Today, while moving, I asked my wife where she put the alcohol. She told me she threw it out, because it was old. It was Scotch. It's supposed to be old. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife doesn't remember that last night when she was so drunk (light weight) that she kept telling me to pick up the thingy off the floor and was pointing at it. We went back and forth about it for a few minutes. There was nothing there. FML
Today, I came back to my apartment after moving most of my stuff out. Upon returning, I learned that my now ex-roommate drank all of my alcohol and threw away my things, thinking that I had forgotten them. FML
Today, I found out that my wife, who is supposed to be a recovering alcoholic, drank an entire bottle of wine and then tried to hide it at the bottom of a garbage bin. To make matters worse, when I confronted her about it, she tried to convince me that our 5-year-old daughter had drunk it. FML
Today, my son tried my great-grandad's 90 year-old whiskey, didn’t like it, and poured it all down the sink. When I confronted him, he confidently told me it was nasty and must have expired, so he did me a favour and poured it away and washed the bottle. I had to walk away and remind myself I love him. FML
Today, my son had a baby so I poured out the last of the bottle of scotch bought by my grandfather around about 1910. There was just enough for two glasses. I took a sip and spat it out, leading to my son confessing that he drank it as a teenager and replaced it with god knows what brown liquid. FML
Today, I was cleaning out some cabinets and stumbled upon a bottle of vodka. Being a recovering alcoholic, I immediately flushed it down the toilet. When my boyfriend got home, instead of being proud of my victory, he bitched me out for wasting the good shit. That’s for the support babe. FML
Today, my girlfriend's mother came over for a few hours. After she left I went to grab a drink, only to find that three bottles of expensive liquor were missing from our liquor cabinet. FML
Today, my wife can barely contain her rage at me for throwing out her collection of unique glass bottles, which she was saving for gifting and decoration. I'd feel more guilt if she hadn't been storing them in a box underneath our sink mixed with recyclables. FML
Today, my wife and I had one of the biggest arguments we've ever had, which resulted in her leaving, going to her parents' house and calling me twice, screaming and sobbing. The argument was over a seven dollar bottle of wine. Apparently, she was "saving it for a special occasion." FML
Today, I found my wife crying. She said she’d lost her diamond ring. I backtracked her activities and suggested where to look. She found it in the fridge. She now thinks I hid it there. FML
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Top comments
Emrysa 1
Tell her since she thinks old things are usless, you're going to toss her in the trash if she keeps aging.
sweetdreams999 0
lmao wow you wife must really not be a drinker.
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Comments (184)
MRCC_fml 0
Maybe this is your wife way of saying you drink too much
lemonsloth 0
lmfao, this is part of the plot to an episode of corner gas. totally fake.
betty66 3
alcohol doesn't get old!
awilso13 8
My fault, I thought I was only required to write proper in my $750 english class; I didn't know I was receiving college credits for this. Thanks for the heads up.
ttmab7 2
*properly
BubbaCatLove 0
Alcohol NEVER goes bad. YDI for marrying the dumbest b**** ever. Good job, OP.
Fantasmo 0
Wine goes bad
Trollz4daLULZ 2
and beer skunks.
johnfuknstamos 0
that's a problem tell her to get more on her way home
Elizabeth123654 0
this is so fake! this was on the TV show Corner Gas. Plus, it's a really common joke. You're wife's not stupid, your just naive.
Mylife_is_so_fd 0
quick solution. sell your wife and by yourself a new bottle if it`s a good aged scotch then its worth it
foxy1222 0
your wife Is dumb even I know that's suppose to age and I'm soo not your wifes age.
kh8975 4
boohoo you drunk. why would you be so upset about that when there are so many people in the world that have absolutely nothing. you deserve it for being a heartless, sellfish jerk.