Intimacy: Today, a woman who works in the clinic across the road told me...

By theflasher - 13/08/2015 21:10 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, a woman who works in the clinic across the road told me that my glass isn't frosted enough and she and all her patients can see me when I shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 492

You deserved it 3 413

Intimacy

Leave us alone

Own it

Worst workplace ever

By BERNDTOAST - 27/03/2015 15:27 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I fell asleep in class... And woke up hour later. My teacher let me sit there till I woke up to see what my face would be like waking up to a new class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 300

You deserved it 17 819

Headshot

By PeterRabit - 25/07/2009 15:11 - Canada

Today, I was walking around in a park when I pass some kids playing soccer. One of them kicks the ball as hard as he could at me. Luckily I catch the ball. Then I drop kick the ball, intending to say "go get it." Instead it ricochets of a nearby tree and hits my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 832

You deserved it 47 112

By Anonymos_fmler - 21/10/2014 00:38 - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me what lipgloss I was wearing because my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 849

You deserved it 5 280

By lhazel - 17/09/2015 02:36 - United States - Mount Juliet

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about what we want to be when we grow up. He said he wanted to be a bartender, and single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 180

You deserved it 2 065

By fucking financial ruin - 23/08/2013 18:21 - United States - New Bern

Today, my boyfriend and I were discussing sports injuries, and I mentioned that I pulled a muscle in my crotch last year. He snorted and called me a clueless idiot because according to him, "girls don't have crotches". He's a med student. I sense malpractice lawsuits in our future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 245

You deserved it 4 006

By Anon - 04/08/2011 08:30 - United States

Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 973

You deserved it 4 104

By heronlydaughter - 23/11/2010 03:58 - United States

Today, I went over to my mother-in-law's house to have dinner. I was excited she invited me, since I thought she didn't like me. I ended up hanging her Christmas lights in a snowstorm while they had s'mores by the fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 388

You deserved it 4 173

By MaddyN - 08/07/2014 04:26 - United States - Forest Grove

Today, I almost got fired from work because a customer complained that I "threw up gang signs" at him. I was blocking the sun from my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 557

You deserved it 3 465

By mom - 06/12/2012 19:23 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, I was visiting my daughter, whose husband was still asleep at noon. I made a point of stomping around on the hardwood floor and speaking loudly to wake his lazy ass up. Turns out he's now working a 14-hour graveyard shift, and it has no negative effect on his shoe-throwing skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 760

You deserved it 85 503

RIP in peace

By Janice - 03/01/2019 12:00

Today, while working as a bank teller, a woman came in with a $100k check. I commented, "Wow, I really could do with one of these!" She responded, "It's a life insurance check. I'd rather have my son back," and teared up in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 944

You deserved it 3 809

Denied!

By Hystcheria - 25/07/2021 02:01 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I told my long-distance boyfriend that I'd like to throw my legs over my head and have him cram his dick deep inside me. He told me to order a pizza, "It'd be more fun." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 184

By fatass - 20/04/2015 17:01 - United States - Kearney

Today, I received several pairs of panties in the mail that I'd ordered online. When I opened the box, I was shocked because every pair was basically huge granny-panties. I was sure none would fit properly, but I tried them on to be sure. They fit perfectly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 449

You deserved it 7 856

Damned freshmen

By CRC - 23/11/2011 15:38 - United States

Today, a freshman set off the fire alarm in my dorm at 2 a.m. He tried to microwave Easy Mac without adding water. I had to stand outside for 45 minutes while the firemen moved the noodles to the sink and ran cold water over them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 237

You deserved it 2 412

By Anonymous - 24/07/2013 07:33 - United States - Alpine

Today, I learned that my wife used to strip while in college. I found this out when I brought her to a work party and my boss recognized her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 049

You deserved it 4 320

By NairyAGoodIdea - 15/01/2015 21:05 - United States

Today, I tried to manscape with some Nair. Nothing helps the pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 647

You deserved it 10 171

By smalls727 - 22/11/2016 17:46

Today, I was at orientation for my new job. There were only 6 other people in the training. Throughout the whole entire training, I kept smelling cat urine and moving further away from the other person. Only to get in my car and realize my cat peed in my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 606

You deserved it 2 351

Ant life

By LIFT - 23/07/2020 08:01

Today, my boyfriend accused me of cheating on him and talking to other guys in a Facebook group that’s literally called, "A group where we all pretend to be ants in a colony." When I showed him what it really was, he dumped me for participating in something he said was so stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 460

You deserved it 544

By PandaMantis - 25/06/2011 04:32 - United States

Today, I sent my romantic interest a sexy text about a dream I had about a "sex gameshow." I sent it by replying to the last text sent. I'm now responsible for traumatizing my 12 year old niece who could only reply, "Like Jeopardy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 301

You deserved it 47 978

By hawaiianlovechild - 29/11/2009 07:09 - United States

Today, my dad and I were watching Hawaii play the Navy in football. I cheered when Hawaii won. My dad turns to me and says, "You know your mother and I concieved you there?" Thanks Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 434

You deserved it 3 917

By wheatsnake - 08/10/2009 13:31 - Australia

Today, I took my new laptop into my house from my car, thinking it would be a too much of a target for kids grabbing it. I came home tonight to find my door kicked in, my laptop gone and my TV ripped from the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 098

You deserved it 2 798

By not getting any anymore - 22/02/2009 03:23 - United States

Today, while I was making out with my boyfriend, he left my dorm suddenly without telling me where he was going. A few hours later, he texted me to tell me that being with me made him feel dirty and he had gone to confession. He then called me a sinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 283

You deserved it 7 811

He does have a point

By Ksweety_fml - 05/10/2019 14:00

Today, I texted someone and typed, "lol". My boyfriend asked me why I put "lol". I told him because I thought it was funny. He looked at me weird and said, "But you didn't laugh." Now he thinks I'm weird because I didn't actually laugh out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 216

You deserved it 447

By Anonymous - 27/02/2013 18:27 - United States - New Orleans

Today, after scouring my apartment for quarters to do laundry, I found the correct amount of change. The change got jammed in the washing machine. I now have no more quarters, and my clothes are caked with soap from washing them in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 210

You deserved it 3 925

Just a prank, bro

By Anonymous - 09/05/2021 19:59 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my kids found out how to control my Google alarm clock with their phones. While I was gone, they set it to play screamo metal at max volume, then paused it. Sometime after midnight, as I was sleeping, they pressed play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 174

By Anonymous - 23/11/2014 12:52 - United Kingdom

Today, my grandpa came into my room and asked for a pen. As I gave it to him, he let rip the foulest fart I've ever smelled in my life, and walked out without a word. 2 hours later, the smell is not only still there, it's filled the room. Looks like I'm sleeping downstairs on the couch tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 251

You deserved it 2 970

By Anonymous - 12/04/2016 12:29 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my friend invited me to his boxing club for the first time. Since I'm somewhat short and scrawny-looking, he was worried that the workout would be too difficult for me. I waved him off and told him that I was tougher than I looked. Five minutes into class, I sprained my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 869

You deserved it 4 892

By bobafett892 - 02/10/2016 17:32 - United States - Atlanta

Today, while working at a cell phone store, I helped an older woman learn how to use her newly updated phone. After trying to help her for over 20 minutes, she threatened to throw her phone at my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 070

You deserved it 834

By scared4myhair - 12/04/2015 01:53 - United States - Flint

Today, I was asked to prom by the same guy who "accidentally" cut off a chunk of my hair in class and with whom I haven't had a conversation in my life. When I politely declined he said, "You'll regret this". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 540

You deserved it 2 759

Facebook Science

By Anonymous - 24/10/2021 23:00

Today, someone who lives off the government stated that all I do as a front line nurse is wipe arses, and that I know nothing about Covid because I'm not a doctor. He refuses to get the vaccine as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 136

By Kelly - 02/08/2012 08:11 - United States - Manteca

Today, my brother offered my boyfriend $50 to dump me. Guess who's single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 107

You deserved it 3 153

By itsjustwill - 17/01/2013 00:35 - United States - Puyallup

Today, our company's owner's son took over. The first thing he did? Fire me. Why? He said my sales are down. I work in Public Relations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 040

You deserved it 2 142

By tinypenis - 04/06/2013 12:15 - United States - Jamaica

Today, while sexting my girlfriend, I accidently sent a picture to her father instead of her. He sent back a link to a penis enlargement company's website. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 784

You deserved it 71 705

By ufhdafuhds - 19/03/2009 23:31 - Egypt

Today, I decided to have sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pockets. Turns out, he had written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138 534

You deserved it 14 376

By Teresa - 28/05/2010 04:30 - United States

Today, I couldn't sleep because I had the worst time positioning myself around my cat who was sleeping in my bed. I couldn't kick my cat out of bed because I earlier today had an argument with my brother over which of us the cat loved more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 974

You deserved it 42 620

Priorities

By natashamilan - 26/02/2015 01:43 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I was at a friend's birthday party when I got a call from my mom telling me to come home because my dog died. When I told my friend that I had to leave because of the loss, she replied with, "Okay, but you brought my gift inside, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 638

You deserved it 2 810

Vampires are everywhere

By Anonymous - 30/08/2020 17:01 - United States - Columbus

Today, at 1:30 a.m., a big ass bat squeezed its nasty body through the bottom crack of the door. My sweet little Corgi cowered on the bed as the bat flew circles around my head. I'll be moving now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 339

You deserved it 193

By Anonymous - 27/01/2013 22:44 - Canada - Rosetown

Today, after making love to my boyfriend for the first time, he shook my hand and said, "Good job." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 690

You deserved it 8 535

"Why are you booing me? I'm right"

By Anonymous - 29/06/2021 18:00

Today, I broke my toe on a decorative statue I bought for our front yard. My husband warned me it took up too much space and was a hazard, and now I get to hear him say, "I told you so." FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 913

By Anonymous - 17/09/2014 11:46 - United States - Gaffney

Today, my brother got the same cologne as the guy I've been seeing for a while. Every time I'm with my brother I think about him, and every time I'm with him I think about my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 743

You deserved it 4 489

By too dumb for sex - 16/03/2019 22:00

Today we tried to have sex for the first time but I got so excited my blood pressure shot up and I got a nosebleed that didn't fully stop for nearly 30 minutes. Then when we tried again she accidentally headbutted me. The new bleeding still hasn't stopped and I'm feeling very lightheaded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 165

You deserved it 236

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Top comments

ILikeKoalas 24

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Friday 14 August 2015 11:04

Well now you know, and now you can buy a curtain, and never make an appointment with that clinic

karcummings 19

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Friday 14 August 2015 11:11

hopefully you don't go to that pharmacy cause that would become awkward quickly.

whassallt26 13

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Friday 14 August 2015 11:03

Maybe put up a curtain or blind?

GeekGoddess1337 9

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Friday 14 August 2015 13:27

Nah, because that might make too much sense to begin with.

JustinJK 21

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Friday 14 August 2015 14:06

^I've never put curtains up or blinds in a bathroom. Modern bathroom windows are generally opaque.

ohSNAPyall 26

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Friday 14 August 2015 17:37

^You're a flasher too.

JustinJK 21

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Saturday 15 August 2015 2:45

I actually don't mind being nude in public. I've walked around my apartment while naked plenty of times with all the window curtains drawn.

milehigh52 22

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Saturday 15 August 2015 2:53

#38 That's not public. Walk around times square while nice and then I'll be impressed. And you will be arrested.

JustinJK 21

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Saturday 15 August 2015 3:49

My apartment is on a very busy street. I've performed "activities" in public. I go jogging in the tiniest of shorts and go to the beach in swim briefs/speedos. I've been to nudist places like beaches. I've also done naked mile jogs (college yay). whatever haha

ILikeKoalas 24

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Friday 14 August 2015 11:04

Well now you know, and now you can buy a curtain, and never make an appointment with that clinic

SubparAtBest 23

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Friday 14 August 2015 11:42

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

thejonac 21

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Friday 14 August 2015 18:29

sorry but that's actually quite irrelevant

cutiegroove 10

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Sunday 16 August 2015 3:34

#2 I beg to differ! Now that they know what OP looks like naked, that wouldn't make exams so awkward. Maybe? There's a bright side to this, I'm just trying to find it.

The_fuzz_buzz 4

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Friday 14 August 2015 11:05

Putting in a frosted pane of glass could be a little pricey. I would say to go pick up some blinds.

sandman676 20

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Friday 14 August 2015 11:10

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

karcummings 19

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Friday 14 August 2015 11:18

why would you ever think of that as a wise decision?

SubparAtBest 23

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Friday 14 August 2015 11:45

While for some people that would be awesome, many, im sure, would take offense to it. Such as the people at the clinic.

SubparAtBest 23

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Friday 14 August 2015 11:49

Additionally the whole reason that this is an fml is becuase she was kind of already putting on a show for them, only it was unintentional.

wondermoose 28

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Friday 14 August 2015 11:11

well at least she told you? sorry op I would be embarrassed! at least you know you have a choice to fix it

karcummings 19

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Friday 14 August 2015 11:11

hopefully you don't go to that pharmacy cause that would become awkward quickly.

live2loveurself 11

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Friday 14 August 2015 19:51

Clinic = doctor, not pharmacy

daz18m 15

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Friday 14 August 2015 11:18

Tell them that's the bathroom your sister uses and you'll let her know.

alsi21x 11

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Friday 14 August 2015 18:09

If they can see her naked then I'm sure they see her face too.

T1A2Z3 34

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Thursday 3 May 2018 2:43

Maybe they're identical twins...

chuka81 27

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Friday 14 August 2015 11:22

Now she has ruined it for all the men with binoculars.

hank0311 10

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Friday 14 August 2015 11:35

Hell sounds like they where enjoying the show, remember if your shaking it, you should be getting dollars not loose change. Got to get that rent money some how