Today, I was in the car with my daughter when I narrowly missed hitting a car after running a stop sign. After she screamed at me and demanded to know what I was doing, I had to admit that I'd been daydreaming about David Bowie. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was driving when a guy in a truck swerved in front of me. I didn't realize I'd sworn until I'd come to a red light and my one year old daughter yelled her own version of what I said. She now yells "Chicken in the hole!" whenever the car comes to a stop. FML
Today, I was arguing in the car with my boyfriend about who was the better driver. Being so incensed by the fact that he thought he was better made me completely zone out, and run a red light. FML
Today, I was in a car accident. After screaming at the woman for running into me, I got in my car and drove off. As I was driving away, I was staring her down when I ended up rear-ending the person in front of me. FML
Today, while driving to work in heavy traffic, I got so into the song I was listening to that I tapped my foot on the gas to the beat. I rear-ended the car in front of me. FML
Today, I got into a car accident. Why? I was distracted by a floating spec of dust and was pretending I was in space. FML
Today, my mom was driving with my brothers and sister in the back seat. She was turned around talking to us, when my sister told my mom that she missed the light. She ran it, then screamed at us about not paying attention and noticing your surroundings. FML
Today, while driving my car, there was a talk on the radio about road safety. I got so engrossed that I drifted and crashed my car into a sign promoting the talk. FML
Today, I took my 15 year-old daughter driving. I yelled at her for not going safely around corners. On the way home, while demonstrating how to drive right, I went around a corner and hit a cement truck. FML
Today, I was T-boned at an intersection. My wife got pissed when I didn't immediately check on her, but rather the other driver. That other driver was my daughter. FML
Today, I was singing while driving through the car park. I blacked out trying to hit a high note, and ended up bashing into another car. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
BigBoyBounce 5
Not only did you almost endanger your daughter, you almost endangered other drivers. People like you don't deserve to have your license.
Mademoiselle_fml 34
I don't blame you. David Bowie's one sexy beast ;)
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (186)
the_enigma1019 1
At least you didn't crash
Nightwing98 22
Doesn't matter, had daydream sex.
arkumx 3
I can't tell you how many near misses I've been in cuz David Bowie and/or Prince.
NoFeet 4
What's sad is that he's a guy... Guys daydreaming about guys isn't exactly normal.
hellbilly205 17
Anyone else find OP's name funny? And on another note you didn't HAVE to tell her that you were you could've lied about it
Fml_FTW228 10
Guys, guys, guys! You're all missing the point! The reason it is an FML because her DAD had to admit to his daughter that he was daydreaming about David Bowie... ANOTHER GUY!!
dsbs 9
Take your protein pills and put your helmet on
Miss_Kristen 10
Good ol' dad must have seen Bowie's bulge in Labyrinth...
Andr913 13
David Bowie is very sexy but why on Earth would you admit to your daughter that? You could've just said you weren't thinking straight.
TheFirstSamurai 18
"weren't thinking straight" .. and he's a man thinking about another man. I like the pun, even though it may be unintentional.
alexicanaaa 7
Seriously? Hahahaha.
Cad6 24
Was that worth posting? Seriously? Hahahahha no.
ScaughtieHolden 11
David Bowie is awesome.
lolasains 7
You sound about as bad as the damn 80 year old drivers.
FerdieJ 3
Did you mean 'like 80% of all drivers'? It's not just me that thinks no one can drive right? I mean, it aint that hard, you point in the right direction, put your foot on the gas and let other people know what you're doing. Right?
SkoomaKi 28
116 - People panic and do stupid things - we all do it.
BigBoyBounce 5
Not only did you almost endanger your daughter, you almost endangered other drivers. People like you don't deserve to have your license.
p3mguin 7
Lucky there wasn't a cop around the corner, my luck there would.
NoFeet 4
Nice one. Idiot.
iliketurdles 7
At least let her near death experience not be in be in vain. Bad mom!
omgcookeys 15
Dad*
THExistentialist 13
if she died listening to David Bowie, her death will take her to a beautiful place. *tear*
YurLyfeSucks 0
Surprised to see that OP is a man...
LSS_fml 18
I couldn't figure out how this was an FML until I saw that. How embarrassing.
THExistentialist 13
Bowie is male, but he was so avante-garde in his art and style that he was purely genderless in face. you cant blame ANYONE for fantasizing. besides, who said OP was dreaming of sex? he could have been reminiscing on a drug induced haze he was in at a concert.
rebelwithmouseyhair 18
can't count the number of times I've heard a guy say "yeah I'm straight but I wouldn't mind having a go with David Bowie..."
linkinpark98 24
People, OP is a guy. Not a woman.
THExistentialist 13
shh. hush. don't make it easier for them to attempt masking their ignorance and allow them to be their stupid fuckhat selves.
therealslim 15
94- What, so everyone who didn't notice OP's gender is an ignorant stupid fuckhat? Cool.
TheEpicMilkMan 13
^ in other words....yes
Mademoiselle_fml 34
I don't blame you. David Bowie's one sexy beast ;)
pinky78711 5
OP is a guy
cc_the_beast 6
Doesn't change the fact that Bowie is a sexy, sexy man.
GreenAppleDP 0
A sexy man with a sexy voice.
nofearjenshere 12
59- Maybe he's gay.
Grimmerie 31
102 - I'm not gay, but I'd do Bowie in an instant. And my girlfriend would understand.
slimjim8094 12
111, I'm pretty sure "I'd have sex with a man" and "I'm not gay" are mutually exclusive.
Grimmerie 31
All exceptions are made for Bowie.
bfsd42 20
I agree with 111. Finding Bowie attractive does not equal gay.
Madame_Javert 4
Even men can't resist the Bowie. :)
MsMeiriona 2
Indeed. Bowie overrides sexuality. Man, woman, doesn't matter. Bowie
rebelwithmouseyhair 18
liking your comment ramped it up to 69!
The_Hitdude 12
Obviously he isn't ugly to her. Your opinion isn't the same as everyone elses.