Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML

Slippin' and a slidin'

Today, my dog decided to take a poop at the top of an icy hill. Being a good citizen, I went to clean it up. Guess who slipped and wore the poop all the way down the hill… FML

Today, my dog took a dump beside the air intake for our furnace. The house now smells like dog crap. FML

Today, my dog figured out she can wipe her butthole on my walls after having squeezed out a turd or two. FML

Today, coming home, I discovered that my dog had left me a beautiful mound of poop in the middle of the corridor. He'd made an effort, though: there was a roll of shredded toilet paper next to it. FML

Self-defeating move

Today, my dog discovered his new toilet by taking a dump on his own bowl. FML

Today, the snow in my backyard melted, revealing just how much dog shit accumulated underneath it this winter. FML

Bad boy

Today, my roommate let his dog out. Not even five minutes later, she walked into my room and dropped a deuce. FML

Today, my dog got his head stuck in a container, panicked, and shat himself all over the living room. FML

Nature calls

Today, I got to my log cabin after an hour's hiking. I lit the fire because it was freezing and my stupid dog sniffed the fire, looked me in the eye, then jumped right into the fire and knocked the logs everywhere. My cabin is now ashes and I had an hour's hike back to my car with my stupid dog. FML