Today, I got an e-mail from my seminar tutor asking why I wasn't... - FML

By JaneVI - 10/2/2011 22:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I got an e-mail from my seminar tutor asking why I wasn't in class. I was sitting next to him. FML

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Live dumping

Night terrors

Peaky Bladders

By Anonymous - 20/2/2012 03:00 - Canada

Today, I had to leave the movie theater early because I couldn't fit in the chairs. I guess I'll see it when it comes out on DVD. FML

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By Chicagoillinois - 3/1/2015 21:16 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my step-dad explained to me why he doesn't need to wash his body. He condescendingly said, "Well when you shampoo your hair, the soap runs down your body and cleans everything." He's 37 years old. FML

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By lamponau - 9/11/2008 11:26 - France

Today, my 6-year-old son said to me, "You smell nice daddy." Surprised but flattered, I thanked him. He then added, "I like the smell of cheese!'" FML

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By ismerf19 - 22/12/2010 00:05

Today, I was working in a restaurant. On the receipt under "tip" someone actually took the time to write out "$0.00." FML

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By Badabim - 30/4/2018 20:30

Today, 5 minutes before closing, a customer was taking a bike from the row while I helped someone else. The customer ended up pushing the whole row down and left instantly without even apologizing. It took me about an hour to pick up the bikes and check for damage. FML

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By driverman12 - 4/4/2009 19:42 - United States

Today, I was driving on the freeway when I saw a car in front of me swerving across 3 lanes of traffic. Thinking he might be drunk, I dialed 911 on my phone, but I dropped it. I fished under my seat to get it, swerving, and got pulled over by highway patrol and given a field sobriety test. FML

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By pinkplasticjesus - 20/6/2009 03:17 - Canada

Today, I went to a restaurant and only brought $14 with me to eat. I ordered and ate my meal, then went to the counter to pay for it. I threw $2 into the tip jar then got my bill. My bill was $13.86. I had to reach into the tip jar and take my $2 back so I could pay for my meal. FML

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By anonymous - 6/5/2015 13:36 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, my mom got mad at me because I wouldn't write to Ellen Degeneres about her. She now won't talk to me. FML

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By Damn_her - 5/3/2009 00:04 - Canada

Today, my wife and I were driving to the gas station, she let me out before she pulled up to the pumps because I had to buy some things from the store. I returned to see my wife proudly filling the tank. Smiling, she told me that diesel was cheaper than regular gas. We don't own a diesel car. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/10/2010 00:52 - United States

Today, a woman got out of a car to scream at me as I was walking with the kids I babysit, demanding to know where I was taking her children. Apparently the woman who pays me is also a babysitter, who I have been "covering" for on her party nights. The mother doesn't believe I didn't know this. FML

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By pooplife - 30/11/2014 19:32 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I sat down for a poop. The toilet seat slid off immediately, taking me with it. I lay on the bathroom floor for several moments stunned, still pooping. FML

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By DezyCoCo - 1/10/2016 05:14 - United States - Penfield

Today, I spent 2 hours organizing all of my coupons, just to leave out my room for 10 seconds to come back to my 2-year-old crumbling them up and ripping them. FML

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By I'm disgusting - 26/5/2019 22:11

Today, my girlfriend caught me using my T-shirt as a tissue. Again. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/2/2010 18:24 - United States

Today, while on my way to the break room, it seemed as if everyone was staring at me and giving me odd looks. I asked my friend, "Did I get prettier overnight or something?" She answered, "No, your shirt is just see-through." FML

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By ELLI - 2/10/2017 04:30

Today, all of my friends showed up an hour late for my 18th birthday party because they decided to go get dinner without me. FML

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By Screwed - 9/11/2012 04:02 - United States - Rockville

Today, my crazy bitch of a boss fired me for inappropriate conduct. Apparently my "fake Nazi accent" is "offensive to our Jewish coworkers." I'm German. I have no way to change the way I speak, or to pay this month's bills. FML

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By Dan - 8/10/2009 16:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I had my leaving party after work to celebrate getting a new job. 3 people turned up. I'd invited 35. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 21:35 - United States

Today, I woke up and rolled out of bed. I'm on the top mattress of a bunk bed. We have tile floors. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/1/2016 03:16 - United States - Houston

Today, at my retail job, I tried on one of our hats. My co-worker told me I shouldn't because I could get lice. I laughed it off and told her I didn't believe her. Man, do I believe her now. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/5/2013 18:41 - United States - Downey

Today, my bathroom flooded. I frantically cleaned my apartment as fast as I could before the plumber arrived. Everything was finally clean when I let him in. It wasn't until after he finished that I noticed I'd left my anal beads in the shower. There's no way he didn't notice. FML

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By josh - 23/1/2009 12:33 - United States

Today, I sent a Facebook friend request to my ex. This afternoon I notice that they had accepted, and had left a message for me in my inbox. Asking how they knew me. FML

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By BigBananaLover - 26/9/2011 18:20 - United States

Today, I woke up next to my boss naked. We are both women and she is married. Work should be interesting tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/8/2010 02:17 - United States

Today, I walked out of the operating room at the end of an emergency case. I spent ten minutes talking to a woman about her son before we realized I was talking to the wrong family. FML

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By duckwater - 1/3/2010 06:43 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I went for a ride in a paddle-boat. He decided it would be fun to paddle near the fountain. The fountain decided it would be fun to shower me, him and all of our things in filthy, stinking duck water. I had to ride the bus home by myself. FML

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By whyme_ss - 20/7/2009 20:05 - United States

Today, I went on a rollercoaster for the first time. I sat in the back, which was a bad idea. When it ended everyone in front of me turned around and stared. When I asked my friend what was going on, she said I had been screaming the Lord's Prayer the whole time. I hadn't even noticed. FML

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By KelseNM - 1/11/2019 00:01

Scary story time!

Today, I had eye surgery to try and stop the progression of my eye disease. Being conscious for the surgery, I was given numbing drops before we began. My doctor started cutting my cornea before the drops took effect. FML

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By Thoughtless Wife - 18/6/2017 14:00

Today, my sister-in-law announced on Facebook that I did nothing for my husband's birthday. I'd just had major surgery, and I'm not allowed to drive or do much. We had a small party - just us and the kids - but didn't invite anyone over. I guess not inviting her meant we did nothing. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/11/2009 02:40 - United States

Today, I flew to see the guy that I've been in love with for 3 years. We spent the day at Walmart. To buy a plunger. After I blocked up the toilet. FML

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By deadinavan - 13/10/2010 12:57 - Germany

Today, I found out the man I'm getting a ride from drives a windowless van and is "excited to see me". My friends had encouraged me to sign up for the cheap-ride program because it was less expensive than taking a train. If I never come back, look for a windowless van somewhere in Europe. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/11/2009 11:17 - Australia

Today, I realized that I hadn't shaved in so long that when the wind blew, the hairs on my legs moved in the breeze. FML

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By babysheets - 17/3/2012 16:22 - Uruguay

Today, I washed my sheets. They wouldn't dry quick enough, so I had to use my old Buzz Lightyear sheets. My new girlfriend took it upon herself to become a damn psychic and pay me a surprise visit right there and then. FML

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By drew - 7/9/2010 17:06 - United States

Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend changing. She responded by screaming, throwing herself on the ground to avoid me seeing her, and crawling into the bathroom. We've been living together for 2 months. FML

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By umyuck - 3/5/2015 16:55 - United States - Norfolk

Today, I noticed my shower drain wasn't draining well. I cleaned it out, thinking it was just a rat's nest of hair. Wrong. It was an actual dead rat. FML

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By girlw/ablog - 2/7/2019 11:00 - United States - Austin

Today, while on a bus, an elderly lady sat next to me sneezed so hard, snot literally went flying. I even offered her a napkin, that she refused. After a brief panic and realizing she had nothing to clean her mess with, she "inconspicuously" wiped her snotty hand on my pants. FML

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By notaprossie - 3/2/2010 08:42 - South Africa

Today, I went to a dress up party. The theme was pirates and prostitutes. At the door I was handed a voucher that said: 'Thank you for dressing up. Collect your free drink at the bar.' I didn't dress up. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/9/2013 11:45 - United States - Gorham

Today, after 8 months of being belittled and treated like trash at my job as a prep cook in a high-end kitchen, I stood up for myself to the line cooks. Not only did everyone laugh at me, I got fired for causing a scene during service and insubordination. FML

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By needtoscratch - 5/9/2012 14:06 - United States - Duluth

Today, my dormant eczema decided to come back with a vengeance - on my scrotum. I work in an open office and can't scratch unless I repeatedly run into the restroom. FML

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By Talvesh - 15/12/2009 11:42 - United States

Today, I had my six month employee review. My manager said that my attendance was good, and I was exceeding my targets performance wise. My reward, a five cent per hour pay cut. Apparently the rate at which I started is too high to meet their current pay scale. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/2/2013 23:03 - Belgium - Schepdaal

Today, I went to a club with my girlfriend and her buddies. An hour in, I saw her making out with a guy on the dance floor, so I confronted her. She stormed off to the bar and said something to her friend, who then came over and angrily slapped me across the face. Yeah, I'm confused too. FML

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By kyle - 5/6/2011 07:00 - United States

Today, my friend pushed me into the swimming pool. Unfortunately, we were eight feet away from the actual pool, so I face-planted and rolled in. FML

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Top comments

By colleen2920 | 0

#2068078 - Friday 11 February 2011 1:16

say, I'm right here you moron

By WiseGuy79 | 14

#2068124 - Friday 11 February 2011 1:30

Disengage your cloaking device...

COMMENTS

By Auzzie34 | 0

#2068037 - Friday 11 February 2011 1:08

Maybe you should participate more.

Reply

skweez_fml | 0

#2068172 - Friday 11 February 2011 1:41

i agree

Reply

VianaJ_Garcia | 14

#2068444 - Friday 11 February 2011 2:43

Or maybe she has a lousy tutor.

Reply

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#2068612 - Friday 11 February 2011 3:22

Were you wearing camo that day?

Reply

MrBrick | 0

#2069578 - Friday 11 February 2011 7:44

yes OP your life sucks because ur so fuckin boring that no one notices you....(sarcasm)

Reply

gamercanadian | 11

#2069876 - Friday 11 February 2011 10:23

come on 39 y so mean lol the tutor is just probably stupid man

Reply

camillewhite1 | 12

#4722440 - Monday 23 July 2012 5:10

LLLLOOOLLLL

By TheDrop | 0

#2068045 - Friday 11 February 2011 1:09

You deserve it for being shy and anti-social

By colleen2920 | 0

#2068078 - Friday 11 February 2011 1:16

say, I'm right here you moron

Reply

TXjuggalo972 | 6

#2069056 - Friday 11 February 2011 4:58

the tutor knows he's there now thats why he email him

By InBetweenDreams | 0

#2068094 - Friday 11 February 2011 1:20

Maybe you should try speaking up. :) Step out of your shell.

By Mirorbo | 26

#2068116 - Friday 11 February 2011 1:26

Dress yourself up a bit so you stand out more, darling. Either that or speak up a little.

Reply

ollallie | 0

#2068674 - Friday 11 February 2011 3:30

6 ur the bomb I <3 all of it comments they make me :)

Reply

Efilyn | 0

#2069541 - Friday 11 February 2011 7:34

Mirorbo is indeed one of my joys on FML.

By WiseGuy79 | 14

#2068124 - Friday 11 February 2011 1:30

Disengage your cloaking device...

Reply

BeastNerd | 3

#2069537 - Friday 11 February 2011 7:34

I love having my Invisibility Cloak on, too; I can understand why OP would be hesitant to take it off.

Ah! I don't know if I worded that correctly. Can I get some grammatical help?

By Doortje | 28

#2068162 - Friday 11 February 2011 1:38

But it's her favourite colour!

By xmarkstheheart | 0

#2068183 - Friday 11 February 2011 1:44

Are you a midget?

Reply

PeteyPablo12308 | 20

#2068353 - Friday 11 February 2011 2:17

What is that a picture of?? They look like bananas.

Reply

YtotsDI | 0

#2068764 - Friday 11 February 2011 3:52

designer bananas :) taste like fabric

By mrssheldoncooper | 0

#2068238 - Friday 11 February 2011 1:54

I'd backhand him. ;D

By mintcar | 9

#2068305 - Friday 11 February 2011 2:08

You weren't supposed to steal clothes from the emperor, OP!!

Reply

GetaLifePlease | 0

#2068344 - Friday 11 February 2011 2:16

the clothes are see through not the emp.

Reply

mintcar | 9

#2069206 - Friday 11 February 2011 5:42

Exactly what I said. Stealing clothes from the emperor. DERP!

Reply

xJASMINEx | 0

#2069524 - Friday 11 February 2011 7:31

but the emporer was naked not invisible, I think if op were naked op'd draw attention rather draw it away. DERP