Today, at 7am, I was woken up by a telemarketer. He tried to...

By kareltje - 14/9/2011 18:50 - Netherlands

Today, at 7am, I was woken up by a telemarketer. He tried to sell me a bedroom set containing "a comfortable pillow and goose feather cover". I was working the graveyard shift and had only just gotten to sleep an hour earlier. FML

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kareltje Say more :

Can't they make a living during office hours? That would've given me 2 hours of sleep at least...

Work

Rich people problems

Sewer monster

Night terrors

By Links - 20/11/2009 07:26 - United States

Today, a McDonald's employee had to correct my math after counting out $2.37 in change. I'm in AP Calculus and am currently learning how to find the derivative of an inverse of a logarithm. FML

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By andimanastudent - 13/4/2011 21:44 - United States

Today, I freaked out when the remote wouldn't unlock my car. I stood in the rain trying to open the door. Unsure of what to do next, I called my boyfriend. He told me to "put the key in the door". I had forgotten about that option. FML

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By peacock_mina19 - 11/2/2009 00:08 - United States

Today, my mother and I got into a huge fight about me being a lesbian. It ended with me saying "Fuck you!" to which she responded: "I bet you'd probably like to." FML

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By Anonymous - 10/10/2015 04:43 - Canada - Qualicum Beach

Today, desperate to meet a guy, I went clubbing. The only guy to show any interest opened with: "You're hot, for a black chick!" FML

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By Anonymous - 6/9/2015 20:11 - United States - Pleasanton

Today, my neighbor pointed to me and said to his best friend, "This motherfucker still lives with his mama. That's why he can't get no pussy." I'm thirty. My neighbor is eleven, and correct. FML

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By Fatnotpregnant - 30/3/2017 16:00

Today, I now know why my new jeans are so comfy. They're maternity jeans. I thought the soft elastic in front was just for added comfort. Apparently, I need to lose some weight. FML

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By BroadcitySF - 28/2/2016 03:42 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was mugged while changing my tampon. The mugger took everything, including the fresh tampon. FML

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By tbeemcgeebee - 1/8/2010 05:05 - United States

Today, at 2 am on a Saturday, I purposely updated my Facebook status from my iPod so people will see that I posted from a 'mobile device' and think I'm out at a bar having a life, instead of sitting at home on my bed watching movies on my Netflix. FML

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By 99jellybean - 26/1/2016 03:02 - United States - Rochester

Today, a girl in my class threw a temper tantrum. Why? Because she wanted my seat. We're in high school. FML

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By Petitprof - 12/11/2010 18:23 - France

Today, someone in my class wrote "Erase me if you can!" at the very top of the board, as I am always tormented about how short I am compared to everyone else. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't reach it. I'm the teacher. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/5/2014 22:03 - South Africa

Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I jumped out of bed in panic and rushed into the bathroom, only to see my sister limping around in the nude. She'd just jumped out of the shower because someone had flushed the toilet downstairs. FML

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By CockroachCluster - 2/6/2018 01:30

Today, I turned on my A/C for the first time in a couple of months. A family of ginormous cockroaches climbed out of the air vent and a few clumps of dead cockroaches fell to the ground. FML

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By Fairy31 - 1/3/2012 00:01 - United States

Today, the boy I tutor failed his math test. As a result, the family fired me. The boy failed because he forgot to write his name at the top. FML

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By Lala - 10/9/2009 13:40 - Philippines

Today, I was sitting in my garden and having a cup of tea while watching some dragonflies. I thought the dragonflies were really pretty, so I ran towards them and tried to catch their tails like I used to when I was a kid. They were exotic wasps. Ouch. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/2/2013 05:08 - United Kingdom - Frome

Today, I got permission from my parents for my boyfriend to stay over. Things got intimate, and I tried my hardest not to make too much noise. However, while having a post-sex cuddle, we heard my parents in the next room muttering about my "faking". FML

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By Spawn_of_Satan - 27/3/2009 15:18 - Hong Kong

Today, whilst my parents and I were out, my older brother thought it would be funny to play porn on my computer. At full volume. With my window wide open. Now my next-door neighbors tell their kids I'm a spawn of Satan, and the weird guy from across the street winks at me. FML

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By CaptainFluffyPaw - 29/6/2015 01:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a customer complained about me for getting their order wrong. This would have been fine if they hadn't sent their ten-year-old kid to order for them. FML

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By Austin Franklin - 18/3/2012 11:41 - United States

Today, I decided to hit on a very attractive girl. I guess I was too drunk to remember it was my family reunion. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/3/2012 23:51 - United States - Meredith

Today, I tried to impress my girlfriend by vaulting over the side of a stairway rail parkour-style. Now I feel like I almost broke my legs, and judging by her hysterical laughter, she considers me more of a fool than a stud. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2011 01:11 - Canada

Today, I was driving my motorcycle, and I noticed someone was in the ditch, so I went to go help them. When the ambulance showed up, they ran over my bike, totaling it. FML

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By anonymous - 19/2/2015 16:06 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, whilst walking to a primary school to give pupils a lesson on cleanliness, I tripped and landed on a dog turd. FML

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By BrandNewKadillak - 30/4/2009 00:14 - United States

Today, I was at my 3 year-old niece's birthday party. I was swinging on their swing set when she walked directly into my path. I tried to jump off the swing, but I could not stop myself in time. I ended up kicking her in the face and giving her a black eye. Happy birthday! FML

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By aliciababy24 - 25/7/2017 21:00 - Australia - Ashburton

A Poopy Proposal

Today, while on a weekend away, my boyfriend and I went for a walk. I now get to tell everyone the story of how my boyfriend got down on one knee into a pile of cow shit while proposing. FML

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By kkmirw - 14/10/2019 05:00

Pissed

Today, a colostomy bag exploded on me while I was waiting in line at the pharmacy. Yesterday, my shoes were peed on by a child while I was at work. FML

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By seriously? - 5/8/2013 05:11 - United States - Pickerington

Today, I was trying to explain to my mom that I've been having panic attacks. I ended up having a panic attack from talking about having a panic attack. FML

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By lexiibabe - 25/6/2019 18:30 - United States - Attleboro

Today, my older brother gave me his old phone. He didn't realize that he hadn't deleted his pictures. I found a bunch of him wearing my underwear and bras. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/2/2020 19:00

I don't care

Today, my girlfriend sent me a revenge video of her having sex with another guy, because I cheated on her. I got angry with her, but later used the video to masturbate. FML

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By Idiocracy - 24/4/2009 04:36 - United States

Today, my boss confessed to me that she doesn't know how to change the staples in the staplers at work, so she just switches them when they run out. We work at an office supply store. She makes six figures. I make $10 an hour. And she just got awarded a trip to Aruba for doing a "great job". FML

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By Anonymous - 12/2/2011 18:40 - United States

Today, I went in to the doctor's thinking I had a bladder infection. I walked out knowing I'm pregnant. FML

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By AlwaysTired - 28/11/2015 03:21 - United States - San Carlos

Today, I was officially diagnosed with OCD. My mother's reaction? "That's not possible, she's a fucking slob." FML

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By tbreezy - 26/11/2018 14:00

Today, I called my ex-girlfriend to see if she would meet up with me so I could give her money to pay off the rest of the TV we had on layaway before we broke up. Turns out she cancelled it and took all the money I put into it. I put $500 down. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/9/2010 11:37 - Netherlands

Today, I hurt my jaw after I got hit by a car. While receiving medical attention, the paramedic accidentally punched me in the face. FML

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By reasonablysingle - 11/6/2016 03:27 - Australia - Greystanes

Today, I'm taking care of my 12-year-old daughter because my ex-wife thought she could cure our daughter's lactose intolerance by sneaking milk into her soy breakfast. The milk had expired. FML

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By goodjobme - 23/2/2016 06:53 - United States - Torrance

Today, I was at church with some friends and our counselor, who had recently came back from Taiwan. I was born there and love to visit, so I immediately exclaimed, "How lucky!" A few seconds of awkward silence later, he said, "I was visiting my dad who was just diagnosed with cancer." FML

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By slavelaborsux - 29/8/2011 23:59 - United States

Today, it was my first day on the job as a first grade teacher. One student pushed another, so I asked him to apologize. His response? "If you boss me around, I'll tell Daddy you touched me somewhere you shouldn't have." I think I'm now this kid's slave. FML

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By .............. - 20/7/2013 17:43 - Germany - Wadgassen

Today, my friend set up a profile for me on an adult dating site as a surprise. It was a surprise alright. The picture he set as my avatar was one of me stark naked, which I sent to my ex shortly before he dumped me. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/10/2018 17:30

Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend's family for the first time. Unfortunately, I have diarrhoea and keep leaving extremely smelly farts around the house. I blame the dog every time, but I think they're catching on. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/6/2015 13:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my boss for a couple of days off to recover from a nasty ear infection which has left me hard of hearing. However, he didn't understand why that would affect my job and refused. I work in a telephone call centre. FML

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By Abandoned - 9/3/2009 05:50 - United States

Today, I tried to surprise my parents by coming home from college for Spring Break. I arrived to find a dark house, with all the doors bolted shut. After calling them, I found out that they have gone on a vacation to Hawaii for a week. I am now locked out of my own house, with no where to stay. FML

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By rejected4555 - 3/8/2012 12:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to go to the gym with him, and I responded that we could do another kind of workout upstairs. He quickly said he'd rather just go to the gym. FML

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Top comments

By kareltje | 17

#3290757 - Thursday 15 September 2011 0:07

#18: I'm just bored. Happy now? Should I write another FML?
"Today I commented on one of the comments of my FML. FML"

By kareltje | 17

#3290600 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 23:53

Can't they make a living during office hours? That would've given me 2 hours of sleep at least...

COMMENTS

By Hannahrayne | 0

#3290579 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 23:52

..Aww.

MasterE56 | 4

#3290674 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 23:59

pretend you speak Indian.. shit then they will understand you.....

minisquid | 9

#3290875 - Thursday 15 September 2011 0:25

Or you tell him precisely where he can shove that pillow.

ShroomsOnAcid | 16

#3291701 - Thursday 15 September 2011 3:39

I have serious respect for someone who actually succeeds doing that.

By fanceh | 10

#3290580 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 23:52

well....... fuck.

zachherbert | 10

#3290747 - Thursday 15 September 2011 0:07

Go back to bed?

abbyelizabeth | 9

#3292158 - Thursday 15 September 2011 5:00

Oh the irony.

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#3292835 - Thursday 15 September 2011 8:44

3- I think they're a little tired to be doing that.

By lifesucks1234567_fml | 2

#3290598 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 23:53

Dude that sucks.... Fyl

By kareltje | 17

#3290600 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 23:53

Can't they make a living during office hours? That would've given me 2 hours of sleep at least...

By Blue87 | 4

#3290606 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 23:54

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By Blue87 | 4

#3290608 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 23:54

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By FreakoHolm | 6

#3290615 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 23:55

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

megapeyt | 17

#3290637 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 23:57

You work for the beast!!!

kareltje | 17

#3290647 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 23:57

You choose to be a telemarketer...

FreakoHolm | 6

#3290653 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 23:57

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

WTSchool | 0

#3290784 - Thursday 15 September 2011 0:10

Ever heard of a home phone?

Sl1mShad3y | 10

#3291637 - Thursday 15 September 2011 3:23

so by the looks of your picture i need to ask a question? does your company give you crack?

mohammadkm95 | 6

#3291922 - Thursday 15 September 2011 4:21

81-lmfao

OceanBreathesSal | 5

#3291979 - Thursday 15 September 2011 4:31

Wow... I can tell why you have such a shitty job, your grammar is horrible.

greg84_fml | 21

#3292457 - Thursday 15 September 2011 6:08

Or maybe, just maybe it could be an important call, ever think of that?

suckstoobeyou | 0

#3292646 - Thursday 15 September 2011 7:27

But it might be the only jobs left in that part of the world. Yes it does suck but he's making a living at a job so ease off the guy/girl.....

suckstoobeyou | 0

#3292663 - Thursday 15 September 2011 7:30

Maybe because he doesn't want to miss a important call.....
Or
because they have a cordless phone in there room live many ppl do......

By Souners | 3

#3290619 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 23:55

If you had that bedroom set you probably could have slept through the call.

SnailJamsss | 6

#3296588 - Friday 16 September 2011 5:39

Touche

By megapeyt | 17

#3290623 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 23:55

TELEMARKETERS FTW!!! NOT, freaking hate it when they refuse to take you off their calling list. Where did they get your number from anyway???

HeavyScout | 0

#3290864 - Thursday 15 September 2011 0:23

Let's examine our possibilities: phone book, Internet, etc...

tylersign | 11

#3292153 - Thursday 15 September 2011 4:59

Phone book? Lol what's that!? ;)

By HamIsGood1234 | 0

#3290627 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 23:56

Stupid telemarketers.