By throwinguptears - United States - Marlborough Today, after $87, waiting five months and making sure everything was perfect, I was ready to go see my favorite comedian live. I got the flu. FML I agree, your life sucks 11939 You deserved it 1266 36 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Evjoel - Bermuda - Hamilton Today, I decided to take some local college courses to improve my résumé. I got into the physics room and a large, multi-colored sign in large print stated, "NO THROWING OR STABBING." FML I agree, your life sucks 10162 You deserved it 761 25 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By IcyWindows - United States - Syracuse Today, my neighbor yelled at me because, according to him, the sound of me scraping the ice off my windshield wakes him up every morning. This is the same neighbor who ran over my mailbox last week because there was too much snow on his windows to see properly. FML I agree, your life sucks 43719 You deserved it 3001 49 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, I was so zoned-out, I shouted a hello to the chair in the staff room. It's the third time today I've mistaken an inanimate object for a person. FML I agree, your life sucks 1231 You deserved it 480 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ToddlersWife - United Kingdom - Reading Today, my husband and I got into an argument over him not brushing his teeth. It ended with him snapping his toothbrush in half. He's 52. FML I agree, your life sucks 49187 You deserved it 6078 109 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with the cliché of the diamond ring in a champagne glass. Apparently there was an off-duty police officer across the room watching me slip the ring into the glass. He thought I was slipping in a date-rape drug and tackled me down before I could propose. FML I agree, your life sucks 55000 You deserved it 4392 134 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ThanksAsshole Tonight, on Asshole Bosses… Today, I got fired from a business I ran for almost 6 years. Why? The new owner refuses to close, despite our governor ordering non-essential businesses to close, and for people to stay home. I told her I wasn’t comfortable working, and that it was technically illegal. So she fired me in a group chat. FML I agree, your life sucks 2182 You deserved it 151 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Today, I called 911 and got taken to hospital via ambulance after a suicide attempt. When I called my mom, the first thing she asked was, "How much is the ambulance going to cost?" FML I agree, your life sucks 2787 You deserved it 945 59 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By red - United States - Portland Today, my ex dropped by to pick up a piece of art he'd left when I threw him out a month ago. While here, he visited the restroom. Tonight, my shampoo smelled like urine. And he called at 11pm to say he'd ''rubbed one out'' on my new boyfriend's toothbrush. FML I agree, your life sucks 24983 You deserved it 8216 193 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I decided to formally introduce my girlfriend to my parents. My dad took the opportunity to apologize for walking in on us a few days ago while we were having sex. It wasn't her. Thanks dad. FML I agree, your life sucks 26277 You deserved it 274581 732 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 2/6/2020 20:00 Responsibilities Today, I got chewed out by my boss. Why? Because my coworkers haven't gotten their work done. Now I have to scan them their work for them to complete it. FML I agree, your life sucks 1277 You deserved it 102 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Midge - United States Today, as I was pulling out of the school parking lot I was blasting my music and feeling pretty awesome, I got a few honks and felt even cooler. Until some lady pulled up next to me and told me I had left my binder on the roof and all my papers were all over the road behind me. FML I agree, your life sucks 9156 You deserved it 43992 161 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By drew - United States Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend changing. She responded by screaming, throwing herself on the ground to avoid me seeing her, and crawling into the bathroom. We've been living together for 2 months. FML I agree, your life sucks 38527 You deserved it 5291 173 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was babysitting my boss' kids. I brought chocolate for them and the youngest said he had never had chocolate and didn't want any. I told him he should always try new things and should eat it. He did. He's allergic. FML I agree, your life sucks 15369 You deserved it 41883 117 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Noname - United States Today, I got an email from the local D and D meet up group that the next meeting will be on Feb. 14th. I don't know what is more sad: that the group is meeting on Valentine's Day, or that I have nothing better to do but go. FML I agree, your life sucks 30165 You deserved it 4508 50 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was just a few days away from starting the training for my promotion to management, which involved a healthy pay raise and full time benefits. Today, news came down that the company is filing for bankruptcy. FML I agree, your life sucks 25290 You deserved it 1559 30 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous198913 - United States - San Francisco Today, I learned how to play "Happy Birthday" on the guitar, just to have my friend tell me that my voice sucks, and that I needed to stop immediately. FML I agree, your life sucks 5999 You deserved it 683 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 10/11/2020 20:02 - United States - Livingston There's no helping some people Today, I was helping a 93 year-old hoarder organize her home. She asked me to make ropes from old plastic bags, fold bags in a specific odd way, then fit four large boxes of bags into one smaller one. I said I couldn't do those, nor fit four boxes in one. "Why are you here if you can’t do things?" she said. I’m a professional home organizer. FML I agree, your life sucks 1244 You deserved it 196 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By knickersdontfit - United States Today, I was doing my grocery shopping, absent-mindedly wondering if my new diet was working. I got my answer when my panties fell down around my ankles. FML I agree, your life sucks 28827 You deserved it 8060 183 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By "burnuptowndow" Today, we got a new boss. This would have been great if he knew how to do his job. I've spent the last week training a guy who hits on co-workers and gets paid twice as much as me. FML I agree, your life sucks 3600 You deserved it 211 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By happybirthday - United States Who? Where? Today, my husband bought me a beautiful pair of earrings for my birthday, to match the necklace he'd spent months searching for online the previous year. What necklace? He gave me a watch he found at Walmart last year. I wonder who the lucky girl with the necklace is. FML I agree, your life sucks 34108 You deserved it 2770 85 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Rick - United Kingdom Today, I fell in a river with a £700 camera, a £200 lens, and an iPhone while trying to rescue a 50 pence ball for my dog. FML I agree, your life sucks 17797 You deserved it 32819 206 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 24/5/2020 14:00 Spreading it around Today, I overheard my co-worker talking about how she's going to Panama City, Florida this weekend and is going to "get lit." It's the middle of the pandemic, and she's going to go party on a beach. She'll be back at work Tuesday. FML I agree, your life sucks 1575 You deserved it 216 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By cookiemonster - South Africa - Johannesburg Today, after placing it on top of the stove, my hot tray of freshly-baked cookies slipped. I caught it, though. With my bare hand. FML I agree, your life sucks 45346 You deserved it 6650 85 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Fiona the Deceived Baby New Year? Today, I found out that my birth date was entered incorrectly, and I’ve been believing that I am a year older than I really am. I’m actually 14, not 15. How did this happen? Both my parents and the doctor got the year of my birth wrong. FML I agree, your life sucks 4244 You deserved it 237 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Seattle Today, I got an e-mail regarding an IT support job I applied to. The e-mail had numerous formatting errors due to bad code, and typos all over the place. It said I wasn't qualified for the job. FML I agree, your life sucks 41754 You deserved it 3285 76 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By JustAmirage Today, it was my first day at work. They had me a large tray with lots of food on it, even after I told them I wasn’t comfortable carrying it. I hit the door on the way out of the kitchen, spilling everything on the tray, breaking 2 soup bowls and 3 salad plates. FML I agree, your life sucks 2074 You deserved it 338 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By alicia - Canada - Montreal Wanker Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML I agree, your life sucks 46151 You deserved it 11951 139 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ryanharp2 - United States - Conway Today, my iPhone got back from being fixed. When I opened the box there was a note attached to my phone that said, "All you had to do was turn it on." FML I agree, your life sucks 7682 You deserved it 42852 189 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I ran into one of my teachers from high school. When I told her I just recently graduated college and was starting graduate school in the fall, she said "you don't have to lie, some people just are not cut out for college. There is no shame." I wasn't lying, I graduated with honors too. FML I agree, your life sucks 36665 You deserved it 2923 96 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By BadTime - United States Today, my wife tried to refill the windshield wiper fluid on her own. However, she poured it where the oil goes. Now the car is having major issues. Last week I lost my job, and I have no idea how much this is going to cost to fix. FML I agree, your life sucks 34156 You deserved it 3616 232 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Iswearihavegoodhygiene Today, I popped a zit that had formed around an ingrown hair "down there". It popped with so much force, the pus hit me in the forehead. Still can't get the hair out. FML I agree, your life sucks 2154 You deserved it 250 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 5/1/2021 19:59 Iron Chef America Today, I thought about trying something "new", so I put raspberry preserves and maple syrup on my waffles. It tasted like cough medicine. FML I agree, your life sucks 494 You deserved it 379 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By redmethod87 - United States Today, I took my dog to the puppy park to meet girls. I met one very attractive girl, she loved my puppy, and she asked for my number. As she took out her phone, my dog defecated on her feet. She was wearing sandals. FML I agree, your life sucks 63918 You deserved it 6458 95 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dad - United States Today, my daughter had just left for a date with her boyfriend. All of a sudden, she runs back in the house screaming "I forgot to take my birth control!" That is not something a father wants to hear. FML I agree, your life sucks 85461 You deserved it 8290 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By It's Something - United States - Toledo Welcome to retail. Today, I finally got a new job. Now, instead of dealing with trashy, rude young adults all day, I get to deal with self-entitled, berating old people all day. I'm not sure which is worse. FML I agree, your life sucks 2992 You deserved it 367 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By asdfjkl - United States Today, I had a long, meaningful telephone conversation. After hanging up, I realized I hadn't had such a great conversation in a long time. Who was it with? The Dell Customer Support guy. FML I agree, your life sucks 38142 You deserved it 5636 80 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hopeless - Canada Today, I was playing tetherball with my younger brother. I get really competitive, so I threw it as hard as I could. It came around and hit me in the face. FML I agree, your life sucks 9746 You deserved it 54016 141 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ObviousBooty - United States - Kankakee Today, me and my dad were in a sort of prank war. I decided to get him back for one last time tonight, so I hid in his office to scare him. This would have been okay had I not caught him watching porn. I had to hide for an hour. FML I agree, your life sucks 15822 You deserved it 3672 50 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By vsf - United States Today, my parents wouldn't let me go to the fair because they reckon my IQ is so low, I could quite possibly choke on cotton candy and pass out confused by the hall of mirrors. FML I agree, your life sucks 30951 You deserved it 6548 166 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By James - United States Today, my roommate and I got into an argument. He told me he understood if I didn't forgive him "for a couple of days." He'd confessed to undressing my girlfriend in her sleep. FML I agree, your life sucks 42392 You deserved it 3093 213 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By icefly | 3 #6708659 - Wednesday 2 November 2016 19:06 Gotta tell us who the comedian is, OP. Send a private message 47 2 Reply
By chudun | 18 #6708668 - Wednesday 2 November 2016 19:18 Where's the punchline to this FML? Send a private message 40 4 Reply
By icefly | 3 #6708659 - Wednesday 2 November 2016 19:06 Gotta tell us who the comedian is, OP. Send a private message 47 2 Reply
Reply TheHeirofTime | 19 #6708669 - Wednesday 2 November 2016 19:19 Chris Hardwick. Send a private message 7 4 Reply
Reply TheHeirofTime | 19 #6708713 - Wednesday 2 November 2016 20:51 OP here: Chris Hardwick. Don't know why the first reply didn't say I was the OP. Send a private message 12 2 Reply
Reply writerchic85 | 25 #6708793 - Thursday 3 November 2016 1:07 Should have gone with the flu anyway. Say you were "the walking dead" Send a private message 3 4 Reply
By friedpwnadge | 25 #6708663 - Wednesday 2 November 2016 19:12 The flu is definitely no laughing matter. Send a private message 6 1 Reply
By chudun | 18 #6708668 - Wednesday 2 November 2016 19:18 Where's the punchline to this FML? Send a private message 40 4 Reply
Reply Welshite | 39 #6708671 - Wednesday 2 November 2016 19:19 Over there, next to the sandwiches. Send a private message 28 0 Reply
Reply J352SAURUS | 30 #6708839 - Thursday 3 November 2016 4:46 He was so sick that he was throwing up tears. Send a private message 1 3 Reply
Reply chudun | 18 #6722330 - Tuesday 13 December 2016 22:37 Omg Welshite, you're an OG!! blessed to have you reply to my comment! Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By RichardPencil | 30 #6708678 - Wednesday 2 November 2016 19:39 Maybe he'll talk to you from the stage. He'll probably crack everyone up making fun of your vomit bucket. Laughter is the best medicine. Send a private message 1 4 Reply
By Moskaaa7 | 26 #6708683 - Wednesday 2 November 2016 20:02 I wonder how you made sure everything was perfect. Send a private message 6 7 Reply
By eknock | 9 #6708693 - Wednesday 2 November 2016 20:14 I'd still go, cause I'm the sick Oprah. ?. you get flu, you get flu, everybody gets flu Send a private message 4 7 Reply
Reply Earl_KarmasBitch | 28 #6708811 - Thursday 3 November 2016 3:00 Look under your seats and you'll find an envelope. Open it and you've got anthrax! Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By ClairvoyantVamp | 19 #6708694 - Wednesday 2 November 2016 20:15 The universe has an odd sense of humor. Send a private message 6 0 Reply
By dudebmxer | 12 #6708709 - Wednesday 2 November 2016 20:37 Who's the comedian OP? Send a private message 2 5 Reply
Today, it's the fifth time this week alone I've attempted to explain to my boyfriend that I need more than just two minutes of foreplay to get horny. He... I agree, your life sucks 380 You deserved it 60 4 Comments
Today, my 5 year-old daughter and I had the displeasure of walking in on my husband going down on another woman. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that... I agree, your life sucks 917 You deserved it 40 5 Comments