Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was telling my teenage daughter about the effects from alcohol, and how she should not give in to peer pressure. While talking, I noticed that she was looking at me funny. There was a wine glass in my hand. FML
Today, I got a call informing me that my 16-year-old daughter had been arrested for shoplifting jewellery. Trying to look on the bright side, I assumed it was for my birthday that is coming up in a few days. Nope. It was a "Thank you" gift. For her drug dealer. FML
Today, I confronted my daughter about the various drug-associated items I found in her room. She then confronted me about going in her room and invading her privacy, to the point where I forgot the main issue and apologised to her. I just got outsmarted by a teenage pothead. FML
Today, a woman and her daughter came into the store I work at. The girl placed a pair of underpants on the counter, and confessed she had stolen them earlier. Assuming she had already heard a lecture, I simply thanked her for bringing them back. Her mom yelled at me for not yelling at her. FML
Today, my once-alcoholic mom told me that she would sell me for a shot of vodka. FML
Today, I took away my 8-year-old daughter's toy for throwing it too many times. She then said, "I need a beer." FML
Today, my mom told me she's a drug addict, sold my bed to buy meth, and then lectured me about how I should be okay with it. FML
Today, I got home from my tour of duty. The first thing my teen daughter said to me was could she have some money, because mom won’t give her anymore since she got caught using her allowance to buy weed. Not even a "Hello" or tears of joy to see me, just a demand for drug money. FML
Today, I picked up my 17 year-old daughter after a late night movie in down town and got pulled over by a cop. He questioned us for a solicitation. I told the cop that she was my daughter but he said, "So, you're the daddy?" and laughed. Good to know that my daughter looks like a hoe and me a perv. FML
Today, my daughter is too crafty for her own good: she found out I was planning on driving her to her first date to meet a boy, so she let the air out of my car tyres, removed my bike chain, and even stole my bus pass. I taught her well. Well played daughter, well played. FML
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Top comments
ComoEsJuan 24
I guess things could be worse?
ComoEsJuan 24
When I was fourteen, I did some crazy things, but hey, I turned out fine. Right? Didn't I turn out fine?! TELL ME I'M PRETTY!
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Comments (261)
onorexveritas 23
time to reign down the mommy rage
worldclassrager 39
BURN! Anyone? Okay no...
kiswani_anas 4
Shiiiiiiit
xxsakuraxx 29
Oh. My. God! You better keep a really good eye on that one. Wow! I'm sorry. Good luck with her.
chandlerbelacic 17
...wow... I feel sorry for you a little... But, learn to raise you're children better
therealcheese 7
Sounds Familiar:/
kjcamaro3 5
Next she'll be saying "at least I know who the father is"
Landrykm91 6
My daughter would be confined to quarters with 3 meals a day delivered through a slot in the door.
icepick23 12
Drugs, hugs, bugs or rugs--let her choose.
webmoocher 7
14, drunk and using... Prostitution is just a couple Percocet away..