Intimacy: The wrong kind of banging

The wrong kind of banging

By BRELLA - 03/02/2009 19:58 - United States

Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with a girl from home who I'd wanted for a long time. She has low blood pressure problems though, and when things got hot, she passed out while she was on top of me, fell and hit her head on the night stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 092

You deserved it 3 948

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Same thing different taste

By AVeryConfusedGuy - 11/05/2017 22:00

Today, I was having sex with a girl and she passed out about a minute in. I panicked and thought she'd died so I tried to feel for a heartbeat. She woke up 45 seconds later and accused me of fondling her breasts while she was out. Apparently she has narcolepsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 777

You deserved it 604

By depressed - 22/02/2010 07:23 - United States

Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 816

You deserved it 26 452

New moves

By Glassjaw - 01/08/2009 07:23 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I had gotten tipsy and found ourselves in the bedroom. We started to fool around and she leaned over to put her watch on the nightstand. I tried to undo her bra, which surprised her, because she elbowed me in the nose so hard that I ended up passing out from the pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 133

You deserved it 7 992

By Anonymous - 29/03/2009 19:09 - United States

Today, I finally convinced a girl that I liked to have sex. I decided to swoop her off the feet like the movies and carry her to my bed. I ended up hitting her head on the door frame, knocking her out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 059

You deserved it 86 700

Repetitive

By justgreat - 24/03/2012 02:30 - United States - Opa Locka

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while giving me head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 573

You deserved it 6 207

By ohai ur hawt, wanna fuzzzZzZZzzZzz - 04/04/2014 23:20 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I met a really nice girl at a club, and we went back to my place. I was finally going to lose my virginity, but just as she started kissing me, I panicked and ended up fainting. When I came to, I was still clothed, and she was long gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 499

You deserved it 13 096

Narcolepsy

By Isuckreallybad - 06/02/2021 21:30 - United States

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep during sex. This isn't the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 389

By douglisk1994 - 10/02/2009 00:07 - United States

Today, I drove my girlfriend home around 11 to her garage where we start to have sex. When she comes to climax she slips and hits her head. Her parents heard the crash and came down, we were both still naked and she was unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94 182

You deserved it 20 243

By Nemesis2747 - 24/12/2009 06:09 - United States

Today, I took a friend home from the hospital. She was on medication that made her drowsy. She fell onto her bed and asked me to help her take off some clothes since she had her winter gear on. She passes out and her roommate walks in and catches me undressing an unconscious girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 808

You deserved it 3 314

By Anonymous - 18/04/2011 03:12 - United States

Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 583

You deserved it 8 213

arms_akimbo 0

Wednesday 4 February 2009 7:50

But did you finish? Giggity giggity goo.

8ranko 0

Saturday 7 February 2009 22:17

almost hapened to me....you got do give her sugar... is fun to F*** in a car while eating chocolats :D

Comments

donfearthereaper 0

Sunday 22 March 2009 20:06

well when people ask, you really can say you didn't hit her!

SamFromAccountin 0

Monday 23 March 2009 6:12

this defiantly isnt a fml its a fh as in f*** her

stkeepsitreal 0

Tuesday 7 April 2009 3:38

lol i KNOW u finished! tell me u finished!!

flyfar54 0

Thursday 9 April 2009 2:23

I can't imagine that happening- sex raises the blood pressure (i.e. that's how people get heart attacks during sex...)

firedragon64 0

Thursday 9 April 2009 7:30

You have some skills lol

loftobot 0

Thursday 30 April 2009 6:05

so you didnt mention if you stopped or not.

golfcrzy 0

Friday 8 May 2009 5:23

crackers b4. a good thing. saltines. they raise the blood pressure.

deannababy 0

Thursday 14 May 2009 1:18

hahahhaahaha....... soOoOo did you finish?!

uberchicken 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 10:10

At least you did something.

Jessaly_fml 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 11:19

That's so sad! :(

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The Top

Today, while shopping with my 6-year-old daughter, she said, "Mommy, remember you wanna get duck tape!" A middle-aged guy nearby scoffed and told her, "DUCT, not DUCK. Dumb cunt." I ended up having to drive my bawling daughter home, with no shopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 593

You deserved it 3 759

Today, I was prepping for an interview after several months of unemployment. I had just finished brushing my teeth when I reached back and grabbed a towel behind me to wipe my face. Turns out it wasn't a towel, it was my newly dry-cleaned suit jacket that my wife had put there for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 827

You deserved it 10 514

The Top

Today, like every other day at work, I had to listen to people talk about being addicted to sex. I have to treat people for addiction to something I've never even had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 317

You deserved it 5 334

Today, we were taking a bio quiz and I understood the subject, so the people sitting behind me asked me to help them out. Being a kind fellow classmate, I did. When the teacher got suspicious, she asked the class, "How are all of you getting the same answers?" everyone pointed directly at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 172

You deserved it 3 321

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. At the right moment, I got down on one knee. As I was reaching into my pocket to get the ring, she got so freaked out she kicked me in the face. I chipped a tooth and the ring flew off, and now I can't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 445

You deserved it 1 827

Today, I asked my girlfriend to prom. Instead of saying yes, she broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 904

You deserved it 337

Today, I was pulled over by the cops for a random breathalyzer test. They asked to see my license. I always keep my wallet in my car for situations like this. I received a $100 ticket because my mum apparently didn’t think it was a good idea to keep my wallet in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 368

You deserved it 7 085

Today, while working in a jail, I had to tell an inmate arrested for domestic violence that no, he could not use his phone call to call me at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 053

You deserved it 2 278