of milk. You could be the Avenger for the lactose-intolerant. I hope your dad doesn't know what a bukkake party is.
thatKidzmOm 10
Should I even ask what that is...?
SystemofaBlink41 27
28- no, don't ask...
43trauts 14
Bukkake - the act of ejaculating on something or someone by one or many men. Knowing that, I think you can tell what a bukkake party is...
J3NNI3LYNN 9
I'm going to ask, what is it?
43trauts 14
Look at #55's comment
perdix 31
#28, let's just say the saying "Curiosity killed the cat" has been updated to "The cat that knows about the Blue Waffle hopes to be killed soon."
mhopper 13
If he was in his boxers when his dad saw him covered in white goo, he deserved his dad's comment.
killer6969 16
LOOOOOOLZ!! Hilarious! :)
Donat96 20
Brazzers!
reject214 10
I thought he said he didn't want to know because their was white stuff all over your face and it might have implied something else.
rockerlove2013 6
Did he walked back into bed to fall asleep again and hope it was a dream so he doesn't have to clean it up lol
SimplyEerb 3
Great way to start the morning
annie_nk 23
By far the funniest FML I've read all week. LOL
Apostle123 2
He thought you were having some funn.....
worldclassrager 41
glasses are created for a reason...you never know who will have the next sip...you could pass on a sickness...I love the dad's response...classic...