By InPain - 17/10/2019 16:00

The joys of public transport

Today, while riding the train, some druggie got into a dispute with some random passengers. Even though I didn't even look at them fighting, he decided I was a threat and punched me, a pregnant woman, and some bikers. Now I've got a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1709

You deserved it

111

Tweet

Share

Body issues

Headache

Trust

By a816090 - 27/5/2019 18:09

Today, I got written up because I took a dump at work that lasted longer than 5 minutes, and I didn't punch out for it as a "paid break." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1945

You deserved it

126

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/11/2013 01:11 - United States - Vancouver

Today, while researching tea etiquette for Sunday's tea, I read, "to put milk in your tea before sugar is to cross the path of love, perhaps never to marry." I suddenly panicked that this very lack of knowledge is why I haven't met a man who wants to marry me, and that I never will. I'm only 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32950

You deserved it

9331

Tweet

Share

By smoker - 26/1/2009 02:38 - United States

Today, I was in a hurry to get to work, and in my car I had two drinks settled down in my cup holder. One was my coffee, and the other was an unfinished cup of coffee where I ash and toss my cigarettes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6427

You deserved it

30217

Tweet

Share

By 34_22_34 - 28/7/2010 19:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed. He said we’d go pick up the ring tomorrow. Then he asked to borrow $40 to get it out of pawn. He pawned it when his ex gave it back to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39087

You deserved it

4766

Tweet

Share

By uncool - 16/4/2011 06:11 - United States

Today, the only person to wish me a "Happy birthday" was the cop who pulled me over, as he handed me my ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39517

You deserved it

4974

Tweet

Share

By gonads - 23/8/2017 16:00

Banana-nana fo-fo-nads

Today, I was playing baseball. My full name is Nadeene, my nickname is Dee, but people have started calling me Nads. Someone yelled out "Go Nads" as I went up to bat. Guess what my new nickname is? FML

I agree, your life sucks

3324

You deserved it

283

Tweet

Share

By ouch - 26/3/2011 02:27

Today, my cat fell into the bathtub while walking along the rim. This wouldn't have been so bad if I wasn't in it at the time, and if my skin was immune to being sliced open by a frantic kitty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32097

You deserved it

5416

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/9/2011 18:52 - United States

Today, at work while on the toilet, somebody came into the stall next to me and gave a loud play by play of every fart, plop, and grunt. He then asked loudly who I was and when I didn't answer put his head under the stall to look at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43904

You deserved it

3527

Tweet

Share

By JustAnotherTina - 2/12/2009 15:26 - Australia

Today, I got an email. It said "Everyone hates you. We voted." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39770

You deserved it

5666

Tweet

Share

By meggiemouse - 9/7/2011 18:00 - United States

Today, marks the seventh day of having my nose pierced. I'd done everything I was supposed to do, even sleeping with a band-aid over it. This morning, I woke up to my piercing being ripped out by my pillow, and the band-aid nowhere in sight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33657

You deserved it

14348

Tweet

Share

By maddie - 6/11/2013 05:06 - United States - Austin

Today, I discovered that the guy I've been seeing is a firm supporter of the Westboro Baptist Church. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60212

You deserved it

7504

Tweet

Share

By julian1 - 19/8/2015 11:34 - United States - Orlando

Today, I decided to sunbathe in my backyard in an attempt to be healthy. The result? Insect bites over my body. Somehow, despite being fully clothed the entire time, my scrotum also received several bites. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18966

You deserved it

10478

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/9/2014 03:16 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47470

You deserved it

13982

Tweet

Share

By divorce? i think so - 21/7/2012 02:12 - Canada - Markham

Today, I found my husband's journal, and along with it the real reason he took so long to show up to our wedding rehearsals last year. According to the journal, it was because he was too busy wooing a married mother of five and sticking his "slut-banger all up in that fat booty." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34130

You deserved it

3266

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/12/2012 04:05 - United States - Springfield

Today, in the "end-of-the-world" spirit, I asked my boyfriend to marry me. His response was, "It's really windy out." FML

I agree, your life sucks

20955

You deserved it

29185

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/7/2009 21:12 - United States

Today, I was checking out my boyfriend's facebook profile. I saw that he had just taken the "How long will it take for your girldriend to realize you're cheating on her?" Quiz. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55209

You deserved it

5750

Tweet

Share

By Unlovedchild - 21/3/2011 15:03

Today, I found out why my parents forgot my birthday. Facebook didn't remind them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43153

You deserved it

4693

Tweet

Share

By Sheila Deville - 24/10/2019 02:00

Delirious fever days are the BEST!

Today, it's day 5 of being out of my mind with a fever. I actually uttered the words, "Spit is a lubricant, not a frictioncant or gripperorator." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1219

You deserved it

184

Tweet

Share

By SkipBeatOtaku - 16/5/2020 20:00

A load of hot air

Today, I was having hot sex with my boyfriend. Then, I felt a puff of air hit my face and a rancid smell. My dog had farted in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1298

You deserved it

523

Tweet

Share

By tima - 27/6/2018 01:30

* backs away slowly *

Today, I went to visit my long-distance boyfriend for the first time. His room is decorated top to bottom with swastikas and confederate flags. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4772

You deserved it

833

Tweet

Share

By cheated - 31/1/2018 15:00

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 7 years has been communicating extensively with his ex, who lives out of state, for over 6 months. She booked flights and a hotel nearby in a month and invited him. He didn't say no. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4654

You deserved it

329

Tweet

Share

By Soggy Sophia - 27/3/2013 15:44 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I went for my daily post-op doctor's appointment, where I was told I can resume normal activities. Which was handy when I came home to half-an-inch of water throughout my apartment, due to my washing machine drainage pipe coming undone while I was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29932

You deserved it

2624

Tweet

Share

By Nick - 5/6/2016 21:59

Today, I was swimming in a public pool, and I felt a tug on my swimming trunks. It was my grandma snorkeling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12624

You deserved it

1200

Tweet

Share

By Oops - 25/12/2012 11:17 - United States - Augusta

Today, I was at Walmart when I saw my grandpa in the next aisle looking at magazines. Wanting to surprise him, I ran up behind him and hugged him around the middle. Up close, I realized he wasn't my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17687

You deserved it

30527

Tweet

Share

By Noname - 18/2/2009 02:52 - United States

Today, my brother joked that our dog was more attractive than I was. I looked to my mom for support, and she said "Well, she is pure bred." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41682

You deserved it

3655

Tweet

Share

By cc - 24/11/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about how I'm self conscious about my weight. He looks at me and says, "Don't worry babe, I've always been kind of a chubby chaser." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28358

You deserved it

7855

Tweet

Share

By Jota - 23/10/2017 19:00

Today, I was doing a job interview on Skype when my roommate decided to reboot the wireless router because "the internet was too slow". The interviewer didn't bother calling again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4113

You deserved it

345

Tweet

Share

By Wilson - 4/10/2018 22:00

Today, I fractured my tibia, fibula, and tore a tendon in my ankle. How? You might ask. By stepping in a hole at soccer practice. Now I’ll be out for the entire season with months of rehab. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2533

You deserved it

187

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 26/1/2013 08:42 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, while babysitting my neighbors' kids, their oldest son used a paint pen on the carpet. The boy blamed me and I got fired. He's only 3 and can barely talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32047

You deserved it

5612

Tweet

Share

By "BunnysKitty" - 10/7/2017 22:30 - United States - Columbia City

Today, I wanted to pack my lunch with some of my homemade meatloaf leftover from last night's dinner, but I couldn't find it anywhere in my fridge. Later in the evening, my boyfriend's parents invited us over for dinner. They served meatloaf. The meatloaf they stole from my fridge last night when they visited. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5661

You deserved it

332

Tweet

Share

By squirrels69ing - 22/5/2011 01:00 - United States

Today, I was driving back home with my mom when we saw two squirrels having sex in the road. I told her to just honk the horn. She said that I was being selfish, that sex is a beautiful thing, and that we should let them finish. We sat there for at least five minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47617

You deserved it

6200

Tweet

Share

By inappropes - 8/7/2019 14:00

Start your Monday with a Song!

Today, I came into work early to clean equipment, with my headphones on, singing to myself. I lost track of time, and wound up with the entire office watching me belt tunes out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1142

You deserved it

713

Tweet

Share

By crosseyed - 10/6/2009 19:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I was in the cafeteria when I noticed a new worker cleaning a table. As I passed her, she looked up and smiled at me. Thinking she was pulling a funny face, I jokingly crossed my eyes and smiled back. She looked hurt and continued working. Later, she served me my lunch. She was actually cross-eyed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15284

You deserved it

74160

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/7/2011 05:02 - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

81416

You deserved it

8466

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/4/2012 02:06 - France

Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

16668

You deserved it

61321

Tweet

Share

By MedStudent90 - 11/12/2014 18:10 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my son got in trouble at school. The kids had to solve a problem by determining whether it was better for "Edna" to repair or replace her AC unit. He said Edna is an "old person's name" and she was "probably going to die soon anyway", so she shouldn't do either. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31956

You deserved it

3909

Tweet

Share

By fucktelstra - 17/3/2016 11:42 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I missed a phone interview for a job at Telstra because Telstra's phone network was down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21437

You deserved it

1382

Tweet

Share

By myanmarkaviar - 27/8/2015 16:34 - Norway - Fl?

Today, at work, I served a customer who looked so much like my grandma that I thought it actually was her. Then I remembered she died 6 months ago. I had to serve customers with a smile on my face while choking back tears for the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27729

You deserved it

2037

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/4/2009 08:52 - Australia

Today, I called my mom from Australia. I have been abroad for two months and hadn't talked to her in a long time. A few minutes into the conversation my moms stops me and says this call must cost a fortune and hangs up on me. A few bucks in more important to her then me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52246

You deserved it

5617

Tweet

Share

By 16590 - 15/6/2012 22:13 - Sweden

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44812

You deserved it

4769

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By bullsonyourface | 20

#7851907 - Thursday 17 October 2019 16:15

those obviously weren't real bikers then

By icalledhisname | 9

#7852043 - Friday 18 October 2019 2:27

I don’t even know you and I feel angry for you. I’m sorry you went through that, OP.

Comments

By bullsonyourface | 20

#7851907 - Thursday 17 October 2019 16:15

those obviously weren't real bikers then

Reply

stormy0307 | 16

#7852424 - Saturday 19 October 2019 15:42

Maybe they were cyclists and not the rough motorcycle riders that most people mean when they say bikers.

By acmariner99 | 23

#7852018 - Thursday 17 October 2019 23:49

Defend yourself!

By icalledhisname | 9

#7852043 - Friday 18 October 2019 2:27

I don’t even know you and I feel angry for you. I’m sorry you went through that, OP.