Today, I posted on Facebook saying I'm in a new relationship. One of my buddies said, "You're cheating on Jill?" My girlfriend saw this and went completely nuts, not giving me a chance to explain that "Jill" is just a euphemism for your hand. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw the girl I had started dating changed her Facebook relationship status to "In a relationship". Naturally, I changed mine too. The next time I logged on, she had commented, "Really?! Who?!" She was serious. FML
Today, someone told my girlfriend that I cheated on her. I've never cheated in my life. Instead of talking to me about it, she made a big post on Facebook about what a dick I am. Pretty much all the comments went along the lines of "What a bastard." and "Ugh, men are pigs." FML
Today, I told my girlfriend over MSN that we had to talk. I log on to facebook and the first thing I see is that she changed our relationship from "In a Relationship" to "It's Complicated." FML
Today, I changed my relationship status on Facebook from "in a relationship" to "single." I forgot to take my phone to work, and when I got back, I saw someone had replied, "What happened?" Someone else commented, "He broke his hand." My ex and a bunch of other "friends" liked it. FML
Today, I sent my girlfriend a request to confirm our relationship on Facebook. She accepted, then changed her screen name into "His Hand". FML
Today, my girlfriend got into my Facebook account and changed our relationship status to single, just to see which of my friends would "like" it. After revealing to me what she did, she now says I can no longer be friends with anyone who liked it. FML
Today, I got a new girlfriend. Unfortunately, the last girl I asked out just responded to my relationship request on Facebook. It's been 4 hours, and my new girlfriend already thinks I'm cheating on her. FML
Today, my now ex-girlfriend posted on Facebook that I called her a "fucking bitch". Our mutual friends were all outraged, and demanded that I treat her with respect. What she failed to mention was that I said it after finding out that she's been sleeping with my "best friend" for the past year. FML
Today, I had the displeasure of watching my boyfriend’s Facebook go from “In a relationship” with me to “Single”, then switched to a big “In a relationship with” the girl he told me was “just a friend” post, after ending our 5-year relationship over text message. FML
Today, after dating my girlfriend for about a month, she changed her Facebook status to taken. When I saw the update, I immediately clicked "Like." Then I looked up and saw I wasn't the person she had put herself in a relationship with. FML
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Top comments
gracehi 33
You call your hand, "Jill?" Good name I suppose. I call my fancy shower head, "Leo."
mjoyn98 1
Explain it to your girlfriend if she's a keeper she'll understand. If she doesn't, you're probably better off with Jill. . .
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Comments (69)
berichsoon 11
Hooking up with Jill again huh
PrincessPesa 20
OP, I think you should take this FML and turn it into the perfect poly amorous relationship! Properly introduce the two, and your girlfriend will probably come around. Surely dear Jill can do more than just jack (sorry, I had to)! Show your lady Jill's skills and the three of you can be happy together!
Shicky_fml 0
None of you understand, the hand should be Veronica!
PrincessPesa 20
Is the other hand named Betty?
KittyWantMilk 4
i hope you talked out this new relationship with Jill first..
Brownie101abc 7
Who names their hand?
herpdeladerp 0
How did Jill feel about it?
hqbrat 8
Why would you name your hand O.o
KriiFahMoro 9
Look at your open left hand. Your thumb and pointer finger make a backwards "J". Your middle finger is the "I". Your ring finger and pinkie represent the two "L"s. If you read the FML, you would know that "Jill" is a euphemism. He didn't actually name his hand...
milfsforlife 3
Someone needs a new hobby...
MrAfricanNinja 0
Masturbating is not a hobby, now go away.
DKjazz 20
It's not a hobby, it's a way of life. It's an artform. It's a competitive sport. Masturbation is life, and life is masturbation. The sooner you figure that out, the sooner you are enlightened.
Fruitmonster2 15
Enlighten me, oh great one! ;)
shinicwa 1
you need better friends..... and a new hobby other than "jill time" creep
lele65 0
She ratchet