Work: Today, at 7am, I was woken up by a telemarketer. He tried to...

By kareltje - Netherlands

Today, at 7am, I was woken up by a telemarketer. He tried to sell me a bedroom set containing "a comfortable pillow and goose feather cover". I was working the graveyard shift and had only just gotten to sleep an hour earlier. FML

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kareltje tells us more :

Can't they make a living during office hours? That would've given me 2 hours of sleep at least...

Work

There's no helping some people

And today, on Dr Phil…

Healthy relationship

By dumpedattheclub - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend went to the club. The song "Single Ladies" by Beyonce came on; the DJ came on the mic and said "Single ladies raise your hands!" My girlfriend raised her hand. FML

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66846

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By Fuzzy - Australia

Today, I was watching Star Wars : Attack of the Clones, and Yoda was using the force to move a heavy object. While in the middle of my loungeroom, I instinctively put my hand up to use the force to help him, infront of my father and sister. My sister will never let me live it down. FML

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9088

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By Just Awkward

Today, I was in class rubbing my hands together. The lecturer thought that because my hands were up, I had a question. I replied with, "Oh, no I was just playing with myself." Just as it left my mouth, I realised what I was saying. FML

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4408

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By Anonymous - Ireland

Today, I cycled 30 minutes through hail and rain to get my pregnant girlfriend the crisps she was craving. When I made it back, she didn't want them anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43317

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By Katelyn - United States - Folsom

Today, I was pumping gas, when my daughter called me. After I hung up, I put my phone on the car roof while I grabbed my bag. I completely forgot about it and only realized when it shot off the roof as I braked at a traffic light. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9533

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By Zanovitch - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, my mom asked me, once again, if my girlfriend of almost a year is just a cover up for being gay. FML

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47951

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By YoungSmileBones - United States - Lake Havasu City

Today, I'm so broke that I'm thinking about using a glass of whiskey and a pair of pliers to pull out my broken wisdom teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13957

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By BurnBabyBurn - United States - Roberta

Today, after stopping to pick up dinner at a fast food joint, I got a nosebleed. I immediately reached into the bag to grab napkins and began stuffing them up my nose, only to find out too late that a mustard packet had burst in the bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6605

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By bingalingading - United States - Owosso

Today, I was working at a donation center. I was having a really rough day, so my fiancée dropped me off some cookies. At the end of my shift, the manager told me I couldn't take them home because they were donated and therefore they were "company property." FML

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31385

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2020 05:02

Contagion

Today, after bronchitis and a negative COVID test, I finally went back into my classroom for the last day before break. An hour after I got home, a parent contacted me to let me know her child (whom I helped all day) had tested positive and that I needed to quarantine. She thought I would, "want to know." FML

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By diamondsareforever - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. On our way to the Space Needle I was pulled over and promptly arrested. Apparently, I had recently purchased a car from a man who had robbed a jewelery store. The ring is now evidence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62254

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By anon9876542 - Australia

Today, I drank 1.5 litres of water. I didn't go to the bathroom for 9 hours. During my one hour trek home on public transport, I was busting to pee but I managed to hold it. Walking 200m from my bus stop to my house was agony, but I still held it. When I got to my front door I peed my pants. FML

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23026

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By Anonymous - Australia - Sydney

Today, my dad was fixing my wardrobe and pushed too hard, causing stuff to fall from the top shelves. I saw it happen with my own eyes, but he's dead-set convinced that it was some kind of poltergeist fucking with him, and now he doesn't want me to go in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29946

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By Anonymous - 10/11/2020 17:01 - Australia

Professional

Today, I sent an email to a private escort, only to later realise that I sent it off my work email. FML

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214

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1472

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By JohhnyKeroscene - United States

Today, while helping my mom to cook, I was reminded that when the fire alarm goes off in our house, dinner is ready. FML

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24137

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By roomingwithevil - United States - Slinger

Today, I found out who my randomly assigned roommate was. Out of 10,000+ people, I just happen to get assigned a girl who threatened to kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29635

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2049

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By Acidic Donut - United States - Brookfield

Today, I hid my parents' booze since I'd always thought their shitty behavior was due to drinking too much. Turns out they're just assholes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55598

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By alycion

Today, I took my father to a hockey game. He always has to get pictures with the girls, so while in bag check, he used his breath spray. He got me in the eye, and I was temporarily blinded through most of the first period. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1614

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131

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at the doctor's office and the doctor asked me "have you been having any intimate relations?" and the first thing that I blurted out was, "you mean with other people?" FML

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By skid - United States - Champaign

Today, I took part in a bouquet toss. The "single ladies" consisted of myself and several girls under the age of ten. I'm 31. FML

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29972

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By burnnnnn - Ecuador

Today, I was walking with a friend after buying two cups of steaming hot coffee. While crossing the busiest street in town I tripped and fell, spilling the coffee all over me. My friend didn't notice I fell right in front of her and tripped over me spilling her coffee on me as well. FML

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25372

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I won the lottery. My ex-girlfriend has the ticket. I just broke up with her. FML

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54701

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By pray for me

Today, I'm so broke after my recent divorce that I stole toilet paper from my church. I'm the pastor. FML

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1849

You deserved it

309

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By Scared - United States - Pacific

Today, I fell asleep while watching the Ted Bundy documentary. I'm a woman, home alone, in Seattle. The nightmares were so scary, I may never want to sleep again. FML

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1622

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was messing around with my boyfriend, trying to get him to tell me he loved me more than KISS, his favorite band. He couldn't do it. FML

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By Scottie Too Hottie - United States - Pontiac

Today, I waved money at a passing ice cream truck and it kept going. So apparently I can't even get a date with a Sno Cone. FML

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10049

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By cpiro - 27/5/2020 05:00

Live from the chopper

Today, my friend borrowed my car and decided to get pulled over after a high speed chase. My car got towed in a town over 100 miles away. Choose your friends wisely. FML

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1431

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By sandwichmaker - United States

Today, while working at Subway, a man ordered a sub with avocado. When I told him it was no longer available, he screamed, spit in my face and ran out, pushing over an innocent bystander in the process. FML

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36615

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By nikko blue - United States

Today, I decided to try whitening my teeth for the first time. I applied the strips to my teeth and decided to lay down and wait for the thirty required minutes to pass. I accidentally fell asleep and woke up three hours later. My teeth are still in excruciating pain and are covered in white streaks. FML

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11419

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By dating a manchild - Denmark - Hellerup

Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML

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34702

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By Jograd - Australia - Sydney

Today, my roommate decided to turn off all appliances in the house to "save" electricity. This included the refrigerator. FML

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25745

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By fuck off, for real - United States - Ft Mitchell

Today, my girlfriend dumped me by text for another man while I was at work. While I worked the drive-thru, a customer noticed me choking back my tears and said "I'd be cryin' too if I worked your dead-end job." FML

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28085

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I paid $70 to learn from the vet that my cat doesn't have a UTI, he's just developed a fetish for peeing on plastic bags. FML

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26456

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By duhitskelly94 - United States

Today, I drove 150 miles to see one of my favorite singers in concert. Before I got out of the car I checked to make sure I had the tickets. Did I have the tickets? Yes. Were they for today's concert? Nope. FML

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19801

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By The Rock's arse - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I hit rock bottom; I watched one of those shitty infomercial channels, without even being forced into it at gunpoint. Even worse is that I practically creamed myself over a damn fruit juicer, all because it was 50% off and I could actually afford it. FML

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37078

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By tommyboy783 - United States

Today, this weird girl started texting me. I really didn't want to talk to her, so I texted back, "This message could not be delivered because of a temporery network setup error. Error 2128-226110." She replied, "You spelt temporary wrong." FML

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12042

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By Anonymous

Today, I realised how little my husband trusts me after I told him I was pregnant and the first words out of his mouth were, “Is it mine?” FML

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2393

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By Epithymia - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I went to the chiropractor for a check up. She was going through some of the ways to help my posture and mentioned something that I've never heard before. My fat ass thought it was a type of food. Turns out it was a sports routine. FML

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11542

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By Iwtumn - Austria

Today, I came home from a crazy costume party and took a hot shower. When I opened my eyes and saw the water running from my head was bloody, I freaked out and called my friend for help. She had to remind me that for the party, I'd coloured my hair red with washable hair dye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25605

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Dunedin

Today, I learned that you can be so sleep deprived that you sleep through your alarm, a construction crew outside your house, and your bladder completely voiding itself. FML

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Top comments

By kareltje | 17

#3290757 - Thursday 15 September 2011 0:07

#18: I'm just bored. Happy now? Should I write another FML?
"Today I commented on one of the comments of my FML. FML"

By kareltje | 17

#3290600 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 23:53

Can't they make a living during office hours? That would've given me 2 hours of sleep at least...

COMMENTS

By Hannahrayne | 0

#3290579 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 23:52

..Aww.

MasterE56 | 4

#3290674 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 23:59

pretend you speak Indian.. shit then they will understand you.....

minisquid | 9

#3290875 - Thursday 15 September 2011 0:25

Or you tell him precisely where he can shove that pillow.

ShroomsOnAcid | 16

#3291701 - Thursday 15 September 2011 3:39

I have serious respect for someone who actually succeeds doing that.

By fanceh | 10

#3290580 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 23:52

well....... fuck.

zachherbert | 10

#3290747 - Thursday 15 September 2011 0:07

Go back to bed?

abbyelizabeth | 9

#3292158 - Thursday 15 September 2011 5:00

Oh the irony.

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#3292835 - Thursday 15 September 2011 8:44

3- I think they're a little tired to be doing that.

By lifesucks1234567_fml | 2

#3290598 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 23:53

Dude that sucks.... Fyl

By kareltje | 17

#3290600 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 23:53

Can't they make a living during office hours? That would've given me 2 hours of sleep at least...

By Blue87 | 4

#3290606 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 23:54

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By Blue87 | 4

#3290608 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 23:54

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By FreakoHolm | 6

#3290615 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 23:55

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

megapeyt | 17

#3290637 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 23:57

You work for the beast!!!

kareltje | 17

#3290647 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 23:57

You choose to be a telemarketer...

FreakoHolm | 6

#3290653 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 23:57

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

WTSchool | 0

#3290784 - Thursday 15 September 2011 0:10

Ever heard of a home phone?

Sl1mShad3y | 10

#3291637 - Thursday 15 September 2011 3:23

so by the looks of your picture i need to ask a question? does your company give you crack?

mohammadkm95 | 6

#3291922 - Thursday 15 September 2011 4:21

81-lmfao

OceanBreathesSal | 5

#3291979 - Thursday 15 September 2011 4:31

Wow... I can tell why you have such a shitty job, your grammar is horrible.

greg84_fml | 21

#3292457 - Thursday 15 September 2011 6:08

Or maybe, just maybe it could be an important call, ever think of that?

suckstoobeyou | 0

#3292646 - Thursday 15 September 2011 7:27

But it might be the only jobs left in that part of the world. Yes it does suck but he's making a living at a job so ease off the guy/girl.....

suckstoobeyou | 0

#3292663 - Thursday 15 September 2011 7:30

Maybe because he doesn't want to miss a important call.....
Or
because they have a cordless phone in there room live many ppl do......

By Souners | 3

#3290619 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 23:55

If you had that bedroom set you probably could have slept through the call.

SnailJamsss | 6

#3296588 - Friday 16 September 2011 5:39

Touche

By megapeyt | 17

#3290623 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 23:55

TELEMARKETERS FTW!!! NOT, freaking hate it when they refuse to take you off their calling list. Where did they get your number from anyway???

HeavyScout | 0

#3290864 - Thursday 15 September 2011 0:23

Let's examine our possibilities: phone book, Internet, etc...

tylersign | 11

#3292153 - Thursday 15 September 2011 4:59

Phone book? Lol what's that!? ;)

By HamIsGood1234 | 0

#3290627 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 23:56

Stupid telemarketers.