Today, a cute girl was telling me about her weird fetishes. I jokingly said, "Remind me never to have sex with you". She replied, "Don't worry, I have standards". FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I had a cute girl over and we cuddled on my bed. Later she texted me that she had decided that she didn't want to ever do that again because it turned her on. FML
Today, my girlfriend came up to me and told me we would never do anything sexual in our relationship. She said I was too adorable to take seriously in bed. FML
Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML
Today, I told a girl that I liked her. She replied, "Don't." FML
Today, I overheard the guy I like talking to one of his friends about me. His friend asked if he and I were dating, to which he replied, "No way, dude. I have standards." FML
Today, I was hooking up with a girl in my apartment when I told her I didn't have a condom. She started laughing and upon realizing my look of confusion, said "Oh, you actually thought I was going to have sex with you?" FML
Today, my girlfriend wanted to have a conversation about sex. After she finished telling me what she liked, in exact detail, I said, "Well, I really like…" She cut me off and said, "I don't give a fuck what you like." FML
Today, a girl I like was taking her phone out of her pocket and two condoms fell out. Last week I'd tried hooking up with her and she'd said that she only has sex with a man who is her boyfriend. So I said, “Oh, new boyfriend, huh?” She said, “Nah it’s for hookups, gotta be prepared!” I guess she forgot she lied to me. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. The girl seemed perfect for me, until I found out she says "lol" and "rofl" out loud whenever she laughs. She also believes sex screws with people's "spiritual energy", and that's why she'll never have it. FML
Today, I started coming on to my girlfriend, only to get a nasty rejection. I told her I would just go jerk off, to which she replied, "Don't you dare!" FML
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Top comments
DonkeyTeeth2013 22
Well, you asked for it!
ninjahesten 18
apply cold water to that burn..
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Comments (72)
chosha_fml 27
She has standards? She should get some manners to go with them.
HeartYou101 31
You walked right into that one...
cookie1207 19
Why would you say that!
horneyhic 15
Send me her # I like kinky
Livin_Like_Larry 29
You got wrecked!
nournahas 18
Dayum she's good
imbedderdenu 23
BOOOOM! Never judge anyone on the sexual drives (unless pedophilia etc is one of them). If someone likes to be touched, Efd or whatever a certain way. that's their prerogative.
Mr23 9
I wouldn't even qualify that. If they're not breaking the law (by actually having sex with children etc.) who cares if they can only get off with young looking people dressed in school uniforms.
royceda510 10
Maybe being an asshole is one of her weird fetishes
mosquito19 14
you could have at least reveal what the weird fetishes were.
alex_jaguara 33
You could have said "Maybe we can try them some time" but no.