Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was telling my teenage daughter about the effects from alcohol, and how she should not give in to peer pressure. While talking, I noticed that she was looking at me funny. There was a wine glass in my hand. FML
Today, I got a call informing me that my 16-year-old daughter had been arrested for shoplifting jewellery. Trying to look on the bright side, I assumed it was for my birthday that is coming up in a few days. Nope. It was a "Thank you" gift. For her drug dealer. FML
Today, I confronted my daughter about the various drug-associated items I found in her room. She then confronted me about going in her room and invading her privacy, to the point where I forgot the main issue and apologised to her. I just got outsmarted by a teenage pothead. FML
Today, a woman and her daughter came into the store I work at. The girl placed a pair of underpants on the counter, and confessed she had stolen them earlier. Assuming she had already heard a lecture, I simply thanked her for bringing them back. Her mom yelled at me for not yelling at her. FML
Today, my once-alcoholic mom told me that she would sell me for a shot of vodka. FML
Today, I took away my 8-year-old daughter's toy for throwing it too many times. She then said, "I need a beer." FML
Today, my mom told me she's a drug addict, sold my bed to buy meth, and then lectured me about how I should be okay with it. FML
Today, I got home from my tour of duty. The first thing my teen daughter said to me was could she have some money, because mom won’t give her anymore since she got caught using her allowance to buy weed. Not even a "Hello" or tears of joy to see me, just a demand for drug money. FML
Today, I picked up my 17 year-old daughter after a late night movie in down town and got pulled over by a cop. He questioned us for a solicitation. I told the cop that she was my daughter but he said, "So, you're the daddy?" and laughed. Good to know that my daughter looks like a hoe and me a perv. FML
Today, my daughter is too crafty for her own good: she found out I was planning on driving her to her first date to meet a boy, so she let the air out of my car tyres, removed my bike chain, and even stole my bus pass. I taught her well. Well played daughter, well played. FML
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Top comments
ComoEsJuan 24
I guess things could be worse?
ComoEsJuan 24
When I was fourteen, I did some crazy things, but hey, I turned out fine. Right? Didn't I turn out fine?! TELL ME I'M PRETTY!
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Comments (261)
helloimclaudia 30
Actually, alcohol is a drug. The worst one to be honest. It causes the most damage in your brain. The only reason people are still drinking, is because alcohol is socially accepted, and not a lot of people see it as a drug.
cosmosis 12
Actually no. Its one of the worst because it is more widespread and easily accessible. Not so much because of its intensity and adverse affects on the brain. As a percentage, there are far more people that consume alcohole than those who take cocaine. There are far worse drugs than Alcohol, theyre just not as freely available.
verkaderk 9
Alcohol is a drug tho soooo.... Awkward...
Jharrist89 12
Alcohol is actually consideration poison.
HarroIAmBob 21
and that has anything to do with the FMl how?
joejoejoejoejoe 5
Oh that sux and trust me I know how u feel. 15 yr old daughter said the same to me.
supimnyancat 9
Well, I hope your daughter has better grammar than you.
Yolandababy2 14
Well usually people go tit for tat. When she said at least she's not a prostitute was she being sarcastic and referring you as the prostitute? Just curious to know
iluvpeanutbutter 22
Pretty unlikely.
Zen_Mei 17
What's wrong with teenagers these days? I can never understand how they think its so cool to do drugs and drink
monnanon 13
as opppsed to when my mum was a teen and all those hippies really hated and abhored drugs
Ciraxas 7
They don't think it's cool, they think it's fun, or they use it as an escape.
ileenefudge 29
All you did was berate her? Whoop that little girls ass into shape! You are her parent not her friend in this case. If you just sit down and talk with her she might listen but it might not go through her head fully and she might just get sneaky about it and just do it behind your back. Or just get rid of all the alcohol in the house, but than you have to worry about her outside influences...
FukeT_ 10
Ha even if she gets hit it might not work, shit it never worked with me. not all people are the same, what works for one wont work for another
skyeyez9 24
Extreme discipline tactics are required now! Grounded, no privileges, no electronics....Etc Essentially put her underage alcohol consuming, drug using ass on lockdown.
skyeyez9 24
Also, drugs and alcohol combined can be deadly.
BubbleGrunge 18
Well, seeing as how most kids get their drugs from school, grounding the daughter wouldn't do much good. My mother use to ground me to my room where I had a shit load of drugs to keep me occupied. Not that I'm saying OP shouldn't do anything but I think that there needs to be more to just grounding. There needs to be talking where they both show each other respect and can get to the bottom of the issue.
skyeyez9 24
"Extreme discipline tactics" implies what you said about other discipline options. If she was mine, I'd have her room searched by drug detecting dogs. My friend is a K-9 officer and he'd be willing to let us use his police canine for that. Plus weekly drug tests, she would have NO privacy. She would have to gradually earn all privileges back. There is more that can be done but I am not gonna sit here and type a novel.
insomniac8400 13
You double deserve it dumbass alcohol is a drug
LaUruguaya 11
Parenting: you're doing it wrong.