Today, after I gave birth to our first child, my husband looked at the doctor and seriously asked, "When do you circumcise the baby?" We had a baby girl. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I gave birth to my firstborn child. Somehow, my mom and mother-in-law made their way to the delivery room, and walked in mid-push. While they were escorted out, I overheard my mother-in-law asking the nurse how her son, my husband, was holding up. FML
Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML
Today, a few minutes after giving birth to our fourth child, my wife pulled me close and whispered, "I love you, but if you ever put me through that again I'll rip your balls off." Everyone laughed. FML
Today, after my wife gave birth to another of our daughters, she announced that this was the last one. When I reminded her I still needed a son to carry on my name, she replied, "Well, you've got four girls. You want a boy? Birth him yourself!" FML
Today, I got circumcised. After the surgery, my girlfriend got drunk and texted all of her friends about it. FML
Today, I gave birth, but my husband was late and got here just in time to cut the cord. He was hung over after celebrating his impending fatherhood all night. He missed the cord twice, cut it, then fell over, and wound up in the bed next to mine, with a hydrating IV and a bashed head where he hit it on the baby's cot. FML
Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm expecting our second child. He ripped up the sonogram and yelled at me to "fucking get rid of it" while jabbing me in the chest. FML
Today, my husband and I went for our 20 week scan and found out we're having a girl. The first thing he said to me was, "The next one better be a boy or I'm leaving you". FML
Today, I got a call from my husband, saying that he wants a divorce, he’s been seeing his colleague and that she’s more compatible to him. I’ve just given birth to out first child. He told me, "Aww, good luck with that." FML
Today, I took my wife and newborn baby girl home from the hospital. While waiting for the elevator, an elderly couple leaned over, saw our baby, and said, "Look, it's the fat kid that was in the nursery." My baby is six and a half pounds, and my wife hasn't stopped crying. FML
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Top comments
greenie213 23
"As soon as the penis grows in sir."
tygerarmy 35
Girls can be circumcised, but all forms of circumcision are outdated. But why are you surprised, you had a baby with this guy?
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Comments (108)
neurodoc 1
Anything goes here.. it's "Tayxas"
Czech_Zidane 14
I do not need a circumcision. I take a shower daily, you know :-)
crazytwinsmom 25
Sarcasm, I hope.
cool_story_bro14 4
Congratulations!
tulipshelly 5
Is he that stupid?
Oliver_Bento 3
3- Good Luck with Sandy! I'm visiting family in PA right now
Billy_Badass 4
I don't know why people routinely circumcise their children these days. My mom told me that when I was born, they just took me and did it, my parents didn't have a choice (I'm 41). But when my own son was born, I refused to circumcise him. My wife was all concerned that he might have problems with his penis when he's an old man, to which I said, "If that's so, then he can deal with it then. By then we'll probably be dead."
Futacy 30
Bitch got a penis! Lol
BobbieH 19
Female circumcision isn't normally practiced in the US as its considered mutilation. I don't think your husband meant that though! Does he have trouble finding your "little man in the boat" too?! Because that's what gets cut in a female circumcision.
morondon000 14
This could not have been the first warning sign that he is an idiot...