Today, while moving, I asked my wife where she put the alcohol. She told me she threw it out, because it was old. It was Scotch. It's supposed to be old. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my wife doesn't remember that last night when she was so drunk (light weight) that she kept telling me to pick up the thingy off the floor and was pointing at it. We went back and forth about it for a few minutes. There was nothing there. FML
Today, I came back to my apartment after moving most of my stuff out. Upon returning, I learned that my now ex-roommate drank all of my alcohol and threw away my things, thinking that I had forgotten them. FML
Today, I found out that my wife, who is supposed to be a recovering alcoholic, drank an entire bottle of wine and then tried to hide it at the bottom of a garbage bin. To make matters worse, when I confronted her about it, she tried to convince me that our 5-year-old daughter had drunk it. FML
Today, my son tried my great-grandad's 90 year-old whiskey, didn’t like it, and poured it all down the sink. When I confronted him, he confidently told me it was nasty and must have expired, so he did me a favour and poured it away and washed the bottle. I had to walk away and remind myself I love him. FML
Today, my son had a baby so I poured out the last of the bottle of scotch bought by my grandfather around about 1910. There was just enough for two glasses. I took a sip and spat it out, leading to my son confessing that he drank it as a teenager and replaced it with god knows what brown liquid. FML
Today, I was cleaning out some cabinets and stumbled upon a bottle of vodka. Being a recovering alcoholic, I immediately flushed it down the toilet. When my boyfriend got home, instead of being proud of my victory, he bitched me out for wasting the good shit. That’s for the support babe. FML
Today, my girlfriend's mother came over for a few hours. After she left I went to grab a drink, only to find that three bottles of expensive liquor were missing from our liquor cabinet. FML
Today, my wife can barely contain her rage at me for throwing out her collection of unique glass bottles, which she was saving for gifting and decoration. I'd feel more guilt if she hadn't been storing them in a box underneath our sink mixed with recyclables. FML
Today, my wife and I had one of the biggest arguments we've ever had, which resulted in her leaving, going to her parents' house and calling me twice, screaming and sobbing. The argument was over a seven dollar bottle of wine. Apparently, she was "saving it for a special occasion." FML
Today, I found my wife crying. She said she’d lost her diamond ring. I backtracked her activities and suggested where to look. She found it in the fridge. She now thinks I hid it there. FML
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Top comments
Emrysa 1
Tell her since she thinks old things are usless, you're going to toss her in the trash if she keeps aging.
sweetdreams999 0
lmao wow you wife must really not be a drinker.
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Comments (184)
purplebunnyattac 0
hahaha :P too bad.
sharmoota 2
LMAO! shes smart ;-) dont FYL indeed.. world keeps movin..
Ali_Br_fml 33
well, she's a keeper, isn't she?
JohnnyHobo 0
Haha aw I'm 15, and even I'm not that dumb.
Shookitup 0
ew...FYL for drinking alcohol. gross.
selenagirl_fml 0
alcohol is for noobs...
Clochardounette_fml 0
Yeah sorry for you dude **** your life !
Jessi_the_sexii 0
tequila ftw
bmel_fml 0
umm actually Scotch isn't for noobs. try a scotch on the rocks and sip. it's not a shot. will give u a diff perspective
Igniculus 0
Nooooo! Not the scotch!
VampireKiller59 0
boohoo buy some tequila and stop bitchin
beautikill 4
bHahahaahahah sucks to be youuuuuu!!
johnnyexpl0sion 0
Scotch is waaaaaay better than tequila dude. what the hell are you talkin about?
Maelific 0
Better get her ass to a liquor store and have a lesson on what good spirits are. tossing out a good vintage scotch is tantamount to homicide.
OochenSnoochen 15
it's times like these that throwing your wife out is justified.
ygdrassil 17
16 your picture is really cool. did you just use a flash or is that Photoshop?
imaginaryvoice 18
Why is the rum always gone
dreamering 16
do the same with the wife. Tell her: "you're old"
Bag3l 0
yes #73 we should ask Mr.Sparrow where's the rum gone?
imaginaryvoice 18
Hahaha, you win.
MxMayhem 0
29; Tequila tastes like rat piss. Smirnoff Double Black for the ******* win.
ElMundio87 0
lol@16
lky830 0
agreed with 35. scotch is amazing. if you think it's for noobs, wait til you try it and your mouth goes numb
DuckOnAStick 0
Lol @21
GamerGoddess 0
but... why is the scotch gone?!
ChocolateEclaire 0
Hard lemonade ftw :D
karina_said 0
no.. koolaid jammers
joooeee 3
**** alcohol. cocaine is where it's at. jk I'm not Kenny powers
solecism 0
Kenny Powers is ******* in, you're ******* out!
uhazsquiads 0
81, how do YOU know what rat piss tastes like O_o
gohabs21 0
I enjoy the way all the 15 year olds are all like "Booze is bad"
dickster 0
YDI because you didn't specify the type of movement. Were you having unusual spasms where Scotch is the only antidote? Were you simply walking around? Excercising? Changing residences? How recently did you buy it?
coballan55 0
your wife is retarded fyl
skroal 7
YDI for while moving, asking your wife where she put the alcohol. She told you she threw it out, because it was old. It was Scotch. It's supposed to be old.
Brittneyyyy 7
YDI for drinking alcohol, you alcoholic. Jk I love alcohol :)
yelwarc 0
skroal plz tell me you live in edmonton so I can ******* beat you retarted, so that I will not stumble upon your unfunny bit that you stole from another FML'er.
wiggz1990 0
omg #5 what u thought noone would know what ur name means hahaha
wiggz1990 0
skroal am gonna shoot in the ass with swad off shotgun
KikiCarroll 0
Rum rum rum rum yum yum. love the rum.
sukhdeep 4
wow drinking is bad!
iTzAeroz 0
cool story bro
BENuke 0
alcohol makes bad stuff go away. personally I like gin and liquor, but I can go for a good scotch.
immazombeastxD 0
my dad had a 50 year old Scotch... I WIN
number0 8
YDI for not drinking Capri Sun instead
Shookitup 0
ohh sorry I'm late ^.^ @ 70 it's the sun hitting me
MxMayhem 0
112; figure of speech dumbass.
RickYBobbY1337 0
punch to the back of her head!...lol
MeAlec 1
YDI for being married to a dumb ass
mostlybroken12 0
weed ftw
kayleebabe03 0
is she blonde??? if so then that's not suprising.
ladiesman14 0
damn next time tell her you like your scotch like your women, single and aged 18 years.
newmxr 0
green label ftw!!
newmxr 0
green label ftw!!
lockerbilr 0
Too bad?!? U don't throw away old scotch!
countingstairs 16
*face concrete*
Emrysa 1
Tell her since she thinks old things are usless, you're going to toss her in the trash if she keeps aging.
mayhemxphoto 0
lmao!
Jessi_the_sexii 0
scotch is icky
rlerke 0
Mmmm scotch on some rocks, or with a bit it cola in the winter, warms the soul.
Brittaneyyy 0
ur wife is retarded
hawkmcge3 0
agreed
sweetdreams999 0
lmao wow you wife must really not be a drinker.
sexybeastwon 0
I'm tweleve and I no that some alcohol is aged
sexybeastwon 0
know
Shookitup 0
you're twelve...and your name is sexybeast? not cute
PineappleEspress 0
lol 20
DuckOnAStick 0
Haha I thought the same thing.... Besides the cute part :o
anorexicbarbie 8
It's Jessi Slaughter you guys..
dealerdon 0
wine will continue to age after bottling other than that once bottled it stops aging just a helpful tip
MrClouds 0
Sexybeast i bet your a little squeker fag so stfu
fyourlife1990 0
scotch?I hear beer is much better(you gotta be 21 to drink, I'm only eh 14)
sweetdreams999 0
beer is never better. yuck
Heaven_At_Night 0
Red Bull & Vodka is dhe best! :)
_streets_ 19
beer is better
sweetdreams999 0
vodka ftw!
_streets_ 19
vodka is the shit
Heaven_At_Night 0
Yes it is! :) Soooo much better dan beer, and u don't gotta drink as much. Watch more could u want?
_streets_ 19
pfft I dunno beer is pretty damn awsome
mattbeverly 0
moonshine is the way to go. ;)
horneyhic 15
scotch is hard to drink for most ppl most hard alcohol is but as scotch is supposed to be drank strait it's worse than most beer is easy to drink and refreshing
guckylynn 19
Red bull and vodka can kill you. You're not supposed to mix an upper and a downer.
darkmis1 18
Beer is ****** nasty! I don't like tequilla, but basically everything else on that pretty little list up there, I'm willing to go with lolz.
Heaven_At_Night 0
Ha, maybe it can kill u...but it's still my favorite. Cuz ur wasted, but ur hyper as **** too! ahhh, so great.
Trollz4daLULZ 2
YDI for drinking Scotch. Yuck. Rum! Gin! Beer! Anything but Scotch. #2 wins 3 interwebz.
mpdvyper 5
I feel your pain
Cigar 11
Scotch is delicious but it doesn't beat rum and whiskey. Buy another bottle and beat her with it.
ooshrooms 1
Scotch is whiskey, genius. Read the labels more closely. "Scotch whiskey" "bourbon whiskey" "rye whiskey" "sour mash whiskey" etc.
sourgirl101 29
Ohh someone knows their shit! Don't forget the "Canadian whiskey" and ofcousre "Irish whiskey" such as "Jameson". That's where Jenna got her **** name.
Firebrand_fml 0
Ohh someone knows their ****!!
Lumpy760 0
YDI for drinking
Kazze 31
You seem fun.