Today, while moving, I asked my wife where she put the alcohol. She told me she threw it out, because it was old. It was Scotch. It's supposed to be old. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife doesn't remember that last night when she was so drunk (light weight) that she kept telling me to pick up the thingy off the floor and was pointing at it. We went back and forth about it for a few minutes. There was nothing there. FML
Today, I came back to my apartment after moving most of my stuff out. Upon returning, I learned that my now ex-roommate drank all of my alcohol and threw away my things, thinking that I had forgotten them. FML
Today, I found out that my wife, who is supposed to be a recovering alcoholic, drank an entire bottle of wine and then tried to hide it at the bottom of a garbage bin. To make matters worse, when I confronted her about it, she tried to convince me that our 5-year-old daughter had drunk it. FML
Today, my son tried my great-grandad's 90 year-old whiskey, didn’t like it, and poured it all down the sink. When I confronted him, he confidently told me it was nasty and must have expired, so he did me a favour and poured it away and washed the bottle. I had to walk away and remind myself I love him. FML
Today, my son had a baby so I poured out the last of the bottle of scotch bought by my grandfather around about 1910. There was just enough for two glasses. I took a sip and spat it out, leading to my son confessing that he drank it as a teenager and replaced it with god knows what brown liquid. FML
Today, I was cleaning out some cabinets and stumbled upon a bottle of vodka. Being a recovering alcoholic, I immediately flushed it down the toilet. When my boyfriend got home, instead of being proud of my victory, he bitched me out for wasting the good shit. That’s for the support babe. FML
Today, my girlfriend's mother came over for a few hours. After she left I went to grab a drink, only to find that three bottles of expensive liquor were missing from our liquor cabinet. FML
Today, my wife can barely contain her rage at me for throwing out her collection of unique glass bottles, which she was saving for gifting and decoration. I'd feel more guilt if she hadn't been storing them in a box underneath our sink mixed with recyclables. FML
Today, my wife and I had one of the biggest arguments we've ever had, which resulted in her leaving, going to her parents' house and calling me twice, screaming and sobbing. The argument was over a seven dollar bottle of wine. Apparently, she was "saving it for a special occasion." FML
Today, I found my wife crying. She said she’d lost her diamond ring. I backtracked her activities and suggested where to look. She found it in the fridge. She now thinks I hid it there. FML
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Top comments
Emrysa 1
Tell her since she thinks old things are usless, you're going to toss her in the trash if she keeps aging.
sweetdreams999 0
lmao wow you wife must really not be a drinker.
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Comments (184)
mpdvyper 5
I feel your pain
Liekzomghai 2
#7 looks like malfoy lolz
mattbeverly 0
only one way to find out. i recomend u start with something lite. so just find someone who makes moonshine and ask for peach moonshine. thats the really lite stuff.
aFMLaddict 0
I dont drink alcohol so i dont know how that feels, painfull?
fyourlife1990 0
malfoy? no malfoy looks as though his hair is fluffy..my hair is a bit different.. he has a longer face and is British, I'm pure American... and btw, at least I have a picture,unlike you
rlerke 0
yeah, you look like a pig version of malfoy, smush face.
Trollz4daLULZ 2
there's no such thing as "pure American". I mean, unless you're 100% Navajo or Cherokee or something...
lickmyjock 0
looks like eminem poser lol
ktbird 0
52, by that logic there's no such thing as pure *anything* because all people theoretically originated from the same source. If you can trace back a couple generations of Americans I'd say it's safe to call yourself pure American. I'd call myself pure American as well.
cssuggs 0
FYL bro that sucks
stevenmx86 8
Your life is f'ed because your wife threw away your scotch? Should be fyl for being an alcoholic..
sweetdreams999 0
dude if it was an expensive bottle I'd be pissed too.
odexy 12
Seriously? Having a bottle of scotch warrants being called an alcoholic? I must be a raging one 'cause I've had a half empty bottle of rum in my freezer for 2-3 weeks now...
chillinAK 9
I bought my husband a 200 dollar bottle when he returned fro deployment almost two years ago and we would still have it if we didn't have to go through Canada lol. he's NOT an alcoholic.
Irraesh 2
dude aged scotch is amazing. 20 year old scotch goes for 100 dollars a bottle. its not for alcoholics, its for people who enjoy some good tasting stuff! now if you drink nasty shit just to get drunk, your an alcoholic.
Jimboom 12
Well. I'm betting you didn't marry her for her intellect. Still.... such a waste...
awilso13 8
woooord ur 12 wit the name sexy beast lol I'm sorry but there's nothing sexy bout a twelve year old haha ur sus I shud slap u 4 that. HA!
selenagirl_fml 0
you're not sexy either.... and you never know, 12 year-olds could be sexy, and it's just a USERNAME. It's not like it's his real name, so leave the kid alone.
Trollz4daLULZ 2
OK #33, here's what I can get from your post: "*word, *you're 12 with the name sexy beast. LOL. I'm sorry, but there's nothing sexy *about a *twelve-year-old, haha! ["ur sus"?! WTF is that supposed to MEAN?!] I *should slap *you *for that. HA!" Come on, man, if English is your first language, you should be ashamed. If it's not your first language, you should STILL be ashamed because that was beyond pathetic.
selenagirl_fml 0
someone just got served... If you're critizicing a kid for "being immature" I must say that if this was an immaturity contest, you'd win. Oh, and please learn to type correctly how you're supposed to, because not everyone understands text language...
Trollz4daLULZ 2
served? I didn't dance at him...
selenagirl_fml 0
I never said you did...
d4m4s74 12
I'm 12 and * is an internet meme, she's probably not 12
Romeo69 0
nice a mercades SLK
cockymofo 10
if ever there was a reason 2 choke a bitch, this is it
Heaven_At_Night 0
Hahaha ahhh, too funny.
mayhemxphoto 0
ignorant.